Painting the town red. Just saying.

Right so...don't read any further if you're male and can't handle female stuff!
Just a warning.

I am so fucking bloated I feel like I've swallowed a watermelon whole. Man, I look 10 months pregnant and I'm not trying to be cute about it. No exaggeration. Just pure uncomfortable bloating.
I am PMSing like a bitch at the moment. Good grief. I have turned into a monster. Seriously. Even the man is wary of me. He is walking on egg shells hoping not to get burned by my fiery mouth and stare that could turn you to ashes.
I haven't been this PMS-ey in ages! Don't know what's going on.
My stomach is killing me. I am in agony. I haven't had period cramps like this since high school. I feel as if someone from the movie SAW is inside my tummy trying out new versions for SAW 4!
Argh!
Bloody hell...excuse the pun. Eww. Sorry.

Periods suck. Period.

TMI? Afraid so. Did warn you.

Pain is...

I now know I will never ever be able to do natural child birth.
I also am not quite sure if I should have kids because I am the clumsiest person I know.

This morning I made my necessity called tea, got two headache tablets from my small hangover and started going back upstairs, when my comfortable fluffy slip on slippers made me trip UP my stairs.
The tea went flying and so did I.
My right big toe is broken.
Ok, it's not. But it should be for the amount of pain I'm in.
It's severly sprained.
If I can't handle a sprained toe, there is not a chance in hell that I am doing natural birth.
You can F right off!

How can one silly digit affect so many things? I can't walk on it properly so I look like an idiot, I can't put my beautiful heels on and have to squash them into my ballet pumps. Squashing = pain. It hurts when I drive and need to accelerate or take my foot off the accelerator.

I'm not a happy chappy today :-(