I'm PHAT!

I had one of the best weekends. I'd like to say that I partied it up VIP style until I pissed champagne, but instead I didn't move. Ok wait, I did but only for three reasons.
1. To go to the loo.

2. To go to the fridge.

3. To collect deliveries of health food.

I was exhausted on Friday - well, you read below so I got home and chilled. I watched TV and finally dragged myself to bed. On Saturday morning, I showered and instead of getting dressed, I got back into my pajamas. I can't remember the last time I did that!
I didn't get out of my pajama's until Sunday evening, when I showered and then put a new pair on. Lovely. I literally sat on the couch, alternating between writing on my laptop and watching the idiot box I lovingly call the TV.
Honestly, it was just the best. No make-up, no hair products and pure laziness. God it felt good.

I received an email from a pseudonym [of course] and it hit a nerve. It really, really did. I probably shouldn't be sharing this (considering that some of you know who I am) but I have had it and my blog is my place to vent. I just need to get this out!

The email basically says (in a nutshell - because it's a few paragraphs) that they can't understand how I'm in the industry I'm in when I am not "fat" but chubby. I'm not a good role model to women who want to get into this industry and blah blah blah blah.
{It did go on to say that they love my work and that they think I'm a natural talent etc...
Um...Thank you for the backhanded compliment then .}

I am fucking hurt. I should just shrug it off, have a good laugh (maybe a little cry) and then go about my merry way.

Let me set the record straight.

I have been diagnosed with sugar intolerance. I am border line diabetic and am doing my best to not become diabetic. Basically my body doesn't know what to do with sugar and instead of turning it into energy, it turns it into fat. I am left feeling lethargic and I'm left gaining weight.
I am not obese. I am just not your skinny size 0 and quite frankly I would never want to be.

Yes. I am in an industry that is image conscience. Um...I've been in it for a few years now so that would make me well aware. I am in this industry because I love entertaining. I cannot begin to explain how much I love what I do and I can't imagine doing anything outside of the industry. I get so excited to go in, do a good job and see how I can improve myself every.single.day!
The fact that it puts me in the public is rather overwhelming for me and I don't really understand it. My man once summed it up beautifully: "This is not Hollywood. We don't have celebrities, but we do have public profiles whether you/we like it or not."

A role model? No pressure. Don't you think a role model would be someone healthy, who has goals and is hard working and ambitious? I don't quite understand...are you saying that I'm not a role model because I'm not stick thin? Well in that case. Thank God!
If you're going to use loaded words like "Role Model", well then, I'd rather be a role model for young women who want to make something of themselves regardless of how they look. I'd like young women to look at me and think: I, too can do it! I too, can dream and have those dreams come true and I don't have to look a certain way!

It is devastating to me because I have put on several kgs and I can't quite seem to fit into clothes I used to. I'm a woman and I am personally very sensitive to this. Ask one woman if weight has ever been a hang up. 99% of women have hang ups about their weight, even Heidi Klum.
Has it hurt my self esteem? Yes. Not drastically but I. am. human. Trust me, I'd love to be the size I was and I'm working at it. Weight gain is quick...weight loss takes effort and it takes time if you want it to be healthy and stay off.
It's not great hanging around skinny girls at these functions feeling like a frump, but I'll never let my weight define who I am as a person.

I am irritated that I have never had to watch what I eat...perhaps to my detriment later on in life considering I have been diagnosed with this condition; and now I am having to. I am not used to having to make a concerted effort watching what I put in my mouth and it has been a bit of a shock. I struggle with it and it is a constant battle considering that I could be the President of the Sweet Tooth Society. No more sweets, chocolate, sugar, bread and so on...

Am I making an effort though? Hell yes! I want to be healthy and I want to do my best to prevent diabetes.
I am working my ass off in gym (boxing) and I am starting pilates/yoga.

I don't need to explain myself (after all of this) but I have had it. I'm tired of being called a Blob by tabloids. Fuck off. I am a person who has feelings.
Quite frankly this email has been the most judgemental, uneducated email I have probably ever received. It hurt me to the core.
I didn't respond. In these cases: "The best response is no response" - more advice from my man

This is a stupid post but it has made me feel better. I'll probably delete it tomorrow afternoon.

Oh and I've lost 4kgs so far, so bite me!

Drama follows me.

Well, I went for the audition today. I have never been so nervous in my entire life. I didn't know whether I wanted to vomit or pee and possibly at the same time. Which would have been messy and embarrassing. Just saying.
I am holding thumbs because dudes. This will change my life. In a good way. It has also been a dream of mine since a little girl and the fact that I had the opportunity to audition for it, is amazing!

Anyways...My man and I had a car accident last night. We were leaving a venue to go home and as we approached a traffic light, which was red, we obviously slowed down until it turned green. We pulled out into the intersection to turn right, when I suddenly saw this car approaching rather fast. It was a red robot for him so I kept thinking he's going to slow down. I suddenly shouted to my man that this guy was going to hit us, so he sped up to turn the car completely. A red Golf slammed straight into the back of us. Thank God for safety belts. I got flung forward and would have gone straight through the windshield. Luckily my man turned in time or I would have been T-boned.
We pulled over and got out the car. I was shaking. The guy in the red Golf was so pissed he couldn't get out of his car and kept slurring at us that we had hit him. Unbelievable. He refused to give us his details so I scribbled (very shakily) down his registration number. We were going to call the cops, but we had both had 3 drinks each and even though we were totally sober, legally we would have been over the limit and sure, it wasn't our fault, but with SA's Metro Police you just never know these days. There is a 24 hour window to report an accident so we got back in the car and started to drive off. All of a sudden the red Golf was driving right up our ass and swerving left to right behind us. He eventually pulled up next to us and ran us off the road. I was incredibly nervous. He was screaming profanities and calling us drunk c**ts.
Rich.
We were forced into the emergency lane. In the interim, another innocent car was driving past when the asshole suddenly swerved away from us and missed the other car by centimeters. The other car stopped and so did the Golf. A screaming match entailed and eventually the drunk asshole sped off, nearly smashing into a traffic light. We exchanged business cards with the other car (our witness to his reckless driving) and went on our merry way.
My neck is a little sore this morning but nothing too serious.

We have reported the accident and our policeman friend has traced the registration and advised us to lay a charge of Hit and Run (even though he stopped, he refused to give us his details and there is a clause that still makes that a Hit and Run charge) and Reckless Driving.
It's amazing how quickly things can happen and potentially change a life/ end a life. I know it's dramatic and we're fine, but it could have been worse, especially if my man hadn't turned the car in time.

Here's to a chilled, safe, accident-free weekend
xxx

A Decade of me

I wrote a meme about my Decade. It was probably the longest post I have ever written and I've deleted it. I know one person read it and that's cool, but it suddenly occurred to me that there is way too much information in here. I'm a very open person and that can be detrimental. I'm glad I wrote it and I've kept it on file for myself. I think this was more of a personal thing for me to reflect. Whoever started the meme is genius. I have also realised I don't actually know HOW to be impersonal or discreet. I wrote my full story out (in detail), which took me a few hours to do and it probably would have taken you a good 15 minutes to read.
LOL

I have deleted the post and started again with less info...you will see how I struggle with that considering there is still a lot of info here...but hey! This is ME!!


1998: I was 15 years old and took subjects that would help me be a doctor one day. I sucked dreadfully a maths and science. All I wanted to do was entertain and I knew my calling was to do that. I was a cultural child who took part in singing, drama, public speaking, debating etc... I also made the mistake of saying: "I'd never been drunk before" and my lovely friends ordered me 8 double shots of tequila. I was so ill that I was close to having my stomach pumped and I have never touched and will never touch tequila again.

1999: I was a true Sweet Sixteen: Never been kissed before. I turned sixteen and a month later I met drama boy. My first kiss was lovely and teenage giddiness set in. I started dating him. We dated for over a year and things changed when he wanted to sleep with me. I didn't want to...I wanted to wait and he got so mad.

2000: I was in Matric. All my friends and all his friends knew weeks before I did that he was going to dump me. He did and I was devastated. My first boyfriend and my first breakup. I wanted to tell my best male friend that I had feelings for him. My best girl friend encouraged me and then proceeded to make out with him the night I was going to tell him. I met a lovely, gorgeous boy who was in Post Matric and we started dating. He swept me off my feet and we hade such fun. I matriculated and couldn't wait to start the journey to my career I had dreamed about for ages.

2001: This is my most eventful year. I started studying BA Journalism. I found out that my grandfather in Europe had passed away. The last time I saw him was 1992. I was 9. I mourned more for the loss of not having known him. I was entered into a Beauty Pageant and made it to the Top 10. My self esteem was picked up and I met 2 of my closest friends I have today. Special K and JB. Post Matric Boy broke my heart and I never knew why he broke up with me out of the blue. I never saw him or spoke to him again and always wondered what had happened. I found out this year after physically bumping into him. I heard everything that I had hoped to hear 7 years ago. 7 years too late. 2 months after the break up, I was involved in a horrific car accident with JB and Pageant Boy. Our car rolled, I had to be cut out of the car and the paramedic thought my neck might be broken. All 3 of us walked out of there with sever whiplash and other injuries. We had survived something that no one should have.
My grandmother (I was closest to her) was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and she died 3 months later. Her husband died suddenly too a month before she did. It was crazy. I failed 3 1st year subjects. I did however start with a company in order to start paving my career path way. I was 18 years old when I started. I also started Designer Boy around this time. I had met him at the CD store I worked at on weekends.

2002: Second year varsity. I was entered into my universities RAG Queen Beauty Pageant. I made the Top 20, then the Top 5 and I won Miss Enthusiastic (don't laugh) and was chosen as the People Choice Miss RAG Queen. There were 2 titles. One for the actual pageant and one where the students voted for their RAG Queen - People Choice. I studied my ass off and got an opportunity to work for a company that was fantastic to pay my dues, hone my skills and learn about the industry. Designer boy and I had fun but we weren't sure if we were right for each other. We denied this for a while until...

2003: I completed my 3rd year, plus I finished the 3 1st year subjects I had failed and graduated with flying colours. I was still working at this company and it was a tough year. Classes in the morning, rush to the show, rush back and do afternoon classes and complete assignments in the evening. I met my man at the company and it was love at first sight. People always said that to me and I used to tell them to read another Mills & Boon. Haha!! I got it, though, for the first time ever. I broke up with Designer boy and started dating my man!

2004: I turned 21 years old and had the most incredible birthday party!!
I was feeling frustrated at the company. I had reached the ceiling professionally and needed to grow even more. My man encouraged me and helped me. I sent off "CV's" to various companies and eventually got the call from the company I am at today. I started training and then started BAM! 4 days later.

2005: 2 days after my 22nd birthday I moved out of home. I moved into a quaint, tiny garden cottage. It was perfect. I felt like an independant woman and suddenly realised how tough it was out of the nest. It was an amazing lesson. I got an incredible "promotion" if you will and it was a huge break in my career. My profile was rising and it was overwhelming. I got sucked into the celebrity world and my head grew waay too big. I am truly glad and blessed that I have such amazing friends, family and my man that keep me grounded. Let me tell you, we are all human and it's easy to get wrapped up in a glossy glam world that falsely tells you it "adores and loves you". It's destroying when you start believing it's true and real.

2006: I moved into my man's new home in October. I had all these idea about how I was going to transform his bachelor pad into a pad for 2, until I realised how naive I was in a) trying to change things and b) expense.

2007: Special K and I decided to create our own opportunity in this industry. The entertainment industry has so many dimensions to it and I want to explore. We started our own company in order to start working on a special project, after being told that we'd never make it in a cut throat / mans world. They were wrong. We surprised not only them but ourselves.

2008: We've had a few set backs with the economic climate, but we're feeling positive that this project will be a huge success. We've put enough blood, sweat and buckets of tears into this! With that said, I actually laugh every single day. My man and I are strong - I love him to death and don't know what I would do without him. I have the most amazing friends and family and I feel blessed every day.

I have grown as a person, I have had been given plenty of lessons to learn. I laugh every day, I cry sometimes too but if I had to have a choice to go back I don’t think I would. Sure, I often say: if I had the knowledge I have now and had the chance to go back in time, I’d do it! Honestly though, I don’t think I would. Things happen for a reason to make you grow as a person and to mould the woman that I am becoming; if I had to go back and change things I might not be the same person I am today.

Painting the town red. Just saying.

Right so...don't read any further if you're male and can't handle female stuff!
Just a warning.

I am so fucking bloated I feel like I've swallowed a watermelon whole. Man, I look 10 months pregnant and I'm not trying to be cute about it. No exaggeration. Just pure uncomfortable bloating.
I am PMSing like a bitch at the moment. Good grief. I have turned into a monster. Seriously. Even the man is wary of me. He is walking on egg shells hoping not to get burned by my fiery mouth and stare that could turn you to ashes.
I haven't been this PMS-ey in ages! Don't know what's going on.
My stomach is killing me. I am in agony. I haven't had period cramps like this since high school. I feel as if someone from the movie SAW is inside my tummy trying out new versions for SAW 4!
Argh!
Bloody hell...excuse the pun. Eww. Sorry.

Periods suck. Period.

TMI? Afraid so. Did warn you.

Go on...ASK ME! I dare ya...

I think Nick Bolton is a genius. I really do. He is one of the top photographers in South Africa and I could basically wear a potato sack and he'd still make the shot look artistic and fantastic! Man, I can't wait to get the actual photographs! I have felt like a supermodel for a day!
I am gushing, I know...but when you look at the screen and go: "Oh my God! Is that ME? It IS me!!" then you'd be doing the same!

I have an opening of an actor friend of ours (my man and I) club tonight. The man and I are going through for cocktails and canapes, good music and to catch up with people we haven't seen in a while. It should be good!

I've decided to start a Wedding Fund. Every single time someone asks me when my man and I are getting married, I'm going to ask them for R10. Maybe I should up that to R100, but considering our current economic state, I thought I'd be kind ;-)
By the time the man and I do actually decide to tie the know, don on the ball and chain and throw confetti around, we'll have enough money to actually have a wedding. Not just a pretty face...um blog...neh?

Lady Luck hates my mom.

I shake my head. My poor, poor mom! I cannot get over how much bad luck she has been through. She has been poked, prodded, squashed, squeezed and everything under the sun from MRI scans, to lumber punctures, to blood tests, to ultra sounds, to CAT scans etc, you name it!
She has waited patiently and nervously for the results and she has been diagnosed with a disease that out of privacy and respect I'd rather not say on my blog.
She is on so much medication, that it scares me. No one bothered to tell her that one of the many things she's on decreases bone strength and density. My mom stepped down from a small step at home, twisted her ankle and fell. She has broken her ankle bone straight off and her leg bone, the thibea (sp?).
This is outrageous! She now has to either have an operation or she needs to lie still for 6 weeks. She cannot use crutches as a few years ago, she had an operation on her other leg and some of her cartledge was removed. We've hired her a wheelchair and I just feel so helpless!
The amazing thing? How strong my mother is, her spirits are incredibly high and I am in awe. My family has been amazing too and we have stuck together like glue through all of this.
I could not ask for a better more solid and incredible family.

I just can't believe how this has all happened to one person in a few months!

In other news, I have a headache. I don't think I'm drinking enough....water, that is. I hate water as it is. I am quite snobby when it comes to water. I reckon that if I'm going to drink the awful stuff, I might as well make it good. No tap water for me, but mineral with a slice of lemon or mint or both.
I have neither mineral water, lemon or mint lying around so there goes that idea.
My man got home on Wednesday and I've been rather busy.* Catching up in um...all departments.
Ahem.
We're having a get together tonight at home to catch up with everyone. I have the garlic bread and braai meat ready and lots of wine and Vawter in the fridge. Good times!

Have a brilliant weekend.

*Reason there's been a lapse in blogging.

Domesticated Goddess...disaster?

Wow! So the TV shoot was incredible. I was bloody nervous, but I loved every minute of the 13 hour shoot! I had more make-up on than a transvestite and about 17 layers of powder on top of that! It was awesome!

2 more sleeps until my man comes home. I can't wait. It's hard to explain. These past 2 weeks have been the longest ever and yet at the same time, it's flown by and haven't had a chance to do all the things I thought I would do while he's away! Odd.
Another thing I can't explain. I'm nervous. I have no idea why! I have no idea over what! I have this nervous feeling in my stomach, like a million butterflies suddenly hatched in my stomach. Can't explain it and don't really understand it myself.

My parents are coming around for dinner tonight. I haven't had them around to my place in yonks. I get to play the domesticated, look-how-grown-up-I-am role. Good times. I'm attempting to make a curry. I have no idea what I'm doing. Even with the recipe on the table. Oh good God. Why oh why? Why can't I just stick to sandwiches?
I know why. I want to impress them. Show them that I'm FINE on my own. Show them that I'm a Domesticated Goddess with ambition. Oh yes. Ambitious alright. A fucking curry.
I think something's burning...

Fat senoritas. Here's hoping!

What a weekend! Friday night saw Special K and I knocking back the vodkas and orange juice and dancing like total hooligans. Good fun, but so responsible. I was in bed by 11pm. I had to be. Joburg Day started early on Saturday morning and I loved every minute of it. The weather was superb. A little too hot, but are we ever happy? I saw some total lobsters. Dude. It's called sunscreen. You can't expect to be covered up in winter and then expose your lily white skin to the hot sun and NOT expect to be burnt to a crisp.

Seriously.

Anyway, I really enjoyed the show. All 10 bands/musicians were amazing! It was incredible!!

On Sunday I went to the man's mom for lunch. We spoke to him too as he was at the family house. I really feel like a pathetic love-sick puppy dog. I am missing him so much. There is such a void and my heart physically hurts. I cannot wait for him to come home.

He was stuck in Paris (shame - I could think of worse places to be stuck in) trying to get to Spain and only arrived yesterday. Apparently it's wonderful to see his family there and there's a huge festival on at the moment.

We have this thing between us - we find it hilarious. Suppose you have to be there. If a guy comes up to me trying his luck, I must say 2 words: Fuck Off. I laugh. He laughs. Hilarious. Of course it's never really a reality. So...

I told him that if any Jennifer Lopez/Salma Hayek/ Eva Mendez look-alike senorita comes up to him he should use the two words.

Apparently I really do have a lot of competition. Spanish girls are apparently little vixens, tanned, gorgeous and love wearing bikinis.

This is what I'm dealing with:

OK. This is what I keep telling myself. Don't ruin my moment.

Current Addictions

My man leaves tonight for that European Country. 15 days. 15 whole days.

My mates are like little Mother Hen's...they're the greatest. "Don't worry Blondie! We'll take good care of you. Your liver? Not so much. Drinks tonight?"

I got tagged by the lovely Being Brazen and so flattered little me, is going to oblige*

What you need to do:
*Post at least five current addictions (with some details please)
*Mention the person who started this game of tag (Being Brazen) and also the person who just tagged you (Being Brazen).
*Type your post with the heading "Current addictions"
*Tag at least two people and pass on the above rules

So, here goes:

1) Cafe Latte's. Let me rephrase. Skinny Cafe Latte's. I adore them. What more can I say?

2.) Boxing. The best workout ever. Plus it really seems to be working. See my previous post. I'm still smiling!

3.) E! Entertainment reality shows. Shallow and silly mostly, but boy it's entertaining and truth be told, I can't get enough.

4.) Nik-Naks. I love the delicious cheesy snacks. They look at me in the Pick N Pay aisles and beg me to take them home. What can I say? I do my charity service.

5.) James Patterson. I adore his books and itch every time I walk past a book store to see if he's released a new book

I have other addictions (all legal, I promise) but I really can't think of them. Brain is a bunch of mush at the moment.

Oh yes, Blondie 2 has invited me to the South. I keep teasing her that she had better give me excellent directions because I panic when and if I get lost. Thank goodness I have my passport on me.

*THANK GOODNESS...had nothing to write in this post! What a save! Thanks Being Brazen ;-)

Skinny Bitch - well, I'm getting there!

I am absolutely and utterly thrilled. No seriously. I cannot remember the last time this happened to me. In fact, I need to take a moment.

I bought a cute dress yesterday to put over leggings. I hate change rooms and so I didn't try it on. I just took the size I normally wear with the thought that if it doesn't fit, I'll just exchange it.

I put it on this morning, looked in the mirror and my face dropped...into a smile.

It was TOO BIG!!

Well fuck me. I have not experienced that in, well, years!

I did my happy jig and beamed down the stairs to the man who was drinking coffee and playing PS2 Guitar Hero.

"What do you think?"

"It's too big for you!"

"Exactly!! Oh my God! Do you realise what you have just said to me?"

"It's too big?"

"Yeeesss!!!" I break out into 'Hallelujah!' and dance around the room a little.

"Shit, I should have just said that every time you ask me "what do you think?"...it would have saved me a lot of agony over 5 years."

"Ha! You're funny! Let's take a moment. It's. too. biiiig!"

I have had a permanent grin on my face the entire day!

Now. I'd like to take a minute to address clothing shop owners who have changing rooms.

I am no expert, although I am the typical gal who loves clothes and accessories, so here is my question.

Why the hell are there bright, unflattering lights that show up every lump, bump and pore?

If I had to own a store with change rooms, I'd find "thin" mirrors, with soft attractive lighting and enough hooks to hang up all the clothes plus enough space to move around in.

I'm just saying.

Blondie Boutique. Nice ring to it. Oh and all my blogging friends would get free clothes.

Just as well I don't have a store. I'd be bankrupt before I open! Hahaha!

Oh and...I am seriously looking for a cotton dress that can be casually worn that looks like this - anyone know of a place??

Humbling.

I look like a smurf. Some colleagues and I went to the Guild Cottage. It is a safe haven for children between the ages of 5 and 15 who have been sexually abused and traumatised. They are mixed races of boys and girls and it is just heart breaking. We never got to meet the kids as they were at school plus their trust has been broken by adults and we were told they can be quite aggressive. We were told that they are in desperate need for the boys rooms to be painted. We brought along light blue paint and painted the corridor and boys rooms. I am high from the fumes of paint and turps. I look like a smurf because the walls and I are having a contest to see who could have more paint on them. Apparently, blue is my colour. Go figure!

We got to have a look around the premises and it is beautiful. I like to think that the children who live here are somewhat lucky to be in a safe environment. Even though we didn't get to meet the children, we saw lots of photo's on the wall. I was amazed at their bright, cheerful faces. You would never know by looking at the photo's. Isn't that so incredibly telling?
It just shows that you can never quite tell what is going on in someones world.
I feel incredibly humbled and sad. HOW can someone sexually abuse anyone, let alone a child?
A child?
I get so angry and I'm really glad to have been a part of something (even if it was small) that can change their surroundings and the world they live in.

I am, however, feeling awful. My sinus' have been really affected by yesterdays dusty wind and today's fumes. I have a dull headache and I feel exhausted.

It's Fashion Week and I am supposed to be going tonight, but I don't know if I'm up for it.
Tomorrow I'm going to the EA Games Music Festival with my "twin". That should be amazing!

I hope you have a brilliant weekend!

PS> My man is going to that European country for 14 days. 2 whole weeks. I'm bummed.

PPS> It is Michael Jackson's 50th Birthday and no one has seen him in a while. Until now. I have NO words. Oh and I find this rather ironic too, considering what I did today! I'm just saying. Ouch!

That's what SHE said!!

So I am pretty much exempt of all troubles until next August. I rock. Well he does now as the Rock Legend on Guitar Hero PS2 game. Hysterical. There he was sitting in his slippers rocking out to the TV and blaming the "stupid machine" when he missed a note.
Good times.
Tonight we hit Tanza Night for some fun, drinks and birthday celebrations. Yay.

There are just some questions you don't ask men. Even I know that.
I was chatting to a mate of mine on the balcony (he's a dude) and I just couldn't help laughing my panties off. Hilarious. I was laughing so hard because it was the exact conversation the man and I had last week. Almost word for word too.
Balcony dude: So, you went back to blonde! Nice. My wife wants to go back to blonde too.
Blondie: Oh really?
Balcony dude: She's been brunette for a year and half and wants to go back.
Blondie: Well, if you are blonde and you experiment, apparently you always go back.
Balcony dude: Ja, she wanted my opinion.
Blondie: And?
Balcony Dude: Well, it was difficult. I told her she looks gorgeous as a blonde.
Blondie: Uh-oh. I bet she looked at you like, "Oh, so what? For a year and a half I've looked like a troll?"
Balcony Dude: Oh my God? Were you spying? That's exactly what she said.
Blondie: Yup...I'm afraid it's a thing us women do. It's like asking you: "Does my ass look big in this?" So, what did you say?
Balcony Dude: I said that: "My baby, you look gorgeous no matter what colour your hair is!"
Blondie: Noooo!! That's what my man said! You guys really do have a book of 'sayings' don't ya?
Balcony Dude: Ja, but who ever wrote the 'Saying's for Men' book didn't have this one covered, because she then asked me, "Well? What do you prefer?"
Blondie: Ahhahahahaha...that's what I did!! Dude!

Men...damned if they do and damned if they don't.
Moral of the story? Best you keep trying!!

PS> I felt this incredible urge to use colour in this blog. Just thought you might like to know.

I am the best girlfriend. I know!

I reckon I am the best girlfriend. I'm just saying.

I'll take on the challenge. Ha ha ha! Ok I am kidding, but I reckon I could rate up there quite highly after what I've done.

It's my mans birthday tomorrow. I have just bought him the Guitar hero for PS2. Am I not the perfect girlfriend? The modest perfect girlfriend?

Ha ha!

Oh and I've bought him slippers too cos I'm getting annoyed that he keeps using mine. Besides, fluffy slippers are so last season for guys.

"Stop wearing my slippers. Get your own."

"Baby, I only wear them when you don't!"

"But you don't give them back to me when I do need them. You do know that they're black fluffy girly slippers, right?"

"Ja and? No one will see me in them."

"Not until I Youtube you. Or post pics up on my blog."

"What blog?"

"I didn't say blog...(shit, shit, crap, crap) I said, post pics up on the bog...as in public toilets...everywhere."

"You wouldn't do that to me."

"You reckon?"

Photo's to follow soon.

So yes, back to me being the best girlfriend ever. Oh and don't forget modest.

Kidding.

I am loving the fact that summer is around the corner. Yes please. Watermelon, suntan lotion, bronzed bodies, pool parties, sundowners, skirts, gladiator sandals, no jackets at night, the smell of fresh rain and jasmine, no more static shocks, no more itchy, dry skin and the definite smell of cocunut oil!

Bring it on!!

Bubbly and bald.

My leg hairs had protesting banners reading: "Don't harm the Rain Forest!" "Save the trees!" and others I couldn't quite make out.
My razor won.
I have lovely, silky hair-free legs...for the first time this season. Blogshell does love her extra warm coat in winter. I tried the Veet Hair Removal a while back... but that gave me a rash and didn't get rid of any hair.
The razor won once I saw the hairs on my legs looking longer than my mans. Dude!
The ring around the bath was really fabulous. Sexy!
I slapped some self "promises-not-to-go-orange" tan on my lily white, basically see-through legs and am hoping for the best!

I am also quite disturbed and rather upset at this.
This is a shallow moment alert.
I got home last night and desperately felt like a good glass of wine. It apparently got used up in cooking. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
I found a mini 187ml bottle of Champagne in the bar fridge and got seriously excited!
I cracked it open and enjoyed it's bubbliness. I am however, suffering from the mother of all hangovers. I woke up with a head that felt like it had been split in half.
I took my faithful Grandpa's and am only starting to feel better.
This is not the first time either. I don't think I can drink champagne. That pained me to type the last sentence!
Dude!
*Shallow moment over*

She's back...slowly but surely!

Alright, alright...may I just start off by saying I am so sorry for the most boring blog over the last week or so...been working when most people are sleeping so my body clock has been out and I've been, well, stuffed!

So that means, I've been snappy and as interesting as a door knob.

I have also taken my "normal" lifestyle for granted. I have taken sleep for granted.

The good news...yes, go on....sit down... I.AM.BACK! Whoop whoop

I feel fantastic. Don't get me wrong... I've loved doing what I've been doing, but I am glad to have my "semi-normal" schedule back!

I had such a lovely chilled weekend- oh man - no debauchery this time *sadly* but I did get loads of sleep.

On Saturday after 12 hours of sleep (more than my body has had in 2 weeks) I got up and the man and I went to a Rib and Heineken braai. I felt like a kid again... I had more marinade on my face than in my mouth...my fingers were sticky, my chin and cheeks were covered in deliciousness and I was in my element.

I was a brat though, because I could be...I went running around with my grubby little paws and plastered BBQ marinade fingerprints...ok...handprints all over the freshly, unopened Heineken bottles and then drank wine.

Oh I amuse myself.

Like I said...I felt like a child again.

We watched the ruby, threw biltong at the referee (unfair bastard) and hoped like hell we didn't scratch the 42" screen.

Good times.

Sadly though...I was in bed by 10pm. Yes. I know.

Damn body clock.

I could not keep my eyes open. I tried stretching them open with my fingers, I tried opening them as wide as I could so that I looked like:

It wasn't a very happening look and I did not feel like coming up with some story to tell the Emergency Room at 10pm why I had had an accident with match sticks and my eyes. I'm accident prone, you see? I'm the girl who trips up stairs.

Sunday was chilly...blankets and hot chocolate chilly. I worked in the morning and then took full advantage of the weather, got back into my pajamas and sat watching E! Entertainment's Denise Richards: It's Complicated. It's ridiculous but I can't get enough and quite frankly, it makes me feel normal :-)

The Weekend Jig

The weekend has arrived and I have never been more excited! I'm literally doing "The Weekend Jig."
It's cutting edge and I'm just waiting for the right party to debut it. Move aside Macarena!
I don't have anything remarkable happening, no debauchery again (here's hoping) but I'm just glad I get to catch up on sleep and watch the Rugby tomorrow!
I am so thrilled.

I really enjoy eavesdropping. I know it shouldn't be done, but let's face it...we all love a good ear full. I find it fascinating and quite frankly it makes me feel normal.

My man took me for a sushi lunch today and there was a table next to us (as there should be in a restaurant) with 3 guys at it. They were dressed in business suits and must have been in their early 30's.
The convo went like this:
Sunglasses dude: "I really am not sure what to do with my weekend. I am supposed to be seeing Holly but Bianca is bugging me to go out with her. Maybe I should do them both."
Laptop dude hi-5's Sunglasses dude. "Why not? Awesome! Holly is hot, but Bianca has a great pair."
Brightly-coloured-tie dude: "I am supposed to be going to my mom just now at 4pm. She's finished all my washing and ironing and I need to pick it up. Where are we watching the rugby tomorrow?"
The waiter then came to take our order and I missed the rest of the conversation but I was literally gobsmacked and yet I do wonder why I am at all surprised.
Here is this guy (a grown man) in a business suit, looks like he's doing well for himself, and yet his mom is doing his washing and ironing!
DUDE!!
Do these men still exist?

Here is my to do list for the weekend:

• Catch up with sleep
• Watch the rugby at friends
• Visit the parentals
• Watch the Series channel tonight...for all the reality TV shit, I hate to admit I enjoy.
• See Surfer Girl
• Sleep
• Continue with the clearing/cleaning of the garage
• Organise my wardrobe
• Sleep

Rivetting, huh?

I personally, cannot wait!! :-)

Debauchery...just the way I like it!

What a weekend! Is it possible for it to be chilled and debaucherous?
It was. My man was away for the weekend, working.
That meant Friday night was Girly DVD night. I curled up on the couch with 2 DVD's the man would hate. I got the Waitress, which was average and Because I Said So - cute, fun movie!
Lovely! I ate take out, drank wine and chilled.

Woman's Day on Saturday was lovely. I completely vegged out on the couch and then got a call from Special K and Director Boy. That's where it went pear shaped.
"Come to a braai at 5pm."
I did and as I walked through the door I was instantly handed a Jaegermeister. That's how it continued! We drank that new Russian Vodka Water drinks, Wawter (or however you spell it)...we then spent the rest of the night being "Viktoria" and "Tatiana", hokay?
Debauchery took on a whole new level.
Apparently it is not a good idea to drink alcohol in a Jacuzzi. Go figure! The alcohol in blood stream went on an incredible roller coaster ride, oh and the fact that Special "Viktoria" K and I finished half a bottle of Peach Schnapps.
Debauchery!
I couldn't drive, so I left my car there and Special K's man took the two of us home (wait...that sounds bad!) He was such a star and by that I don't mean porn star. Good grief.
He made us tea, which Special K spilt down the passage and in the morning I woke up to coffee, scrambled eggs and the mother of all headaches!
Charming!
I got a call from my man who had arrived home from his trip and I had the housekeys in my car...at Director Boy's house.
I finally got home to find the man lying on the grass waiting for me. Sunday was chilled. Really chilled! I-feel-sorry-for-myself-chilled. I'm-not-moving-off-this-couch-and-you-can't-make-me-chilled.

I'm working my butt off this week. It is a don't-stop-running week and I have got my six pack of Red Bulls ready!

I am mad at...ME!

Why is it that we get 20 compliments and one negative comment, that one remark can cross out the 20 and make you feel like jumping off a building.
Just an arb little thing there...Love and hate fan mail. I truly piss myself off sometimes.

I have a hangover and not even a greasy Wimpy breakfast could act as my white surrender flag.
I also overslept and missed my boxing class, hence the greasy Wimpy breakfast. That made me feel even worse. All my agony and effort went down the drain in form of eggs, bacon and hashbrowns.
Annoyed with myself. I am mad that I drank last night (although I literally only had 4 drinks...no kidding...and I'm hungover...go figure!) and mad I missed boxed and mad I ate greasy food.

As a result of feeling oh-so-chipper and happier than Bill Gates on pay day, I am so over excited about entertaining tonight.
My dad and my man's mom is coming over for drinks tonight. My mom would join, but she's in bed with a really bad ear infection (well, it's worse than that, but I don't know the proper term.)
My idea of the perfect night would be to change into my pj's as soon as I get home, curl up in front of the TV, watch the Series channel's reality TV shows, make cups of hot chocolate and feel sorry for myself.
No such luck. He thought it would be a great idea for them to come around tonight. Great. I love seeing them, sure. Tonight? Not so much.
I now have to play hostess, be domesticated and the chances of me putting on my pj's before midnight is slim. I also have to entertain. I can't exactly sit there with a long face and mumble. Oh no. I will have to make conversation and the man and I will take turns in filling up glasses of wine, checking on food and making sure everyone is happy.
Yay for me.

I can't stop yawning either and it's really not helping me at work. *Yawn*
My head is pounding and I feel a little nauseous.

I'm having a bad day, can you tell?

Fairytales and Muffins (hopefully no more muffin tops in my jeans.)

Special K dragged me kicking and screaming, caveman style to the gym today. Have I mentioned I hate gym. No seriously. I hate the smell, I hate the sound of the circuit beep, I hate the clinking of the machines and weights. BUT, I hate the wobbly bits on my stomach that could rival a bakery with the amount of rolls I have accumulated! I hate the cellulite that could rival an orange peel and the dress sizes that seem to increasing. Argh.

Nevertheless, Blogshell here sweated her ass off (well let's hope) and worked legs. My muscles are shaking and I never really realised how many stairs there are in the world until today.

I have felt every one.

Do I feel good? Yes. Am I going to keep this up? Let's hope so. I really want to and I just need to stay motivated!

I go again tomorrow, to a class though (much better.)

I received this email, maybe you've seen it, maybe you haven't. I had to share it.

The Fairytale every woman should read: You need to click on it ( to see it I'm afraid but it's worth it.

Oh and this was too good not to share:

Last week I bought assorted muffins. I just saw what was supposed to be assorted muffins on the label and went on my merry way. It was only when I got home that my man got all googly eyed at the purchase. “Yummy! Can I have one? What type are they?”
“No you can’t, they’re for breakfast. They’re assorted.”
“Oh my God! You bought ass muffins.”
“What?”
“You bought ass muffins. Oh my God! That’s hilarious. I’m not sure I want to have one now.”
“What on earth are you talking about?”
“They say ass muffins on the box.”
“They do not.”
“They do! You gotta love Pick n Pay! Look!”
I bought ass muffins.

Suitcases.

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while... just been a little crazy! So, the man is not leaving tomorrow...no suitcases are being packed just yet...it's been postponed for a month so I can sweep it under the carpet until then.

Speaking of suitcases...
I went to the Sinful and Affliction Launch at Movida on Saturday evening. It was amazing and I had the biggest party ever. I have not danced that much, laughed that much and DRANK that much in a very long time. I got paraletic. It's not something I'm proud of, sure...but damn -I got rat faced.
I didn't realise how drunk I actually was until it was time to go home. We went to the coat counter and I suddenly realised that I couldn't stand straight or on my own. By the time we got home, the bumpy road had obviously really shaken the alcohol around. I couldn't get out of the car. I was slurring and my man had to steer me into the house, up the stairs towards the bathroom. I remember sitting on the loo and the next time I remember my man was scooping me off the bedroom floor and putting me to bed. I obviously got half way to my bed and passed out.
Fuck.

I. WILL. NEVER. EVER. DRINK. ANOTHER. SUITCASE. SHOOTER. AGAIN.
EVER.
SERIOUSLY.
NEVER. AGAIN.
I. AM. SERIOUS.

Sunday was marvelous. I don't think I have ever experienced a hangover like I did on Sunday. I wanted to die.
I felt like I had grown two heads and had been gobbling sand.

I went to my man's car in the afternoon to get my shoes. It looked as if it had snowed in his car. There was popcorn all over the passenger seat and floor.
Apparently they had a huge popcorn machine at the coat counter and I ordered some. Apparently.
Evidently.