Grins

I am having a ball. No really. Is it possible to be having this much fun and be feeling this good?

I know you'll be reading this on a "Blue Monday" and so I may just be nauseating right now. Yes I have bad days and I'm not all rays of sunshine all the time, but right now, I am and while I feel like this, I am going with it. Work with me here.

Weekend is all a bit of a Blur. In a good way. Friday, was interesting... I was a part of a fashion show. Again, I am always quite perturbed that I get asked to do these things. It's not a fishing party right now, but I don't model. I am not a fashion hanger in any shape or form and so it is hilarious. I did this for a childrens charity with some Binnelander and Egoli stars. I wonder if all professional models run thoughts like: "Suck in your tummy! Shoulders back! Don't trip; don't trip..." through their minds. It was a high fashion, think European FTV channel fashion show with the weird make-up and hair and clothes I wouldn't wear out in public. It was fun to be a part of this experience, don't get me wrong, but I wish I could have taken a photograph of the looks I got from the models when I asked a simple question back stage. "To smile or not to smile, that is the question." I wanted to know what "look" we were supposed to be doing with high fashion, dark eyebrows and red lips. Were we supposed to smile or were we supposed to look like we were in pain or bored. I am always fascinated how these models portray their faces down the catwalk...the pained expressions are probably from not eating or shoes that are too small. I experienced this on Friday.

A little blurry, but here are two of the models...

High fashion make-up

Well, in case you were wondering, I was told not to smile from a model (striking features, mind you) who looked me up and down disdainfully, flicked her high-fashioned-teased hair and minced onto the ramp. So I didn't smile and I felt ridiculous. I have to smile. I am a smiley-person and if I can't smile when I want to, I take on a pained expression. Perhaps, that's it.

I had fun though and I got to gaze at the male models that really are quite beautiful. This one in particular looked exactly like Emile Hirsch and I embarrassed myself by staring too long and hard and then subsequently blushed furiously when he asked for my number.

Saturday was spent having breakfast at a quaint restaurant with the family and looking at cars. I have decided to get myself a new car. I felt guilty as I test drove these beautiful cars. Guilty because I felt like I was "cheating" on my car parked at home. I am still driving my very first car and she has certainly served me well for the past 7-8 years, but she's old now and so I am fickly trading her in for a new model. I'm excited.

I went to a braai that night at JB and had a blast drinking glasses of wine and playing 30 seconds...or tried to at least. My poor team mate must have been "chuffed" at being on my team. 2 bottles of wine will do that to you. I pretty much played like this:

"Um...um... It's the actress...um...shit....what's her name...oooh...ooh..ooooh...um....."

"TIME!!" Everyone yelled out, gleefully.

Normally I am a little champ at the game but with wine and shooters, I was useless at it.

I did however, see European Boy. This whole... yes, I can't believe these words came out of my mouth: "Let's just have fun and enjoy each others company with no strings attached" is very new for me and I'm certainly having fun.

I feel like a teenager again.

Today has been spent feeling sorry for myself, lying in bed catching up on all the Girls of The Playboy Mansion episodes and catching up with Sugar. She came to visit me and we giggled like school girls.

Oh and yes...here she is...looking smoking hot...man, I want a body like this and if she can go from looking how she did to looking how she does now...I have HOPE!! HOORAY!! I'm back to gym tomorrow!

Hurling Heritage Day

Oh God! I sure made up for my bitching last night. If you didn't read the previous post, I was pretty miffed out with the fact that everyone was partying up a storm and I was in bed early for a half day of work the next day. Half day, whatever. Work is work. I like to think of it as: doing my bit for the economy.
;-)

Special K, Blondie 2 and I went for a girly lunch, instead of the braai today. Let me explain.
We were supposed to have a braai with the gang, but someone had to go and get pissed last night and is hanging like a donkey on steroids.
Dude. The man is so ill and instead of being mad, I find him adorable…he reverts to a cute 8 year old boy you just want to nurse. I will never tell him this. You know why.

So, I was all super psyched for potato salad, chicken kebabs and a boerewors roll; and that craving went straight out the window. It went out the window, when I heard the man hurl his stomach contents straight down the toilet. I know this sounds bizarre and gross, but he vomits weirdly. I know there is no “right” way to vomit and I am going to sound incredibly mean, because I should be concerned, but I find it hilarious. Seriously. He makes the funniest sounds. He sounds like a combination of a hyena laughing, coughing up a fur ball and well, the general “normal” up chuck sound.
Man, it is funny. Trust me. I would say you have to be there, but that’s really sadistic isn’t it?
Can you imagine? “Hi guys, come around… you know I was telling you about the man’s weird vomiting sounds, well, I thought you should experience it first hand, so let’s feed him revolting things to make it happen. Trust me; it’s going to be the best time ever. Ever!”

Anyway, I called up the gang to find out what the vibe was with having a braai. If everyone was still keen, well, sorry for vomit boy... but they all dropped like flies... all of them were hanging. Bunch of babies.
All of them, except my best girls*. Blondie 2 and Special K were still keen to do something. I left the man lying in bed curled into the foetal position, muttering the usual: “I’m never drinking again. No really. I mean it this time. Fuck I wanna die…shit, pass me the bucket…”
I asked if he wanted me to stay, but he kind of waved me off, muttering: “Kill me.” and “Have a good time!”

We met up for sushi and Cosmopolitans. Lunch with girls is never an hour or two.
6 hours later, sun setting, several Cosmo’s in and stomachs literally sore from laughing, we called it a day.
The bill showed that we had enjoyed 13 Cosmopolitans between the 3 of us. We paid the bill and it was only when we were in the car park that we suddenly realised that made no sense. How can 3 girls share 13 cosmos? They either didn’t charge us for an extra one (yeah right) or they over charged us by one (probably.)
My head is spinning and I’m feeling a little bad. What heritage did I celebrate today? I drank Cosmopolitans – for Johannesburg (work with me here) and I ate sushi for…um… well... I’m stumped.
I bought biltong on my way home. Does that count?
The man is still on the couch, watching Absolute Formula 1 and stuffing his face with biltong and Lay’s Salt and Vinegar crisps. It helps with the nausea. Apparently. He is still hanging. Insane.
It’s another early night for me. This time, I really don’t mind. Those Cosmo’s are dangerous. Deliciously dangerous.

* I sound like a pimp. Niiiice.

Work and play

So, my meetings went on a little longer than expected. Surprise, surprise!

I'm feeling absolutely exhausted and while you all party away the night before the public holiday, think of lil ol' me lying here trying to fall asleep because this "good girl" has work in the morning. God I've become boring. Seriously. What happened to "living on the edge?"

Who the hell knows? Miss Responsibilty is in bed early and I might as well just add a nice cup of warm milk and honey to the mix. Argh.

I've even switched my phone off because all my mates are reminding me that I'm 25 years old and being an old hag.

"Just come for one drink!"
"Yes, it sounds all lovely now, but while you sleep in; I'm getting up for a regular working day!"

"Blondieeeee!! Pull an all niiiighterrrr!!" It's amazing how the nagging always sounds whiney!

"Dude no. I'll catch up with you tomorrow. Braai at my place for National Braai Day and Heritage Day tomorrow afternoon!"

I've been through this with 5 of my mates.

Like I said. B-O-R-I-N-G!

I got an email from my longest mate JB about growing up...here it is:

Soooo, her I sit, CSI: Miami (totally rocks my world) is on, my laptop is on the lap (as it should) and I'm trying to get sleepy.
Ha! The man is even out with his buddies.
I'm this close to breaking out into Akon's Chipmunkey "Lonely". You know it's bad, then.

Yawn.

Good start.
Nope, nothing. This warm milk and honey is starting to look more inviting by the second!

Good night.

PS> Happy Heritage Day and Braai Day!

PPS> Congratulations Danny and Lee...I'm so happy for the both of you! Thanks for your sms' over the weekend!

Schizophrenic Blondie... The comedian.

The weather is weird. It's been sunny with freezing wind. Did Mother Nature not get the memo? It's SPRING!
I must admit though, I haven't seen a crisper morning. It's beautiful. I'm sitting on my balcony looking out into the distance. The buildings and trees actually have outlines. There's no blurry haze or smog. It's lovely.

I had a seriously chilled weekend. It was awesome. Lots of braai meat and lots of wine. Sunday was couch potato day. I didn't get out of my pajama's until this morning. In fact, this weekend was so chilled, I was actually boring.
Boring was welcomed into my life with open arms. I embraced it lovingly, but I don't want it hanging around me too much.

Right so, I am interviewing a few comedians this week. Honestly, I'm dreading it. I'm dreading it because I don't know what comes over me. I'll be introduced to the comedian and I automatically become hilarious. I think so anyway. I have no idea why I do this. I am NOT a comedian and yet I suddenly start practising "material" on them. Oh my God, it's is mortifying.
I actually have screaming matches in my head.
Blondie: Shut the fuck up. You. are. not. funny. What is wrong with you?
Blogshell: Hahahahahhaha - oooh wait, let me say this. That will make them drop to the floor in hysteria.
Blondie: Oh my God! You are embarrassing yourself. Seriously. Shut up. Stop moving your tongue. Get on with it.
Blogshell to comedian: So, I have a joke for you..
Blondie interrupts: Seriously? You're not doing this! I can't take another minute of this. Pleeeease!! Stop!
Blogshell, ignoring inner voice: So, 2 snowman are walking in a field. The one snowman says to the other: Dude, you're right! I can also smell carrots! Wahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhaha!!!!
Blondie: I officially divorce myself from you.

The worst part? I kill myself laughing at my own jokes. They're horrible jokes and ironically I only ever remember the horribly BAD ones. I can't remember "cool, awesome, wow -you have-the-best-sense-of-humour-and-you're-such-a-funny-joke-teller" jokes. Noooo. I remember the horrible, cringe worthy ones.
When I say I kill myself laughing...I literally wipe away the tears.
I don't know why I do this when I can visibly see the comedians looking at me and their agents/posse nervously with the look: Did she just escape from a mental asylum?
I cringe at myself, but I am unstoppable!

Lady Luck hates my mom.

I shake my head. My poor, poor mom! I cannot get over how much bad luck she has been through. She has been poked, prodded, squashed, squeezed and everything under the sun from MRI scans, to lumber punctures, to blood tests, to ultra sounds, to CAT scans etc, you name it!
She has waited patiently and nervously for the results and she has been diagnosed with a disease that out of privacy and respect I'd rather not say on my blog.
She is on so much medication, that it scares me. No one bothered to tell her that one of the many things she's on decreases bone strength and density. My mom stepped down from a small step at home, twisted her ankle and fell. She has broken her ankle bone straight off and her leg bone, the thibea (sp?).
This is outrageous! She now has to either have an operation or she needs to lie still for 6 weeks. She cannot use crutches as a few years ago, she had an operation on her other leg and some of her cartledge was removed. We've hired her a wheelchair and I just feel so helpless!
The amazing thing? How strong my mother is, her spirits are incredibly high and I am in awe. My family has been amazing too and we have stuck together like glue through all of this.
I could not ask for a better more solid and incredible family.

I just can't believe how this has all happened to one person in a few months!

In other news, I have a headache. I don't think I'm drinking enough....water, that is. I hate water as it is. I am quite snobby when it comes to water. I reckon that if I'm going to drink the awful stuff, I might as well make it good. No tap water for me, but mineral with a slice of lemon or mint or both.
I have neither mineral water, lemon or mint lying around so there goes that idea.
My man got home on Wednesday and I've been rather busy.* Catching up in um...all departments.
Ahem.
We're having a get together tonight at home to catch up with everyone. I have the garlic bread and braai meat ready and lots of wine and Vawter in the fridge. Good times!

Have a brilliant weekend.

*Reason there's been a lapse in blogging.

She's back...slowly but surely!

Alright, alright...may I just start off by saying I am so sorry for the most boring blog over the last week or so...been working when most people are sleeping so my body clock has been out and I've been, well, stuffed!

So that means, I've been snappy and as interesting as a door knob.

I have also taken my "normal" lifestyle for granted. I have taken sleep for granted.

The good news...yes, go on....sit down... I.AM.BACK! Whoop whoop

I feel fantastic. Don't get me wrong... I've loved doing what I've been doing, but I am glad to have my "semi-normal" schedule back!

I had such a lovely chilled weekend- oh man - no debauchery this time *sadly* but I did get loads of sleep.

On Saturday after 12 hours of sleep (more than my body has had in 2 weeks) I got up and the man and I went to a Rib and Heineken braai. I felt like a kid again... I had more marinade on my face than in my mouth...my fingers were sticky, my chin and cheeks were covered in deliciousness and I was in my element.

I was a brat though, because I could be...I went running around with my grubby little paws and plastered BBQ marinade fingerprints...ok...handprints all over the freshly, unopened Heineken bottles and then drank wine.

Oh I amuse myself.

Like I said...I felt like a child again.

We watched the ruby, threw biltong at the referee (unfair bastard) and hoped like hell we didn't scratch the 42" screen.

Good times.

Sadly though...I was in bed by 10pm. Yes. I know.

Damn body clock.

I could not keep my eyes open. I tried stretching them open with my fingers, I tried opening them as wide as I could so that I looked like:

It wasn't a very happening look and I did not feel like coming up with some story to tell the Emergency Room at 10pm why I had had an accident with match sticks and my eyes. I'm accident prone, you see? I'm the girl who trips up stairs.

Sunday was chilly...blankets and hot chocolate chilly. I worked in the morning and then took full advantage of the weather, got back into my pajamas and sat watching E! Entertainment's Denise Richards: It's Complicated. It's ridiculous but I can't get enough and quite frankly, it makes me feel normal :-)

Debauchery...just the way I like it!

What a weekend! Is it possible for it to be chilled and debaucherous?
It was. My man was away for the weekend, working.
That meant Friday night was Girly DVD night. I curled up on the couch with 2 DVD's the man would hate. I got the Waitress, which was average and Because I Said So - cute, fun movie!
Lovely! I ate take out, drank wine and chilled.

Woman's Day on Saturday was lovely. I completely vegged out on the couch and then got a call from Special K and Director Boy. That's where it went pear shaped.
"Come to a braai at 5pm."
I did and as I walked through the door I was instantly handed a Jaegermeister. That's how it continued! We drank that new Russian Vodka Water drinks, Wawter (or however you spell it)...we then spent the rest of the night being "Viktoria" and "Tatiana", hokay?
Debauchery took on a whole new level.
Apparently it is not a good idea to drink alcohol in a Jacuzzi. Go figure! The alcohol in blood stream went on an incredible roller coaster ride, oh and the fact that Special "Viktoria" K and I finished half a bottle of Peach Schnapps.
Debauchery!
I couldn't drive, so I left my car there and Special K's man took the two of us home (wait...that sounds bad!) He was such a star and by that I don't mean porn star. Good grief.
He made us tea, which Special K spilt down the passage and in the morning I woke up to coffee, scrambled eggs and the mother of all headaches!
Charming!
I got a call from my man who had arrived home from his trip and I had the housekeys in my car...at Director Boy's house.
I finally got home to find the man lying on the grass waiting for me. Sunday was chilled. Really chilled! I-feel-sorry-for-myself-chilled. I'm-not-moving-off-this-couch-and-you-can't-make-me-chilled.

I'm working my butt off this week. It is a don't-stop-running week and I have got my six pack of Red Bulls ready!