Does this make sense?

I feel like a fish out of water. I haven't been just Blondie for so many years. It's always been Blondie and her man.
I am having to relearn who I am, what makes me tick and loving to be on my own. It's only 6 days, but each day is different.
Everything reminds me of him and I have driven that way "home" every single evening, only to do a U-Turn and go back home. I also keep wanting to call him when I receive a piece of news etc... and I suddenly realise what I am doing in the middle of typing his number into my Blackberry. Everything is just very very odd but I know that it will take time.

I am stronger than I thought I would be, but with that said, this has been harder than I thought it would be. Does that make sense?

I don't know how to be single. I feel really pathetic in saying that and yet I don't feel pathetic in saying that either.
Does that make sense?

I guess I did things ass about face. While my mates partied away, snogged different men, slept with different men (safely) and basically enjoyed a single life in their early twenties, I was in a loyal, serious relationship. Now my mates are settling down and I am going to enjoy being single in my late twenties.
Weird.

I am sad and excited. Does that make sense?

This is a new chapter in my life and it is going to certainly be very interesting to see how the book finishes.

PS> I am going away on Thursday, Friday and Saturday for a shoot. It's a romantic shoot too. The timing is beautiful.
Still. It will be good to stay busy and have a change of scenery.

Hold the bus....or should that be plane ticket??

Life is funny isn't it? I'm not laughing at the moment, because I feel like a bomb was just dropped, but you get the idea.

I am still trying to process this. It could be life changing. I don't do well with change. Some thrive on it, I get nauseous.
I am also the type of person who allows her imagination to run away with her. I'm already at the very end before anything has actually happened.
It could amount to nothing, but this change is happening because it should amount to something. Something I'm not sure whether I want or not. Is my fear of change clouding whether I want this or not?

My man spoke to me about this at the beginning of the year and I kind of put it off and put it to the farthest place in my mind. Surely it wouldn't happen! Don't think about it and it will go away.
3 weeks ago he brought it up again as something definite had come up and yet again, I didn't really take it seriously because the honest fact is I didn't want to take it seriously.

My man might be leaving the country. He's going for an incredible job opportunity and the interview is overseas.
The conversation went like this:
"Baby, I might be leaving this Tuesday for that European Country."
Choke on coffee. "What? Which Tuesday?"
"This Tuesday."
"You're kidding!! You must be kidding. This Tuesday?" My eyes start welling up. "How long are you gone for?"
"10 days. The application date ends on Friday so I need to go. If I get the job, if I get the job, I'll come home and then have to make arrangements to go for a year or however long the contract is."
"Oh."

I understand. The money is un-fucking-believable and we've discussed everything in detail. It all makes sense, but it doesn't make it easier. I do not want to be one of those girls who holds her man back and then later on he resents me. I selfishly want him to stay but I want him to progress in life. He's brilliant and he needs to do this. If I could go with it would be a bonus, because he would probably be gone for a year. If I don't go he'll be earning shit loads of euros that he could send home as savings so that we could get married and move home when he gets back. Besides...if I look at how quickly this year is flying by, it might be OK PLUS..I'd just have to visit 4 times a year! How dreadful :-)
We discussed everything, everything and he doesn't expect me to give everything up here immediately. I have a career that is really taking off, my friends and family and so much more. He's going to see how things are and then we'll discuss whether I should move too. We spoke about moving together at the beginning of the year, but I put it out of my mind; not because I don't want to, but because it freaks me out. I get weepy at the thought.

The place he's moving to (we could be moving to) is absolutely breathtaking and the ironic thing is I have dreamt of living there, imagined it and longed for it. The idea of change is overwhelming.

I'm trying to adjust.