Distractions

I had a good sob...2 days ago it was a month since the breakup. They say it gets easier, but I'm still waiting for that.

One thing I have done is kept busy, good grief! I have been out every single night for dinners and coffees and more dinners. I still feel a little empty, but as long as I keep moving and keep seeing my incredible friends, I'm OK.

I sat on my bed having a good sob about it being a month and then realised that next month will be 2 months, BUT I will be on a flight to Europe and I will most certainly be enjoying a good wine or 2 on the plane.

I've booked my airtickets and I'm going to be jetting off to Europe next month for 2 beautiful weeks. In fact, in exactly one month from today I will be experiencing Europe in the Summer for the first time. I've only ever been in Winter, where I tend to look like the Michelin man thanks to all the layers of jerseys and snow jackets.

I have 6 flights to 6 different airports in 2 weeks. A little crazy.

Special K and 4 other girlfriends are jetting off a few days before I can- it's a pity I can't fly there with them but they will be fetching me from Dubrovnik - all very Sex and The City style and then it's off to the most incredible villa we'll be staying it. It is on an island off of Croatia and apparently it is just absolutely BREATH TAKING.

In fact, let me just post some pictures from the website :)

Looks awful, hey?

After the 8 days with them, I will be flying to Switzerland to visit my family. I can't wait to spend some time with my gran. I hardly know her so I'm looking forward to finding out about my heritage and hearing the stories she has to offer about her experiences.

I really really need this break. I love travelling. I love experiencing the sounds, sights, cultures, music, dishes, people etc and I plan to take it all in.

I can't wait to be going overseas with my amazing girlfriends ... what amazing FUN we're going to have. Special K and I have never been overseas together so this is really special for us.

I'm grateful for the distraction - it gives me something to look forward to.

Speaking of distractions, there is a very gorgeous man that has been flirting with me and I think I have been flirting back. I say this because I am actually ridiculously bad at it and it probably isn't flirting at all. Still ... .

It's fun though...and a little weird, but nice. It is very innocent from my side.

The reality is, I still feel very heart sore but I know it will get better ... that's what everyone and every bloody cliche says.

I'm just going through the motions. I'm going out, I'm meeting new people all the time, I'm crying alot and I'm laughing too.

I'm certainly trying this Single Life on and while I feel very out of my depth, I have survived - with plenty of scrapes and bruises, yes, but my heart is still beating - even if it is a different beat.

Hold the bus....or should that be plane ticket??

Life is funny isn't it? I'm not laughing at the moment, because I feel like a bomb was just dropped, but you get the idea.

I am still trying to process this. It could be life changing. I don't do well with change. Some thrive on it, I get nauseous.
I am also the type of person who allows her imagination to run away with her. I'm already at the very end before anything has actually happened.
It could amount to nothing, but this change is happening because it should amount to something. Something I'm not sure whether I want or not. Is my fear of change clouding whether I want this or not?

My man spoke to me about this at the beginning of the year and I kind of put it off and put it to the farthest place in my mind. Surely it wouldn't happen! Don't think about it and it will go away.
3 weeks ago he brought it up again as something definite had come up and yet again, I didn't really take it seriously because the honest fact is I didn't want to take it seriously.

My man might be leaving the country. He's going for an incredible job opportunity and the interview is overseas.
The conversation went like this:
"Baby, I might be leaving this Tuesday for that European Country."
Choke on coffee. "What? Which Tuesday?"
"This Tuesday."
"You're kidding!! You must be kidding. This Tuesday?" My eyes start welling up. "How long are you gone for?"
"10 days. The application date ends on Friday so I need to go. If I get the job, if I get the job, I'll come home and then have to make arrangements to go for a year or however long the contract is."
"Oh."

I understand. The money is un-fucking-believable and we've discussed everything in detail. It all makes sense, but it doesn't make it easier. I do not want to be one of those girls who holds her man back and then later on he resents me. I selfishly want him to stay but I want him to progress in life. He's brilliant and he needs to do this. If I could go with it would be a bonus, because he would probably be gone for a year. If I don't go he'll be earning shit loads of euros that he could send home as savings so that we could get married and move home when he gets back. Besides...if I look at how quickly this year is flying by, it might be OK PLUS..I'd just have to visit 4 times a year! How dreadful :-)
We discussed everything, everything and he doesn't expect me to give everything up here immediately. I have a career that is really taking off, my friends and family and so much more. He's going to see how things are and then we'll discuss whether I should move too. We spoke about moving together at the beginning of the year, but I put it out of my mind; not because I don't want to, but because it freaks me out. I get weepy at the thought.

The place he's moving to (we could be moving to) is absolutely breathtaking and the ironic thing is I have dreamt of living there, imagined it and longed for it. The idea of change is overwhelming.

I'm trying to adjust.