Twilight Zone....

December, huh? Where on earth did this year go? I cannot wrap my head around the fact that it's nearly Christmas and 2011.

I guess my denial isn't going to change anything... Christmas and New Years is coming whether I like it or not.

I definitely need to get into the Christmas spirit.

Soooo... I feel like I've entered the Twilight Zone.

It's been a while since I've actually gone on a date. There has been nothing. Nada.

I was complaining to my girlfriends the other day, and admittedly they were all right. I haven't exactly been in town long enough to actually meet the creatures from Mars.

Are there any decent men left in the world?

They're either pigs or gay.

Oh and my "gaydar" isn't working. Anyone know where I take that in to be fixed? Seriously.

I totally eye-f*cked a guy in a business suit the other day, he was drinking his coffee (his pinkie was down on the cup) and he was H.O.T. ....... Until he answered his phone. "Hello Mister Fabulous!! Ooooh I just can't wait to see you again sexy man!"

*cue the crickets*

SIGH.

Then, I met an incredible guy the other day, no really... I was actually quite impressed. I even thought that it might have restored my faith .... Only to be told that he is gay, but HE doesn't know it yet.

O. M. G.

Really?

Really? I seriously did not pick that up at all.

I was also reminded about my "eye-f*cking" the gay guy the other day.

Enough said.

Special K and I were talking about this subject over a skinny latte. I think my friends think that I am "fishing" when I say this, but I'm not and I genuinely mean it.

I think I may possibly be single for the rest of my life. The saddest part? I'm not a cat person. So investing in cats and cat food isn't really feasible.

Yay for me.

Anyway, back to the Twilight Zone story ... So there Special K and I are, discussing my single life, when I said: "I would just like to be wooed a little bit. I'd like to just go on a date. Is it so hard?"

Special K sips on her latte, rolls her eyes and says: "You are NOT going to be single for the rest of your life. You've been focusing on your career and you've been loving the single life, yes or no?"

"Yes. You're right... about the latter part, maybe not the first part."

"Any guy would be lucky to have you... He'll come a long when you least expect it and when the timing is right."

"I'm not fishing."

"I know. I'm just stating facts."

We finished up our B&K moment and headed out.

Well, careful what you wish for....

Not even 24 hours later, I got asked out on a date by a guy I met a few years ago. Admittedly I always thought he was hot, but never knew he was interested. I haven't seen him in years.

I called Special K up and told her the irony/good news. Thing is....Am I reading too much into it? Is it a date or is it just a catch up.

Oh the complications.

2 hours later, I get a message from a guy I went to varsity with, who asked me out on the second date - it's also been a few years.

3 hours later I got another message from a guy I had met at a braai a few months ago, he had got my number and asked me for dinner.

OK. Seriously. Where are the hidden cameras?

Are my friends behind this?

Apparently not.

Cue Twilight music.... 3 dates, within a few hours, 24 hours after I said and I quote: "I would just love to go out on a date... be wooed a little, you know?"

Now this isn't narcissism, but boy I'm shocked.

So I may or may not have 3 dates ... Maybe 2 and a half dates ... I've said yes to all ... why not?

So while I'm on a roll.... I'd also like to lose 7kgs, find my affordable dream home, I'd like my own TV show and I would like to triple my salary.

Thanks.

Distractions

I had a good sob...2 days ago it was a month since the breakup. They say it gets easier, but I'm still waiting for that.

One thing I have done is kept busy, good grief! I have been out every single night for dinners and coffees and more dinners. I still feel a little empty, but as long as I keep moving and keep seeing my incredible friends, I'm OK.

I sat on my bed having a good sob about it being a month and then realised that next month will be 2 months, BUT I will be on a flight to Europe and I will most certainly be enjoying a good wine or 2 on the plane.

I've booked my airtickets and I'm going to be jetting off to Europe next month for 2 beautiful weeks. In fact, in exactly one month from today I will be experiencing Europe in the Summer for the first time. I've only ever been in Winter, where I tend to look like the Michelin man thanks to all the layers of jerseys and snow jackets.

I have 6 flights to 6 different airports in 2 weeks. A little crazy.

Special K and 4 other girlfriends are jetting off a few days before I can- it's a pity I can't fly there with them but they will be fetching me from Dubrovnik - all very Sex and The City style and then it's off to the most incredible villa we'll be staying it. It is on an island off of Croatia and apparently it is just absolutely BREATH TAKING.

In fact, let me just post some pictures from the website :)

Looks awful, hey?

After the 8 days with them, I will be flying to Switzerland to visit my family. I can't wait to spend some time with my gran. I hardly know her so I'm looking forward to finding out about my heritage and hearing the stories she has to offer about her experiences.

I really really need this break. I love travelling. I love experiencing the sounds, sights, cultures, music, dishes, people etc and I plan to take it all in.

I can't wait to be going overseas with my amazing girlfriends ... what amazing FUN we're going to have. Special K and I have never been overseas together so this is really special for us.

I'm grateful for the distraction - it gives me something to look forward to.

Speaking of distractions, there is a very gorgeous man that has been flirting with me and I think I have been flirting back. I say this because I am actually ridiculously bad at it and it probably isn't flirting at all. Still ... .

It's fun though...and a little weird, but nice. It is very innocent from my side.

The reality is, I still feel very heart sore but I know it will get better ... that's what everyone and every bloody cliche says.

I'm just going through the motions. I'm going out, I'm meeting new people all the time, I'm crying alot and I'm laughing too.

I'm certainly trying this Single Life on and while I feel very out of my depth, I have survived - with plenty of scrapes and bruises, yes, but my heart is still beating - even if it is a different beat.

Fat Day

I am having such a fat day that I feel like blob with legs and arms. In fact I am like one muffin top with a mouth.
Argh. My jeans that fitted yesterday seem to have shrunk overnight. I was yanking and pulling and jumping and huffing and puffing and heaving myself into these jeans and finally managed to close the button. My neighbours must have thought I was having the most amazing sex ever.
If only they knew. LOL.

WTF is going on? Ok, so Special K my amazing mate who has a body to die for and is a fitness guru has very kindly taken me under her wing.
Yes, I lost 10kgs last year. However, I cannot seem to shake the last 10kgs and the thought of having to do this all again is just exhausting. See, I don't function like normal human beings. Normal human beings would be so chuffed and motivated that they had lost 10kgs that they would continue on the journey to lose the last 10kgs. Normal human beings would look at it like: I lost 10kgs, I can do it all over again.
I, on the other hand, am clearly not normal.
I am on a strict, clean eating plan and exercise plan.

I have the worst sinus so gym has fallen by the way side for the time being, which is frustrating me to no ends. I actually want to train. I've been told it's an 80-20 ratio. 80% eating and 20% exercise, so I figured that while I can't exercise I can at least get the 80% right. I have been eating all the right things, cut out fizzy drinks and crisps (my vices) and really thought that by 2 weeks I would feel and see a difference.
Nope.
Perhaps its because I'm as bloated as a ...I'm not actually sure what...
It's PMS, if you know what I'm saying.
It's lack of endorphines from the lack of gyming.

I've had it. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a gorgeous, skinny, fabulous day and if not. I'm going back to bed.

I am going to be a toned and skinny ROCK STAR!

I'm starting a band. I'm preparing myself for the rockstar life that I know will be mine soon. I'm going to have to start getting used to the adoring fans, the throwing of underwear and the cramped hands from all the autograph signing.
I know it will be tough on the road, but *sigh* someone's gotta do it.
I played Guitar Hero and the drum kit for Guitar Hero like a rockstar. After every song the TV screen yelled out: YOU ROCK!!
I know, I know. Why be modest when you are pure brilliance?
Hahahahahaha!

What a jol! On Saturday night European Boy and I went over to the helicopter buddies for pizza and Guitar Hero. It was ridiculous how funny everyone is when they play. People stick their tongues out, their brows furrow, they squint their eyes and some even stop breathing...all in concentration. Oh and heaven help you if you dare cross in front of the TV screen. Lesson learnt ;-)
We had someone on the mic singing, someone on bass, someone on the guitar and someone on drums. It was very "rock and roll." I loved it.




In other news. Special K is killing me. I know that I will thank her but in the mean time I curse her, I huff and puff and I glare at her with the "why do you hate me so much?" sentiment.
According to her (and I quote): "By the time I am finished with you, Blondie, I will be able to crack eggs on your ass!"
She is my personal trainer, dietician and support system to lose 12 kgs and become toned and fabulous.
I have had enough. Sure, I lost a lot of weight from no emotional eating, going to gym etc... but it's not enough and I feel like I should be in my prime especially being in my mid twenties. The reality is, I'm not getting any younger and each second that passes, maintaining a figure gets harder and harder. I need to get a figure first and then try to maintain it.
I am a little scared to be honest and I'm nervous, because it is a lot of dedication and committment, but I am motivated and I really wanna do this. If I can stop smoking cold turkey after a pack a day for 8 years, then I am stronger than I think and have amazing will power to do anything I set my mind to.
I sound like I'm trying to convince myself more than you. You're probably right. Baby steps.
I have started a food journal, which actually really helps. I've read in Shape Magazine and other articles etc that keeping a food journal helps. I never really "got that" until now. I also train so hard at gym that the idea of putting a cheeseburger in my mouth afterwards kind of makes me feel like all that gym would have been a waste, so why bother.
I really want to do this properly, once and for all...so that I can maintain it. I'm doing this for myself and yes, let's be honest, my career too. Let's see how it goes. :-)

Stained teeth and ticklish throats.

So scratch the weekend list. Most things changed.

I did see the movie on Friday night He’s Just NOT That Into You and it was depressingly brilliant. Haha. I had a debate with a friend because yes, the movie did make women look pathetic and men look like assholes, but on a whole, there was a lot of truth to it and that was depressing.
As a woman, being single now, I am learning new things and I’m learning that if he doesn’t call you or want to see you often, he really isn’t into you, or he would find any excuse to call or see you.
It was just very interesting and I think that it is a movie that guys and girls can enjoy. It's not necessarily only a chick flick. I couldn't get over how many couples were watching the movie and how many guys were there in a group. Very interesting.
It was a good movie and I would definitely have that in my DVD collection.

I did go to Pilates. Now, I’ve only gone to Pilates a few times, but the woman kept telling us that if we had never done Pilates before, we should go to the orientation. Sugar and I finally got our act together and did the orientation. Holy Crap. I clearly have been doing everything wrong in the classes, because after being shown how to breathe correctly and hold and release etc, I felt everything. Everything. My muscles actually shook throughout the session and that burning pain (the good kind) was there immediately afterwards.

I did not go to the launch on Saturday night and instead, went over to Special K for wine.
So, I have a little secret... I normally don’t drink red wine because for some reason it gives me heart burn and so I’ve always just stayed away from it. However, last Monday night I drank red wine. 2 bottles actually (not on my own, mind you) and I didn’t have one stitch of heart burn. In fact I really loved it. I made a note of the bottles and their makes that James Bond had pulled out for us and have decided to rethink my wine drinking. I could actually get quite used to it. I decided to try red wine again and Special K and I finished off a bottle rather quickly. It was delicious and I like red wine far more than white wine now.
The only downer of red wine? The fact that it stains your teeth. There I am sitting with my mate, feeling all very sophisticated drinking this lush glass, when I caught a glimpse of my teeth... Now this happened last Monday night too. Mortifying. Not exactly Colgate Smile material, you know?
Good God. Did I eat liquorice? Nope.
Must remember to bring gum next time I drink red wine in male company.

I also did not go for coffee with Europe Boy after he cancelled on me. I would have had to cancel anyway, I woke up yesterday with incredibly sore muscles, which I presumed was from the Pilates. Yes, to a large extent it was, but I am also getting sick. F*@!
I hate being sick, especially when my lifestyle has changed into a rather healthy one. I have a tickle in my throat, my head feels like it may explode from the pressure and headache and I am miserable. I didn’t get out of my pyjamas yesterday and just lay around watching TV and making countless cups of fresh ginger, lemon and honey tea.
I’ve woken up this morning, with no pressure headache, but just a scratchy throat with a pathetic little cough. Argh.
It’s the change in weather. I always get something like this the day before the weather changes. I swear, I could be a weather beacon. Trust me, I wouldn't have a problem with Derek Van Dam (e-TV's weather guy) phoning me up for tips ;-)
Today, the wind is howling and nippy even though the sun is shining.
I am in bed under my duvet with my muesli and laptop at the moment.

PS> I’ve never been so excited for Wednesday. Pay Day. No more end-of-the-month salticrax for me anymore.

Good times

I went to the opening of exclusive new 5-Star International Radisson SAS Hotel Sandton. This launch was absolutely fantastic and they seriously spared no expense whatsoever.
We were all taken to the 12th floor where speeches were made, Moet champagne flowed and photographers flash bulbs were over excited!

We could help ourselves to the Moet Champagne Dress

The hotel really is quite exquisite in decor, space and pure luxury.
Special K and I bumped into Marcus Brewster, who leaned in as if he had a secret that could freeze time and said:
“Blondie, if you go one floor up, they have lobster and more Moet.” pointing at my empty flute, “And if you go down one floor the spa is there with a little goody bag!”
Oh what to do; what to do? LOL

The 13th floor was sensational. I have NEVER seen a spread of food like that in my life. Chefs were making fresh pasta and other dishes from the ingredients set out. One of the things that Special K and I wanted to take home was a huge whole uncut cheese, that had been hollowed out and filled with grated parmesan cheese. Presentation was incredible!! There was a Thai section, antipasti section with artichokes, cold pasta dishes and various types of olives and sundried tomatos. The Seafood section (my favourite) had some of the most delicious sushi I have ever tasted, there were oysters and crab, lobster and crayfish, melt in your mouth salmon, mini mussle pots.

This was the chef that prepared my lobster!

HEAVEN. I believe there was a dessert table, but I didn’t look too hard for it. I wanted to (being president of the sweet tooth society and all that) but I am on a Get-Thin-Mission.

We finally got to go down to the 11th floor and that beautiful aromatherapy smell wafted into our nostrils. Special K and I both turned to each other and dreamily said: “Ah, the smell!”
I hope heaven looks like this spa. It is so incredible and I can honestly say I have never seen anything like this! I have booked for after pay day and Special K told me she’s going to be doing a lot of hinting considering their anniversary is coming up.

We went back upstairs, goody bag in hand and spoke to various people, that we (sadly) only ever see at these types of functions. It was incredibly hot inside and while I love heat, when it starts to get too hot, my body can’t handle it! I started to feel really faint and my skin was prickling.
Special K took one look at me and agreed that we should leave. She got me to the car and put the air con on full blast. She just knows. As soon as I started to cool down, I started to feel better.

Today I’m going to a spinning class at 1pm.

I've also been getting messages from Europe Boy asking me for a lunch or coffee... I don't know. Perhaps I should just go for a coffee. I just don't know anymore.

BIRTHDAY!!

I'm TWENTY SEXY today!! Yes I am.

I have had one of the most special birthdays and have felt like a billion (not Zim) dollars today! I have been completely spoilt!

My family gave me the most beautiful gifts... I received a satin pencil skirt from my sister, Thomas Sabo star charm with small diamonds for my Thomas Sabo bracelet and a phenomenal 3 piece luggage set for my travelling.

My mom, dad and sister took me out for a delicious birthday breakfast.

I got home and then Special K took me to Byzance for lunch. It was perfect. We overlooked the lake, watched the rain and ate mushrooms with artichoke pesto & halloumi croutons and choux with goats cheese and spiced figs.

To end it off we drank warm Irish coffees and had the most amazing chat about love, life and friendship. It was so special. She gave me the most beautiful BVLGARI necklace. SPOILT!!

The messages of love have poured in and I'm feeling so incredibly special!

Tonight I am going home to have a delicious home cooked meal with champagne with the family!

Friday night is my birthday party! I. am. so. so. so. excited!

Facials ARE manly!

Special K is back from her honeymoon! She went to Cancun - lucky biatch!! I am so glad to have her back! I took our coffees and lunches and gossip hours for granted.

I had a really chilled weekend. I didn't dust off my stiletto's and dance the nights away, instead I stayed in watched shit loads of TV, drank copious amounts of tea, read my book, had a bubble bath with a face mask and even gave my man his first facial, which he initially moaned and complained about but loved, LOVED, every minute of it. I thought it would be cute to buy a face mask for him and her - ok, I'll admit, that is a very very girly thing to do, but it seemed like an excellent idea when I was in the aisle at Clicks. It has been a battle to get to agree. I have had the face masks for months now.
He questioned everything like: What's that? Are you going hurt me? Will it burn? No, no, no and Relax! was all I said. I cleaned his face, put a mask on and then told him to wait for 10 minutes. "What do you mean, wait for 10 minutes? It's cold!"
A few minutes later:
"It's burning!"
"It is NOT! It's the zing from the peppermint. Just relax and enjoy!" I told him, secretly enjoying the sight of him and wondering how to take incriminating photo's.
A few minutes later, in a little voice: "Is 10 minutes up?"
"No, it's only been 4 minutes."
"Seriously?"
"Put your head back and just chill! This is supposed to be lovely and relaxing."
10 minutes later. I peeled it off, massaged the moisturiser in and patted the eye cream in and kissed his forehead.
"There we go! All done!"
"Seriously? Bu-bu-but I'm enjoying it!"
"Ah HA!! I knew it! I knew you'd love it!"
"My skin feels so soft and that was actually pretty cool!"
"Gay!"
Ok...not the best response ever. I was winning and I would have probably been allowed to do more facials, but one word killed that! Oh I really know how to encourage, don't I? Ripping him off wasn't the best thing and my timing was superb!

I am glad he doesn't read my blog, that would be really really bad!

PS> I'm glad this weekend was as relaxed as it was, because I am feeling so much better, health wise! I feel like a new person and it's day 6 of not smoking! :-)

Eavesdropping

Yes, I know it shouldn't be done, but lets not kid ourselves. We all do it. I just happen to be really good at it. It's a skill, really, I can eavesdrop and carry on in my very own conversation.

Today I was at a coffee shop waiting for my mate. I did the usual, read the sugar packets quotes, went through my new cellphone, looked around a bit and then when all was done and the boredom had really set in, I decided to listen in on the table next to me.
Fascinating.
This woman had the best kugel accent I have ever heard in my life. I was waiting for her to start speaking normally, you know, as if she had been putting on the accent the whole time. Nope. It was legit. Let me put you in the picture. Bottle blonde woman in her 40's, mutton dressed as lamb in a leopard print top ( I couldn't even make it up if I tried), skinny black pants, lots of tacky gold jewellry and long french manicured nails. She was the walking billboard for a kugel. It was hysterical.
Kugel on cell phone: "Doll! You should have seen her job. Oh. Myyyy Gaaawwd!!! I swear it looks faaabulous!"
Pause.
"I knooow!! I mean her tit job is goooorgeous!!! Her nose is sooo much smalla. Ja! Just divine! Dee-vine!"
Pause , with a few Mmm's and Uh-huhs.
"I'm thinking of it heeey?? A little nip and tuck never hurt anyone. I say go girl!"
This conversation went on for a while.
I was very amused. I then heard the woman shriek with laughter. It was one of those shrieks that made the room whip around to see what the noise was all about.
I had to take a big gulp of hot coffee to prevent myself from laughing out loudly.
I obviously had to listen in again.
Kugel: "Oooh noooo! She has to take him for his millionssss! He gets the 25 year old bimbo bitch and she gets his cash. It seems fair to me! Uh- huh. Well, I never!!! Really?"
Another shriek of laughter.

I was almost sorry Special K joined me when she did. I was just starting to really get comfy. Hmmm...must bring popcorn with next time. It's tres entertaining.

PS> This is my 90th blog since I started Monday, 3rd December 2007. Can you believe it? Nearly 4 months and 90 blogs...I'd say that's pretty damn good!! ;-)