Hormonal Cabin Fever.

I had Left Out Syndrome last night ... well, I'm not sure I can call it that considering it was my decision to stay behind while all my mates were going to birthday parties, dinners and Paul Oakenfold.

I had a hospital procedure last Wednesday. I had to go under general anaesthetic and get prodded and poked etc ... Good times really...especially when the schedule 7 drugs kick in ;-)

European boy had bought us VIP tickets to Paul Oakenfold ages ago. Every part of me wanted to go but by the time we were ready to, my body decided to chicken out.

I don't know if I'm getting older and by that I mean more responsible, or if I'm just becoming lazier.

As a very torn European Boy hesitated at the door, I absolutely insisted that he went with the mates. Another thing I adore about him is how sweet his for insisting he stay behind and look after me. I felt guilty enough that I wasn't going - I didn't want to feel guilty for him not going too.

I am PMSing (read hormonal pain in the ass), feeling sorry for myself, feeling tender and fragile after the hospital procedure and just not really myself at the moment.

So there I was on the couch, with my laptop and my favourite fashion blogs, my book, drivel on TV and I suddenly had this: "I feel so sorry for myself ... Oh my gosh I'm missing out on fun." moment.

I wanted to jump up, get showered and dressed and go party. I had visions of arriving, looking chic and saying cooly:

"Ha ha - I was just kidding! I'm going to order a Jack & Lime, who wants one?"

I didn't though. Instead I sat looking at my phone semi-hoping for:

"It's just not the same without you."

and

"We're all having a miserable time and coming home." messages.

That didn't quite happen, either.

They say it's really good for you to have a night on your own. To enjoy your "me-time" and I am always down for those, because they are so few and far between.

However, this does NOT count when you are already climbing the walls from having Cabin Fever and having Cabin Fever during a hormonal time -is well...problematic.

I don't think anyone has ever been so excited to see a Mr. Delivery guy. When the doorbell rang, I jumped up and nearly hugged him - just for some human interaction. He gave me my food and walked away shaking his head.

I needed to find things to preoccupy my time.

Bare in mind, that since Wednesday I have been doing the same things every night. OK OK, to be fair, the only thing different was that I was at European Boys apartment and not mine....At least they were different walls to climb.

There was N.O.T.H.I.N.G on TV. Good grief. Oh wait. I did watch a cool movie...or was that Friday night? OK never mind, scratch that.

I watched the clock a lot. Ridiculous... and a little crazy, I'll admit it.

I re-checked blogs -just in case the bloggers had written a new post since the last hour I had checked.

I read Twitter and everyone tweeting about how amazing their Saturday nights were.

Made Hot chocolate.

Raided European Boy's cupboard for left over Easter Eggs. He's normally a hoarder like I am, but couldn't seem to hoard Easter eggs. Dammit.

I looked at friends photo's on Facebook.

I read a few chapters of my book.

I made Vanilla tea.

I got a message from European Boy and my heart sang with a ridiculous: "He does miss me!!" - even though I know that deep down. Being a hormonal girl at times can be the pits.

I must have eventually fallen asleep on the couch, because when I woke up again, all the lights were on, the TV was blaring with Discovery Channel's "I Shouldn't Be Alive" and when I looked next to me, European Boy was home, sweeping the hair off my face and eating pizza.

I vaguely remember him switching everything off eventually and steering me to bed. Thank goodness, because the last time I tried to go to bed myself when I was so sleepy, I nearly slept in the dining room.

Today is MOTHERS DAY ... My sister and I have a tradition that we make her breakfast/lunch/dinner and copious amounts of tea. We've been told that she is going to Yoga this morning (my mom's new thing now) - so we are going to make her brunch. I've become quite the cook lately, so I can't wait to show off...just a little. I love surprising mom.

My mom is the most amazing woman. I learn from her wisdom, her strength, her elegance, her grace, her zest for life and if I turn out to be just half the woman she is, I will be incredibly happy!

She has always been there. I cannot recall a time when I have been let down. She calls herself my "Number 1 Fan" and has been through every heart ache, hurt, success, dream, triumph and lesson. I couldn't be more blessed.

To all the mom's out there ... even if we don't say it often, we are exceptionally grateful for everything that you do.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

A mothers love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible." ~Marion C. Garretty

Brrrr....

Freedom Day has left me cooped up indoors and taken hostage by my blanket, fluffy slippers and home made vegetable soup.

This weather had better just be a cold front and not be showcasing what is to come.

I know we've just entered Autumn and we're no where close to winter. Well, you could have fooled me.

OMG.

It's ice cold, I have steam coming from my lips as I talk and it hasn't stopped raining. Since when do we get rain at this time of the year? We certainly do not have rain during winter - we gratefully leave that for the Capetonians.

It seems Mother Nature just isn't happy - earthquakes, volcanic erruptions... Global Warming anyone?

2012 just doesn't seem so Hollywood movie-like anymore. Perhaps this Mayan Calendar should be studied a little more closely.

In other news, I have become quite the domesticated little you know what... Today, I made European Boy a hot breakfast and then I decided that I hadn't dirtied enough dishes so I made a fresh vegetable soup and when I eyed out the last clean dishes, I figured they wouldn't want to be left out, so I baked...chocolate chip cookies.

This weather is a problem. It makes me H.U.N.G.R.Y and while I know European Boy isn't complaining one bit...I know this because he has a stupid grin on his face and the biscuit crumbs are intwined in the blanket he keeps hogging ;) ... I on the other hand, look guiltily at my gym clothes that seem to be going deeper and deeper into my cupboard and veer towards the fridge and pantry that seem to have mystical powers over me.

I know I eventually have to leave the house, well... either my boss will fire me if I just don't pitch for work tomorrow or my stomach will start talking to me like it's possessed.

I am psyching myself up for work tomorrow. I am giving myself pep talks. I have to...I have an "itsy bitsy" GIGANTIC problem.

My Winter clothes, you know the ones that keep you warm and have fabric that cover the arms, well those are in storage at my parents.

"Hey mom!'

"Blogshell, how freezing is it? I can't do this weather."

"You're telling me? That's actually why I'm calling. You have all my winter things in boxes in the garage. I'm starting to resemble Smurfette, which was possibly cool in the 80's but not so much for me now."

"Shit."

"What do you mean 'shit'?"

"Well your father has been cleaning the garage to make space. You know I'm renovating my studio and so I've been putting all the things from those rooms into the garage. You can't actually get a person into the garage, let alone a car. I don't have any idea where your winter boxes are. I hope your dad didn't chuck them out."

"Super. Just super. Will you visit me when I'm dying from pneumonia?"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic."

"Will you check on me every few days to make sure that I have frozen stiff in my apartment?"

"Alright drama queen, I'll come and visit you and bring you one of my jackets. Put the kettle on for tea. See you now."

The bitter sweet news is that I am a little warmer when I do have to leave the house. I have one of my mother's jackets... with shoulder pads...that's in right? Right?

PS. Happy Freedom Day.

5 more sleeps

5 more sleeps and then European Boy and I take our first road trip together. I have never travelled more in the past year ... We have travelled to Knysna, Cape Town, Northern Province, to Mauritius and more... but we have never taken a road trip together and they say it can tell a lot. I must admit, I'm not worried, I'm excited.

I'm the nerd who is making playlists on my iPod called RoadTrip. I'm stocking up on food for our trip and looking for little places to stop at along the way.

We are travelling down for my "twins" beach wedding. It's amazing to think we have been friends for 9 years, we have been through University together, we've bought ice-cream for each others break-ups and shared several Dacquiri's, secrets and laughs together.... Strangely enough, I knew her and her fiance individually ... Both amazing people. 2 and a bit years ago when I met her for our monthly breakfast I could see there was something up. She was giggly and glowing. The obvious next question was: "Who is he?"

When she told me, it was PERFECT. I couldn't imagine a better man for my friend ... They are the perfect match!

I even remember saying: "Friend, watch... you mark my words.... you guys are so meant for each other just by knowing you both individually...You're going to marry him!"

In 6 more sleeps that is exactly what she'll be doing and I couldn't be more thrilled.

She's having it on the beach... I've never been to a beach wedding and actually it's something I've always imagined I would do one day, for my own wedding.

I'm really excited.

European Boy and I have also extended our time down there and we plan to have a weeks holiday.

I seriously need it. It's been a hectic year so far... no complaints, but it's still hectic.

Feeling drained and I know the salty sea breeze, the sand between my toes and the melodic sound of the ocean is exactly what I need to recharge my spirit.

This is the very view we will be sipping sundowners to.... 5 more sleeps...

Drowning in my bath...

I'm renting this gorgeous little apartment. It is truly the cosiest and most comfortable place. It has a personality as far as walls and windows go... and I almost wish it was actually mine. I rent from the most divine landlords - they live in London, trust me implicitly- which helps, and are so easy going.

There are only a few problems with it...

The place is absolutely tiny. In reality, I don't need any more space for right now...although I could always do with more closet space...but then again, which girl ever has enough?

I am yet to have a housewarming because it would mean that I would be having a housewarming ever single weekend for the rest of my lease. I can fit maybe 3 people in at a time. Awkward.

It only has one sink, which can be a pain in the ass when it comes to washing and rinsing dishes. One day when I'm big, I would like to not slosh soapy water all over the floor...in fact, one day when I'm big, I will have space for a dishwasher.

My main problem is it only has a bath. Showering and bathing are personal preferences for people. Some people love to only bath...*teach me* ... I do not fall into that category. I am a shower person. Don't get me wrong...I love baths...on occasions, like when I've had a really tough work out and I need to soak my achy muscles or I get a rare one in a million chance to take some "me-time" and pamper myself in a vanilla bubble bath with candles, Michael Buble and a bottle of wine. Bathing everyday is not ideal for me.

It especially makes for interesting conversation when I say things like: "Oh my God. I can't remember the last time I took a shower!!"

People tend to turn their noses up to comments like that. I seriously miss showering. I can't handle the idea of soaking in "dirt" and then when I get out of the bath water it just clings to my skin again...ewwww. I need to rinse myself off and step out clean and fresh.

I also think of the environment, believe it or not, and it is better to shower. I feel bad every time I run a bath.

I emailed my landlords and asked them if I could restructure their bathroom by putting up a shower rail and curtain (not the sexiest thing, I know) and attachment etc etc to turn the bath into a mini shower. They happily agreed and even (bless them) told me they would pay for it. I'm so desperate at this stage I was prepared to pay for everything, even plumbing if need be. Still, it would've been a little rude to do my merry little adjustments when the place isn't mine.

European Boy has recently moved into a 5 x the size of my little matchbox (said with love) apartment and he is fixing certain things up...one being his bathroom with mustard coloured walls. Whoever the previous owners were should be shot for shocking taste.

I've learnt quite a bit about housey-things ... like tiles, and underfloor heating and damp proofing and so forth. Including a better more aesthetically pleasing solution of changing a bath into a shower. It's a mini glass door that gets attached to the bath. Much better. Much better than having a shower curtain stick to you and the feeling that Pyscho could be standing there with a Butchers knife.

I got this company to come give me a quote. Firstly they ended up getting lost because my complex (4-5 years old) is still not in the map books or GPS systems. Story of my life when I get cold Nandos and Mr. Delivery.

They took the measurements and were gone. I waited 3 hours for them to be there for no more than 5 minutes. The kettle was still boiling for tea by the time they were finished up.

I have the quote, not too bad actually... and I'm sending it off to London. I think it's a little more than a shower curtain and rail, but I'm thinking of them for future reference when it comes to resale value.... Aren't I just such a good little tenant?

Noddy Badge.

Although...I am just assuming that they're going to see my logic and go this route. I'm hoping so. If I have to dunk my shampoo lathered head under water one more time, I may try to drown myself.

Happy Valentines Day

I love love. That feeling that oozes out, those tingles and I'm happy to say that I still feel this way after all these months - 11 to be exact. How long is the honeymoon phase supposed to last?

I'd like to think it doesn't have to end and so far I'm testament to that.

Perhaps I've become one of those nauseating couples. The "get-a-room" couple. Although, in public we're pretty well behaved.

I made breakfast in bed this morning. Cheesy scrambled egg and bacon. I tried to cut the toast into heart shapes but that became bird food and I had to toast more bread. I received a gorgeous bunch of roses and a little teddy on a stick peeking out of the roses. The card is always sentimental to me. Words are so powerful.

I had planned for us to have a picnic. I even bought a proper picnic blanket and basket for goodness sake. Well I woke up to rain, so those plans went out the window when I saw the weather. How crap. Although, it ended up being awesome - didn't get out bed at all. There is something about rainy weather and cuddling.

Are you nauseous yet? No. Good. Let me continue then.

Where did I find him? He booked Valentines Day Dinner a month ago. Apparently you can't get a booking at this restaurant on any ordinary day, let alone a special occasion, so he got in early. What man thinks about V day a month ago, let alone plans anything? See why I'm keeping him?

I still don't know where I'm going, all I know is that I have to be ready by 8pm and I have to wear something smart.

Oh, you look a little green around the gills. Alright, I'm going to stop now...

Happy Valentines Day sexy people ... Hope you're being as spoilt as I am and if not, well, spoil yourself. Nothing like some self loving ;-)

No pain; no gain....apparently

Man oh man. I try, I really do. I just can't seem to get back into the blogging lifestyle, but if you wanna bear with me, then there will be a post every now and then. Might as well be honest about it.

News? Plenty.
I have moved into my little matchbox and I adore it. I had no problems of settling in and it felt like home immediately. It's my little haven that I can relax in and it is just super cosy.
I will have to take photo's and post them one day.

I haven't had a housewarming because every weekend is pretty much out. I have so much going on. I looked at my calendar the other day and the first weekend that I will have to myself is the first weekend of November. Hectic.

This weekend I am going to Sin City for Spring Break. I have never been...to Spring Break, I mean. Apparently it's one massive concert/party vibe in the evening and during the day you chill out at Valley of the Waves sun-tanning and playing with the water slides. Should be good.

European Boy and I are awesome. I'm madly in love, really happy and I'm excited...he's taking me away to Mauritius in November. Yes. It's always been a dream of mine to go to a Tropical island. I am getting a dream come true. I can't wait for the Turquoise waters, white sandy beaches and plenty of sunshine, snorkelling, pina coladas and utter relaxation.

Have you noticed how all the things that are coming up involve something that I shudder about.
B-I-K-I-N-I.
I actually have to go bikini shopping today because I don't know what has happened to mine. I swear there have to be "Moving Gremlins" ... so many of my things have disappeared from the move. Odd.

Why couldn't I have stuck to my winter gym routine so that I wouldn't be a whale...a lily white one to be exact? Oh wait. I got sick in winter and couldn't continue the gym routine. Bloody hell.

I am officially back though. I have moved to a new gym that is 5 minutes from my house. NO EXCUSES. I've started doing Spinning Classes at... wait for it ... 05:15. Yes. In the morning.
I know!!

I also bumped into my old personal Trainer. The gentle GIANT. He has muscles on top of muscles and looks like a mean muscle machine, but he is the gentlest, kindest, sweetest man. I went to him about 4 years ago for a month and he transformed my body (not completely, but for 1 month it was remarkable) however, he then moved to another gym and I couldn't continue with him.
I was so thrilled to see him. So now I am going to him every other day at 6am for an hour session.

I am determined to have a toned body. I'm sick of complaining about it. I've started eating right and exercising and I am certainly going to give myself a proper shot.
Why do I feel like I've heard this all before?
Oh yes. I try this each year. Here is hoping that it will actually work. Hell, if I can stop smoking cold turkey, then I surely have enough willpower to do this. Hell, if I have enough will power to be on the seat of the bicyle at 05:15 then I don't know.

Wish me luck.

Now for the part that I have really been putting off thinking about, let alone writing about.

The De-fuzzing Down There.
I wish I could shave - tried that - itched like hell when it grew back. Just saying. TMI? Sorry.
I'm allergic to hair removal creams. I found out the fun, hard way.
So what other option do I have?
To pour gooey hot stuff all over and rip the &*%$#@! out of me. Awesome.

Guess what I have scheduled at 2pm today? YAY for me!! Not only do I have to get into a ... *shudder* .... bikini... *shudder*.... this weekend but I also really don't want to look like the chick from Scary Movie ... you know the scene where he needs a weed-whacker. Nice.

I am not really a fan of pain. Never have been. So there's that and the fact that some stranger (I don't care that she has seen hundreds and does this all the time or the fact that she is female) is going to part my legs and wax me.
I mean, is there a code out there like there is for doctors and pyschiatrists? Thou shalt not discuss clients at weekend parties?
God I hope so.
I mean I don't know how that topic could ever come up, but hey...stranger things have happened. Right?
Beautician to mates: "Damn - you should have seen this one cookie I was waxing...."
Ok. That would be weird. I don't know if I would like to hear that from my beautician friends.

I really cannot believe that at 2pm today Im going to be gripping the side of the bed and biting pillows. Hopefully the bikini shopping won't be as painful.

Wish me luck.

I am going to be a toned and skinny ROCK STAR!

I'm starting a band. I'm preparing myself for the rockstar life that I know will be mine soon. I'm going to have to start getting used to the adoring fans, the throwing of underwear and the cramped hands from all the autograph signing.
I know it will be tough on the road, but *sigh* someone's gotta do it.
I played Guitar Hero and the drum kit for Guitar Hero like a rockstar. After every song the TV screen yelled out: YOU ROCK!!
I know, I know. Why be modest when you are pure brilliance?
Hahahahahaha!

What a jol! On Saturday night European Boy and I went over to the helicopter buddies for pizza and Guitar Hero. It was ridiculous how funny everyone is when they play. People stick their tongues out, their brows furrow, they squint their eyes and some even stop breathing...all in concentration. Oh and heaven help you if you dare cross in front of the TV screen. Lesson learnt ;-)
We had someone on the mic singing, someone on bass, someone on the guitar and someone on drums. It was very "rock and roll." I loved it.




In other news. Special K is killing me. I know that I will thank her but in the mean time I curse her, I huff and puff and I glare at her with the "why do you hate me so much?" sentiment.
According to her (and I quote): "By the time I am finished with you, Blondie, I will be able to crack eggs on your ass!"
She is my personal trainer, dietician and support system to lose 12 kgs and become toned and fabulous.
I have had enough. Sure, I lost a lot of weight from no emotional eating, going to gym etc... but it's not enough and I feel like I should be in my prime especially being in my mid twenties. The reality is, I'm not getting any younger and each second that passes, maintaining a figure gets harder and harder. I need to get a figure first and then try to maintain it.
I am a little scared to be honest and I'm nervous, because it is a lot of dedication and committment, but I am motivated and I really wanna do this. If I can stop smoking cold turkey after a pack a day for 8 years, then I am stronger than I think and have amazing will power to do anything I set my mind to.
I sound like I'm trying to convince myself more than you. You're probably right. Baby steps.
I have started a food journal, which actually really helps. I've read in Shape Magazine and other articles etc that keeping a food journal helps. I never really "got that" until now. I also train so hard at gym that the idea of putting a cheeseburger in my mouth afterwards kind of makes me feel like all that gym would have been a waste, so why bother.
I really want to do this properly, once and for all...so that I can maintain it. I'm doing this for myself and yes, let's be honest, my career too. Let's see how it goes. :-)

Changes ...

Can you smell it? Can you feel it?

Ok maybe not entirely, but you know that Spring is just around the corner. Alright, to be perfectly honest all I can really feel is how dry and frizzy my hair is, how those static shocks hurt and how dry my skin is that I look half woman-half reptile.

I have noticed how some trees are starting to blossom and how the weather is shyly warming up. I had 2 braai's this weekend and I didn't have to pull on a jersey once.

There are two things that I always freak out about though.

a) I am so lily white that I may blind anyone who isn't wearing sunglasses.

b) those layers of clothes come off to expose the layer of "blubber" I fondly called my layer of warmth.

There would actually normally be 3 things ... the third would have been that I would need an industrial strength razor to deforest my legs because *again* I fondly called them my "layer of warmth home grown stockings."

My legs have been silky smooth all.winter.long. Thanks to my relationship with European Boy. 'Nuff said.

OK no wait. They haven't been silky smooth all.winter.long. They have been silky smooth all for a few hours after I've shaved them (I'm not a fan of waxing. My legs, that is. Go figure) until I got cold, got goosebumps and then instantly had chicken flesh legs. God it pisses me off.

I have a LOT of changes coming up. All happening ON Spring Day.

I am moving into my fabulous, tiny bachelorette pad that has a little garden. I love gardens and while this may be tiny, I can't wait to sit on the patio in the sunshine and watch the birds.

Good grief. I sound like I'm 80. LOL

I can't wait to decorate and just have MY OWN space. I adore my family and I'm so grateful that I was able to move back 8 months ago after the breakup, but I really do need my independance and after running my own household for 4 years (my way) it has been difficult going back to living under "mom and dad's house rules."

An element of my job is also changing on the 01 September which is bitter sweet. It is exciting and sad at the same time. It's going to be quite an adjustment.

These are a few things that I'm looking forward to about summer:

Ice tea's and cocktail sundowners with my girlfriends.

Picnics.

Watermelon.

Salads and fruit salads.

Ice cream.

Pool Parties.

Summer dresses and slops.

Bronzed skin.

Cabriolets.

Sunsets.

Leaving my hair to dry naturally because this time the haridryer will be too hot, instead of welcoming! LOL.

A green city again. I'm over the drab brown.

The smell of suntan lotion.

I can't wait.

I'm BACK!!.... sort of....

Wow. I'm super embarrassed. I haven't blogged in over a month. That is disgusting.

I have been ridiculously busy and haven't had much time to blog. I blame Twitter, which has kind of taken over really, because it's like microblogging. I can "blog" automatically as to what is happening, rather than sitting down and trying to write everything thats been going on in one piece.
I'm making terrible excuses aren't I?
I'm sorry.

I am still apartment hunting. I am ready to gargle with glass, put toothpicks through my eyeballs...ANYTHING, to find the perfect place.
Perhaps I am a cheapskate, but I am struggling to find something in my price range. I just cannot afford anything more. That doesn't mean, however, that I will accept living in a flea, cockroach-infested, dangerous and ridiculously small place.

The search is driving me crazy though. Seriously.

Let me give you an idea. I have tried Private Properties, Gumtree, every other search site available....I'll be here forever if I have to name them all...but feel free to send me more... I have tried Fourways Review and Sandton Chronicle.
Get the idea?

I have also been really busy career wise. It's strange though, because I feel like I am in a career rut. I feel like I should be doing more in my line of work and challenging myself more and yet I'm not quite sure what to do. LOL. I'm sure that it's just a phase. Let's hope so.

I am also madly in love. I haven't felt "this" before either. It's scary. A good scary. I am ridiculously happy; I can't wipe the silly grin off my face and I get butterflies everytime I think about him or see him. Today is actually our 3 months together (officially.)
I've never been treated like this before and I could kick myself actually. Every woman deserves to be treated like a queen. No settling, no excuses and no compromises. Why do we allow men to treat us badly? I look at my friends and my sister...I expect the men they are with to treat them like gold and I will say as much....I don't know why I never applied that to myself.
I can only say this because of the awful experience I went through. So everything for a reason, no regrets and huge lessons learnt. I can only appreciate the good, because I experienced the bad.

What else has been happening? Ooooh a BIGGIE! I have quit smoking. Today is actually Day 15 of no smoking, not one drag. Nothing. I have also done this cold turkey and to be completely honest, I have gobsmacked MYSELF. It's not that I didn't think I could do it; but at the same time, I didn't! LOL. Does that make any sense whatsoever?

I'm totally proud of myself. It also wasn't planned. This is what happened. After my Cancer scare, I knew that I needed to quit. I'd also been wanting to quit for a while, but in all honesty, I really enjoyed smoking for the social aspects and having something to do when I was bored etc etc...all the excuses under the sun. I had been saying for ages that I was going to quit...next month...next week....next Monday and so it went. I also got one hell of a fright when I actually worked out how long I have been smoking for. I don't know why (in my mind) I thought I had only been smoking for "two years"...I've been saying that forever. I've actually been smoking since 2001. A box of 2o a day for 8 years. On weekends (with alcohol) 2 boxes in a night. DISGUSTING.

On Sunday 14th June I had half a cig. Half a cig, because I just really didn't enjoy the taste of it. Perhaps it's because I had smoked nearly 2 boxes the Saturday night before with all the alcohol I consumed (haha) but I just didn't enjoy it. I stubbed it out and didn't smoke for the rest of the evening. That Monday morning I woke up and didn't even think about a cigarette. I went for breakfast and a movie with EB and when it was time for me to go to work it hit me that I hadn't had a single cigarette. I wish I could say that I was struck by an angel singing "Aaaaah" epiphany, but something inside me and inside my mind just snapped. It's like my mind shifted and I just decided to stop or at least to see if I could. Hours turned into days and weeks. I can't even use a glass of wine as an excuse because while the craving is strongest when I'm drinking a cocktail, it's so manageable.

I almost feel guilty because I know that stopping smoking is supposed to be horrific and a major struggle for people, but I have found it relatively easy. I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't struggled, because I have and I've eaten SHITLOADS of sour worms, but it hasn't been as hectic as I was expecting. I was expecting to crawl the walls, to have night sweats, to see everything as cigarettes and to be a royal bitch to anything that moved, but it just wasn't the case. It hasn't been that awful and perhaps it really and truly is ALL IN THE MIND.

Man I hate cliches, but you can't fault them.

I have become one of those ex smokers. I am annoying. I'll admit it. I can't handle the smell of smoke now. It freaks me out, it makes me sneeze and I actually hate waking up in the morning (if I've been in a smokey place) smelling of smoke. My hair and my clothes STINK of it and I just wonder WHY I never noticed it before. I am noticing that I can smell my perfume, that my clothes still smell like Sta-soft hours after I've had them on and my taste has changed. Everything is tasting delicious. I had a curry at Bukhara in Cape Town on Friday night and the spices were even better than I ever remember.

The downside? I got sick the day after I stopped smoking. It was a combination of this God-awful strain of Flu and my sinuses acting up from...get this...the lack of smoking. My doctor explained that when you stop smoking, the hairs in your nose and lungs start to move and shake off the tar, nicotine or whatever gunk it is. It starts to come up (this is attractive) and so people cough, blow their noses and so forth... The perception is: "I was healthier when I smoked!" but it's not actually the case...if you can bare with it for a few weeks, you'll realise your body is just rejuvinating and that you're getting healthy...damn cliches....you have to get worse to get better. Most people can't stand it and so they just start smoking again.

Screw that idea....I'm not going to go through this sneezing, coughing, sinus-y mission to pick up a cigarette and then have to go through it AGAIN when I wanna stop smoking AGAIN! I'm going to go through this ONCE. Sure, it hasn't been as difficult as I expected it to be, but with that said, it's still been a struggle (a personal one) and I would be so F*%`^ed off with myself if I crumbled and had a drag. Just saying.

So, yes. Day 15. Here's hoping that it long continues.

I'm going to do my best to blog more often. I mean look at this essay...woah...sorry for the eyeball strain! It's just that I don't really have as much time as I used to have. I wont promise, but I will try! :-)

Quicky

I had to *sob* admit defeat. The European Boy's beat me. It pains me to type this.
I did however, eat my weight in prawns. Just about. I made us girls proud! I think I devoured 3 overflowing plates of prawns. The fact that I had to be rolled out of Jimmy's Killer Prawns is another story all together. Wow.

I have a quick Q...

Is there always fire where there's smoke?

Beaten by a Girl!

I went back to gym today and I nearly died. I huffed and puffed like a sixty year old who smokes 60 a day. It was attractive. It felt good to be back though...back and focused.

May I please do a little victory jig. I just bought 2 pairs of Levi jeans...and they were two sizes smaller. I am so chuffed right now. I haven't been this size since I was...I don't know actually... that's how long it's been!
Speaking of shopping... I have a problem. OK wait. That sounds bad. I'm really not a shopaholic, in fact, I'm an embarrassment to the female race.
I'd like to think of myself as a really clever shopper. I manage to find good little steals and I know how to make something look really expensive when in fact it cost me nothing... just about.

I have had to do that to be honest, because I have such expensive taste. Expensive and international taste. I always manage to pick out the most expensive things in catalogues or I'll go into a store and love the pair of shoes/coat/dress/lounge suite that has the extra zero's on the end, while everything else is reasonable.
I'm also not shy to ask people in the street where they got certain things. I sometimes embarrass the people I'm around because I'll walk up to a woman and say: "Aw I love your necklace/hat/boots/jersey/etc...Where did you get it from?" I am yet to hear someone tell me they got it in this country. Hell, I'd even settle for someone telling me they got it in another province.
It's always:"Oh this? I got it in Dubai/Brazil/London/Spain/Thailand/Italy/Paris etc..."
See? Expensive AND foreign taste!
When I have had extra cash and spoilt myself on something boutique-y and expensive I hardly ever receive a compliment. HOWEVER... If I buy something from Mr. Price people flip out about it.I once bought a pair of shoes from Jet (they looked like Diors) and people flipped out. I just smiled knowing full well they cost me R99.99. :-)

Anyway.

I am so excited.

You know how much I adore/obssess over prawns. When I first started seeing European Boy I had to suss out if he liked the little garlic and lemon butter buggers. That would have been my deal breaker. Just kidding. Seriously. Turns out he loves them too and he instantly became a keeper. :-)
I was telling/warning him that I really am extremely embarrassing to be around when I eat prawns. I become an animal. Always a good thing to warn a new man. I need a warning label...or a "terms and conditions apply" label when I eat prawns or singledom could be a reality.
He's been telling me that he is worse. I don't believe him.
We've been egging each other on for a while now and finally we're putting it to rest. Tonight at Jimmy's Killer Prawns, is: ALL YOU CAN EAT SPECIAL!
I think I just orgasmed.

His brother got involved too, so now it is the European Boy's vs Blondie. Those boys are going down. I've been sending them messages all day asking them to prepare for the fact that they're going to be beaten...by a girl.
I'll let you know how it goes down tomorrow, unless of course I eat myself into a coma.

Oh shit...I may just put on those two dress sizes and have to take those Levi jeans back. We'll deal with that at tomorrow's gym session.
Let's hope for a victory people!

Fat and Lazy weekend

I feel like a beached whale at the moment. I'm sure it's all in my head, but seriously. I feel fat.
I haven't set foot in the gym in over 3 weeks. I went to Knysna and obviously the cute idea that I had of running on the beach every morning was laughable. Then I returned back to Joburg in a mini skirt and slops...that was like landing in the Antarctic dressed for Mauritius. It resulted in a change of weather cold that came to bite me in the nasal passages last week, so no gym for me either. This week I still haven't felt hundreds and have had early meetings every morning which has messed up any routine Sugar and I enjoyed. The worrying factor is that the longer you stay away from gym; the easier it is to get into that routine. Oh no. Having a new man is motivation actually. No one wants to see jiggly bits or dimples in the wrong places.
Seriously. Monday morning is going to be my new start... I'm going to get focused and sweat my ass/tummy off. Literally.
Oh and the colder it gets, the further away I am from choosing a salad for lunch. Bring me hot chocolate, warm stews and warm comfort food. This is really not helping.

It's the weekend and I have no plans. It's weird actually. I know what I'm doing on Sunday morning...I'm working. I know that tomorrow I am going to visit Blondie 2...she went in for an operation so I'm going to bring her flowers and sit with her while the painkillers set in.
Poor thing.
Other than that, however, I have nothing on. It's really nice actually.

I hope you have a brilliant weekend.
xx