Hormonal Cabin Fever.

I had Left Out Syndrome last night ... well, I'm not sure I can call it that considering it was my decision to stay behind while all my mates were going to birthday parties, dinners and Paul Oakenfold.

I had a hospital procedure last Wednesday. I had to go under general anaesthetic and get prodded and poked etc ... Good times really...especially when the schedule 7 drugs kick in ;-)

European boy had bought us VIP tickets to Paul Oakenfold ages ago. Every part of me wanted to go but by the time we were ready to, my body decided to chicken out.

I don't know if I'm getting older and by that I mean more responsible, or if I'm just becoming lazier.

As a very torn European Boy hesitated at the door, I absolutely insisted that he went with the mates. Another thing I adore about him is how sweet his for insisting he stay behind and look after me. I felt guilty enough that I wasn't going - I didn't want to feel guilty for him not going too.

I am PMSing (read hormonal pain in the ass), feeling sorry for myself, feeling tender and fragile after the hospital procedure and just not really myself at the moment.

So there I was on the couch, with my laptop and my favourite fashion blogs, my book, drivel on TV and I suddenly had this: "I feel so sorry for myself ... Oh my gosh I'm missing out on fun." moment.

I wanted to jump up, get showered and dressed and go party. I had visions of arriving, looking chic and saying cooly:

"Ha ha - I was just kidding! I'm going to order a Jack & Lime, who wants one?"

I didn't though. Instead I sat looking at my phone semi-hoping for:

"It's just not the same without you."

and

"We're all having a miserable time and coming home." messages.

That didn't quite happen, either.

They say it's really good for you to have a night on your own. To enjoy your "me-time" and I am always down for those, because they are so few and far between.

However, this does NOT count when you are already climbing the walls from having Cabin Fever and having Cabin Fever during a hormonal time -is well...problematic.

I don't think anyone has ever been so excited to see a Mr. Delivery guy. When the doorbell rang, I jumped up and nearly hugged him - just for some human interaction. He gave me my food and walked away shaking his head.

I needed to find things to preoccupy my time.

Bare in mind, that since Wednesday I have been doing the same things every night. OK OK, to be fair, the only thing different was that I was at European Boys apartment and not mine....At least they were different walls to climb.

There was N.O.T.H.I.N.G on TV. Good grief. Oh wait. I did watch a cool movie...or was that Friday night? OK never mind, scratch that.

I watched the clock a lot. Ridiculous... and a little crazy, I'll admit it.

I re-checked blogs -just in case the bloggers had written a new post since the last hour I had checked.

I read Twitter and everyone tweeting about how amazing their Saturday nights were.

Made Hot chocolate.

Raided European Boy's cupboard for left over Easter Eggs. He's normally a hoarder like I am, but couldn't seem to hoard Easter eggs. Dammit.

I looked at friends photo's on Facebook.

I read a few chapters of my book.

I made Vanilla tea.

I got a message from European Boy and my heart sang with a ridiculous: "He does miss me!!" - even though I know that deep down. Being a hormonal girl at times can be the pits.

I must have eventually fallen asleep on the couch, because when I woke up again, all the lights were on, the TV was blaring with Discovery Channel's "I Shouldn't Be Alive" and when I looked next to me, European Boy was home, sweeping the hair off my face and eating pizza.

I vaguely remember him switching everything off eventually and steering me to bed. Thank goodness, because the last time I tried to go to bed myself when I was so sleepy, I nearly slept in the dining room.

Today is MOTHERS DAY ... My sister and I have a tradition that we make her breakfast/lunch/dinner and copious amounts of tea. We've been told that she is going to Yoga this morning (my mom's new thing now) - so we are going to make her brunch. I've become quite the cook lately, so I can't wait to show off...just a little. I love surprising mom.

My mom is the most amazing woman. I learn from her wisdom, her strength, her elegance, her grace, her zest for life and if I turn out to be just half the woman she is, I will be incredibly happy!

She has always been there. I cannot recall a time when I have been let down. She calls herself my "Number 1 Fan" and has been through every heart ache, hurt, success, dream, triumph and lesson. I couldn't be more blessed.

To all the mom's out there ... even if we don't say it often, we are exceptionally grateful for everything that you do.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

A mothers love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible." ~Marion C. Garretty

Soppiness...bare with me and my hormones.

So, I'm feeling better today. Still bloated but I'm not ready to kill anyone. Yet.
I had a morbid thought to. If I had to be driven over by a bus or something...yesterday's post would have been my last -how revolting. Sorry. All my life, to have my parting words as "I haven't had period cramps like this since high school. I feel as if someone from the movie SAW is inside my tummy trying out new versions for SAW 4!"

Charmer, right there!

Last night, I sat backing up all my blogs. I started in September 2007 and copied and pasted every months post onto my laptop. I am horrified that I've been blogging for over a year. It feels like 6 months. Woah! I'm so glad that blogs started. When I first heard about a blog...it was literally a case of: "Oh my God. That sounds terrible. Is it contagious and is there a cure?"
I was laughed at, of course and after some explaining I decided to do some research about them. I still wasn't 100% sure about how they worked or what the purpose was until I was flipping through Cosmopolitan magazine and saw the section for Blog of the Month. Mushy Peas on Toast was the featured blog, so I copied the URL and went in search. I have read her blog every day since and so I can whole heartedly say that she is the reason I started blogging. I have always enjoyed writing and I must admit, I tried writing as myself. I had a blog with my name and everything, but I found myself censoring what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. I'm not really sure why and I still can't explain it. I deleted it and was talking to a friend of mine. He came up with the name The Blonde Blogshell (wish I could take credit for it; wish I had thought of it) - you'd also be surprised at who that person is, anyways, I found out his wife reads my blog and I nearly had a heart attack - again...the shyness factor and the: "Oh shit what have I said?"
Anyways...this is also something I can't explain... I can't write as myself, under my real name...but I can completely and truly write as ME under a pseudonym. No logic, but it works.

I can't really remember NOT blogging and I look forward to typing out my bitching, my excitements, my sadness and my general experiences. I will never forget receiving my first comment. Ruby Letters welcomed me into the blogging world and I was stoked that someone had read my blog. Chuffed is the word; terrified the other. Oh dear. What happens if someone I actually know stumbles across my blog? Bizarre I know, since I am putting my life into these posts on The Internet for the WORLD to see and yet when people do figure out who the person is behind The Blonde Blogshell I get so shy and freak a little. I know. There's no logic in that at all. I've always been an open person (sometimes to my very own detriment) and often land myself in boiling water. Thing is, I have nothing to hide and I'm in my twenties learning about life and who I am as a woman. I don't feel I need to apologise for who I am and what my own opinions are.
I like being able to be anonymous (well sort of...like I said..openness can be detrimental to me at times) and I like having anonymous people comment on my blog with their opinions. I find it fascinating and cyber-weird that I consider you guys to be my friends...friends I've never really met. Again, no sense in that either, but it's true.

So...as my 235 post, I'd like to say THANK YOU for the comments and for your very own blogs that I love reading over a cup of vanilla tea. Thank you for allowing me this platform to really express myself and to have fun!

PS> Two months and 2 days left until 2009. Just saying.