Hormonal Cabin Fever.

I had Left Out Syndrome last night ... well, I'm not sure I can call it that considering it was my decision to stay behind while all my mates were going to birthday parties, dinners and Paul Oakenfold.

I had a hospital procedure last Wednesday. I had to go under general anaesthetic and get prodded and poked etc ... Good times really...especially when the schedule 7 drugs kick in ;-)

European boy had bought us VIP tickets to Paul Oakenfold ages ago. Every part of me wanted to go but by the time we were ready to, my body decided to chicken out.

I don't know if I'm getting older and by that I mean more responsible, or if I'm just becoming lazier.

As a very torn European Boy hesitated at the door, I absolutely insisted that he went with the mates. Another thing I adore about him is how sweet his for insisting he stay behind and look after me. I felt guilty enough that I wasn't going - I didn't want to feel guilty for him not going too.

I am PMSing (read hormonal pain in the ass), feeling sorry for myself, feeling tender and fragile after the hospital procedure and just not really myself at the moment.

So there I was on the couch, with my laptop and my favourite fashion blogs, my book, drivel on TV and I suddenly had this: "I feel so sorry for myself ... Oh my gosh I'm missing out on fun." moment.

I wanted to jump up, get showered and dressed and go party. I had visions of arriving, looking chic and saying cooly:

"Ha ha - I was just kidding! I'm going to order a Jack & Lime, who wants one?"

I didn't though. Instead I sat looking at my phone semi-hoping for:

"It's just not the same without you."

and

"We're all having a miserable time and coming home." messages.

That didn't quite happen, either.

They say it's really good for you to have a night on your own. To enjoy your "me-time" and I am always down for those, because they are so few and far between.

However, this does NOT count when you are already climbing the walls from having Cabin Fever and having Cabin Fever during a hormonal time -is well...problematic.

I don't think anyone has ever been so excited to see a Mr. Delivery guy. When the doorbell rang, I jumped up and nearly hugged him - just for some human interaction. He gave me my food and walked away shaking his head.

I needed to find things to preoccupy my time.

Bare in mind, that since Wednesday I have been doing the same things every night. OK OK, to be fair, the only thing different was that I was at European Boys apartment and not mine....At least they were different walls to climb.

There was N.O.T.H.I.N.G on TV. Good grief. Oh wait. I did watch a cool movie...or was that Friday night? OK never mind, scratch that.

I watched the clock a lot. Ridiculous... and a little crazy, I'll admit it.

I re-checked blogs -just in case the bloggers had written a new post since the last hour I had checked.

I read Twitter and everyone tweeting about how amazing their Saturday nights were.

Made Hot chocolate.

Raided European Boy's cupboard for left over Easter Eggs. He's normally a hoarder like I am, but couldn't seem to hoard Easter eggs. Dammit.

I looked at friends photo's on Facebook.

I read a few chapters of my book.

I made Vanilla tea.

I got a message from European Boy and my heart sang with a ridiculous: "He does miss me!!" - even though I know that deep down. Being a hormonal girl at times can be the pits.

I must have eventually fallen asleep on the couch, because when I woke up again, all the lights were on, the TV was blaring with Discovery Channel's "I Shouldn't Be Alive" and when I looked next to me, European Boy was home, sweeping the hair off my face and eating pizza.

I vaguely remember him switching everything off eventually and steering me to bed. Thank goodness, because the last time I tried to go to bed myself when I was so sleepy, I nearly slept in the dining room.

Today is MOTHERS DAY ... My sister and I have a tradition that we make her breakfast/lunch/dinner and copious amounts of tea. We've been told that she is going to Yoga this morning (my mom's new thing now) - so we are going to make her brunch. I've become quite the cook lately, so I can't wait to show off...just a little. I love surprising mom.

My mom is the most amazing woman. I learn from her wisdom, her strength, her elegance, her grace, her zest for life and if I turn out to be just half the woman she is, I will be incredibly happy!

She has always been there. I cannot recall a time when I have been let down. She calls herself my "Number 1 Fan" and has been through every heart ache, hurt, success, dream, triumph and lesson. I couldn't be more blessed.

To all the mom's out there ... even if we don't say it often, we are exceptionally grateful for everything that you do.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

A mothers love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible." ~Marion C. Garretty

I'm BACK!!.... sort of....

Wow. I'm super embarrassed. I haven't blogged in over a month. That is disgusting.

I have been ridiculously busy and haven't had much time to blog. I blame Twitter, which has kind of taken over really, because it's like microblogging. I can "blog" automatically as to what is happening, rather than sitting down and trying to write everything thats been going on in one piece.
I'm making terrible excuses aren't I?
I'm sorry.

I am still apartment hunting. I am ready to gargle with glass, put toothpicks through my eyeballs...ANYTHING, to find the perfect place.
Perhaps I am a cheapskate, but I am struggling to find something in my price range. I just cannot afford anything more. That doesn't mean, however, that I will accept living in a flea, cockroach-infested, dangerous and ridiculously small place.

The search is driving me crazy though. Seriously.

Let me give you an idea. I have tried Private Properties, Gumtree, every other search site available....I'll be here forever if I have to name them all...but feel free to send me more... I have tried Fourways Review and Sandton Chronicle.
Get the idea?

I have also been really busy career wise. It's strange though, because I feel like I am in a career rut. I feel like I should be doing more in my line of work and challenging myself more and yet I'm not quite sure what to do. LOL. I'm sure that it's just a phase. Let's hope so.

I am also madly in love. I haven't felt "this" before either. It's scary. A good scary. I am ridiculously happy; I can't wipe the silly grin off my face and I get butterflies everytime I think about him or see him. Today is actually our 3 months together (officially.)
I've never been treated like this before and I could kick myself actually. Every woman deserves to be treated like a queen. No settling, no excuses and no compromises. Why do we allow men to treat us badly? I look at my friends and my sister...I expect the men they are with to treat them like gold and I will say as much....I don't know why I never applied that to myself.
I can only say this because of the awful experience I went through. So everything for a reason, no regrets and huge lessons learnt. I can only appreciate the good, because I experienced the bad.

What else has been happening? Ooooh a BIGGIE! I have quit smoking. Today is actually Day 15 of no smoking, not one drag. Nothing. I have also done this cold turkey and to be completely honest, I have gobsmacked MYSELF. It's not that I didn't think I could do it; but at the same time, I didn't! LOL. Does that make any sense whatsoever?

I'm totally proud of myself. It also wasn't planned. This is what happened. After my Cancer scare, I knew that I needed to quit. I'd also been wanting to quit for a while, but in all honesty, I really enjoyed smoking for the social aspects and having something to do when I was bored etc etc...all the excuses under the sun. I had been saying for ages that I was going to quit...next month...next week....next Monday and so it went. I also got one hell of a fright when I actually worked out how long I have been smoking for. I don't know why (in my mind) I thought I had only been smoking for "two years"...I've been saying that forever. I've actually been smoking since 2001. A box of 2o a day for 8 years. On weekends (with alcohol) 2 boxes in a night. DISGUSTING.

On Sunday 14th June I had half a cig. Half a cig, because I just really didn't enjoy the taste of it. Perhaps it's because I had smoked nearly 2 boxes the Saturday night before with all the alcohol I consumed (haha) but I just didn't enjoy it. I stubbed it out and didn't smoke for the rest of the evening. That Monday morning I woke up and didn't even think about a cigarette. I went for breakfast and a movie with EB and when it was time for me to go to work it hit me that I hadn't had a single cigarette. I wish I could say that I was struck by an angel singing "Aaaaah" epiphany, but something inside me and inside my mind just snapped. It's like my mind shifted and I just decided to stop or at least to see if I could. Hours turned into days and weeks. I can't even use a glass of wine as an excuse because while the craving is strongest when I'm drinking a cocktail, it's so manageable.

I almost feel guilty because I know that stopping smoking is supposed to be horrific and a major struggle for people, but I have found it relatively easy. I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't struggled, because I have and I've eaten SHITLOADS of sour worms, but it hasn't been as hectic as I was expecting. I was expecting to crawl the walls, to have night sweats, to see everything as cigarettes and to be a royal bitch to anything that moved, but it just wasn't the case. It hasn't been that awful and perhaps it really and truly is ALL IN THE MIND.

Man I hate cliches, but you can't fault them.

I have become one of those ex smokers. I am annoying. I'll admit it. I can't handle the smell of smoke now. It freaks me out, it makes me sneeze and I actually hate waking up in the morning (if I've been in a smokey place) smelling of smoke. My hair and my clothes STINK of it and I just wonder WHY I never noticed it before. I am noticing that I can smell my perfume, that my clothes still smell like Sta-soft hours after I've had them on and my taste has changed. Everything is tasting delicious. I had a curry at Bukhara in Cape Town on Friday night and the spices were even better than I ever remember.

The downside? I got sick the day after I stopped smoking. It was a combination of this God-awful strain of Flu and my sinuses acting up from...get this...the lack of smoking. My doctor explained that when you stop smoking, the hairs in your nose and lungs start to move and shake off the tar, nicotine or whatever gunk it is. It starts to come up (this is attractive) and so people cough, blow their noses and so forth... The perception is: "I was healthier when I smoked!" but it's not actually the case...if you can bare with it for a few weeks, you'll realise your body is just rejuvinating and that you're getting healthy...damn cliches....you have to get worse to get better. Most people can't stand it and so they just start smoking again.

Screw that idea....I'm not going to go through this sneezing, coughing, sinus-y mission to pick up a cigarette and then have to go through it AGAIN when I wanna stop smoking AGAIN! I'm going to go through this ONCE. Sure, it hasn't been as difficult as I expected it to be, but with that said, it's still been a struggle (a personal one) and I would be so F*%`^ed off with myself if I crumbled and had a drag. Just saying.

So, yes. Day 15. Here's hoping that it long continues.

I'm going to do my best to blog more often. I mean look at this essay...woah...sorry for the eyeball strain! It's just that I don't really have as much time as I used to have. I wont promise, but I will try! :-)

List

I've lost my blogging mojo. That really sucks.

So, feeling totally uninspired, I didn't want to leave another mad gap between posts.

Thank you Being Brazen...I totally owe you :-)

1. Thought for the day: I cannot wait to go away to Knysna next week. After the year I've had so far: I. need. a break.
2. Song of the week: Katy Perry's - Waking Up In Vegas
3. Word of the week: Gym... I'm back on the health wagon.
4. Drink of the moment: Kola Tonic and Soda Water
5. Currently enjoying: Twitter and my new winter coat that I can finally wear because it's f*#&ing cold
6. Currently annoyed by: the fact that my camera and wallet got stolen and I'm totally broke.
7. Goal/s for the week: make it to pay day and go to gym every day this week.
8. Last thing you bought: Popcorn