Feeling happy

I've been going through a fairly weird time. I say weird because it hasn't been absolutely horrible, but it hasn't been absolutely brilliant and yet, some aspects of my life have been horrible and some have been brilliant.
Like I said. Weird.


I am a very positive person and lately, I haven't been. It has been a strange feeling, a feeling I really don't like.
The worst thing though, is that it is a vicious circle. From my negativity, a lot of negative things have been happening . I guess I can say I've had a bout of bad luck and enough is enough.


I know there is controversy as to whether or not The Secret actually works. Thing is, I (without knowing) have always lived my life like this and a lot of what I have and am grateful for in my life, has come from thinking and imagining myself with it or in the situation etc.


I have lost that and I am a true believer that your thoughts manifest things/situations.


I went out to buy The Secret as I want to own my own copy, so that if I do have a bad day, I can pop it in and feel enlightened. I watched it this morning before I left for work and it is really incredible. It is what I have been needing to make me feel more positive about life. What a little gem. Sure...that too was a mind set, but my man put it in a very brilliant light: "Anything that makes you feel positive can only be a good thing. No matter what it is."
Clever thing.


So here is to a Renewed Me. Here is to goodness and greatness and all things lovely and wonderful. Here is to optimism. Here is to happy days.

What's in a name?

I have been thinking about this a lot. Why do we use pseudonyms? A lot of you bloggers have pseudonyms but are also quite open as to what your real name is.
Do pseudonyms make us feel better because it's like a mask and we can maybe have opinions that are stronger without being judged too harshly, maybe? Perhaps?

I tried to create a blog the other day as me, myself and I, you know, my name etc... I set it up and went to write my first post. I found it extremely difficult. It's not that I write anything exceptionally controversial or character hacking, and my blog (Blonde Blogshell) is actually extremely honest and very very me.
Suddenly my name was up and I couldn't write. I felt so vulnerable and I can't believe I'm going to write this word, but it is the perfect description, I felt shy.
I felt shy and vulnerble and even though most people won't know who I am, I was worried that I would be judged or that I wouldn't be able to use the fuck word anymore (the fuck word is a beautiful word though, isn't it? It's so expressive and sometimes completely necessary!), because it would tarnish my image , that maybe people I don't necessarily like, would find my blog or people I do like would find my blog and suddenly that made me feel extremely shy.

I deleted the blog that had my name plastered over it as I just couldn't be myself. I KNOW!! It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? I know that and it still doesn't make sense to me, but I am able to be myself with opinions, feelings, experiences and thoughts more under the Blonde Blogshell than my name. Question is, does this make me insecure? Is it OK to be vulnerable?
I hide behind the pseudonym but I don't treat as a mask where I get to pretend to be something I'm not...I hide behind the pseudonym that is my vulnerability/shyness mask.
Weird. I know.

I want to know why you use a pseudonym and why you chose the pseudonym you did. Perhaps everyone was using one and you decided to too, or perhaps you have a reason for it.
I chose the Blonde Blogshell...interesting story this...NOT!
I am blonde and I liked the play on words of Bombshell and Blogshell! Smart neh? Ha ha ha!

Cellphone

I am pms-ing and I have had a good sob this morning. I just feel like a deflated balloon...except that I'm bloated.
So, I was in the horrific smash and grab a month ago and had the battle of trying to organise a sim swop for my cellphone...a NEW cellphone, bank cards and and and...

Last night, I worked and then met up with the man and his/our mates for a few drinks. I was on my phone to him to find out where I should meet him, when I saw him, hung up the phone and popped it in my handbag. I had my handbag next to me the entire time, which happened to be an hour (yes...we were faders)
I was woken up this morning at about 09h30 with a kiss from the man and a "Thanks for the MMS baby!"
"Hmmm? What message?"
"The picture of us. You sent it to me this morning."
"No I didn't. Where is my phone?"
Panic stations. I have checked my car, my handbag has been emptied out and we have been calling my phone repeatedly. It is still on, which is weird. Normally when a cellphone is stolen, it's switched off immediately. What freaks me out is that someone has gone through my phone, through my photo's and has sent the man (named Baby Love in my contacts) a photo of us. Creepy. This photo was a photo I took when I first got the phone and I was learning how to use it. I didn't even know my phone was MMS enabled.
I am also extremely worried because I have high profiled people's numbers on my phone...stupidly under their full names. I am worried that if this creep has been going through my phone, they could be sending these people messages saying God knows what...under MY name!
Jesus. Can you imagine?
Worst yet, (my imagination has been on steroids this morning) what if they randomly sent messages like: "I fucking hate you. Don't talk to me ever again. You've ruined my life and I think you're an asshole. If you died today, I'd do the Happy Feet Dance." TO MY BOSS??
Awesome, right?
Oh and I have called everyone that was there last night to see if they weren't playing some "cute" trick on me. Not one of them knows what I'm talking about.

I'm still trying to figure out how on earth my cellphone managed to get out of my unzipped bag that was with me the whole time.

I'm seriously freaked out though that the phone was on and that photo's were being sent out. We tried calling and calling. Surprise, surprise. No answer.
We sent an sms saying: "Hey! Who has the phone? Funny one! Please return it!"
As soon as that was sent and I tried to phone again. The phone had been switched off. Fuck. That's not weird at all!!
I'm also desperately trying to remember what photo's I have on my phone. Dear Lord, please let there be no naughty pics!
Highly possible.
Fuck. I'm sweating now...

I'm just so frustrated because I am not rich enough for this to keep happening to me. I am not rich enough for new cellphones(yes...even the R250 ones) and I'm not rich enough for sim swops and I am tired of having to type in my data base into my cellphone time and time again.
I think what makes things even more frustrating is that after my smash and grab I have been extra cautious. The handbag stays in the boot of my car. When my handbag is with me, it's sealed and never leaves my sight. I am baffled as to how someone opened my bag (the huge one) and managed to get my cellphone out. I struggle sometimes to find it, because the bag is so big and therefore carries so much shit.

I am just frustrated and weepy over this. I think I'm cursed. Jinxed. Someone does not want me to have a cellphone. A world without a cellphone. Hmm... Nope. Sorry. Not possible for me.
Yes, I'm dramatic today, but fuck I'm upset. Enough now.

Guilty spending

I have had an indulgent day. I don't understand why I feel so guilty. It's not like I do this every day!
Why, as women, do we feel guilty when we spend some hard earned money on ourselves? I am one of those who will smudge the truth about what the price tag really says. Yes. I am the one hiding the receipts in a shoe box.
I have no idea why! It's not like I have ever had someone raising an eyebrow or had someone tell me how irresponsible my spending is. Ok, my mom did, but I don't live with my mom anymore. Hmm...maybe it is her fault. Maybe she psychologically fertilized the root of my problem. Poor moms. They get blamed for everything.
I blur the truth of how much things cost to my man. Why? My money is just that...my money. There is no joint bank account (never will be) and I'm certainly not spending his money, so what is the big deal?
It is my own little guilty demon.

Today I have spent a fortune. In fact, I am 102% sure that I have spent the most I ever have in one sitting.
I feel awful.
Thing is, I needed these things. White lie number 5. I needed some of the things. The other 40% were buys that were based purely on: "Oh. My. God! How cute?" and "Oooh that will go so well with what I just bought!" and "It's pay day! You've worked hard...Go on Blondie...you can do it! You can doooo eeeet!!"

I have bought:
The Secret DVD (sick of not actually owning it) and 3 crystals, because I was in the store and the smell of incense made it seem necessary.
5 knitted tops...a pink one, turquoise one, black one, green one, white one, all are super cute.
I bought 3 chunky silver bangles, because I saw this stylish girl in a coffee shop wearing cute chunky bangles and it inspired me to get some of my own.
A winter hat. I love hats. I think I will wear it out tonight and let me blonde hair, desperately in need of a touch up, have a break from embarrassment.
A chunky pair of silver hoop earrings. (not to be worn with the bangles...no need for chunky over kill, right?)
A DVD player and surround sound system...still have no idea why? I think I'm thinking of cosy, blanket covering, hot chocolate drinking, DVD nights.
2 pairs of denim jeans because I need them.
5 sexy pairs of knickers and 4 not-so-sexy pairs of g-strings...also a necessity.

I then sat down for a cup fo tea at a small coffee shop when I saw my mom and sister gliding past me. I had enough packets around me, that I am worried I may have sped up the global warming process. Must recycle.
I immediately felt guilty. My sister instantly dug through the packets with the "Ooohs and Aaaahs" and the standard: Can I borrow this?
I get immediate satisfaction when she says this, because my sister is extremely stylish * in my opinion.*
My sister then asked: "What are you doing for the rest of your morning?"
Kill me now. So I said, "Well...um... I... am... um... goingtogetmynailsmanicured." as quickly as I could.
My mom just looked at me and smiled, saying: "Good! You need knew things and you're looking good Blondie! You're losing weight. I can see it in your face. Keep it up my darling!"
Say what?
No raised eyebrows? No 'tsk tsk's' for over spending?
Whatever is wrong?
My mom immediately looked guilty, "Well...um...I...um... goingtogetmyhairdone!"
Aha! Why do we do this? Why do we feel guilty when we want to spoil/pamper ourselves?
It made me feel better though, seeing my mom act the same guiltily way I did. Genetic, I guess.

I'm going to watch Arno Carstens tonight. It is his final gig before he sets off for the UK, to make it international.
My man is MC-ing and I can't wait to drink champagne with my short and square manicured ruby red nails and my new sexy hat and chunky bangles.

Have a fab long weekend!! x

These are a few of my favourite things...

I have always been a summer person, but everytime winter comes around I get excited tingles. I have realised that I actually quite adore winter.

I decided to make a list of things I love about winter.

Snuggling. Hot chocolate. Dipping a Flake into hot chocolate. Cosy blankets. Delicious home made vegetable soup and yummy stews. Winter boots. Hot jackets. Being able to cover the lumps and bumps with warm, cute clothing. Gluhwein. Scarves. Knitwear. Log fires. Did I mention snuggling?

I wish we got snow though. My winter list would increase to: bobsledding, snowball fights, skiing, building snowmen, ice skating etc...

I am actually quite excited about winter. Sure, I don't like being cold, but nothing some warm fashionable layers can't solve.

Oh and I have decided to put this out onto the universe: I would like to be invited onto the Oprah show. No. Let me rephrase. I would like to be invited onto the Oprah's Favourite Things show! Oh. My. God!!!!

Yes please!!!!

Irritation

I'm irritated today. I'm just annoyed, agitated and frustrated.

Everything is pissing me off. It started with me boiling the kettle this morning, getting my polka dotted mug ready with my tea bag, pouring the water into the cup, stirring and then opening the fridge to find an empty bottle of skim milk in the fridge.
"Babyyyy!! Why is there an empty bottle of milk in the fridge? Argh!! I need my morning tea and now there is no milk."
"I dunno!"
"Yes, you do!! I certainly did not put the milk back...empty. I am pissed.off.about.this!"
"There is milk though!" he takes it out and shakes it.
I pour the drop into my cup. It barely stains my tea.
"Well?"
"There was milk. See?"

I then got stuck behind every slow, smoking, car/truck imaginable today. I was late for my meetings and voice overs. I get half way to the East, when my phone rings.
"Hi Blondie!"
"Hi P!"
"Listen. We have a bit of a problemo."
"Uh-huh?"
"We have load shedding scheduled for when you are supposed to be in studio!"
"I hope you aren't on your way!"
"Oh no! Of course not!" LYING THROUGH MY TEETH.
"Oh good! Can we please reschedule?"
"Sure!"
Argh.

I met up with Special K then and we had some lunch. I was starving and really looking forward to a salmon salad. Yummy. I dig in and eat as if there may never be another meal, when something stopped me from putting the fork full of greens and tomatoes into my mouth. Staring at me was a wriggly worm. Green and plump and wriggly.
I lost my appetite immediately and actually felt a little ill. Had I eaten any of it's family and friends?
Gross.
They offered to make me a new one, but I was completely put off.

I need to get Lennox (my amazing dog) some food. The standard dog food he is used to has gone up by R100. You are kidding me! R100 MORE??
Good grief.

My happy boy!!

Today has not been my day. Hopefully it will get better. Hopefully.

Gossip

I have written a few things...some things that got on my nerves today and then I deleted the lot. I started writing this post again and started talking about the fact that my man and I fought over absolutely nothing at all. We got all heated and horrible over nothing. I still don't know what we were fighting about or how it even started and then I deleted that too. This is my third attempt.

I wonder if I'm having writers block... I am on my 111 post ...this will be 112. Maybe the Cricket superstition of the Unlucky Nelson (111) applies for blogs too.
Maybe.

If you're not really a "writer", are you allowed to have writer's block? Maybe I am a writer...I write my blog (addictively) every day. I am also writing a novel. Don't laugh.

I've received quite a few emails from people asking me to dish the dirt on our South African "celebrities".
Um...ok...as fun as that could be, the industry is REALLY REALLY SMALL. Yes, my blog is anonymous, but imagine if I had to ever be discovered! Awesome, right?
No.

I can tell you though it's a crazy industry, this entertainment industry. Let me dish some of the worst, because let's face it...the good, glamourous stuff just sounds a bit show offy. Don't deny it.

I have been at parties where CD covers have been passed around with small mounds of cocaine on them as if they were just drinks being passed around on a tray.
I know a few A listers who swing...no, not on playgrounds. These couples swing with each other.
It makes Brooke from the Bold and the Beautiful seem like Mother Theresa's cousin.
I know a few couples who are married but have decided and discussed with each other, that if fans come along (cute/sexy fans) they are allowed to bed them.
Some models are actually divine...they are not your sterotypical dumb models, they are down to earth and lovely, worldly girls. Most models are the most insecure people around. Honestly.
Everyone says they "don't care whether they get publicity or not." Liars.
It's all dependant on the intention and attitude you see. Media whores are the biggest liars as they're the ones who will go on and on about how they "don't care if they get publicity or not."
It's also a catch 22. If you don't get some publicity and a bit of a name for yourself, people/companies won't know who you are and won't necessarily book you for events.
The industry is fickle, you see?
Oh and you may think celebs earn a shit load of cash. Some of the biggest names do, but it's not what you think...you'd be very surprised and your pay check wouldn't seem so bad!

So there...that's a little bit of the entertainment industry...just an average day at the "office."

Perfect weekend

I had the best weekend. It was awesome. It was awesome because it wasn't typical and it was so enjoyable that I was rather content in starting the week.
Something that rarely happens.

Being spontaneous is sometimes the best thing ever. Blondie 2 and I decided she would come to my place for the first time, we'd get some wine, cheese and biscuits and see where our Friday takes us.
Brie cheese, olives, pickles, crackers and 2 bottles of wine later, Blondie 2 and I stayed on my couch chatting about everything and anything! It was AWESOME... we spoke about everything from fashion to work to sex and even our late grannies.
It was such a perfect Friday...no screaming over the music, no scrambling/stumbling to the bar and pushing your way through the crowd, no worries about the bitches looking you up and down and no worries of cigarette butts flying into my hair or landing on my feet.
I know this may sound as if I'm getting old and I've come to the realisation that it's actually ok!

Saturday morning I woke up with no hangover, despite the 2 bottles (bottle each) and I think that is largely due to not having a smokers hangover!
I had to be at a work function from 10 -2 and then Blondie 2 and I went to the Corner Pub and drank Savanna Lites, ate pizza, spoke shitloads of shit and laughed even more.
At 6, I had to get home, change into something a little classier, straighten the curls and head off for a dinner with Special K and BB!
We ate such a delicious meal with virgin strawberry dacquiri's (virgin because we were supporting the pregnant BB) and then guilty-as-charged, ordered the chocolate parcels. I promise you now, if men had to go extinct and chocolate parcels were available I'd be a very happy woman.
I hate using the tasteless (excuse the pun) cliche of calling food Orgasmic, but seriously. ORGASMIC!
They're little phyllo pastries parcels and as you cut into them melted chocolate oozes out! MOUTHFULS OF HEAVEN!
I literally put the spoon of heaven into my mouth, sit back and "Oooooh and Mmmmm!"
Delicious!

Those pastries are FULLED with melted chocolate! Y-U-M-M-Y!!

Sunday was the day of 'I am not getting out of my pajamas for anything or anyone.' It was awesome, lazy, sleepy and comfy!
Just the way I like it!

Stalker and le weekend

I am an idiot. I don't know WHY I get soo nervous. I think it's more the anticipation for the event and wanting it to go smoothly!
I also know that I need to be nervous. It sounds crazy, I know, but if I'm too relaxed before a show I would make mistakes.
I have a love/hate relationship with nerves. I love them because I need them and yet I hate the feeling!
Once I am on stage, the nerves/anticipation disappear and I'm ready to rock! ha ha!

It went well *if I say so myself* :-) I was on for 20 minutes and then it was ready to party the night away!
My girls were there and my man came later and it was awesome!

I got home at 02h30. I don't have a hangover (surprisingly) but I am pretty pissed off. This woman I know in the industry, or should I say, I've met a few times, gave my phone number to a bunch of businessmen in their late 30's; early 40's that happened to be there. She introduced me to them, they bought me a shooter and said they enjoyed the show. That was it. I would have had no problem if A, had she just asked me if it was ok and B, if they wanted my number because they were impressed with my MC-ing and wanted to book me.
I have received 8 phone calls so far today and 11 emails from this one guy saying:

Hey Blondie, how’s your Thursday treating you after last night’s wine and shooters? I saw you and your gorgeous friends dancing.

You’ll be glad to know that I think you are sexy and amazing. You speak beautifully and I would love to take you for dinner.

Let me tell you more about myself. I am a financial adviser for a large company and I have a lot of money so you will be comfortable and have anything your heart desires.

Now how is it possible that you and I are good mates of "Friend" and I’ve never met you before?

Regards

Me


Can you believe it?? Flattering? Sure. Annoying? Definitely. Like I would be completely interested in whether you're "loaded" or not! Really, it's simple: Fuck Off!

So good times seem to be ahead... a stalker! Everyone should have one. Go on try it.
Argh!

Have a wicked weekend. I'm working tomorrow and going to a rock concert in Benoni...something like that...my man has to be there and Sunday... I plan to do as little as possible!!

xx

What a weird day.

I went for one of those spray tans yesterday... it's not the Caribbean Tan, which stinks and leaves embarrassing stains...it's odourless and the tan builds gradually as the hours go by! I do not have a frikken clue what it's called though. Useless.
I look like I have been sipping pina colada's in the Seyshelles for the past 2 weeks, with gorgeous men fanning me with big palm leaves and feeding me juicy grapes.
OK...the last part is not at all how I "look" but mmm, it had to be said!

I have a function tonight and I'm nervous. I am. I MC functions all the time and yes, I'll feel slightly nervous with the anticipation of the evening, but it feels different today. I am nervous..the palms are sweating, the heart is racing a little too fast for my liking and I feel like I might throw up!
It's horrible.

I wish I had interesting and exciting news... I'm not very positive at the moment. I'm having shit with girls who are plain old mean bitches. I feel like I am taking a trip down memory lane; destination: High School.
I wish I wasn't so sensitive. I wish I could just shrug it off and not give a damn. Easier said than done.
I am close to being broke...so broke...as in R10 keeping my bank account open. Pay day is only the 25th and there are 9 days to go.
I am still getting my migraines and now to add things to the pot, I'm nervous.

It's a bloody fabulous day!