Hoax or Reality?

Um... I received this email and I am trying to figure out if it is a hoax or if this may be a reality. I hardly ever use the R200 note so R500 will be an interesting one.

It wouldn't be too terrible considering it would still be half the value of a $100 bill. Just saying.

Are we going the same way Zimbabwe is? Nah.

I guess we'll find out with the Budget Speech from the newly wed Trevor Manual.

End. Now.

I'm talking about this day.
I'm in a foul mood. I'm not a moody person either, so you must know.
Let's start. I woke up this morning and for some reason the normal morning person that I am seemed to disappear. I woke up feeling moody and absolutely shattered. I was in bed at a reasonable hour last night too so there is no proper reason. I am however, feeling the end of year and the exhaustion has hit me.
I also continued reading the Mushy Peas on Toast book and I am now officially on page 133. I cannot put it down.

I finally realised how lazy I was being (total slob actually; considering it was midday) and got up to make myself some tea. I went down to find my very own Mary Poppins (our domestic worker) standing outside with her arms folded and a sad look on her face.
Now last week, I had left R800 in an envelope on my coffee table for a payment that needed to be made. When I came the next afternoon to get the envelope, it was gone. I looked everywhere and it hasn't turned up yet. I casually asked MP if she had put the envelope that was on the coffee table anywhere. She has a tendency to bunch things together or put things in piles or move things all together. I once found our cell phone chargers tangled together in my underwear drawer..so she has a tendency to do things like this. It didn't occur to me that she had taken it. This is a woman who once phoned me to tell me she had eaten 3 Marie Biscuits from the packet. She is incredibly honest and sure, there are only 2 of us and MP so it has to be in the house somewhere.
I asked her if she had put the envelope of money somewhere or if she knew where it was. She said she hadn't. I asked her if she was sure and then continued to look myself.
Apparently she thought I was accusing her of being a thief and she was very unhappy. She started crying and I was completely perplexed. Um...
I had to calm her down and tell her that I hadn't accused her, I was merely asking if she had put it somewhere else like she does with my post, my necklaces and earrings, my chargers, my car keys etc...
She was so upset because she thought that we were cross with her and she didn't want us to think that she had taken it. So I had to reassure her and she assured me that she would look thoroughly.
I know I'm going to sound like an insensitive bitch right now, but
a) I wasn't in the mood for this.
b) I don't know how money can disappear when it is only my man and I, but I know deep down she didn't take it.
She's a sensitive little Mary Poppins, that's for sure. I felt even more exhausted after that.

I then realised that I had to go to the bank before they close. Yay. My favourite.
I rushed off and strangely enough had to stand in long, winding queues. I was getting annoyed because people clearly don't use deodorant and I couldn't breathe, this woman in front of me kept chewing a large piece of chewing gum really loudly. She kept smacking it with her lips and popping it with her teeth. I wanted to smack her on the lips and make her teeth fall out. Nicely.
I finally got the front of the queue to deposit and draw and they told me that I was going to have to go to that queue over there. I looked at where this woman was pointing and felt my heart sink. That queue was double the queue I had just been sitting in. I finally got to the front of that one and there was a problem with something or other and I was going to have to come back tomorrow. I burst into tears. I actually couldn't believe it and had one of those out of body moments where I was looking back at myself saying: "Oh my God. You are crying and you're not even being discreet. Jesus. People are staring at you. Oh shit - look at you...you're blubbering now. Why are you crying anyway?"
Thing was, the more I knew I should hold in my exhaustion and frustration, the more I couldn't hold back the tears. The poor Indian man looked at me with absolute horror. He handed me a tissue and I blew my nose too. I am not dainty when I blow my nose. I sound like an elephant on heat mating a fog horn. It's totally unfeminine, really loud and attention grabbing (not in the good way.)
The worst part? Having to hold my puffy, red head held high as I walked out of the bank and feeling the heat on my back as everyone stared after me.

I got to the office and got a call from the same Indian man, apparently I left my bank card there too and he's not working this weekend. I told him to leave it with someone reliable and I would be back to get it tomorrow. Awesome.

This weekend had better be lovely. I hate being moody and quite frankly, I don't know what's going on.

PS> I did have a good laugh just now.
"A" (who loves her blind pug and who I'm going to call Camera Girl considering she is most likely going to feature a lot. She's too funny not to.) was in the middle of a sentence when she stopped and said:
"Fuck. Sorry. Your eyes look just like beer bottles."
"What??"
"No...I mean...I've just never realised it, but they're the colour of a brown beer bottle...it's really pretty! No seriously! That clear, pretty, sparkly brown beer bottle colour."
"Like a Castle?"
"Ja. It's a good thing."
"Um..."

Sandton City

Wow. Who knew that 2 hours at Sandton City could be so entertaining? I don't really shop at Sandton City purely because it's waay too expensive and because I have shopping malls closer to home.

Right, so with that said. I had to return something to Sandton City that I had purchased. I had a few hours to spare and decided to walk around a bit. I needed Re-writable CD's and underwear. In no particular order.

I know this is a little weird for some, but it's not like I go underwear shopping all that often. I normally buy in bulk -so to speak and that lasts me for a while. A long while.

I know that we're in an economic slump, but dude. R250 for a bra? One bra?

I ended spending R910.35 today and got two bra's and 5 panties. Basically 1 pair for each day of the week. Weekends are going to be a la Britney. Kidding. Or am I?

I literally had one of those tug of wars with my credit card and the sales lady. It wasn't pretty.

Sales Lady: 1

Blondie: 0

Right, so there I am deciding between cute little briefs that say: "Access Denied" and "Fragile: This Way Up", this elderly gentleman walks in. He has his walking stick in one hand and a Woolworths packet in the other.

He says (matter of factly) to the I'm-so-bored-please-can-I-fold-another-pair-of-panties-woohoo sales lady: "Excuse me. Are there fashion shows?"

"Huh?"

"Well. If I wanted to buy something for the Mrs, how would I know what to get?"

"Um. Look in her cupboard and see what she likes or find out her size and surprise her."

"Bu-but don't you have models here to try on the lingerie for me to decide?"

"No sir."

"Awwww!"

We suddenly clicked that this sweet old man was not so sweet after all. He's a filthy pervert. I was enthralled.

I finally left with my pretty packet - at least the packaging was worth it (a shallow satisfaction.)

I had to wait in line to pay for my parking, which by the way is RIDICULOUSLY expensive. So, it's finally my turn. I insert the parking voucher and insert a R20 note. I'm supposed to get R7 back. I do and out pops the new R5 coin and a R2 coin.

As I pop the coins into my wallet, I suddenly notice something unusual. It's not a R5 coin. It looks similiar and is the same weight.

Nope. It's a Turkish 1 cent coin. Man, I was pissed. Although...I now would like to find out what a) the exchange rate is

b) aren't they part of the EU, so they should be using Euro's, in which case this is null and void or it's potentially worth something as an old coin? (I may sound stupid, but I don't actually know if they're part of the EU or not.)

c) I've been swindled out of R5.

Above is the Turkish coin.

Above is the old R5 coin on the left and the new R5 coin on the Right
.

Oh and to try and get some help or someone who actually gives a damn is almost impossible, so I now have Turkish money in my wallet. Have I thought about passing it off as R5 coin myself?
Hell yes.
Will I?
Dude no...I do believe in Karma. Financial Karma.

To be continued....

There is nothing more off putting than a man talking loudly (in public) about money. I don't know what it is, but I hate it. I think it is the unsexiest thing ever. It's normally around women too. Do you really think I'm going to be impressed? Clearly you do. Do you really think that I'm going to swoon in, flutter my eyelashes and whisper, huskily: I want to have your babies!
Argh! I was sitting having some breakfast this morning with Special K. I noticed him noticing us in his really subtle way. His friend joined him a few minutes later and they both started staring.
Um...we can see you!! Just letting you know.
All of a sudden Jerk 1 said (no, let's be fair...projected loudly) to Jerk 2: I can't handle the bank phoning me all the time! My platinum credit card is fully paid and they've wanted to add an extra few hundred thousand into my credit.
Jerk 2: Oh dude. Hate it when that happens. I just got an amazing raise and I'm wondering if I should buy the Audi TT or the new BMW.
Jerk 1: Tough choice. Buy them both!
Jerk 2: Great idea!

Fuck, I wanted to vomit. They kept looking over to see if we had heard them and to see if we we're, I don't know, gold digging bitches who would cover them like ants on cream soda.
Special K and I ignored them flat and actually moved tables. They were speaking so loud it was actually difficult to follow our own conversation.
Nauseating.

I'll blog more just now..I have more to say, but gotta go into a meeting now. Hate it when work get's in the way of blogging! I mean seriously!

To be continued....

Young boys and being broke!!

So this money thing...sorry lack of money thing is forcing me to be creative. I have to find things to do, to amuse myself without actually spending a cent. It is a complete challenge.
For example: Going through ash trays to find half smoken cigarettes is necessary. Not fun, but necessary.
OK...I'm kidding, but I have done that before, once. Twice. Ok... three times.
I'm getting to that point though. It has forced me smoke less.

I've dusted off my board games, I'm being forced to drink the good wine I've kept for those "special" occasions and I'm getting to read all my books I've got piling up next to my bed. I also get to write my own book now and yesterday I actually got 30 pages done. I impressed myself.

Oh and how could I forget. Special K would not accept the fact that I couldn't see her, so the night was on her (I hate that, but I appreciate it - what can I say?)
I suppose we should be flattered, but actually... no.
We're sitting there, enjoying our wine by the fire when this young dude comes swaggering up to our table. He had the babiest of faces and yet he was in his business suit.
"So ladies... what brings you here tonight?" he asks, trying to be ultra suave. He's harmless and uber young; how could we not take advantage? I know. I'm a horrible person.
"Well, as you can see, we're having out weekly knitting club!"
He laughs.
"I'm sitting over there with my work colleagues. We're having after work drinks."
He points to six men in suits and 2 giggling females.
"Great. Look, I'm from Cape Town and I hardly ever get to see my mate. If you don't mind, I'd really like to catch up with her." I say, pointing to Special K.
10 out of 10 for his persistance.
"Oh, and do you live here then?" he asks Special K.
SK: "Yip."
"What do you two do for a living? I'm in IT. Here's my business card...I'm quite high up in the company!"
He puts the card and the table, and underneath his name it says: Junior Assistant.
I just start laughing and laughing...this is too good to be true.
SK: "I own a dog parlour!"
"Seriously? Cool. I'm 23 years old" he says. I'm just thinking What the hell??
SK: "Well, what are you doing with older woman like us?"
"You're not that old! You must be 25, 26 years old!"
SK: "Nope. I'm 35 and she's 38!"
What the f*ck? Nice one, thanks Special K...very nice of you! Sheesh!!
SK: "She's a beautician, that's why she looks so good for 38!" she pulls a tongue at me.
"So, do you two have boyfriends?" he just DOESN'T give up.
"We do. Don't you have a girlfriend?"
"Of course you do! I have a girlfriend. She's 17 and so immature. I'm looking for an older woman!"
"Of course you are. Right, well, seriously...if you don't mind. I need to catch up with my friend. I have an early flight to Durban tomorrow."
"But I thought you said you lived in Cape Town?"
Shit. "I meant, Cape Town."
He disappears and half an hour later he returns.
Seriously. It was all fun and games in the beginning, but now it's annoying.

SK immediately says: "Do you know, that she's just had twins?"
I am now glaring at my friend...ahem...so called friend. I just look at her with a: "Are you trying to kill me?" look.
What came next was nothing short of spectacular and fall off my chair laughing at his audacity.
I will quote what he said: "Sexy! At least I know the factory still works!"
That was it for me. I couldn't believe he had actually said that with such a straight face. Jesus!
We promised to join his work crowd in an hour if he left us alone.
We left an hour later and ran for the door.

I've re-read this now and I guess you had to be there for it to be as funny as it was, but I have just typed all of this and I'm not deleting it, so humour me and laugh!! ;-)

Have a fabulous weekend and just remember...5 more days til PAY DAY!!

So much Month at the end of the Money!

When I've said I've been broke before, I've normally had a little money to tide me over for the few days until pay day.


I'm six days away and I am actually wanting to sit down and cry. I put R14 into my car today. I got a whopping 1.4 litres. Holy shit! My petrol light didn't even go off and the needle didn't even move. I pray every time I need to get into my car that if I do break down, I don't break down in some dodgy area. I'm also driving at 40kms. So if you see a blonde girl driving really really s-l-o-w-l-y...it's me! Sorry for the hold up.
F*ck!

So while I was filling up...haha... I asked the petrol attendant (who was extremely amused by my question) how much taxi's cost from Fourways to Sandton.
He told me that I would need to get 2 taxi's just to get to the place and 2 taxi's to get back.
1 taxi is R9. So I'm too poor for a taxi.
How fantastic is that?

AWESOME!!






The reason this has happened is because I am completely sick and tired of chasing people for my money. It's the one thing I hate about freelancing. People want me to do the voice over or the job or whatever it is immediately! They don't pay immediately though.

It's also really "weird" how I can't seem to get hold of them either...their phones aren't answered and they didn't "get" the emails.
It's so bloody frustrating. I cannot believe I have to chase my own money! I need a manager to do this for me. Haha! How very Hollywood!
Kidding.


People need to pay me. It's simple. I don't know where the new concept came out where people think I work for free?
Even Paris Hilton get's paid and let's face it...she sooo doesn't need it.

So. I decided to draw up a list of things I really need to cut down on and I have realised how much I waste and actually I'm a bloody spoilt brat!! It pains me to say this.

• I have decided to not buy my monthly magazines (Glamour, Cosmo and Cleo) *can't believe I've never ordered a subscription. Idiot.* BUT, this will be the first month in my life of buying magazines that I won't buy one. I'm pathetic I know.
• I really need to cut down on my cellphone. Such a problem when I don't have a landline and I LOVE TALKING!!! Seriously, though...I need to.
• I need to cut down on my lunches with the girls and I need to stop always treating people.
• I need to put more money into my 32 day account so that I am forced to not touch it.

There are other things I need to cut out, but I don't feel like boring you.