I am so hungover

If I was a box today, I would read: Fragile. Handle with care.

I am soooo hungover I.want.to.die.
I think it would actually be less painful to chop my head.

Special K and I went out with one of Special K's friends...she's a model who lives in Greece. Oh yes. It was fabulous going out with 2 gorgeous girls. *Sigh*
We went to FTV, Sandton. It's really pretentious but I really had an excellent time with the company I was around. I can't remember the last time I danced. OK, that time in the shower and in my bedroom doesn't count.
I laughed and laughed and drank and drank and drank and drank.

I haven't been to a club for quite a while and I just loved dancing and people watching.

These are some of the things I noticed.

Men really do think they're God's gift to women. Especially when the alcohol starts to flow.
I had this one guy come up to me, he was from Israel.
"You arrr gorjusss! Verrry prrretty. Let me smell your neck."
Before I even knew what was going on, he had his nostrils against my neck.
"Ah, you are even morrre prrretty than I imagined."
"You are not from this country, yes?"
*Evil grin*
"No, I from Rrrrussia!" in my best Russian accent.
"Ah, Russia! Gorjuss!"
"My name, Vickoria. Hokay, I go now."
"How old arrr you?" the greasy dude asks.
"How old Viktoria look?"
"21."
Woohoo.
"Hokay. I go get vodka."
And I left.
Bad idea. He kept sending vodka shots over. I have no idea how he kept finding me because I kept moving around.

Towards the end of the evening/early morning, last rounds were called and there was this desperation that suddenly entered mens eyes. It was classic and it was blatant.
"Oh shit. Times running out and I haven't scored yet."
All of a sudden, men just looked like hungry wolves except their eyes weren't sharp, they were glazed and they staggered, instead of pouncing.
One word. Disgusting.

I have also noticed that the girls are getting younger and the skirts are getting shorter.*

I have also noticed that I put a bitch face on. I didn't know I had bitch face. I become defensive in pretentious places because I can see the catty rich bitches doing the "up-and-down" look and so I put my chin in the air and put a bitch face on.
It got me thinking. I look just like one of those pretentious girls. Perhaps we all feel we're being judged and so we all have bitchy faces. Maybe if we relaxed a little and didn't actually give a shit, maybe there wouldn't be any airs and graces.**
I say the judging thing because we're girls and at some stage we have judged. No sense in denying it.
I also noticed this beautiful girl and how confident and gorgeous she looked. I loved her boots too.
She saw me looking and automatically scowled at me.
I was shocked but it all made sense. She doesn't know I'm not looking her up and down, judging. And as girls, we automatically assume the worst.***

I have also noticed that I cannot drink as much as I used to. God knows I drank like a binge-drinking 18 year old and God knows I am suffering for it today.

My man is away at Sun City for the Positive Rocks concert...he's filming there. He is also hanging out with the bands and Kelly Rowland. Seriously.
Hate him. :-)

So.... I am getting in as much girl time as possible. Tonight, Blondie 2 is coming over for a Slumber Party. When was the last time you did this?
We've had a good time teasing the men at work with this: "So, B2 have you got your underwear and stilettos ready for tonight?"
"Yup! I've also got feather pillows ready."
"Awesome. It's going to be a regular girls night out in...you know, hanging out in our underwear and stiletto's, eating chocolate and having pillow fights!"

Oh and the other thing I've noticed? Men are so predictable.

Have a great weekend.

*Am I getting older and more prudish?
** And...maybe not.
*** Why is that? Is Dr. Phil around?

It's a.....MEME!!!

I had absolute bugger all to write, so I saw Tamara, Ruby and Sweets had done this meme, so I thought I'd follow suit. I also decided NOT to tag anyone...Breathe easy Miss M :-)

What is in the back seat of your car right now? CD's, scripts, post, and Nik-nak packets...naughty

When was the last time you threw up? Um...I actually can't remember...oh yes a few months ago and as a woman you CANNOT vomit because if you do, you are automatically pregnant.

What is your favourite curse word? Fuck. It's just so damn expressive. Except, it's not very lady like and I hate the fact that I swear.

What will you be doing 3 hours from now? I'll be drinking cocktails with my mates at FTV.

Have you ever been in a strip club? I have actually and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, plus I've been to Tease-Hers and that was revolting.

What is the best ice cream flavour? Chocolate

What was the last thing you ate? Breakfast....VERY naughty

Ever go camping? I did when I was little, but I haven't been in a very long time. The thing is, would I cope? Hmmm...

Do you have a tan? It's winter...of course I don't...I'd rival Casper.

Do you drink your soda from a straw? Sometimes

Are you some one's best friend? Yup...it's great to know that!

Where is your Mom right now? Probably at home.

What colour is your watch? I have a silver one, a red one and a black one. I'm wearing the black one.

What comes to mind when you think of Australia? Bruce and Sheila, mate!

Would you consider plastic surgery? Reconstructive surgery, sure.

What is your birthstone? Amethyst

How many kids do you want? Twins. I'm obsessed with twins...otherwise I'd like 2.

Have you met anyone famous? Um...yes. :-)

Biggest annoyance in your life right now? Not being able to find a sponsor for a TV show.

What time is it? 18h22

Do you eat healthy? Yes and No...I eat quite badly at times, but then I go through very healthy phases. Right now, I'm trying that new "Eat for your blood type" thing and it's great so far...

How old will you be on your next birthday? 26.

Name one thing you'd still like to do? Travel the world, or as much of it as I can.

Favourite colour? It's hard to just choose one. Pink, Red, Turquoise and Black.

I'm a horrible person.

I don't know how long it's been since I was in my smash and grab...perhaps it was a month ago, longer, maybe??
I am still jumpy and neurotic when I approach a red traffic light, but I'm so much better than I used to be!

Last night I was driving home, the street lights were also out so it was darker than usual. I was aware as I approached the traffic lights and kept looking around me. I got one hell of a fright as I turned the other way and saw this man coming towards my car.
My. heart. stopped.

I looked straight into his eyes and had an obvious look of fear, panic and terror on my face.
He moved passed my car and the sudden jolt that he was just trying to cross the street to get to the taxi so he could go home, was a mixture of relief and unbelievable guilt.
The look on his face as he realised and saw what I had so obviously been thinking, has been tattoed into my memory.
He looked at me with such contempt and written all over his face was: I'm NOT a criminal.
He looked so insulted and so he should have been.

I have never felt so bad. I felt so guilty and terrible that it made me feel a little ill. I felt like the biggest racist. I'm not. Not in the slightest!
It bothered me that he looked at me like I was a typical white girl assuming that all black men are criminals.
Thing is, had I been smash and grabbed by another race, I would have had the same reaction if that race came walking by.
It has nothing to do with race, but I felt awful. Really, really awful.

I wish we lived in a safe country. We wouldn't live in fear, we wouldn't look at everyone so suspiciously and we would maybe be a lot less stressed.

On a happier note, I'm going to watch the Big Fat Mel Miller Comedy Show tonight at the Teatro at Monte Casino! I'm super excited. I really do need a good laugh!!

The Popular Spice Rack

You would think that I could find one bloody spice rack. Is that too much to ask for? One lousy spice rack for me to neatly pack all my spices away so that it doesn't clutter up my kitchen cupboards.

I have tried: Mr. Price Home, Clicks, Hardware stores (yes, I know!), Pick n Pay, Hyperama House and Home, Boardmans, Home Etc and I have tried a few branches of each.

Every single store has told me: "Sorry! We're sold out!"

Sold out of Spice Racks? Seriously???

The spice racks I have found all have filled spice bottles in them, which would make a lovely present, but it doesn't help me at all.

Who knew spice racks were so popular?!!?

Argh!

Tomorrow I carry on with the hunt of the..... Popular Spice Rack!!! (said in a super hero voice)

Oh and I killed myself laughing at this:

Party

What a weekend it was... Friday night consisted of wine, wine and more wine oh and a fight with Black Steer.
I wanted to juicy cheeseburger and chips. I'd been so good the whole week, that I decided that would be my cheat!
We decided not to order from Mr. Delivery (especially on a Friday night) as we would wait for at least an hour and a half and I wanted my cheeseburger in 20 minutes.
I also was as lazy as anything so we ordered directly (free delivery = bonus.)

I should have known things were going to be a nightmare when ordering took 10 minutes alone.
"Here is my address: 193.... No.... ONE 93.... No..... One hundred and ninety three.....
I'd like a cheeseburger please..... Yes, I'd like cheese, that's why I said a cheeseburger......
Oh alright, make it the combo.
Make it a Coke Lite please..... Lite....Coke Lite....No.....Coke Lite.....

We ordered at 19.30.
At 20.30 we called Black Steer back.
"Hi there, um, we ordered an hour ago and we just wanted to find out how long it's going to be as you said it would be 45 minutes?"
"Are you the lady who ordered the T-bone and fillet of steak?"
"No, I ordered the cheeseburger combo and T-bone."
Silence.
"So, you didn't order the fillet of steak?"
"No."
"Oh. Um. Hold on."
5 minutes pass.
"Ok, we're sending your food to you straight away."
"Great. Thank you!"
Stomach growls on cue.

21h00 comes and goes and eventually I phone back.
"Excuse me, I'm phoning from address and I ordered my food at 19h30. You told me you were sending the food half an hour ago and we only leave 10 minutes down the road."
I suppose that showed how lazy I was, but I was drinking wine and it was cold. (Spoilt brat)
"The driver is on his wy."

21h30 came and went and eventually at 21h40 I phoned and blasted them. I blasted them!! I actually felt quite bad afterwards, but shit. I had been starving at 19h30 and had been salivating for a cheeseburger. We didn't order Mr. Delivery because we knew it would take longer.

I ate at 22h15. It was wrong too (go figure), but at that stage I was so ravenous that I ate the cold burger.

Saturday was better, we had mates over for a braai and then went to my longest, closest friends birthday, Jay Babe. It was so great...really chilled and loungy but naughty. We did things properly. We didn't order shots, we ordered bottles. We didn't dance on the dance floor, we danced on the bar and tables, like any good classy gal does.

I got home at about 4am. Sunday was pretty. ahem!

Scary stuff...

Midnite Gem and Supanova mentioned that the "ghosts" in my house could be homeless people living in my ceiling. (See the previous posts comments.)

It got me thinking about how clever my man was, once upon a time.

I used to live on my own, in a tiny shoebox of a garden cottage, but it was beautiful and it was the first place I lived in when I moved out of home.

The ironic thing was that even though it was my place, I would stay over at my boyfriends house at least 5 nights a week. Ridiculous.

I decided that I should really enjoy my little cottage and decided to stay at home more often. One evening, I went over to my mans house for dinner and DVD's.

I have a love/hate relationship with horror movies. I love watching them at the time, even if I admittedly watch them through my fingers.

I hate them afterwards. I hate having to go down dark passages as my mind just plays tricks on me. I'm always convinced something hideous, gooey and blood sucking is going to be waiting for me behind doors or in closets.

We watched the Grudge. Now some people may think it was pathetic, but I screamed in Scream, so please understand that I am the biggest baby when it comes to Horrors.

That horrible sound the white faced child made was awful and so when it was time for me to go home, he followed me to make sure I got home safely etc etc (South Africa, people.)

My phone started ringing and it showed up as private number. I answered and all I heard was that horrible sound the white faced child made, followed by my man's laugh.

"Stooppp it!!! You're so mean!!" I put the phone down. He had given me such a fright.

He phoned again.

"What?" I spat out.

"Look behind you...in your back seat!" he whispered.

I nearly drove off the road at this point. I have one of those easy-to-scare personalities and I'm a jumpy person, just to make matters worse.

I was so freaked out that when I got home, I made him check my cottage, under the bed, behind the shower curtain and inside my closet.

As he got into his car, he said this: "You know, baby, I've looked in your closet, but I don't really know what your shoes look like. Your shoes could be neatly stacked there with your clothes hanging up and someone could be standing there. Their shoes could just look like a pair of your trainers."

I slept over at him that night.

See why I say he's clever?

Bugger.

I got to meet the Counting Crows today. They're awesome.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. I'm spring cleaning in winter and I'm celebrating birthdays and drinking champagne. Yay!

Have a great weekend!! x

Blondie has "class" and ghosts.

I thought I would pop past my folks last night for a good glass of wine and a catch up session. My man was out with his mates, so I decided to be a good daughter and visit. Just as well I phoned first though, they weren't at home. My mom was all giggly and she said: "Blondie, we're at the Palazzo Hotel drinking wine!"
"What? Why are you there?"
"Well I entered a competition a few months ago and they called me to tell me I have to come through and pick up my prize."
"Mommmm!!! It's a scam...one of those things to get you there and then when you do they whisk you into a room and try and get you to sign your life away in policies for time share etc etc..."
"I also thought so, but I asked the woman on the phone and she assured me it's nothing like that!"
"Mmmm...I'm sure!"
"Just come through! Come and have a glass of wine with your parents."
So I did. I arrived at the 5 star hotel and instead of the wine, I ordered Jamesons and Appletizer.
There was a snack platter out in the foyer and I went to help myself. There were several little tiny dishes on the large dishes. I started picking out the olives, the sundried tomatoes and chicken cubes from each dish. It was only then that I realised that most people were picking up each little dish as that was one serving. I was so embarrassed. How classy of me.
My mom had these rosy cheeks from the logfire and the red wine. She was giggling and my dad and I couldn't help teasing her for being so gullible.
"Oh well! Maybe you two are wrong! Besides, at least we're drinking wine and sitting in the Palazzo Hotel, which we've never seen before!"


Well whaddya know? Before you can get your prize, we'd like to interest you in timeshare and incredible discounts on your travelling yadda yadda yadda!
My dad and I killed ourselves laughing and kept chanting "Told ya so!!" over and over again, like two school children.
We decided to have a lovely dinner at Monte Casino and I got a little tipsy on my glasses of whiskey and Appletizer. It was a weird feeling to be getting drunk with my parents on a Wednesday night.
On our way out, my mom needed the bathroom. The Monte Casino bathrooms are huge and while my mom went into one of the stalls, I stood in the other room filled with mirrors.
I eventually moved into the room with the stalls and noticed there was only one door closed.
I tapped on the door and teased, "Sheesh mom, it sounds like the Niagra Falls in there!"
"Stop it Blondie!" The voice came from behind me.
I turned around to see that there was another stall door closed. I was mortified. I had just tapped on a door and told some woman that she sounded like a gushing waterfall. Charming.

Did I stand around and wait for my mom to finish, with the chance this other woman would come out first? Did I hide in another stall? (Wish I'd thought of that actually.)
No.
I did the mature thing and ran. I ran out the bathroom leaving my mom inside and ran out to my dad who was looking at the "Razzle Dazzle" display. Did I run out quietly and inconspicuously? Nope. My red heels click clacked and echoed in the acoustic bathrooms. My subtlety was fabulous.

My mom walked out shaking her head. It was her turn to tease me.

I had such a wonderful evening with my parents. No weird, embarrassed feelings of: You walk ahead of me and preferably don't refer to me at all. We don't really know each other.
Ok, the embarrassed feelings happen when my dad thinks he's funnier than Chris Rock and also thinks that the table next to us should know that. If it doesn't work, he laughs harder at himself.
Seriously though, there is something wonderful about being older and more appreciative of your parents. I'm glad I'm at this point. It's also wonderful for my parents to finally treat me as an adult. Sounds weird, I know.

I got home, strangely sober and as I turned the corner, I could see my home. Lights were beaming out of the windows. Odd. Neither the man nor I had been at home since that morning and we are very conscientious about switching lights off.
I pulled into the driveway and my dog wasn't going crazy. I walked into the house all warily and every single light was on. Every single light, from our garage to our spare bedrooms. I checked the house and thankfully there was no one there. My dog was acting a little bizarre and actually scared the crap out of me, because he kept looking behind me and when I spun around there was nothing there.
Right so, my paranoia was high and my heart rate higher. I was in my bathroom when I heard the TV go on. My heart nearly stopped. I think it may have, actually, for a couple of seconds.
That paralyzing fear washed over me and I wanted to see what was in my bedroom but I also wanted to stay exactly where I was in case there was something I didn't want to see.
I moved out of the bathroom, slowly and there was nothing there. My TV was on, but that is near impossible. The remote doesn't work, which is a pain. You have to physically switch the TV on.
I spoke to the man when he got home and he hadn't left any of the lights on either.
I cannot explain it.

Seriously, if I have ghosts in the house, best they start paying rent then. Times are tough with a unforgiving economy.
I am incredible spooked.

Oh and PS> I have a hickey! Me! A Hickey!! I can't remember the last time I had one. I certainly was young though. I don't think there was any intention for me to receive one, but there it is, proud and purple. Thank God it's winter -how I love my scarves!!

A random post...

Thanks for your advice on FB - greatly appreciate it :-)

There is something magical about being at home in the evenings, snuggled on the couch with a warm blanket and hearing a thunderstorm boom outside. It is weird to hear in winter, especially in Johannesburg. It hardly ever rains.

I love cold days for completely shallow reasons. It's for the fashion. I love scarves, hats, warm jackets and stylish boots.

Oh and another one bites the dust. One of my friends, Skinny girl has got engaged. We're all a little shocked but happy (don't get me wrong) for her. She's known this dude for 2 months and broke up with her last boyfriend of 2 years in February.
I am now officially the last girl in my group of friends to not have a sparkly piece of bling on my finger.
Am I upset? Nope. I know my time will come when the timing is right and I'm very content in that.

However, the thing with society that annoys the crap out of me is that when you're in a serious relationship the standard question is: "So, when are you two getting married?"
When you eventually do get married, your honeymoon isn't even a distant memory and people start asking: "So, when are you going to have babies?"
Your first born will still be a little bundle and people will ask: "So, when are you going to have the second one?"
Good grief.
Does it ever end?

The other thing I have decided I am going to start doing, or stop doing, is this: "We must get together..."
I have a tendency to bump into people I haven't seen in a while and at the end of the conversation I always say: "Great to see you again, we really must get together!"
I have the best intentions, but let's be honest, we both know it probably wont happen.
I'm going to stop putting myself in those pressurised situations so that when I bump into that person again and we haven't got together, it's ok.
So there, I've decided to do that.

I've been given extra work to do, which is great. Very glad about that. Yes, it sounds a little ridiculous, but I am happy. More work = more pay!
Woohoo.

Oh and I love it when it's someones birthday in the office, especially in winter. It means cake and cupcakes and getting to really enjoy it because I can just hide that "moment on the lips; forever on the hips" under a big warm, large jacket.
Bonus.

I'm taking my privacy back...

I feel nauseous and I'm irritated that I have allowed this to affect me as much as it has.
I'm so pissed off at being so sensitive. I wish I had skin made from leather and didn't give a shit.
BUT, if that was true I wouldn't be me.
I care a lot and I'll admit it: I do care what people think.
Yes sure, you can't control what people think, but that doesn't change things for me. I still do.


Anyway with that said, I have always been a fan of Facebook. I have loved catching up with people I used to go to school with (from nursery school through to Varisty), used to work with and so on. I have enjoyed seeing what people look like these days, what they do etc etc...call me a Facebook Voyeur if you will.


I was addicted. It then lost it's appeal for a while. Oh alright, they banned it at work.
They have now unbanned it and as I haven't been on for so long, that appeal just never come back. It's actually become time consuming to see who has written on my wall, who has sent me a virtual drink or growing plant, who has poked and even superpoked me.

My good friends and I chat over the phone, over email or over champagne. The rest of my facebook friends and unknowns all send me the same messages: Hey! How are you? Just thought I'd pop in and say hi! or, How are you? What's news...we must catch up!


Argh.


I am now being harrassed. I am being harrassed by bitchy girls, some of them I don't even know (go figure) and by annoying horny boys (OK, they're tolerable - irritating but tolerable) and they're (the bitchy girls) actually affecting my friendships and relationships with rumours they're circulating.

I have no idea why they have made such a scandal...what do they gain? There is no grounds for this and while I do know the reason, I just cannot believe people are that cruel, insecure, bored and heartless.
Do they not know that action creates a reaction. Obviously not.


Should I care? No. Is it hurtful? Yes. Is it stressful? Unfortunately yes.

How do you do it? How do you let things roll off you? Teach me.


Maybe I am being drastic, but I don't think so. Facebook is an open window into my life, my friends lives and so forth. I am a very open person, but unfortunately it can be detrimental.


The funny thing is I've been thinking about closing my profile for a while. This has just rubber stamped it for me.
This way I am protecting myself, my privacy, my friendships and relationships.


I am sad, I've really enjoyed it and it's connected me to a lot of people I lost touch with over the years, but really, if we were supposed to be such great friends, we would have stayed in touch. This is better.

I think this is why my posts have been uber interesting. Ahem.
I am the type of person who really lives the naive feeling of: If I wouldn't do it to you; I don't expect it to be done to me.
I know it's unrealistic. If only the world was this way, it would be a much nicer place.
I would also have fewer shoe prints on my back from being a walkover.

I just can't believe these girls have been so mean and jealous. I would NEVER do that to someone. It's unbelievable.
I feel like I am in a time warp and I've been taken back to school.


Anyhoo, thanks for letting me vent a little... I thought this was hysterical:
The email title was: Some People have NO Class.
Sure, we're not asking you to wear a poloneck, but SERIOUSLY...

Can you fix it? Yes or No.

I have been doing admin today. Admin as in: Get LG out to fix my dishwasher - this is so urgent - I can't handle it anymore; phone DSTV to see why I can't pick up certain channels; and tidy up after our weekend braai.

How is it possible that 6 people can be so unbelievably messy? I was even tidying (sort of) as we went along. Argh. It's the dishes that freak me out. Hence the reason, I called LG.

It really annoys me when repair men seem sweet over the phone, promise they'll be there at a certain time and then you sit around waiting and waiting (ok, well, I tidied and carried on writing my book). I needed the guy to arrive before 1pm as I had already put most of day on hold as far as meetings and strat sessions went.
12h30 arrived and he still hadn't arrived. I tried calling them and got the lovely: "Your call is important to us..." for twenty minutes.

At 13h30 he arrived. Now, when I logged my call I explained what was wrong. The wheels had fallen off of the trays so that when I tried to pull the trays out, the tray would just fall to the bottom. I explained this and the fact that the door wasn't closing properly.
That means: Bring the parts.
Right? Am I asking too much?

He arrives only to tell me exactly what I had explained over the phone (he used the jargon though) and then told me he would have to come back as he didn't have the parts.
Fab.

The good part? I wrote quite a bit today. I felt like Carrie Bradshaw on my laptop today.

My life is a little boring at the moment. I mean, seriously....dishwashers? WOW!

I am actually a little annoyed and upset about something personal. I think it's affecting my mood and blogging mood too. I'm hoping to sort it out soon so that Blondie can return to normal. Sorry about these posts lately.

Do you hate people who like to interfere (even though they say: we really don't want to cause shit or interfere) and are evasive about things, but when it comes down to the crunch and you try and figure out what they're trying to tell you, they clam up?

I'm getting annoyed. Seriously annoyed.