Charity and Showers

So I received this email from my gorgeous sister. I know it's not original, but I'm feeling as original as....um... see? Can't even think of that! So...here it is! It made me wet my pants. Not literally, but nearly. Just saying.

Part 1: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according tolights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.. If you see husband alongthe way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique inthe mirror, make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sageshampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Part 2: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them ina pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her while making the woo-hoo sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub thewhole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass the wife, pulloff towel, shake willy at her and make the woo-hoo sound again.
Throw wet towel on her pillow.

Like I said...nearly wee'd.

I am quite excited about tomorrow night. I do a lot of charity work and tomorrow night I am a part of Wow and Wags the proceeds will go to: FreeMe
I am being dressed by Story Design -an incredible designer and my Garden Terrorist and this post is being dressed by Doggie Hillfigher.
Exciting times!

Have a wicked weekend biatches!

Good time to laugh!

I had a TV interview today with the Garden Terrorist. I had to speak about my dog etc... it was cute. I, however, was very nervous for my dog to be in a new environment with 10 other dogs. He's very friendly, but with so much stimulation and excitement, he may get protective over me.

We arrived at the studio's and all was lovely, but they asked us to be there and hour and a half before we actual went on set. I didn't know this at the time. It was a mission trying to keep him still, calm and cool from the heat.
He was extremely well behaved and I was really proud of him, but as it goes, he started getting irritable plus he was over heating. I took him outside to try and get him to drink some water and maybe go for a wee. We walked around for a while and were finally called to go onto set.
As we walked inside, The Garden Terrorist just let out the biggest diarroeah shit I have ever seen in my life. The poor dude! I felt so embarrassed and tried to get someone to hold him (all 43kgs of him) while I try and clean it up. Charming.
This guy turned around (Thank God!) and said, "Don't stress. I'll do it!"
Well, I don't know what happened to me. I was so stressed from the whole thing and suddenly seeing this guy cleaning up liquid shit was just unbelievably hysterical. I felt like a mad woman. Laughing to the point that I there was no sound coming out of my mouth, I was doubled over and tears were coming out of my eyes. It was that nervous, uncomfortable, I-don't-know-what-to-do-right-now laughter and the more I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed that I was laughing, with him cleaning it up, the more I felt like I was going to wee.
I was finished, the minute he started gagging. I wanted to die from embarrassment but the tears of laughter flowed. I must have looked like such a bitch.
I don't know why I do that. I don't know why I laugh when I'm uncomfortable. It's a horrible vicious circle.
The poor thing. He was so well behaved but had had enough by the time we got onto set that all his training and manners went out the window. The poor host (petrified of dogs) was nervous and 4 of us had to sit on a couch with 4 dogs. They all started going for each other on "Live" TV. No cuts, no "please control your animal", nothing. All "live". "Live" because it's recorded as if it's live.
Live to tape is the correct expression. Apparently.
The Garden Terrorist (G.T) kept wanting to sniff the Husky and Great Dane, who weren't too fond of their butts being smelled, so they snapped, he snapped and I had to yank 43kgs back, nearly taking the host out.
I also don't know if I answered any of her questions correctly because I was so busy trying to tame G.T. Argh.
I couldn't wait to get him home. I was just starting to feel horrible about putting the G.T in this situation. It was all for charity and this was just the publicity around it. We haven't even done the actual event. Oh. dear. God.