Good time to laugh!

I had a TV interview today with the Garden Terrorist. I had to speak about my dog etc... it was cute. I, however, was very nervous for my dog to be in a new environment with 10 other dogs. He's very friendly, but with so much stimulation and excitement, he may get protective over me.

We arrived at the studio's and all was lovely, but they asked us to be there and hour and a half before we actual went on set. I didn't know this at the time. It was a mission trying to keep him still, calm and cool from the heat.
He was extremely well behaved and I was really proud of him, but as it goes, he started getting irritable plus he was over heating. I took him outside to try and get him to drink some water and maybe go for a wee. We walked around for a while and were finally called to go onto set.
As we walked inside, The Garden Terrorist just let out the biggest diarroeah shit I have ever seen in my life. The poor dude! I felt so embarrassed and tried to get someone to hold him (all 43kgs of him) while I try and clean it up. Charming.
This guy turned around (Thank God!) and said, "Don't stress. I'll do it!"
Well, I don't know what happened to me. I was so stressed from the whole thing and suddenly seeing this guy cleaning up liquid shit was just unbelievably hysterical. I felt like a mad woman. Laughing to the point that I there was no sound coming out of my mouth, I was doubled over and tears were coming out of my eyes. It was that nervous, uncomfortable, I-don't-know-what-to-do-right-now laughter and the more I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed that I was laughing, with him cleaning it up, the more I felt like I was going to wee.
I was finished, the minute he started gagging. I wanted to die from embarrassment but the tears of laughter flowed. I must have looked like such a bitch.
I don't know why I do that. I don't know why I laugh when I'm uncomfortable. It's a horrible vicious circle.
The poor thing. He was so well behaved but had had enough by the time we got onto set that all his training and manners went out the window. The poor host (petrified of dogs) was nervous and 4 of us had to sit on a couch with 4 dogs. They all started going for each other on "Live" TV. No cuts, no "please control your animal", nothing. All "live". "Live" because it's recorded as if it's live.
Live to tape is the correct expression. Apparently.
The Garden Terrorist (G.T) kept wanting to sniff the Husky and Great Dane, who weren't too fond of their butts being smelled, so they snapped, he snapped and I had to yank 43kgs back, nearly taking the host out.
I also don't know if I answered any of her questions correctly because I was so busy trying to tame G.T. Argh.
I couldn't wait to get him home. I was just starting to feel horrible about putting the G.T in this situation. It was all for charity and this was just the publicity around it. We haven't even done the actual event. Oh. dear. God.

Garden Terrorist

I was furious and so frustrated that I resorted to tears last night. I got home from Comedy Girl's place last night. We had finished off a bottle of wine, had great girly chats and finally called it a night. I was exhuasted and just wanted to flop into bed.

As I got home I noticed that the lovely tree's I had bought and placed in the garden to be planted were not sticking above the wall. As I got closer I found my dog aka Garden Terrorist, full of compost. He had trampled and destroyed everything. Everything. One tree survived.

The only good that came out of this, was that he distributed 3 bags of compost for me. Fuck, I was upset. I burst into tears. There was no sign of the Jasmine (my favourite thing that would have been in my garden!) and there were only a few things that were salvageable. The rest? Destroyed. The Garden Terrorist is lucky to be alive.

I am going for a spray tan tonight and yes, I've had them before and they work brilliantly on my skin. I can't lose 10kgs by Saturday night's TV show, so I'm going to mask it with a tan . I had to exfoliate my body and not use cream, deodorants or anything of the sorts. I ran out of my exfoliater so I jumped out the bath left a wet trail all the way to my kitchen, grabbed my sugar bowl and nearly killed myself on the way back. Slippery feet and tiles apparently don't mix. Who would've thought.

201 today

It's my 201 post today. Imagine that! You have had to endure me for 200 posts. Dude. Hectic. You've had to endure my whinging, my nagging, my ups and downs and just general crap that is the life of the Blonde Blogshell.
I am always amazed that people enjoy my post (no, there's no fishing here) but I genuinely am. I love receiving your comments and your opinions - you are hilariously funny in some of your comments and I always have good giggles!

Anyways, I went green today. Not in the jealous way, but I felt like a little old lady going off to the Nursery. My garden is so bare. It has grass and some ivy. We built a while back and have tried to get a garden going, but it's been a mission. Our soil is full of cement pieces, pieces of bricks and other rubble the builders seemed to have hidden and we've been trying to sift it out for over a year now.
I love being able to sit in a lush, green garden, smelling the various flowers and hearing birds tweeting. It suddenly occurred to me that I haven't heard birds tweeting at home, well, ever. I only realised this when I went to visit my parents and we sat outside having a cup of tea and heard weavers and doves carrying on in the trees.
With that said, I put on the old jeans, flat shoes and sun hat. I went to our local nursery and bought 4 kinds of trees (they're babies now plus they had to fit into my car), pretty plants with flowers (I don't know their names) that apparently spread out to create ground cover, 4 jasmine creeping plants that bring back memories from my childhood, hibiscus plants and smelly compost.
I am so excited to plant and I am so excited for the man to arrive back next Wednesday and see the garden covered in plants, rather than dirt.

I have a bottle of wine in the car (my favourite - Saint Anna, a cheapy. Ironically I can't drink really expensive wine, I found it tastes awful. Yup, I'm a cheap date.) and I'm heading off (after work) to comedy girl's house. My "twin" and I are going to celebrate!

PS> He gets back next Wednesday. Dude. I cannot wait!! Heard his voice this morning in a delayed phone call and I got all weepy afterwards.

P.S

I am so excited I can't seem to slow my heart rate. I can't sit still and I have this unbelievable urge to jump up and down and flap my hands about. Very girly. I know.

I just got confirmation that I am doing a TV shoot this weekend. Man oh man. I cannot wait!
This is super!

Fat senoritas. Here's hoping!

What a weekend! Friday night saw Special K and I knocking back the vodkas and orange juice and dancing like total hooligans. Good fun, but so responsible. I was in bed by 11pm. I had to be. Joburg Day started early on Saturday morning and I loved every minute of it. The weather was superb. A little too hot, but are we ever happy? I saw some total lobsters. Dude. It's called sunscreen. You can't expect to be covered up in winter and then expose your lily white skin to the hot sun and NOT expect to be burnt to a crisp.

Seriously.

Anyway, I really enjoyed the show. All 10 bands/musicians were amazing! It was incredible!!

On Sunday I went to the man's mom for lunch. We spoke to him too as he was at the family house. I really feel like a pathetic love-sick puppy dog. I am missing him so much. There is such a void and my heart physically hurts. I cannot wait for him to come home.

He was stuck in Paris (shame - I could think of worse places to be stuck in) trying to get to Spain and only arrived yesterday. Apparently it's wonderful to see his family there and there's a huge festival on at the moment.

We have this thing between us - we find it hilarious. Suppose you have to be there. If a guy comes up to me trying his luck, I must say 2 words: Fuck Off. I laugh. He laughs. Hilarious. Of course it's never really a reality. So...

I told him that if any Jennifer Lopez/Salma Hayek/ Eva Mendez look-alike senorita comes up to him he should use the two words.

Apparently I really do have a lot of competition. Spanish girls are apparently little vixens, tanned, gorgeous and love wearing bikinis.

This is what I'm dealing with:

OK. This is what I keep telling myself. Don't ruin my moment.

Body Odour

It's called deodorant. I'm just saying. Good God! There is nothing worse then the weather getting warmer and people's B.O. getting stronger.
For 3 hours today I kept sitting next to people who had the worst B.O. EVER.
I couldn't take it. Eventually I walked outside to get some fresh air. Literally.
It was me. Oh the fucking horror. What the hell? I still couldn't get it out of my nostrils and took deep breaths originally to clear the nasal passages and just smelt the waft of B.O constantly.
The shock and realisation of it being me was awful. B..bu..but, I put deo on this morning.
I did. I know I did. WTF??
How embarrassing! If I was sitting closely to people and thinking it was them the whole time, and it was me...they must have been dying. Oh the horror.
Of course. I changed handbags this morning and didn't transfer my deodorant either, so now I have to (mortifyingly) go and ask the very people I've been stinking out for the past 3 hours, if they have deo.
Cringe.
I now smell lovely and floral. Just for the record.
I'm still blushing though.

A mate of mine has organised us tickets for Joburg Day. It's a concert that 94.7 (a radio station) puts on every Spring. I'm quite excited!
I went last year and I loved it!!

Not sure what I'm doing tonight? Have 4 propositions. What can I say? Miss Popular is busy while the man's away! JUST KIDDING!!!!

Have a great weekend and can't wait for the weekend. Honestly.

Jealousy makes you nasty.

I am officially ONE WIF VA SOUTH! Apparently, if you have been to the Black Steer in Mondeor, you are pretty much initiated into the clan!
Apparently.

Blondie 2 and I had a jol and I loved it. I even got a tour of her primary school, high school, ex boyfriends homes, friends homes and her corner supermarket -all after midnight. Lovely.

I'm really getting annoyed with the home page on facebook. I know this is random, but it's literally just happened and changed what I was going to write about. Oooooooh, I'm seething!!!
I hate the Home Page because it shows everything that is done amongst friends and so forth. Cyber bullying. It exists.
Jealousy really does make you nasty.
I don't get people. I really really don't. I am genuinely and utterly respectful and excited for someone and their successes. I am not insecure in someones success, instead I'm inspired.
I don't mean to sound as if I'm just perfect and such a fantastic person, but I am being honest and a little perfect -haha. Narcistic? Me? Sorry...
I do not understand why people have to be so incredibly mean, bitchy and nasty about someone doing well in work, personally or any means that could make someone happy.
I saw exchanged comments written on 2 "friends" walls, purely by default of the home page.
I can be sensitive. Really sensitive. It doesn't, however, take a rocket scientist to know who they're talking about when they're talking about an achievement with my initials attached.
I'm livid.

That's all. Just needed the vent. Thanks blog.

14 days to go. I really am pathetic. Hahahaha

Current Addictions

My man leaves tonight for that European Country. 15 days. 15 whole days.

My mates are like little Mother Hen's...they're the greatest. "Don't worry Blondie! We'll take good care of you. Your liver? Not so much. Drinks tonight?"

I got tagged by the lovely Being Brazen and so flattered little me, is going to oblige*

What you need to do:
*Post at least five current addictions (with some details please)
*Mention the person who started this game of tag (Being Brazen) and also the person who just tagged you (Being Brazen).
*Type your post with the heading "Current addictions"
*Tag at least two people and pass on the above rules

So, here goes:

1) Cafe Latte's. Let me rephrase. Skinny Cafe Latte's. I adore them. What more can I say?

2.) Boxing. The best workout ever. Plus it really seems to be working. See my previous post. I'm still smiling!

3.) E! Entertainment reality shows. Shallow and silly mostly, but boy it's entertaining and truth be told, I can't get enough.

4.) Nik-Naks. I love the delicious cheesy snacks. They look at me in the Pick N Pay aisles and beg me to take them home. What can I say? I do my charity service.

5.) James Patterson. I adore his books and itch every time I walk past a book store to see if he's released a new book

I have other addictions (all legal, I promise) but I really can't think of them. Brain is a bunch of mush at the moment.

Oh yes, Blondie 2 has invited me to the South. I keep teasing her that she had better give me excellent directions because I panic when and if I get lost. Thank goodness I have my passport on me.

*THANK GOODNESS...had nothing to write in this post! What a save! Thanks Being Brazen ;-)

Skinny Bitch - well, I'm getting there!

I am absolutely and utterly thrilled. No seriously. I cannot remember the last time this happened to me. In fact, I need to take a moment.

I bought a cute dress yesterday to put over leggings. I hate change rooms and so I didn't try it on. I just took the size I normally wear with the thought that if it doesn't fit, I'll just exchange it.

I put it on this morning, looked in the mirror and my face dropped...into a smile.

It was TOO BIG!!

Well fuck me. I have not experienced that in, well, years!

I did my happy jig and beamed down the stairs to the man who was drinking coffee and playing PS2 Guitar Hero.

"What do you think?"

"It's too big for you!"

"Exactly!! Oh my God! Do you realise what you have just said to me?"

"It's too big?"

"Yeeesss!!!" I break out into 'Hallelujah!' and dance around the room a little.

"Shit, I should have just said that every time you ask me "what do you think?"...it would have saved me a lot of agony over 5 years."

"Ha! You're funny! Let's take a moment. It's. too. biiiig!"

I have had a permanent grin on my face the entire day!

Now. I'd like to take a minute to address clothing shop owners who have changing rooms.

I am no expert, although I am the typical gal who loves clothes and accessories, so here is my question.

Why the hell are there bright, unflattering lights that show up every lump, bump and pore?

If I had to own a store with change rooms, I'd find "thin" mirrors, with soft attractive lighting and enough hooks to hang up all the clothes plus enough space to move around in.

I'm just saying.

Blondie Boutique. Nice ring to it. Oh and all my blogging friends would get free clothes.

Just as well I don't have a store. I'd be bankrupt before I open! Hahaha!

Oh and...I am seriously looking for a cotton dress that can be casually worn that looks like this - anyone know of a place??

*Cough*

No Fashion Week for me. Had to forgo my front row seat. *Sob* and No EA Games Festival on Saturday. Instead, it was an injection in my bum, penicillin antibiotics, nasal spray, ginger, lemon and honey tea and lots of bed rest. It's all good because I had Denise Richards and The Kardashian's to keep me company.

My self medicating week didn't seem to work and after the severe nagging I got from the boyfriend (like: "Baby! Go to the doctor. I do not want to get sick. You're coughing on me. You're leaving your snotty tissues all over -it spreads germs, you know? and the likes), I finally went to the doctor. I swear, my doctor must think I have a crush on him. I've seen him every month now. It is so weird, I am not normally a "sickly" person but this year has been awful.

Turns out I was sitting with Bronchitis and the first stages of Pneumonia. Fun, huh?

Who knew. Sure I felt sick, but I have felt sicker with sinusitis. If I'm not better by Wednesday, guess who goes to hospital??

Fuck that.

We do not need to have 2 members of the family in hospital. Enough is enough.

We got my mom's test results. They're not good. It's not life threatening, just life debilitating. My family is unbelievably strong though and we will get through this. Power of positivity and prayer is the way to go now.

Happy Spring Day everyone! Hooray!