Heart Broken

Heart broken. European Boy broke up with me and to be honest, I NEVER saw it coming.

We had what most people search for their whole lives and some never find it. We never stopped having fun together, never stopped laughing, we were supportive and kind and loving. Amazing chemistry, I can go on and on .... So where did it all go wrong?

I'm not entirely sure. Feel pretty shattered.

He says that he just can't make a relationship a priority and that he should have taken the time and space when he got out of his last serious relationship - he's been in one serious relationship since 19 (married at 21 and divorced at 25) and that he needs space ... that it's not fair I love him so much and make him my number 1 priority when he just can't make me his.... he says he just is not in the space where he knows who he is and what he wants in life and he doesn't know if he ever wants to get married again and that he'd be stringing me along.

The first thought and first question from most people is: Is there someone else?

And I can honestly say that it's a NO.

I think he is just incredibly confused and is throwing the best thing to ever happen to him away...

I deserve better.

I am strong, but I've taken it hard. Well, I have to carry on, put a smile on my face - can't exactly be weepy in the job I have ... and just be blessed that I have the most amazing friends and family :)

I heart Fashion

Autumn into Winter ... I love this time of year purely for the fashion. Jackets, jeans, jerseys, shirts, boots, ankle boots, ballet pumps and most importantly ... accessories. I love chunky jewellery, hats, beanies, berets, scarves and even short square, dark nails ... *happy sigh*

In other news ... I've been in hospital again. Don't ask ... long story. Not fun. Drained and I just want to get to the bottom of this. So far I've had several specialists who are just as baffled as I am. Xrays say one thing and then when they go inside, it's suddenly not there.

I have become a medical mystery. I think I am an alien.

Anyone have House's number on speed dial??

Hormonal Cabin Fever.

I had Left Out Syndrome last night ... well, I'm not sure I can call it that considering it was my decision to stay behind while all my mates were going to birthday parties, dinners and Paul Oakenfold.

I had a hospital procedure last Wednesday. I had to go under general anaesthetic and get prodded and poked etc ... Good times really...especially when the schedule 7 drugs kick in ;-)

European boy had bought us VIP tickets to Paul Oakenfold ages ago. Every part of me wanted to go but by the time we were ready to, my body decided to chicken out.

I don't know if I'm getting older and by that I mean more responsible, or if I'm just becoming lazier.

As a very torn European Boy hesitated at the door, I absolutely insisted that he went with the mates. Another thing I adore about him is how sweet his for insisting he stay behind and look after me. I felt guilty enough that I wasn't going - I didn't want to feel guilty for him not going too.

I am PMSing (read hormonal pain in the ass), feeling sorry for myself, feeling tender and fragile after the hospital procedure and just not really myself at the moment.

So there I was on the couch, with my laptop and my favourite fashion blogs, my book, drivel on TV and I suddenly had this: "I feel so sorry for myself ... Oh my gosh I'm missing out on fun." moment.

I wanted to jump up, get showered and dressed and go party. I had visions of arriving, looking chic and saying cooly:

"Ha ha - I was just kidding! I'm going to order a Jack & Lime, who wants one?"

I didn't though. Instead I sat looking at my phone semi-hoping for:

"It's just not the same without you."

and

"We're all having a miserable time and coming home." messages.

That didn't quite happen, either.

They say it's really good for you to have a night on your own. To enjoy your "me-time" and I am always down for those, because they are so few and far between.

However, this does NOT count when you are already climbing the walls from having Cabin Fever and having Cabin Fever during a hormonal time -is well...problematic.

I don't think anyone has ever been so excited to see a Mr. Delivery guy. When the doorbell rang, I jumped up and nearly hugged him - just for some human interaction. He gave me my food and walked away shaking his head.

I needed to find things to preoccupy my time.

Bare in mind, that since Wednesday I have been doing the same things every night. OK OK, to be fair, the only thing different was that I was at European Boys apartment and not mine....At least they were different walls to climb.

There was N.O.T.H.I.N.G on TV. Good grief. Oh wait. I did watch a cool movie...or was that Friday night? OK never mind, scratch that.

I watched the clock a lot. Ridiculous... and a little crazy, I'll admit it.

I re-checked blogs -just in case the bloggers had written a new post since the last hour I had checked.

I read Twitter and everyone tweeting about how amazing their Saturday nights were.

Made Hot chocolate.

Raided European Boy's cupboard for left over Easter Eggs. He's normally a hoarder like I am, but couldn't seem to hoard Easter eggs. Dammit.

I looked at friends photo's on Facebook.

I read a few chapters of my book.

I made Vanilla tea.

I got a message from European Boy and my heart sang with a ridiculous: "He does miss me!!" - even though I know that deep down. Being a hormonal girl at times can be the pits.

I must have eventually fallen asleep on the couch, because when I woke up again, all the lights were on, the TV was blaring with Discovery Channel's "I Shouldn't Be Alive" and when I looked next to me, European Boy was home, sweeping the hair off my face and eating pizza.

I vaguely remember him switching everything off eventually and steering me to bed. Thank goodness, because the last time I tried to go to bed myself when I was so sleepy, I nearly slept in the dining room.

Today is MOTHERS DAY ... My sister and I have a tradition that we make her breakfast/lunch/dinner and copious amounts of tea. We've been told that she is going to Yoga this morning (my mom's new thing now) - so we are going to make her brunch. I've become quite the cook lately, so I can't wait to show off...just a little. I love surprising mom.

My mom is the most amazing woman. I learn from her wisdom, her strength, her elegance, her grace, her zest for life and if I turn out to be just half the woman she is, I will be incredibly happy!

She has always been there. I cannot recall a time when I have been let down. She calls herself my "Number 1 Fan" and has been through every heart ache, hurt, success, dream, triumph and lesson. I couldn't be more blessed.

To all the mom's out there ... even if we don't say it often, we are exceptionally grateful for everything that you do.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

A mothers love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible." ~Marion C. Garretty

Brrrr....

Freedom Day has left me cooped up indoors and taken hostage by my blanket, fluffy slippers and home made vegetable soup.

This weather had better just be a cold front and not be showcasing what is to come.

I know we've just entered Autumn and we're no where close to winter. Well, you could have fooled me.

OMG.

It's ice cold, I have steam coming from my lips as I talk and it hasn't stopped raining. Since when do we get rain at this time of the year? We certainly do not have rain during winter - we gratefully leave that for the Capetonians.

It seems Mother Nature just isn't happy - earthquakes, volcanic erruptions... Global Warming anyone?

2012 just doesn't seem so Hollywood movie-like anymore. Perhaps this Mayan Calendar should be studied a little more closely.

In other news, I have become quite the domesticated little you know what... Today, I made European Boy a hot breakfast and then I decided that I hadn't dirtied enough dishes so I made a fresh vegetable soup and when I eyed out the last clean dishes, I figured they wouldn't want to be left out, so I baked...chocolate chip cookies.

This weather is a problem. It makes me H.U.N.G.R.Y and while I know European Boy isn't complaining one bit...I know this because he has a stupid grin on his face and the biscuit crumbs are intwined in the blanket he keeps hogging ;) ... I on the other hand, look guiltily at my gym clothes that seem to be going deeper and deeper into my cupboard and veer towards the fridge and pantry that seem to have mystical powers over me.

I know I eventually have to leave the house, well... either my boss will fire me if I just don't pitch for work tomorrow or my stomach will start talking to me like it's possessed.

I am psyching myself up for work tomorrow. I am giving myself pep talks. I have to...I have an "itsy bitsy" GIGANTIC problem.

My Winter clothes, you know the ones that keep you warm and have fabric that cover the arms, well those are in storage at my parents.

"Hey mom!'

"Blogshell, how freezing is it? I can't do this weather."

"You're telling me? That's actually why I'm calling. You have all my winter things in boxes in the garage. I'm starting to resemble Smurfette, which was possibly cool in the 80's but not so much for me now."

"Shit."

"What do you mean 'shit'?"

"Well your father has been cleaning the garage to make space. You know I'm renovating my studio and so I've been putting all the things from those rooms into the garage. You can't actually get a person into the garage, let alone a car. I don't have any idea where your winter boxes are. I hope your dad didn't chuck them out."

"Super. Just super. Will you visit me when I'm dying from pneumonia?"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic."

"Will you check on me every few days to make sure that I have frozen stiff in my apartment?"

"Alright drama queen, I'll come and visit you and bring you one of my jackets. Put the kettle on for tea. See you now."

The bitter sweet news is that I am a little warmer when I do have to leave the house. I have one of my mother's jackets... with shoulder pads...that's in right? Right?

PS. Happy Freedom Day.

Autumn Clean

Seriously need to Spring Clean.. Autumn Clean?

Problem? I'm a hoarder.
I luuuurve my things and I always feel like I might just need that purple sweater, that movie ticket stub (memories for that scrapbook I'll eventually get around to making) and that costume jewellry that's seen better days, but I have the best intensions to turn it into a brooch.
I need to be ruthless, but actually I need someone to do it for me and they need to be stern.
I need my own Sex and The City scene where we can sit in my apartment with Moet and my girls can say "Chuck" or "Keep."
Problem is, we would just chat too much, drink too much and before long we'd be wearing the Chuck pile and prance around to a blaring i-Pod.

I need a company like Clean House but in South Africa and preferably without the camera crew.
Don't get me wrong ... my place is clean and in an order, it's just that there is far too much of everything (in order.)

Are there companies out there? Seriously?
Blondie here is officially waving a white flag of hoarding surrender

5 more sleeps

5 more sleeps and then European Boy and I take our first road trip together. I have never travelled more in the past year ... We have travelled to Knysna, Cape Town, Northern Province, to Mauritius and more... but we have never taken a road trip together and they say it can tell a lot. I must admit, I'm not worried, I'm excited.

I'm the nerd who is making playlists on my iPod called RoadTrip. I'm stocking up on food for our trip and looking for little places to stop at along the way.

We are travelling down for my "twins" beach wedding. It's amazing to think we have been friends for 9 years, we have been through University together, we've bought ice-cream for each others break-ups and shared several Dacquiri's, secrets and laughs together.... Strangely enough, I knew her and her fiance individually ... Both amazing people. 2 and a bit years ago when I met her for our monthly breakfast I could see there was something up. She was giggly and glowing. The obvious next question was: "Who is he?"

When she told me, it was PERFECT. I couldn't imagine a better man for my friend ... They are the perfect match!

I even remember saying: "Friend, watch... you mark my words.... you guys are so meant for each other just by knowing you both individually...You're going to marry him!"

In 6 more sleeps that is exactly what she'll be doing and I couldn't be more thrilled.

She's having it on the beach... I've never been to a beach wedding and actually it's something I've always imagined I would do one day, for my own wedding.

I'm really excited.

European Boy and I have also extended our time down there and we plan to have a weeks holiday.

I seriously need it. It's been a hectic year so far... no complaints, but it's still hectic.

Feeling drained and I know the salty sea breeze, the sand between my toes and the melodic sound of the ocean is exactly what I need to recharge my spirit.

This is the very view we will be sipping sundowners to.... 5 more sleeps...

Hooker at #19

I'm a friendly girl, I have no qualms about meeting people, even randomly greeting strangers walking through a shopping mall and so on. When I moved into my new complex, I was rather excited about meeting my new neighbors. I kind of imagined my neighbors would all be twenty-something, fun people. I imagined parties at our super cool clubhouse, knocking on each others doors because we were out of sugar...kidding, more like: Jack Daniels or Lime...or both.

When I was moving my furniture in I thought for sure people would come out their doors and introduce themselves as my new neighbor. I may have even hoped for a basket of muffins. Bree from Desperate Housewives would have. I'm just saying.

My lovely neighbor in the unit next to me introduced herself. She's lovely. The only friendly one but we happen to have very different schedules. She's gone when I'm home and I can only imagine it must be vice versa. Great. Thank you Murphy.

Then there are 2 units above me. I was rather excited to meet them....So far, I was right about my complex - all young and hopefully fun.

A few weeks went by and finally I managed to see some life forms. I met the guy who lives above me. Nice guy, friendly, in his twenties. Finally. These parties could possibly happen. He shares the same name as my boyfriend. Handy, especially because I really am useless when it comes to peoples names.

Two days later I see him with his live-in girlfriend.

"Hello same-name! Hello!" I say to him and to her.

Weird. Do I have the right person?

Yes, definitely. He's not friendly, instead he can hardly look at me, gives me a shy smile and almost looks like she's going to crunch his balls when they're in private for even acknowledging me. She grunts at me, gives me the dirtiest look ever and off they disappear up the stairs.

WTF?

Oooo-kay!

BUT the next time I saw him (sans the eye-balling grunter) he was all waves and smiles.

I think I've figured it out though. I think the word has spread. My neighbors think I am a high class hooker. Now, before you all gasp, let me explain.

I was asked (honoured) to be a part of this prestigious charity ball. I was asked to be one of the people who would showcase a designers dress. We were allocated designers and they had to take our measurements, do dress fittings etc.

I had very limited time to do this, so I asked to meet my designer for the first time at my home because I just couldn't make it to his studio.

He arrived at about noon. He has quite an unconventional way of measuring. Sure, he measures standardly with a measuring tape, but then he asks you to stand in hot pants and a strappy tank top. He cling wraps you and makes a "cast" of your body shape. Pretty amazing.

Amazingly BOILING...Murphy was having fun again - it just happened to be the hottest day of the year. I tried to look at the bright side ... this was a weight loss opportunity. So while he wrapped away, I sweated away. By the time he cut the wrap off me, I was dripping. I didn't want to put on my clothes straight away (ewww) so instead, I put on my silk robe that I have had forever and a day. I wear it all the time. I adore it. Hindsight, is a beautiful thing isn't it? I could have grabbed a loose fitting dress, but I went for my comfort.

I walked my designer to his car in my robe. I didn't think anything of it. Who was home during the week at noon? I then gave him a hug good bye and said: "That was really awesome and it was nice to meet you. So, same time next week?"

See how that would sound? It would have sounded totally normal if it was just between my fully-dressed designer and my silk robe wearing self. Instead, it was with all my new neighbours, yes, all those who I hadn't met yet. Those who I was starting to wonder if they existed. They had all come home for their lunch break. I obviously didn't get the memo.

So yes, there they are gawking at me in the middle of the day in a silk robe walking a man who was fully dressed to his car, giving him a hug, telling him it was great to meet him and asking if this is all happening again same time next week. Awesome.

No wonder the men are friendly when their girlfriends aren't around and the girls look at me like I'm the female version of Tiger Woods.

Love the reputation.

Perhaps I will get my party ... my farewell party when I move one day.

Fat Day

I am having such a fat day that I feel like blob with legs and arms. In fact I am like one muffin top with a mouth.
Argh. My jeans that fitted yesterday seem to have shrunk overnight. I was yanking and pulling and jumping and huffing and puffing and heaving myself into these jeans and finally managed to close the button. My neighbours must have thought I was having the most amazing sex ever.
If only they knew. LOL.

WTF is going on? Ok, so Special K my amazing mate who has a body to die for and is a fitness guru has very kindly taken me under her wing.
Yes, I lost 10kgs last year. However, I cannot seem to shake the last 10kgs and the thought of having to do this all again is just exhausting. See, I don't function like normal human beings. Normal human beings would be so chuffed and motivated that they had lost 10kgs that they would continue on the journey to lose the last 10kgs. Normal human beings would look at it like: I lost 10kgs, I can do it all over again.
I, on the other hand, am clearly not normal.
I am on a strict, clean eating plan and exercise plan.

I have the worst sinus so gym has fallen by the way side for the time being, which is frustrating me to no ends. I actually want to train. I've been told it's an 80-20 ratio. 80% eating and 20% exercise, so I figured that while I can't exercise I can at least get the 80% right. I have been eating all the right things, cut out fizzy drinks and crisps (my vices) and really thought that by 2 weeks I would feel and see a difference.
Nope.
Perhaps its because I'm as bloated as a ...I'm not actually sure what...
It's PMS, if you know what I'm saying.
It's lack of endorphines from the lack of gyming.

I've had it. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a gorgeous, skinny, fabulous day and if not. I'm going back to bed.

Drowning in my bath...

I'm renting this gorgeous little apartment. It is truly the cosiest and most comfortable place. It has a personality as far as walls and windows go... and I almost wish it was actually mine. I rent from the most divine landlords - they live in London, trust me implicitly- which helps, and are so easy going.

There are only a few problems with it...

The place is absolutely tiny. In reality, I don't need any more space for right now...although I could always do with more closet space...but then again, which girl ever has enough?

I am yet to have a housewarming because it would mean that I would be having a housewarming ever single weekend for the rest of my lease. I can fit maybe 3 people in at a time. Awkward.

It only has one sink, which can be a pain in the ass when it comes to washing and rinsing dishes. One day when I'm big, I would like to not slosh soapy water all over the floor...in fact, one day when I'm big, I will have space for a dishwasher.

My main problem is it only has a bath. Showering and bathing are personal preferences for people. Some people love to only bath...*teach me* ... I do not fall into that category. I am a shower person. Don't get me wrong...I love baths...on occasions, like when I've had a really tough work out and I need to soak my achy muscles or I get a rare one in a million chance to take some "me-time" and pamper myself in a vanilla bubble bath with candles, Michael Buble and a bottle of wine. Bathing everyday is not ideal for me.

It especially makes for interesting conversation when I say things like: "Oh my God. I can't remember the last time I took a shower!!"

People tend to turn their noses up to comments like that. I seriously miss showering. I can't handle the idea of soaking in "dirt" and then when I get out of the bath water it just clings to my skin again...ewwww. I need to rinse myself off and step out clean and fresh.

I also think of the environment, believe it or not, and it is better to shower. I feel bad every time I run a bath.

I emailed my landlords and asked them if I could restructure their bathroom by putting up a shower rail and curtain (not the sexiest thing, I know) and attachment etc etc to turn the bath into a mini shower. They happily agreed and even (bless them) told me they would pay for it. I'm so desperate at this stage I was prepared to pay for everything, even plumbing if need be. Still, it would've been a little rude to do my merry little adjustments when the place isn't mine.

European Boy has recently moved into a 5 x the size of my little matchbox (said with love) apartment and he is fixing certain things up...one being his bathroom with mustard coloured walls. Whoever the previous owners were should be shot for shocking taste.

I've learnt quite a bit about housey-things ... like tiles, and underfloor heating and damp proofing and so forth. Including a better more aesthetically pleasing solution of changing a bath into a shower. It's a mini glass door that gets attached to the bath. Much better. Much better than having a shower curtain stick to you and the feeling that Pyscho could be standing there with a Butchers knife.

I got this company to come give me a quote. Firstly they ended up getting lost because my complex (4-5 years old) is still not in the map books or GPS systems. Story of my life when I get cold Nandos and Mr. Delivery.

They took the measurements and were gone. I waited 3 hours for them to be there for no more than 5 minutes. The kettle was still boiling for tea by the time they were finished up.

I have the quote, not too bad actually... and I'm sending it off to London. I think it's a little more than a shower curtain and rail, but I'm thinking of them for future reference when it comes to resale value.... Aren't I just such a good little tenant?

Noddy Badge.

Although...I am just assuming that they're going to see my logic and go this route. I'm hoping so. If I have to dunk my shampoo lathered head under water one more time, I may try to drown myself.

Happy Valentines Day

I love love. That feeling that oozes out, those tingles and I'm happy to say that I still feel this way after all these months - 11 to be exact. How long is the honeymoon phase supposed to last?

I'd like to think it doesn't have to end and so far I'm testament to that.

Perhaps I've become one of those nauseating couples. The "get-a-room" couple. Although, in public we're pretty well behaved.

I made breakfast in bed this morning. Cheesy scrambled egg and bacon. I tried to cut the toast into heart shapes but that became bird food and I had to toast more bread. I received a gorgeous bunch of roses and a little teddy on a stick peeking out of the roses. The card is always sentimental to me. Words are so powerful.

I had planned for us to have a picnic. I even bought a proper picnic blanket and basket for goodness sake. Well I woke up to rain, so those plans went out the window when I saw the weather. How crap. Although, it ended up being awesome - didn't get out bed at all. There is something about rainy weather and cuddling.

Are you nauseous yet? No. Good. Let me continue then.

Where did I find him? He booked Valentines Day Dinner a month ago. Apparently you can't get a booking at this restaurant on any ordinary day, let alone a special occasion, so he got in early. What man thinks about V day a month ago, let alone plans anything? See why I'm keeping him?

I still don't know where I'm going, all I know is that I have to be ready by 8pm and I have to wear something smart.

Oh, you look a little green around the gills. Alright, I'm going to stop now...

Happy Valentines Day sexy people ... Hope you're being as spoilt as I am and if not, well, spoil yourself. Nothing like some self loving ;-)