Showing posts with label vulnerability. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vulnerability. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

What's in a name?

I have been thinking about this a lot. Why do we use pseudonyms? A lot of you bloggers have pseudonyms but are also quite open as to what your real name is.
Do pseudonyms make us feel better because it's like a mask and we can maybe have opinions that are stronger without being judged too harshly, maybe? Perhaps?

I tried to create a blog the other day as me, myself and I, you know, my name etc... I set it up and went to write my first post. I found it extremely difficult. It's not that I write anything exceptionally controversial or character hacking, and my blog (Blonde Blogshell) is actually extremely honest and very very me.
Suddenly my name was up and I couldn't write. I felt so vulnerable and I can't believe I'm going to write this word, but it is the perfect description, I felt shy.
I felt shy and vulnerble and even though most people won't know who I am, I was worried that I would be judged or that I wouldn't be able to use the fuck word anymore (the fuck word is a beautiful word though, isn't it? It's so expressive and sometimes completely necessary!), because it would tarnish my image , that maybe people I don't necessarily like, would find my blog or people I do like would find my blog and suddenly that made me feel extremely shy.

I deleted the blog that had my name plastered over it as I just couldn't be myself. I KNOW!! It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? I know that and it still doesn't make sense to me, but I am able to be myself with opinions, feelings, experiences and thoughts more under the Blonde Blogshell than my name. Question is, does this make me insecure? Is it OK to be vulnerable?
I hide behind the pseudonym but I don't treat as a mask where I get to pretend to be something I'm not...I hide behind the pseudonym that is my vulnerability/shyness mask.
Weird. I know.

I want to know why you use a pseudonym and why you chose the pseudonym you did. Perhaps everyone was using one and you decided to too, or perhaps you have a reason for it.
I chose the Blonde Blogshell...interesting story this...NOT!
I am blonde and I liked the play on words of Bombshell and Blogshell! Smart neh? Ha ha ha!