Sunday, December 21, 2008

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year...see you in 2009!

So it is that time of year when I say Goodbye.

I am going on holiday and so is my blog. I'll only return to it in January when I am hopefully well rested, bronzed and cocktailed out :-)
I. cannot. wait!

I leave for the coast tomorrow at 6am. I have to still pack and do the wax etc, but I am just so excited about, I cannot put it into words!

Thank you so much for a wonderful blogging year (it's my first full blogging year) and quite frankly, I don't know what I would do without it. It's my space to share, vent, question and entertain myself too by reading your blogs! Thank you for the support, love, the friendly comments and most of all for being friends!

I really hope you have a really wonderful Festive Season! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

I just have a truly good feeling about 2009 and I hope you celebrate in style! May it be a prosperous one for you and your loved ones!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Dread

I've been putting it off, but I'm running out of time. I need to take the plunge and plunge straight into the chaotic malls. Help me.
I need to still do my Christmas shopping. I know! I haven't even started. I know!!!
I am dreading it! Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not dreading the buying part (I love giving gifts) but I am dreading throwing myself into the lions pit of hurried shoppers, irritable shop assistants and crying kids.
Oh and I have to still do that bikini shopping. Aaaaaaahhh!!!!!!

If I only I didn't have a personal "NO GIFT VOUCHERS" policy. It might change this year. Just saying.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Rockstar Living

I am making myself feel better (making excuses?) by telling myself that I'm still young, that I had to do it once and that I am a little rockstar.
Ha!
I am seriously struggling this morning.
I have pulled an all nighter. I got a phone call from Shaun Morgan (Seether) and it went like this:
SM: Blondie!
BB: You're back!!
SM: I arrived from LA last Thursday and I want to know where you're taking my manager and I.
BB: Um. Dude, I have to work tomorrow morning.
SM: And?
BB: Um...OK...

So Shaun, his manager and I went out last night. We partied up a storm, drank copious amount of alcohol and when I looked at my watch it was time to go to work. I feel like I'm dying.
STUPID STUPID STUPID.

I have never been so grateful for Red Bull, Coffee and apples. I do however, have the shakes, my eyes are feeling like someone is constantly pouring sand into my eye sockets and I basically want to curl up and die.

The life of a Rockstar. I would never cope. :-)

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Naughty Naughty

I didn't go bikini shopping. I didn't have the strength physically and certainly not emotionally! LOL

I have the funniest two videos for you. EVER. I cried with laughter through these!! I just had to share them with you!
Do yourself a favour and watch them... hilarious!



Monday, December 15, 2008

Shit and Shopping.

There is NOTHING like waking up to a funky smell. If I was in a cartoon it would be like that green smoke wafting through to my nostrils and let me tell you, this smell would certainly singe nostrils hairs.
I should have woken up properly when The Garden Terrorist (aka my gorgeous dog) was restless and kept nudging my hand in the middle of the night. I just rolled over. Oh I'm so so sorry this morning. That smell woke me. I opened my sleepy eyes and out the corner of my eye I saw mounds of steamy diarroeah and vomit. The Garden Terrorist is not a small, lap dog (I've never been a fan of those that look like rats or are Paris H/handbag sized.) either. He is a monster of a dog who sleeps at the base of our bed. I wretched at the piles of shit all over the place. Oh and it's runny. Really runny.
Guess who has to clean it up? Me. My man had a plane to catch and acted like he had to rush, rush, rush.
I think I'll hang an air freshener around my nose, suck a breath mint and don gloves. Oh kill me.

Today I am going to do the thing that is dreaded by any woman who isn't a supermodel.
I could think of a few things I would rather do, like gargle with glass or perhaps I could stick toothpicks through my eyes balls.
Today I am going bikini shopping. Oh it pained me to type that. You have to try on swimwear. You just have to. But why do we have to try on swimwear in revolting, unflattering change rooms? Why oh why do stores do this to us? Revolting, bright light that shows every lump and bump and 101 mirrors so we can see ourselves in every angle. Awesome. Oh and my best? The bikini's sold as one. I can't handle that. I need a bigger top and a smaller bottom. Not both in one size. Oh no. Those beady eyed sales reps are there waiting for me.
"Sorry. You can't seperate them!" is normally whined at me.
To find one that fits and turns me into a Victoria Secret Goddess is well...I'm still looking.

I can hardly contain myself with the excitement. I now understand the purpose of the Hip Flask. I need to get sloshed so that I can drink myself pretty!

Below is the wish. Below that is most likely the reality. Kill me.


Wish me luck.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

I heart Britney.


So it's no secret. You can scoff all you like.

I am a HUGE Britney Spears Fan. Now hang on, I was about 15 when she came onto the music scene, so you could say that I have grown up with her.
I adore her and I knew that the comeback would happen...yes I did. My man always rolls his eyes when another Britney song comes out.
My reaction is normally: "Aw, I love it!"
My man's is normally: "Have you ever NOT liked something Britney's done?"
Me: "She can do no wrong."
Man: "She shaved her head."
Me: "She has a pretty head."
Man: "You are ridiculous."
Me: "I heart Britney."

I can't help myself...I have all her albums and need to get her new one, Circus. I hardly contain my excitement. I'm going to pop it on the iPod and sing along on the beach. Oh yes I am.
Am I dork? Possibly.

Anyway...
Here is a video and I think it's rather sweet!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I'm done.

I am exhausted. Done. Over it. I seriously need a holiday. I have finally put in leave. I can hardly wait!
I have two weeks and then I piss off down to the coast. I'm going to learn how to scuba dive and I'm going to get an overdose of Vitamin D hopefully that comes in the form of a bronzed tan.

I can't wait to smell the salty spray of the ocean, feel the beach sand between my toes and to finally be able to relax without having to worry about what I should be doing.
I am literally ticking the days off of my calendar. I'll be away from the 22nd December 2008 - 4th January 2009.

THIS is where I'm going:


PS> Thank you for your comments in my previous post - I don't know what to say really...I am just incredibly grateful for your support and kindness...I just don't know what to say other than Thank You!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

I'm PHAT!

I had one of the best weekends. I'd like to say that I partied it up VIP style until I pissed champagne, but instead I didn't move. Ok wait, I did but only for three reasons.
1. To go to the loo.

2. To go to the fridge.

3. To collect deliveries of health food.

I was exhausted on Friday - well, you read below so I got home and chilled. I watched TV and finally dragged myself to bed. On Saturday morning, I showered and instead of getting dressed, I got back into my pajamas. I can't remember the last time I did that!
I didn't get out of my pajama's until Sunday evening, when I showered and then put a new pair on. Lovely. I literally sat on the couch, alternating between writing on my laptop and watching the idiot box I lovingly call the TV.
Honestly, it was just the best. No make-up, no hair products and pure laziness. God it felt good.

I received an email from a pseudonym [of course] and it hit a nerve. It really, really did. I probably shouldn't be sharing this (considering that some of you know who I am) but I have had it and my blog is my place to vent. I just need to get this out!

The email basically says (in a nutshell - because it's a few paragraphs) that they can't understand how I'm in the industry I'm in when I am not "fat" but chubby. I'm not a good role model to women who want to get into this industry and blah blah blah blah.
{It did go on to say that they love my work and that they think I'm a natural talent etc...
Um...Thank you for the backhanded compliment then .}

I am fucking hurt. I should just shrug it off, have a good laugh (maybe a little cry) and then go about my merry way.

Let me set the record straight.

I have been diagnosed with sugar intolerance. I am border line diabetic and am doing my best to not become diabetic. Basically my body doesn't know what to do with sugar and instead of turning it into energy, it turns it into fat. I am left feeling lethargic and I'm left gaining weight.
I am not obese. I am just not your skinny size 0 and quite frankly I would never want to be.

Yes. I am in an industry that is image conscience. Um...I've been in it for a few years now so that would make me well aware. I am in this industry because I love entertaining. I cannot begin to explain how much I love what I do and I can't imagine doing anything outside of the industry. I get so excited to go in, do a good job and see how I can improve myself every.single.day!
The fact that it puts me in the public is rather overwhelming for me and I don't really understand it. My man once summed it up beautifully: "This is not Hollywood. We don't have celebrities, but we do have public profiles whether you/we like it or not."

A role model? No pressure. Don't you think a role model would be someone healthy, who has goals and is hard working and ambitious? I don't quite understand...are you saying that I'm not a role model because I'm not stick thin? Well in that case. Thank God!
If you're going to use loaded words like "Role Model", well then, I'd rather be a role model for young women who want to make something of themselves regardless of how they look. I'd like young women to look at me and think: I, too can do it! I too, can dream and have those dreams come true and I don't have to look a certain way!

It is devastating to me because I have put on several kgs and I can't quite seem to fit into clothes I used to. I'm a woman and I am personally very sensitive to this. Ask one woman if weight has ever been a hang up. 99% of women have hang ups about their weight, even Heidi Klum.
Has it hurt my self esteem? Yes. Not drastically but I. am. human. Trust me, I'd love to be the size I was and I'm working at it. Weight gain is quick...weight loss takes effort and it takes time if you want it to be healthy and stay off.
It's not great hanging around skinny girls at these functions feeling like a frump, but I'll never let my weight define who I am as a person.

I am irritated that I have never had to watch what I eat...perhaps to my detriment later on in life considering I have been diagnosed with this condition; and now I am having to. I am not used to having to make a concerted effort watching what I put in my mouth and it has been a bit of a shock. I struggle with it and it is a constant battle considering that I could be the President of the Sweet Tooth Society. No more sweets, chocolate, sugar, bread and so on...

Am I making an effort though? Hell yes! I want to be healthy and I want to do my best to prevent diabetes.
I am working my ass off in gym (boxing) and I am starting pilates/yoga.

I don't need to explain myself (after all of this) but I have had it. I'm tired of being called a Blob by tabloids. Fuck off. I am a person who has feelings.
Quite frankly this email has been the most judgemental, uneducated email I have probably ever received. It hurt me to the core.
I didn't respond. In these cases: "The best response is no response" - more advice from my man

This is a stupid post but it has made me feel better. I'll probably delete it tomorrow afternoon.

Oh and I've lost 4kgs so far, so bite me!

Friday, December 5, 2008

End. Now.

I'm talking about this day.
I'm in a foul mood. I'm not a moody person either, so you must know.
Let's start. I woke up this morning and for some reason the normal morning person that I am seemed to disappear. I woke up feeling moody and absolutely shattered. I was in bed at a reasonable hour last night too so there is no proper reason. I am however, feeling the end of year and the exhaustion has hit me.
I also continued reading the Mushy Peas on Toast book and I am now officially on page 133. I cannot put it down.

I finally realised how lazy I was being (total slob actually; considering it was midday) and got up to make myself some tea. I went down to find my very own Mary Poppins (our domestic worker) standing outside with her arms folded and a sad look on her face.
Now last week, I had left R800 in an envelope on my coffee table for a payment that needed to be made. When I came the next afternoon to get the envelope, it was gone. I looked everywhere and it hasn't turned up yet. I casually asked MP if she had put the envelope that was on the coffee table anywhere. She has a tendency to bunch things together or put things in piles or move things all together. I once found our cell phone chargers tangled together in my underwear drawer..so she has a tendency to do things like this. It didn't occur to me that she had taken it. This is a woman who once phoned me to tell me she had eaten 3 Marie Biscuits from the packet. She is incredibly honest and sure, there are only 2 of us and MP so it has to be in the house somewhere.
I asked her if she had put the envelope of money somewhere or if she knew where it was. She said she hadn't. I asked her if she was sure and then continued to look myself.
Apparently she thought I was accusing her of being a thief and she was very unhappy. She started crying and I was completely perplexed. Um...
I had to calm her down and tell her that I hadn't accused her, I was merely asking if she had put it somewhere else like she does with my post, my necklaces and earrings, my chargers, my car keys etc...
She was so upset because she thought that we were cross with her and she didn't want us to think that she had taken it. So I had to reassure her and she assured me that she would look thoroughly.
I know I'm going to sound like an insensitive bitch right now, but
a) I wasn't in the mood for this.
b) I don't know how money can disappear when it is only my man and I, but I know deep down she didn't take it.
She's a sensitive little Mary Poppins, that's for sure. I felt even more exhausted after that.

I then realised that I had to go to the bank before they close. Yay. My favourite.
I rushed off and strangely enough had to stand in long, winding queues. I was getting annoyed because people clearly don't use deodorant and I couldn't breathe, this woman in front of me kept chewing a large piece of chewing gum really loudly. She kept smacking it with her lips and popping it with her teeth. I wanted to smack her on the lips and make her teeth fall out. Nicely.
I finally got the front of the queue to deposit and draw and they told me that I was going to have to go to that queue over there. I looked at where this woman was pointing and felt my heart sink. That queue was double the queue I had just been sitting in. I finally got to the front of that one and there was a problem with something or other and I was going to have to come back tomorrow. I burst into tears. I actually couldn't believe it and had one of those out of body moments where I was looking back at myself saying: "Oh my God. You are crying and you're not even being discreet. Jesus. People are staring at you. Oh shit - look at you...you're blubbering now. Why are you crying anyway?"
Thing was, the more I knew I should hold in my exhaustion and frustration, the more I couldn't hold back the tears. The poor Indian man looked at me with absolute horror. He handed me a tissue and I blew my nose too. I am not dainty when I blow my nose. I sound like an elephant on heat mating a fog horn. It's totally unfeminine, really loud and attention grabbing (not in the good way.)
The worst part? Having to hold my puffy, red head held high as I walked out of the bank and feeling the heat on my back as everyone stared after me.

I got to the office and got a call from the same Indian man, apparently I left my bank card there too and he's not working this weekend. I told him to leave it with someone reliable and I would be back to get it tomorrow. Awesome.

This weekend had better be lovely. I hate being moody and quite frankly, I don't know what's going on.

PS> I did have a good laugh just now.
"A" (who loves her blind pug and who I'm going to call Camera Girl considering she is most likely going to feature a lot. She's too funny not to.) was in the middle of a sentence when she stopped and said:
"Fuck. Sorry. Your eyes look just like beer bottles."
"What??"
"No...I mean...I've just never realised it, but they're the colour of a brown beer bottle...it's really pretty! No seriously! That clear, pretty, sparkly brown beer bottle colour."
"Like a Castle?"
"Ja. It's a good thing."
"Um..."

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Tours and Waxes

It is always fascinating travelling in a car with colleagues. Especially funny and entertaining colleagues. I was with 2 of them. We were driving back to the office, when A started jumping up and down in the backseat. I have never seen someone get so excited about driving through the area she lives in.
"Oooh oooh ooooh! My house is down there. Aww, we could always blow this and go and have tea and cake at my house instead. Who is keen? My pug would love it."
G and I looked back and packed up laughing. "Your pug would love it?"
"Well she's blind, but I know she would. Seriously."
We continued to get a quick tour.
"This is my hood, people. Seriously don't mock it. Oooooh, I had my first snog there and I vomitted into those pot plants...right...THERE! My ex ex ex lives down that road. My friend Michelle lives three roads down from that. Ooooh, I've egged that house. Hated her. She deserved the egg throwing and plant pinching episode. I used to live down that street..."
And so it went on. I think G was watching her from the rear view mirror and I was literally in hysterics. She was so excited about this and kept showing us arb places and things. Emmerentia and Greenside will never be the same for me ever again.

Blondie 2 and I spoke about waxing last night. We waxed lyrical I guess, about the painful ripping of hairs. Blondie 2 totally digs it. I would rather dive into a vat of boiling oil. OK. Maybe not, but that is how it feels. If I can avoid it, I will. We got talking about cookie waxing. I know. Girls!
Blondie 2 is obsessed with it. I had a painful experience and told her as much.
B2: "Obviously your first time is going to be sore. It's like sex. The more you do it, the less and less painful it becomes."
BB: "Nice. I still hate it. I mean seriously. How embarrassing. All my life to spread my legs for a female stranger who wants to chit-chat while spreading wax and momentarily ripping the Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh out of me."
B2: "Oh please. Seen one; seen them all. Besides, she's probably been doing this for years and she's going to be waxing 20 more cookies that day."
BB: "And that is what I'm afraid of. There is no beautician confidentiality code...I'm sure they all sit there chatting about them. Like: 'Oh my God. You should have seen this one...' you know?"
B2: "You have issues. No c'mon, it's great. Besides, I have to go. I haven't waxed in, like, 6 weeks and they are probably out to here!"
She indicated the length and I nearly fell off my chair.
BB: "Holy shit chick. WTF? Impossible...I mean, sure...if you're ghd-ing your pubes!"
That was it. We were hysterical over the mental images.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

What happened yesterday...

My sister is a culinary genius. I have never eaten such delicious Indian food in ages. It would actually put Indian restaurants to shame. I'm talking about my sister making her very own samoosas (who does that??) Indian rice, curry and Indian sweets from scratch.
There are 2 problems. The first problem is that I have to kill her now because I'm going to have to do an extra hour of cardio now. The second problem is that I will never be able to invite her around for dinner now, unless she has no problem with toasted cheese!

Oh and that reminds me. I have been manic today rushing around town to various meetings, listening to people who drone on and repeat themselves trying to explain what they would like me to do at their function and then smile like I'm the idiot. I even had the question of: "So, um...you're sure you can do this, huh?"
I should have said something like: "Oh my God. Are you sure? I mean I've never ever done this before...ever." Just to completely scare the shit out of them.
I'm always amazed. Um...you hired me for your function... why would you suddenly be questioning whether I can do something or not....um??
I had so much to do today and I felt like screaming: "Alright already!! I get it! Can we move the F&%# on? Time is money people; let's GO!"
Instead of either option, I smiled, nodded and assured them that everything would be just fine and their function would be just great.

I finally managed to race off to Woolies to look for the dress I saw in the catalogue. I need it for this function, you see? Anyways, there I am looking for dresses (in a major rush) and found a whole rack of gorgeous dresses. I started looking for my size in these dresses, holding them up, pressing them against my body (quick mental try on) and then folded a few options (not one of them was in the catalogue...in case you're wondering) over my arm to buy them. I turned around and bumped straight into a friend from school I haven't seen in over a year. We got chatting and I was wondering why she kept looking at me so strangely...strangely as in a small smile and a look in her eyes that I didn't quite get. I finally got what that look and smile was all about. I was standing in the Maternity section. How did I NOT see the sign? It was huge and had a lovely glowing woman standing with her manicured hands on her huge belly on it.
There go the rumours.

I went through to support Mushy Peas on Toast for her book launch last night. I think it is an amazing thing to have accomplished and I heard that she always wanted to have a book published before 30! Well done babe!! I am so impressed and uber proud!! I had a jol too with you and the gang ; although I wasn't loving you guys this morning after those G & T's. I got to meet a few bloggers last night and it is always fascinating and fun. Chester Pillow was actually the person I cursed this morning...my head was feeling just lovely after the G&T's. It was fun Ches...thanks dude!
I got home last night and read your book until my eyes literally closed (admittedly I only read for 15 minutes) and the book hit the ground, ultimately waking me up. I am on Chapter 2 and I'm loving it! Sheer entertainment!
Well done Peas...I am definitely a GROUPEA and I have put an order out because all my gal pals are getting your book for Christmas :-)

Monday, December 1, 2008

Positively negative.

It's World AIDS Day today and our company arranged for confidential testing to be done for those who would like to know their status.
It takes 5 minutes and you get your results within a few minutes. It's amazing actually. So Blondie 2 and I went down stairs to get the test done. As we're waiting to go in with the nurse, we both looked at each other with the look of: Good grief...why are we doing this? I mean sure: "Know your status" sounds cool...but how cool could it be if it turned out to be positive?
Which WOULDN'T be a very positive thing at all.
I suddenly felt my mouth go very dry, my heart was pulpitating and my hands were sweating. My mind felt like it was on steroids too. Could I be? Oh dear God. It's not really possible, but then again... How do you get HIV again? I mean, I know this piece of knowledge, but at the time it dissappeared. I know I was on Anti- Retroviral Drugs for 2 weeks about 5 years ago because I helped a man in a car accident and got his blood all over my hands, which I discovered had open cuts on them from the glass in the car. That was a freak out. I had to wait like 2 days for the results and didn't sleep much. They also told me that I should be tested 6 months later to double check, but I never did. Forgot about it. SHIIIIT!!!
Well, that little piece of information popped into my head today and I sat there going: Oh shit. WTF!! What if.. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. The sex thing isn't possible considering my man and I are practically married. BUT...what if he's been.....Nah!!!
Oh dear God, hurry up nurse let's just do this. So I go in, get my finger pricked, drop the droplet of blood onto what looks like a pregnancy test. She then gets me to fill out a bunch of forms for confidentiality etc... I kept looking at it, so she took it away and put it on the seat next to her. Um...surely 5 minutes have been and gone. Nope. Only 2 minutes had passed. She gave me pamphlets on how to lead a safe life etc... and all I could think was: "Shit. She's seen the result and now she's trying to council me. Crap. Why did I do this again? Yes. It's good to know your status. It is right? Oh c'mon already. Just give it to me."
She finally took the test off the seat and told me to take a deep breath. She was enjoying this. Melodramatic Sadist.

My drink got spiked on Friday night. At dinner. Awesome. My sister, Blondie 2 and I were given a shot of Rasberry Vodka by the owner and 15 minutes later we were feeling completely plastered. We had drank one glass of sangria each. That was it. It was awful. We felt ill, plastered, heavy limbs and by the time we got home Blondie 2 and I passed out on the couch. We aren't 100% sure if our drinks were spiked, but it was a horrible feeling. So that was my rivetting evening...it was over by 11pm - I think.

Going over to the family tonight...my sister is a total genius in the kitchen -she always amazes us with incredible dishes. Tonight we're going to feast on Indian food...bring on the pappadoms!

Friday, November 28, 2008

I'm a Ballerina Girl, name calling and liquid dinners!

I got to meet Lionel Richie yesterday. He stopped by to visit me. Me, as in the office. Potay-toes, Potah-toes. He told me that I was 3 times a lady and that after seeing me he really did want to dance on the ceiling. I know. It's hard having that affect on super famous people. Sigh. I offered to babysit his granddaughter, Harlow and that if Nicole Richie was feeling lonely because her "BFF" Paris Hilton was tarting herself around the world, I'd happily share a few cocktails with her.
He laughed at me. I thought it was funny too, but I was being serious. Oh well.

So I got the People Magazine (before it comes out next Tuesday) and there's an article about:
The Names Men Call Women.
Here are the different options.
WOT = Woman On Top - someone who is domineering.
T&G = Touch & Go - one night stand chick
LOD = Live off Daddy - enough said.
LOL - Lady of Leisure - high maintenance
WWI = Woman with Issues - trouble and lots of tears
SCB = Sensitive Cry-Baby - most difficult to manage because she believes everyone is always attacking her.
DMH = Dedicated Man Hater - feminist.
WTS = Way Too Smart - threat to men in the workplace
TTH = Tries Too Hard - they're desperate and short of throwing their arms around mens knees.
BWN = Best When Naked - they have a terrible laugh, they're dumb, no sense of humour, can't hold an intelligent conversation but they're BWN.
B&D = Bitchy & Dangerous - spiteful and will make you pay for every one of your mistakes.
CWA = Comes With Anchor - biological clocks are a tick-tocking.
PDB = Perfect Dumb Blonde - airheads and naive.
NTB = Not Too Beautiful - OK looking women with a bad outlook on life.
JNI = Just Not Interested - are the girls who give off "back off" vibes.

Dude...these are hectic. So, um...what? Should we all strive to be PMM?
Careful because that M at the end can also become an S. Just saying.

I am so super excited for tonight. It's a night out with the girls. I haven't actually spent some good time with my mates lately and I can't wait to enjoy a liquid dinner of cocktails. PLUS....my sister is coming! She has been hectic with her thesis, internship, exams and group assignments. It is not an exageration when I say I haven't seen her for longer than 15 minutes in 3 months. I got a call from her to say she's coming tonight, so we're celebrating her distinctions. She graduates Cum Laude. I am so bloody proud of her!! Tonight is going to be a JOL!!! WOOOOHOOOO!!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

I met Jennifer Garner last night for dinner and drinks. Ok, well, I think Mushy Peas looks just like her. What a doll. She is hilarious and fun and an amazing listener and story teller. I literally felt as if I had known her for years, regardless of my stalking her blog. I did gush and I did embarrass myself but then again whats new? It was fantastic to meet the person behind the pseudonym and she is as brilliant and fun as she is in her blog. You know the internet and blogging world can be a funny thing. It's very easy to sit infront of a PC screen and be whoever you want to be, have an alter-ego, hide behind something that is safe and free from judgement or whatever. Just ask most peadophiles. It could have been one of those weird moments where you're sitting there going: Dude! How is it possible for someone to be so cool and then you meet them and it's literally a case of 'Oh shit! Who IS this person? What are we going to talk about?'
I've had that before on an email chat with someone I was doing business with. He was witty and hilarious and confident and when I actually met him he was this introverted guy who couldn't string two sentences together orally.
I must say meeting Peas was fabulous. I reckon that date 2 is a must and will probably involve more alcohol (we were trying to be polite...that, and that I didn't want her to think I would take advantage. Kidding! Ok seriously, we were being responsible adults* knowing we had early starts) and some dance moves that will look like I'm doing the sprinkler and shaking the dice, while Peas will be the bonafide hip hop dancer. You'll be able to tell. Trust me.

I've been up early. Early as in: before the sun has risen. There should be a law against that. As a result I now feel as if I've been awake for so long that it should be home time and not 10am. I don't think another cup of coffee will help. I am yawning and too lazy to cover my mouth. It's attractive, especially after eating a bran muffin. Most people in the office today are just too bright and perky. They're giving me a headache. That shrill: "Goooood Mooorning!!!!!" is ringing out all over the place. It could be one of two things. They either got some last night or their holiday is around the corner. Just saying.
Weird thing is, I'm generally a morning person. The end of the year will do that to you.

OK and some good news (think positive Blogshell) I got a message from the person I've been hoping to hear from regarding my audition, which didn't go as I had hoped. The stress, the nerves, the pressure and the intensity of such a show is overwhelming if you haven't done anything like it before.
They said to me that they have feedback for me, which will be given soon and that there is some work to do and lots of intense dedication to put in before we get there.
Happiness. That's a good thing. It certainly isn't a: Look, this has been fun. Don't call us; we'll call you!
I am more than prepared to put in the hard work and dedication and I relish this opportunity so I am excited that the door is still slightly ajar and not slammed shut. I'm putting positive vibes out there.
This dream of mine just HAS to come true. I have dreamt about this particular thing since I a teen. It was the goal I set for myself in this industry and just the fact that I've come this far is pretty mind blowing.

Right. Coffee machine is calling. So is my bed. We can't have our cake and eat it can we?


* Don't snigger.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Detectives, Proper-like and a Date.

Not all cops are bad and corrupted, evidently. I am so impressed. I spent most of my evening at the Randburg Police Station last night. I'd like to be hardcore and very Hollywood and say I was being booked, but instead I was a witness. I was the witness to the accident my man and I had on the 14th.
We have been called every single day with an update of the case and they finally tracked down the son of a bitch. It turns out this drunk asshole is quite a popular boy with the police. He has a charge of assault laid against him. Apparently he left this chick for dead. They're also investigating how he got off and how he wasn't charged with attempted murder. Nice guy.
They couldn't arrest him without a witness statement aka me. I think the guy has been arrested this morning, but we'll no doubt get a call later.
I am uber impressed.

Today I decided to do things a little differently. I decided to stop being a lazy cow and do things the proper way. I didn't call 082 110 when I needed a number and pulled out the dusty phonebook. I forgot how heavy those things are. I even had to go through the alphabet in my head when looking up a name. Don't ask.
I decided to phone instead of sms. I actually do phone a lot, but generally an sms in easier.
I booked a table at a restaurant like a sophisticated woman instead of just rocking up and pleading (sometimes squeezing cleavage) for a table.
*blondie 2 is here*
She just came in and wrote that now...clearly NOT doing things the right way, because she has her own blog. Now she's looking at me like I'm mean. Get over it. ;-)
Anyway, back to my blog.
I wired up a hi-fi all on my own and only looked at the manual once, which doesn't count.
I sewed a button back onto my jacket instead of ignoring the gaping hole.
I let my hair dry naturally. Ok, this one was really because the idea of using a hair dryer in this heat was unbearable. I got out of a cool shower and 10 minutes later had to dry myself off again. I applied my make-up and 15 minutes later it had melted. My mascara was on my cheeks and my lipstick was on my chest. Pleasant AND attractive.

I have a date tonight. Not with the man. Ooh la la. Relax. It's with a woman. OK wait. This is sounding terribly wrong. Although it does feel like blind date. We told each other what we're wearing so we'd recognise each other. I even asked her if she wanted to have dinner with me.
Oh good grief.
Now I know that I am going to make most of you jealous. Haha. I mean...sorry about that. I am meeting Mushy Peas On Toast for dinner tonight. Yes I am. I think I'm probably going to give her the biggest squeeze and gush about her blog and how she inspired me and go on. Basically, I am going to seriously embarrass myself. Nothing that a bottle of wine wont numb. :-)
I cannot wait.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Handle the pressure?

I feel like that father pacing up and down outside a maternity ward. I am anxious and my heart has a very weird sort of beat. I feel like that love sick teenager who has a crush on a boy and waits by the phone. My heart nearly stops every single time my phone rings. I hate private numbers. I generally don't answer them, but I am now. I'm hoping for the call.
"Blogshell...we see potential in you and we're going to give you another opportunity. You've got it!"
Instead, it's the bank telling me I need to pay my credit card or some awful woman calling me to sell me vacuum cleaners. Planet Fitness Gym also called me to tell me all about their wonderful specials trying to entice me to join.
Every private number that I have answered has been everything BUT the call.
I can't take the pressure.
I'm trying to be as positive as possible after a very, um, interesting experience. The thing is, after the taste I got and the amazing amount of knowledge I gained; I just want to do more and more and more.
These are some of the thoughts running through my brain:
Calm down. Breathe. Stop looking at your phone like a crazy woman with darty eyes. Staring that hard at your phone is not going to make it ring. Just relax. What's meant to be will be. If it is your destiny, it will be. They're busy and that's why they haven't called. Maybe it hasn't gone into edit yet. Chill out. What if it has and they are all killing themselves with laughter. Maybe I'll see this on YouTube under the heading: "Funniest clips EVER of wannabe presenters."
Oh dear God. STOP IT NOW! Busy yourself - it's not like you don't have anything else to do! Focus on something else. Why haven't they called. You are pathetic.

And so on...

I feel like the biggest nerd ever. I cannot get over how pathetic I have been over this. No really. I am even embarrassed of myself. I can't tell anyone that of course...well, I can't say it out in words. Thank God for my blog. Really.
It's just that I want this so badly and I don't want to repel it either. Argh.
STOP IT.

PS> I am annoying myself. I can imagine how annoying it must be to read this too. I promise to blog later this afternoon about something lovely and fun. I am going to gym with Special K later and I'm sure there'll be plenty to blog about then.

Thanks for the vent.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Mother City





So...Cape Town was fabulous!! No seriously...I couldn’t have asked for better weather! It has been gorgeous with hardly any wind and a total scorcher! I even managed to get a sligh tan...OK a dress tan, but still.

I stayed in a hotel that made me wish I had had a video camera to show you what I meant. The receptionist at the hotel literally gave me creepy shivers. Think Psycho. He was almost identical to that. You know that really creepy look? The stare where one doesn’t blink and a smirk that makes you think he’ll eat you? He was like THAT!
I got my room key and started to walk around the corner, when I noticed I had turned too quickly and the lifts were further along. The hotel receptionist said in a really creepy, monotone way: “Have you seen the movie Wrong Turn? It’s a horror.” He then chuckled and I literally wanted to get out of there!
I have seen the movie and it freaked me out. I am a baby with horrors anyway. I screamed in Scream and Final Destination, which I don’t think can be classed as horrors. Enough said.
All I wanted was to get into my hotel room and sleep until the next call time. I looked out of the window and instead of seeing ocean, I saw an old eerie stone church. It added to the chill factor.
I was exhausted due to the fact that I been up since 3am to catch my 06h30 flight, and then arrived on set to shoot (my audition was an actual shoot for 3 days –how cool??) at 10h00 and only wrapped at 21h00. The exhaustion definitely helped me pass out quickly without having to think too much about the creepiness, but seriously. It is a great hotel for a thriller/horror movie.
The view of the eerie church.

I have never been so nervous in my life and I put a shit load of pressure on myself. Not great. So stupid of me actually, because thats the worse thing you can do...but hindsight is lovely. It was also my first experience and first time to do something of this proportion; so it was a definite challenge. It made me realise more than ever; that this is what I want to be doing. I fell in love with it. I just hope that they see potential in me and give me an opportunity to put all that I learned into practise. I am anxious now because I don’t actually know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if I will get called back, if I will get the opportunity and if my dream will come true? Everyone is telling me not to get my hopes up and to look at it as a lovely experience. Absolutely to the experience, but as far as getting my hopes up Too late. This is a dream that I cannot explain how much I want it to come true. Imagine going for your dream and not getting it. Crushing, right? Argh. Positivity all the way baby!
I wish I hadn’t been so shaky because it wasn’t a true reflection of what I know I am capable of, but I’m hoping and wishing and praying that there is something in the tapes that will make the Executive Producer love me! LOL

Right, so I now pray and keep visualising and keep thinking positive thoughts. I do believe that what is meant to be will be. I hope this is what’s meant for me. :-)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

There are no words...

I am so sorry I haven't posted - but things have been manic and this audition I went for has turned out to be quite fruitful! I am literally jumping up and down - I cannot contain myself. This will change my life, but I don't want to jinx anything and I certainly don't want to count my chicks before they hatch, so I don't want to get my hopes up too high.
Oh wait.
Too late!

I am going down to Cape Town for 3 days now and I am on an emotional rollercoaster of nerves, anticipation, excitement, self-doubt, self-confidence and then it starts all over again.

Wish me luck people, hopefully next week I'll be jumping and down popping champagne!

I.can.hardly.wait!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Drama follows me.

Well, I went for the audition today. I have never been so nervous in my entire life. I didn't know whether I wanted to vomit or pee and possibly at the same time. Which would have been messy and embarrassing. Just saying.
I am holding thumbs because dudes. This will change my life. In a good way. It has also been a dream of mine since a little girl and the fact that I had the opportunity to audition for it, is amazing!

Anyways...My man and I had a car accident last night. We were leaving a venue to go home and as we approached a traffic light, which was red, we obviously slowed down until it turned green. We pulled out into the intersection to turn right, when I suddenly saw this car approaching rather fast. It was a red robot for him so I kept thinking he's going to slow down. I suddenly shouted to my man that this guy was going to hit us, so he sped up to turn the car completely. A red Golf slammed straight into the back of us. Thank God for safety belts. I got flung forward and would have gone straight through the windshield. Luckily my man turned in time or I would have been T-boned.
We pulled over and got out the car. I was shaking. The guy in the red Golf was so pissed he couldn't get out of his car and kept slurring at us that we had hit him. Unbelievable. He refused to give us his details so I scribbled (very shakily) down his registration number. We were going to call the cops, but we had both had 3 drinks each and even though we were totally sober, legally we would have been over the limit and sure, it wasn't our fault, but with SA's Metro Police you just never know these days. There is a 24 hour window to report an accident so we got back in the car and started to drive off. All of a sudden the red Golf was driving right up our ass and swerving left to right behind us. He eventually pulled up next to us and ran us off the road. I was incredibly nervous. He was screaming profanities and calling us drunk c**ts.
Rich.
We were forced into the emergency lane. In the interim, another innocent car was driving past when the asshole suddenly swerved away from us and missed the other car by centimeters. The other car stopped and so did the Golf. A screaming match entailed and eventually the drunk asshole sped off, nearly smashing into a traffic light. We exchanged business cards with the other car (our witness to his reckless driving) and went on our merry way.
My neck is a little sore this morning but nothing too serious.

We have reported the accident and our policeman friend has traced the registration and advised us to lay a charge of Hit and Run (even though he stopped, he refused to give us his details and there is a clause that still makes that a Hit and Run charge) and Reckless Driving.
It's amazing how quickly things can happen and potentially change a life/ end a life. I know it's dramatic and we're fine, but it could have been worse, especially if my man hadn't turned the car in time.

Here's to a chilled, safe, accident-free weekend
xxx

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Singing AND dancing REQUIRED!!

Blondie 2 absolutely cracks me up. I have never laughed so much in my life. I go and visit her last night and she is singing everything. I think I may have posted about living life as a musical (I'm too lazy to go back into my previous posts) but if I didn't, we have discussed how awesome life would be as a musical. Think about. You're sitting in a restaurant (like Mimmo's) having a conversation and then something strikes a theme for a song and all of a sudden you're singing and dancing and the entire restaurant knows the chorus (harmonising, of course) and everyone knows all the dance moves. Waiters could spin around with pastas and pizzas and we could use props like red and white checked table cloths, candle sticks and wne glasses. As soon as the song is finished, the dance moves work in such a way that you're back in your previous positions and you carry on with the rest of the conversation. This could apply to anything in life...imagine your business meetings bursting out into song, traffic jams, parties etc... Blondie 2 and I think this is a brilliant idea. We decided to try it in the office. I guess we're going to have to try harder. There was no buy in from anyone else and they all looked nervously at each other and then back at us. Perhaps they were trying to see if we were drunk. See? We ARE that much fun sober! We eventually stopped when we thought someone called security.
How great though? I loved the idea. I told my man and he said he would gnaw at his own pulse if the world turned into one big musical. Spoil spoilt.

Oh and speaking of Blondie 2. She has decided to start a blog. I was so excited I could hardly contain myself. She started it on blogger.com last week. Every single day I go onto her blog to see if there are any words other than: "No posts match your query. Show all Posts"
Nope. Still there. My excitement is wavering Blondie 2!
I have been nagging her to write something, anything but she keeps saying that she has work to do or something like that. Boring. Work is a 4 letter word. Just saying.
Sounds like a lame ass excuse to me.
I'm bugging her now. Bug bug bugging. When she does actually get round to blogging, I'll let you know.
It's called: http://www.stilettosinafrica.blogspot.com/ just so you know.

Blondie 2 -if you're reading this. The challenge is on. DO IT...SPLASH IT ON ME!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I have a suggestion. Amen.

If you see a blonde trying to walk. It's me. I either look like I've pulled something or like I've had an amazing night of passion. Maybe... oh never mind.
I've actually just outdone myself in boxing class. No seriously. I cannot walk properly and I did class this morning. Imagine how I'm going to feel tomorrow morning. Good grief. We did 280 lunges today and as many squats. Ok? So you understand now. Stairs take a good 5 minutes and trying to sit on the loo is one hell of an experience. I have to literally hold onto the walls and slide down onto the toilet. Sorry for the TMI, but seriously, you don't understand my pain!
I have been stretching and it's still sore. I don't think I'm going to be able to walk tomorrow.
Whoever said: "No pain, no gain" should be shot. Really. I hate that they're right!

I had sushi lunch today with Special K and Boxing Girl. We were bitching about that very saying. I mean, life is generally hard. Can't their be something easy? No really. I spoke hypothetically (well, I guess thats pretty obvious) about being giving an option before we're born. Imagine if we were given a clipboard with various options we could tick off, before we were born. The Clipboard would say:

Life is hard, so I'm giving you a break. Tick one.

I'd tick this one:

#16.) Staying healthily skinny (within you height) will be effortless. You will be allowed to eat as many carbs, chocolates and other bad stuff as often as you like without so much as a kg nearing your thighs, stomach and hips.

I don't know...I think that would be fair. Each individual could tick off whatever it is that they never want to think about or have to put so much effort into.

Boxing Girl and Special K think I'm totally nutters and said things like: Breathing is easy.
That doesn't count. But thank you Lord because that would totally suck if we had to think about doing that all the time.

I thought my idea was genius. I'm letting G know about it...perhaps He can look into it for the future. Just a suggestion.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Sssshh...

The weekend was helluva eventful - I had the best time! I laughed and drank and ate. Boy did I eat. I'll have to blog about that a little later because it was, like I said, eventful.

Right so, I have been feeling a little demotivated and well, to be totally honest completely and utterly flat. Yes, it's this time of the year and yes I need a holiday (I think I've stressed the last point enough) but I've been feeling really down. I'm just finished and tired and demotivated. I find myself feeling this at this time of the year purely because it always makes me evaluate my life. I look back and think either: "Great year!"; "Gosh, it's been sweet and sour!" or I think "Good grief. End already."
It's been sweet and sour for me this year. It also makes me think about where I am going, what I am doing and what opportunities are around the corner for me to either create or sieze.
So, with that said, I figured I could either wallow in self pity or do something to get myself out of the negative space.
Anyways, I know some of you sceptics are going to roll your eyes, but hear me out.

I decided to pop The Secret DVD on this morning and watch it. For some personal reason, this always makes me feel better and makes me feel like I can create my own destiny, opportunities etc and just makes me feel motivated again. I started writing down everything that I am grateful for and what my goals are.
I was in the middle of watching the DVD and writing my list when I had to pause it to answer my phone.
It was a good friend/colleague of mine who gave me some incredible news. I have an audition tomorrow for something that has been a dream of mine since 15 - in fact when I was getting into the industry I stated that I would absolutely LOVE to do XYZ.
I now have an opportunity to go for it. Dude. I am so utterly excited and yet at the same time I really don't want to jinx anything.
I was just freaked out and had goosebumps because it was really strange considering the circumstances. I know, right? You damned sceptics! I know you're thinking it's like one of those bogus emails of: send this to 203 of your friends and in 4 hours your wish will come true...but dude...goosebumps. Oh well, I was chuffed and weirdly enough, I'm feeling a lot better too! LOL


Cross all things crossable please! No. Seriously. Grab a Troll, a four leaf clover, whatever and any other good luck charms you have lying around and send them my way!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Oh alright! I'll have another one!

I love spontaneous evenings. A mate of mine sent me an sms saying: Hey Blondie! Why don't you pop round for a quick drink after work? Let's meet at Tanz Cafe!"
So I thought, why not?
I am disillusioned when it comes to thinking any drink after work will be quick? The intention is there, but we all know how it goes. One drink turns into: "Aw c'mon! Just one more!" and before you know it you're clinking glasses with everyone and knocking back shooters. Evil.
I also didn't realise that I was going to be rocking up at a place where a CD Launch was taking place. This always seems to happen to me. I know that I'm going to go straight home, so there's no real effort in appearance. No sleek hair, no proper make-up and definitely no heels or cute outfit. I rocked up in slops and a sundress with my wash-and-go hair.
I walked straight into a media frenzy. Photographers and music industry members were all chilling out waiting for Paul E. Flynn to get up on stage to rock out. Oh well, fuck it, I'm gonna have a drink and leave. Immediately.
Ha! I got home at 1am this morning after drinking copious amounts of jaeger with Barney Simon and Cito from Wonderboom. Louise Carver (she's fabulous) sang a duet with Paul E. Flynn and they were amazing together! I felt bad when Louise sat down at our table and ordered a bottle of water. Dude. Talk about feeling ashamed as I swig back my Savannah Light.

I am feeling a little rough today and I missed boxing class. Ahem. Monday is a new day.
I don't actually know what I'm doing this weekend. I like it that way. Go with the flow and see what happens. I am hoping to sleep the weekend away but you just never know!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

A Decade of me

I wrote a meme about my Decade. It was probably the longest post I have ever written and I've deleted it. I know one person read it and that's cool, but it suddenly occurred to me that there is way too much information in here. I'm a very open person and that can be detrimental. I'm glad I wrote it and I've kept it on file for myself. I think this was more of a personal thing for me to reflect. Whoever started the meme is genius. I have also realised I don't actually know HOW to be impersonal or discreet. I wrote my full story out (in detail), which took me a few hours to do and it probably would have taken you a good 15 minutes to read.
LOL

I have deleted the post and started again with less info...you will see how I struggle with that considering there is still a lot of info here...but hey! This is ME!!


1998: I was 15 years old and took subjects that would help me be a doctor one day. I sucked dreadfully a maths and science. All I wanted to do was entertain and I knew my calling was to do that. I was a cultural child who took part in singing, drama, public speaking, debating etc... I also made the mistake of saying: "I'd never been drunk before" and my lovely friends ordered me 8 double shots of tequila. I was so ill that I was close to having my stomach pumped and I have never touched and will never touch tequila again.

1999: I was a true Sweet Sixteen: Never been kissed before. I turned sixteen and a month later I met drama boy. My first kiss was lovely and teenage giddiness set in. I started dating him. We dated for over a year and things changed when he wanted to sleep with me. I didn't want to...I wanted to wait and he got so mad.

2000: I was in Matric. All my friends and all his friends knew weeks before I did that he was going to dump me. He did and I was devastated. My first boyfriend and my first breakup. I wanted to tell my best male friend that I had feelings for him. My best girl friend encouraged me and then proceeded to make out with him the night I was going to tell him. I met a lovely, gorgeous boy who was in Post Matric and we started dating. He swept me off my feet and we hade such fun. I matriculated and couldn't wait to start the journey to my career I had dreamed about for ages.

2001: This is my most eventful year. I started studying BA Journalism. I found out that my grandfather in Europe had passed away. The last time I saw him was 1992. I was 9. I mourned more for the loss of not having known him. I was entered into a Beauty Pageant and made it to the Top 10. My self esteem was picked up and I met 2 of my closest friends I have today. Special K and JB. Post Matric Boy broke my heart and I never knew why he broke up with me out of the blue. I never saw him or spoke to him again and always wondered what had happened. I found out this year after physically bumping into him. I heard everything that I had hoped to hear 7 years ago. 7 years too late. 2 months after the break up, I was involved in a horrific car accident with JB and Pageant Boy. Our car rolled, I had to be cut out of the car and the paramedic thought my neck might be broken. All 3 of us walked out of there with sever whiplash and other injuries. We had survived something that no one should have.
My grandmother (I was closest to her) was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and she died 3 months later. Her husband died suddenly too a month before she did. It was crazy. I failed 3 1st year subjects. I did however start with a company in order to start paving my career path way. I was 18 years old when I started. I also started Designer Boy around this time. I had met him at the CD store I worked at on weekends.

2002: Second year varsity. I was entered into my universities RAG Queen Beauty Pageant. I made the Top 20, then the Top 5 and I won Miss Enthusiastic (don't laugh) and was chosen as the People Choice Miss RAG Queen. There were 2 titles. One for the actual pageant and one where the students voted for their RAG Queen - People Choice. I studied my ass off and got an opportunity to work for a company that was fantastic to pay my dues, hone my skills and learn about the industry. Designer boy and I had fun but we weren't sure if we were right for each other. We denied this for a while until...

2003: I completed my 3rd year, plus I finished the 3 1st year subjects I had failed and graduated with flying colours. I was still working at this company and it was a tough year. Classes in the morning, rush to the show, rush back and do afternoon classes and complete assignments in the evening. I met my man at the company and it was love at first sight. People always said that to me and I used to tell them to read another Mills & Boon. Haha!! I got it, though, for the first time ever. I broke up with Designer boy and started dating my man!

2004: I turned 21 years old and had the most incredible birthday party!!
I was feeling frustrated at the company. I had reached the ceiling professionally and needed to grow even more. My man encouraged me and helped me. I sent off "CV's" to various companies and eventually got the call from the company I am at today. I started training and then started BAM! 4 days later.

2005: 2 days after my 22nd birthday I moved out of home. I moved into a quaint, tiny garden cottage. It was perfect. I felt like an independant woman and suddenly realised how tough it was out of the nest. It was an amazing lesson. I got an incredible "promotion" if you will and it was a huge break in my career. My profile was rising and it was overwhelming. I got sucked into the celebrity world and my head grew waay too big. I am truly glad and blessed that I have such amazing friends, family and my man that keep me grounded. Let me tell you, we are all human and it's easy to get wrapped up in a glossy glam world that falsely tells you it "adores and loves you". It's destroying when you start believing it's true and real.

2006: I moved into my man's new home in October. I had all these idea about how I was going to transform his bachelor pad into a pad for 2, until I realised how naive I was in a) trying to change things and b) expense.

2007: Special K and I decided to create our own opportunity in this industry. The entertainment industry has so many dimensions to it and I want to explore. We started our own company in order to start working on a special project, after being told that we'd never make it in a cut throat / mans world. They were wrong. We surprised not only them but ourselves.

2008: We've had a few set backs with the economic climate, but we're feeling positive that this project will be a huge success. We've put enough blood, sweat and buckets of tears into this! With that said, I actually laugh every single day. My man and I are strong - I love him to death and don't know what I would do without him. I have the most amazing friends and family and I feel blessed every day.

I have grown as a person, I have had been given plenty of lessons to learn. I laugh every day, I cry sometimes too but if I had to have a choice to go back I don’t think I would. Sure, I often say: if I had the knowledge I have now and had the chance to go back in time, I’d do it! Honestly though, I don’t think I would. Things happen for a reason to make you grow as a person and to mould the woman that I am becoming; if I had to go back and change things I might not be the same person I am today.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Gentle is a word.

I'm totally thrilled that Obama won!! I think it's brilliant and I even got a little weepy over his speech this morning! I know. I'm not American and I was moved by his charismatic, incredible speech! Yes We Can!


And Yes I did. I went to boxing for the first time in 3 weeks and I nearly died. I was actually worse than when I originally started. I was huffing and puffing, my chest was burning and my muscles grew mouths and screamed at me! I sweated gallons of, um, sweat and I couldn't complete one of the exercises. BUT, I do feel better for having gone and I have promised myself that no excuse will be tolerated anymore. I cannot miss days because days turn into weeks and before you know it you're back to being a slouchy, disgusting couch potato.


I slept in a draft on Monday evening and ever since I have such a sore back, plus I'm stressed out and my back has become a knot haven. It's painful and I'm getting headaches from this... I had some spare time before meetings and noticed that opposite the boxing gym there is a lovely Thai Massage place. Yippy! I have never actually been for one and I've only ever heard how awesome they are. So I thought: Why not? Let's give it a bash. Little did I know how giving it a "bash" would become a reality more than just a saying.

Holy shit. I feel bruised. How can such a small woman with small dainty hands unleash torture onto my back? She was so strong and I felt my back click several times. I felt my muscles actually move around. I was in agony. So much for a lovely relaxing massage. I think she was a bit of a sadist too. The more I moaned (not in the good way) and whimpered; the more she dug in. I eventually asked her to be a little gentle. I don't think she understood. She did yoga on my back by walking on me, kneeling on me, elbowing me and then she yanked me around the room as if I was a ragdoll. Dude. I can't believe I paid for that.

With that said, however, it was pretty amazing. My back does feel better. Better as in the bruised feeling has replaced the stiff knotty back feeling.

Still... it was an experience if nothing else.



I have been tagged by Being Brazen - I feel honoured!

Word for the week in my head is - demotivated. I know. How to start off a meme positively? Ask Blondie how.
Thought for the week in my head is - "Is that even fair?" - don't ask...some stuff going on at the moment at work and I'm feeling down.
Thing for the week in my life is - Skinny Cupaccino's
Song for the week in my head is - Sara Bareilles -Love Song (I love it so much and sing it all the time)
Food for the week in my belly is - snails. I never used to eat the slimey little creatures. In fact, I used to terrorise them with salt as a little girl. I was cruel evidently. Now, I like to smother them in garlic.
Colour for the week in my life is - turquoise. I seem to be wearing a lot of it at the moment, so this could be my colour for the season.
Smile for the week on my face is - receiving a piece of information that I'm excited about.
Blessing for the week in my heart is - having incredible people in my life who are true and supportive

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Gadgets for Blondes

My man was away for the evening on business, so Blondie 2 invited me to the south. I know. Luckily I had my passport in my bag. So, off I went to "va souf!"
You know, just a regular girls slumber party complete with pillow fights, lingerie and heels.
Kidding.

She has this new gadget called MVix or something like that! It's an extra hardware type of thingy-majig that hooks up to the TV. You can upload movies, tv series, video's, photo's, mp3's etc...it's brilliant. Right, so it's still in the box and it's Operation Set Up. We had all the cables plugged in and it didn't work. Blondie 2 was looking at the manual (girls use these) and kept shaking her head.
B2: "I don't get it! Everything is plugged in properly!"
BB: "Yes, but is it the plug point at the wall switched on?"
B2: "Of course it is. The lamp is working."
BB: "The extension cord isn't plugged in properly."
B2: "Yes it is."
BB: "No it isn't!"
She pressed the plug in harder and voila! Seriously, the joke: "how many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?" should become: "how many blondes does it take to get a gadget to work and how long does it take?"
We sat for 10 minutes trying to figure this one out and we're smart girls. Don't laugh. We are. Really.

Have more to post...but running out of time - you know, deadlines and annoying stuff that always seems to get in the way of blogging. How rude!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

The East Rand

Last night was a mates birthday! He's one of my man's closest mates. Seriously. The whole group has been friends for 15 years and counting...it's quite incredible actually!
So, my man and I were getting ready for the birthday party being held in The East, when he suddenly discovered he didn't have any hair gel. I suggested hair spray but he looked at me as if I had grown another head.
Mission 1: Find hair gel at 20h45.
We missioned to 5 petrol stations quick shops...they sell everything but hair gel. Gel companies should think about stocking gel at Quick Shops. Seriously. We can't be the only couple after 8pm, who needs hair gel. Seriously. You can buy Brooklax at a Quickshop, but not hair gel? Um...
Moving on, I suggested the 7/11 down the road. They didn't even stock gel. I suggested we go to the hospital. Surely they have a pharmacy that should stock hair gel. I thought I was onto a winner, but the 24 hour hospital has no 24 hour pharmacy. Go figure!?!
We eventually found an open cafe and what did we find?? No hair gel. Just hairspray. We missioned for an hour. That hour could have been spent drinking and dancing if he had just used my hair spray in the first place. Men. Just saying.

Right, so we eventually arrive. The drinks are flowing, the music is pumping and our mates from the East asked: "When you come here, do you notice a huge difference between the North and the East?"
"Um... The one thing I do notice is how unpretentious everyone is. It's lovely."
That was said in the beginning of the night. I started to notice things and boy was it entertaining.

Apparently it's a normal occurence,in the East, to rev cars and dicing each other at traffic lights is considered recreational fun.

You add alcohol, a lot of people into High Flyers Club and all of sudden a scuffle breaks out. I have never really witnessed a fight in a club. Sure, maybe a shirt being grabbed here or there, but nothing hectic with fists flying and the likes. I started walking outside to get some fresh air, because it was so crowded and hot that I was feeling a little claustraphobic. The next thing I know I have walked right up to a couple that are arguing. Before I know it this girl has shoved her man backwards. He stumbles and is about to crash into me, when my man grabs me (my hero...awww) to avoid being hurt and the birthday boy puts his arm around me drawing me closer to our group. The next thing I know the dude punches the chick right in the face. She's screaming, people are intercepting and holding the dude and the chick back. She takes her high heel off and leers at him trying to hit him again. I was absolutely fascinated. That sounds revolting I know, but I have never in my life seen anything like that! I mean dude! WTF?? Eventually the people that have intervened are dragging the two out of the club. I start walking (a distance behind) and see blood all over the floor. The parking lot became a screaming match and a struggle to tear the two apart. Blogshell was gobsmacked. Excuse the pun.

After all the commotion, we went back inside and had a jol. We were singing and dancing and trying to get the attention of the DJ who kept shouting into the mic: "Whooo waaants some ice cooold chaaaampaaaaaaagnnnnne?"

The birthday boys wife and I went ballistic trying to get that bloody bottle. Some blonde tart with a "why bother dress" flashed the DJ and won. Obviously. We were disappointed. I also didn't need champagne that badly. We smashed love potions and Jaegerbombs and eventually called it a night.

Gotta love the East Rand. I really had a blast!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Creativity is wasted on mere blonde specimens

Zob invited me to see her showcase at Vega last night. Vega is an advertising college, where the seriously creative go... man alive, I was amazed at just how creative these people are! In fact there was this vibe of creative energy that tingled through the air and it had nothing to do with the DJ spinning tracks or the not-so-virgin slush puppies we were drinking. Now, I consider myself to be somewhat creative; but this was totally different. A lot of it went straight over my head! Still...I was uber impressed.

Oh and speaking of heads...I went to get the head highlighted and was quite excited to see those roots disappear. The turned me into an alien with foils on my head and put me in the corner with dog-earred magazines and said they'd check on me in 10 minutes. 10 minutes went by. Another 5 went. I eventually popped my head around the corner. "Remember me?"
I got whisked away to the basin immediately.
I mean, sure, just because Hugh Hefner is single now; doesn't mean I'm auditioning to be a Playboy Bunny. With my hair colour now, I could. Just saying.

I have my boxing Christmas Party tomorrow night and I'm looking forward to smashing a few jaegers and glasses of champers. Bring it on...

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Soppiness...bare with me and my hormones.

So, I'm feeling better today. Still bloated but I'm not ready to kill anyone. Yet.
I had a morbid thought to. If I had to be driven over by a bus or something...yesterday's post would have been my last -how revolting. Sorry. All my life, to have my parting words as "I haven't had period cramps like this since high school. I feel as if someone from the movie SAW is inside my tummy trying out new versions for SAW 4!"

Charmer, right there!

Last night, I sat backing up all my blogs. I started in September 2007 and copied and pasted every months post onto my laptop. I am horrified that I've been blogging for over a year. It feels like 6 months. Woah! I'm so glad that blogs started. When I first heard about a blog...it was literally a case of: "Oh my God. That sounds terrible. Is it contagious and is there a cure?"
I was laughed at, of course and after some explaining I decided to do some research about them. I still wasn't 100% sure about how they worked or what the purpose was until I was flipping through Cosmopolitan magazine and saw the section for Blog of the Month. Mushy Peas on Toast was the featured blog, so I copied the URL and went in search. I have read her blog every day since and so I can whole heartedly say that she is the reason I started blogging. I have always enjoyed writing and I must admit, I tried writing as myself. I had a blog with my name and everything, but I found myself censoring what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. I'm not really sure why and I still can't explain it. I deleted it and was talking to a friend of mine. He came up with the name The Blonde Blogshell (wish I could take credit for it; wish I had thought of it) - you'd also be surprised at who that person is, anyways, I found out his wife reads my blog and I nearly had a heart attack - again...the shyness factor and the: "Oh shit what have I said?"
Anyways...this is also something I can't explain... I can't write as myself, under my real name...but I can completely and truly write as ME under a pseudonym. No logic, but it works.

I can't really remember NOT blogging and I look forward to typing out my bitching, my excitements, my sadness and my general experiences. I will never forget receiving my first comment. Ruby Letters welcomed me into the blogging world and I was stoked that someone had read my blog. Chuffed is the word; terrified the other. Oh dear. What happens if someone I actually know stumbles across my blog? Bizarre I know, since I am putting my life into these posts on The Internet for the WORLD to see and yet when people do figure out who the person is behind The Blonde Blogshell I get so shy and freak a little. I know. There's no logic in that at all. I've always been an open person (sometimes to my very own detriment) and often land myself in boiling water. Thing is, I have nothing to hide and I'm in my twenties learning about life and who I am as a woman. I don't feel I need to apologise for who I am and what my own opinions are.
I like being able to be anonymous (well sort of...like I said..openness can be detrimental to me at times) and I like having anonymous people comment on my blog with their opinions. I find it fascinating and cyber-weird that I consider you guys to be my friends...friends I've never really met. Again, no sense in that either, but it's true.

So...as my 235 post, I'd like to say THANK YOU for the comments and for your very own blogs that I love reading over a cup of vanilla tea. Thank you for allowing me this platform to really express myself and to have fun!

PS> Two months and 2 days left until 2009. Just saying.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Painting the town red. Just saying.

Right so...don't read any further if you're male and can't handle female stuff!
Just a warning.

I am so fucking bloated I feel like I've swallowed a watermelon whole. Man, I look 10 months pregnant and I'm not trying to be cute about it. No exaggeration. Just pure uncomfortable bloating.
I am PMSing like a bitch at the moment. Good grief. I have turned into a monster. Seriously. Even the man is wary of me. He is walking on egg shells hoping not to get burned by my fiery mouth and stare that could turn you to ashes.
I haven't been this PMS-ey in ages! Don't know what's going on.
My stomach is killing me. I am in agony. I haven't had period cramps like this since high school. I feel as if someone from the movie SAW is inside my tummy trying out new versions for SAW 4!
Argh!
Bloody hell...excuse the pun. Eww. Sorry.

Periods suck. Period.

TMI? Afraid so. Did warn you.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Sandton City

Wow. Who knew that 2 hours at Sandton City could be so entertaining? I don't really shop at Sandton City purely because it's waay too expensive and because I have shopping malls closer to home.

Right, so with that said. I had to return something to Sandton City that I had purchased. I had a few hours to spare and decided to walk around a bit. I needed Re-writable CD's and underwear. In no particular order.
I know this is a little weird for some, but it's not like I go underwear shopping all that often. I normally buy in bulk -so to speak and that lasts me for a while. A long while.
I know that we're in an economic slump, but dude. R250 for a bra? One bra?
I ended spending R910.35 today and got two bra's and 5 panties. Basically 1 pair for each day of the week. Weekends are going to be a la Britney. Kidding. Or am I?
I literally had one of those tug of wars with my credit card and the sales lady. It wasn't pretty.

Sales Lady: 1
Blondie: 0
Right, so there I am deciding between cute little briefs that say: "Access Denied" and "Fragile: This Way Up", this elderly gentleman walks in. He has his walking stick in one hand and a Woolworths packet in the other.
He says (matter of factly) to the I'm-so-bored-please-can-I-fold-another-pair-of-panties-woohoo sales lady: "Excuse me. Are there fashion shows?"
"Huh?"
"Well. If I wanted to buy something for the Mrs, how would I know what to get?"
"Um. Look in her cupboard and see what she likes or find out her size and surprise her."
"Bu-but don't you have models here to try on the lingerie for me to decide?"
"No sir."
"Awwww!"
We suddenly clicked that this sweet old man was not so sweet after all. He's a filthy pervert. I was enthralled.
I finally left with my pretty packet - at least the packaging was worth it (a shallow satisfaction.)
I had to wait in line to pay for my parking, which by the way is RIDICULOUSLY expensive. So, it's finally my turn. I insert the parking voucher and insert a R20 note. I'm supposed to get R7 back. I do and out pops the new R5 coin and a R2 coin.
As I pop the coins into my wallet, I suddenly notice something unusual. It's not a R5 coin. It looks similiar and is the same weight.
Nope. It's a Turkish 1 cent coin. Man, I was pissed. Although...I now would like to find out what a) the exchange rate is
b) aren't they part of the EU, so they should be using Euro's, in which case this is null and void or it's potentially worth something as an old coin? (I may sound stupid, but I don't actually know if they're part of the EU or not.)
c) I've been swindled out of R5.


Above is the Turkish coin.

Above is the old R5 coin on the left and the new R5 coin on the Right
.

Oh and to try and get some help or someone who actually gives a damn is almost impossible, so I now have Turkish money in my wallet. Have I thought about passing it off as R5 coin myself?
Hell yes.
Will I?
Dude no...I do believe in Karma. Financial Karma.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Hickey's, watermelon, Sex and the City, mom and charity....you come up with a title for this! LOL

This weekends charity event was an interesting one. It got drenched. Wow and Wags Charity event was held outside with a small marquee for guests to enjoy champagne and canapes. Their actual seats for the show were outside. We had a small marquee for celebrities, make-up artists, hair stylists and wet dogs. It was chaos. Our marquee actually flooded and some bags were soaked. Designer gowns were soaked and we had to walk out onto the ramp, dog in one hand and umbrella in the other. It was tres interesting.
I know we wanted rain, hell, we bitched about the dryness, but hells bells, it sure made up for it on Saturday night. Hail, thunder, large droplets...it was proper.


When was the last time you got a hickey? No really. I discovered I had one on my shoulder...not an intentional-16-year-old-let's-give-you-a-hickey but rather a nuzzle that was harder than expected and left a purple mark. Dude. Not great. Not great when you have a strappy dress and the make-up atist whispers loudly: "Should I cover that with base?"
Isn't the purpose of a whisper to be discreet? I mean seriously. Why bother whispering? Why not announce it over the PA system?
Thing is I wasn't aware what "that" was.
So Blondie here, being...well, blonde says: "Cover what?"
"Your hickey!"
"Wh..what?"
At this stage a few people have gathered around to see what must have been Barney's purple head grinning at them on my neck.
Lovely.
They all gave me the look. The "I-know-what-you've-been-doing-Grrrrrrr!!!" look.
It turns out it wasn't as bad as it originally seemed and quite frankly it really can't quite be classified as a hickey. Right? It was a nuzzle. A loving nuzzle that left a mark. I'm putting it out there.


Today I went to visit mom. She's definitely doing better. I brought over watermelon and the Sex and the City Movie DVD. I bought it yesterday. I HAD to have it in my DVD Collection. I also found the Marilyn Munroe Complete DVD Collection. I've never seen a single movie with her in it, but strangely enough and I really can't explain it, but I'm fascinated by her.
I wanted to buy it without a hesitation, until I saw the price. Dear God! R2000! Um... Next time...ahem.

Anyway, so... mom and I were perched on the bed, watermelon on laps indulging in 2 hours of bliss. What a movie. I had forgotten how many sex scenes there were. Yes Blondie strikes again...
It doesn't matter how close you are to your mom, it is still awkward whenever any sex scene comes on screen it doesn't matter if it's 5 seconds or 5 minutes. Awkward.



I thought this was a fitting picture...Watermelon and Sex and The City ;-)

Friday, October 24, 2008

Charity and Showers

So I received this email from my gorgeous sister. I know it's not original, but I'm feeling as original as....um... see? Can't even think of that! So...here it is! It made me wet my pants. Not literally, but nearly. Just saying.

Part 1: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according tolights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.. If you see husband alongthe way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique inthe mirror, make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sageshampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Part 2: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them ina pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her while making the woo-hoo sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub thewhole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass the wife, pulloff towel, shake willy at her and make the woo-hoo sound again.
Throw wet towel on her pillow.

Like I said...nearly wee'd.

I am quite excited about tomorrow night. I do a lot of charity work and tomorrow night I am a part of Wow and Wags the proceeds will go to: FreeMe
I am being dressed by Story Design -an incredible designer and my Garden Terrorist and this post is being dressed by Doggie Hillfigher.
Exciting times!

Have a wicked weekend biatches!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

It's called: DRIVING PROPERLY!

Right, so I know I sound like I go to the opening of an envelope. I really don't. It's just this time of the year. Promise. Besides, I know girls (socialites) who do go to the opening of an envelope and trust me, it's not a good rep to have.
So, with that said, in the silly season and all... I am going to the Sandton City Fashion Show tonight for the media for more champagne and fashion. As you do. I am excited...Blondie 2, Special K and I are going through!! :-) YAY!



I'm rather chuffed...I received an award! *Blush* Thank you ExMi!! You totally rock. Just saying.





I do not understand drivers. No seriously. It is a little rain. Not a plague of locusts. Is it necessary to slam on breaks and drive at the 30k mark when a few rain drops hit your windscreen? It's not even a full bloody rain storm. It's like the sky is thinking about opening the heavens...it's like the clouds sneezed and a few drops came down. It's not a full on thunderstorm. Good grief people. Get over yourselves. Now...on the flip side, I'm not saying that you need to drive like Speedy Gonzales when the rain really does belt down, but for heavens sake (pun intended...cos I'm really witty that way) DRIVE PEOPLE, or did you get your drivers license from a Checkers Lucky Packet?

There. I feel better. Well...I'll feel 100% better after I get this out.

I am on my way to a meeting today. There are two lanes on the road. One for me going to meeting...one for people going in the opposite direction. Ok...just in case anyone is unclear (as clearly this woman was.) one lane for me and one lane for you. There is a truck in my lane for construction. There is a construction worker with a red flag who has stopped the on coming traffic and is waving us on. So off I drive, around the monstrous truck. There are 3 cars in front of me. This stupid stupid stupid woman decides she's too good in her BMW (of course) to wait and turns into our lane to drive around the cars patiently waiting their turn.

I'm not quite sure what she wanted to achieve, because she blocked us and had no way to go...but as a result of her sudden movement into our lane, the two cars in front slammed on breaks, the car in front of me slammed on breaks and as I came around the truck (blind spot) I suddenly had to slam on breaks, hear that gorgeous rubber shriek of my tyres and bump straight into the car in front of me. Luckily I wasn't driving too fast and there's barely any damage but still. In the police report I had to state how fast I was going. Now...how is THIS for sadisitic? I was embarrassed to write there 20ks. I mean, at least make it good and be like 80 or something, but how revolting am I? The damage of the car AND me would have been horrible. Oh no...there's Blogshell embarrassed that I'd had an accident driving 20ks an hour. I am morbid. I know.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Go on...ASK ME! I dare ya...

I think Nick Bolton is a genius. I really do. He is one of the top photographers in South Africa and I could basically wear a potato sack and he'd still make the shot look artistic and fantastic! Man, I can't wait to get the actual photographs! I have felt like a supermodel for a day!
I am gushing, I know...but when you look at the screen and go: "Oh my God! Is that ME? It IS me!!" then you'd be doing the same!

I have an opening of an actor friend of ours (my man and I) club tonight. The man and I are going through for cocktails and canapes, good music and to catch up with people we haven't seen in a while. It should be good!

I've decided to start a Wedding Fund. Every single time someone asks me when my man and I are getting married, I'm going to ask them for R10. Maybe I should up that to R100, but considering our current economic state, I thought I'd be kind ;-)
By the time the man and I do actually decide to tie the know, don on the ball and chain and throw confetti around, we'll have enough money to actually have a wedding. Not just a pretty face...um blog...neh?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

RIP

I'm no barrel of joy today. I received a phonecall from Zob today. She was in tears and I could hardly make out what she was saying.
It turns out that the horrific and tragic plane crash this morning was carrying some one we know. Zob went to school with her and was good friends with her.
I am numb. I may not have known her all that well, but it is still weird to know that someone's life is over so quickly and horrifically and to know that I've had drinks and fun with her. It's just weird, you know? I can't imagine what her close friends, family and boyfriend are feeling!
Rest In Peace Gillian. You will be missed.

Here is the story that is all over the news:

Plane burst into flames
21/10/2008 12:10 - (SA)

Johannesburg - Four men and two women were killed when their aircraft crashed in Germiston shortly after taking off from the Rand Airport east of Johannesburg on Tuesday.
Their light aircraft took off at 08:10 and about 2km into its journey to Ficksburg in the eastern Free State the pilot called in to request an emergency landing, said airport manager Anton Kruger.
However, the aircraft broke up and burst into flames as it came down behind the Germiston Raceway.
The area is surrounded by factories, a golf course and a popular lake.
ER24 emergency services spokesperson Werner Vermaak said their control room was flooded with calls from people reporting the accident. They said the plane suddenly went down about 500m from the busy N3.
The company sent all their vehicles in the area to the scene, but on arrival found that none of the six people on board had survived.
"There were no injuries, only fatalities," he said. "The plane is burnt out."

Monday, October 20, 2008

Saturday Night...

Dude...my weekend was totally insane!! The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Launch was well, um...sexy!
It's just NOT FAIR. No honestly. I know I'm going to sound like such a chick now, but how is it possible for one human being to be that tall and toned with a button nose, piercing eyes, gorgeous hair and not a pimple or dimple in sight?
Wait. I sound like I'm perving. OK wait...this is the "chick" part. I was literally looking for flaws. I was looking and looking and I'm sure I must have looked rather bitchy, but I was gobsmacked. No fair; no fair!
I was utterly exhausted and got home at midnight. Blondie 2 stayed over in the spare bedroom that I'm convinced is haunted. Another story for another day.

Saturday was the day I MC'd for 7 hours and to be honest, I had such a jol! I was exhausted at first, but there is something about 6000+ people all screaming and whistling at you that can perk you up quite a bit. Just saying.

Right, so I'm getting to the good part! SATURDAY NIGHT! Blondie 2 and Special K came over to my crib (because I'm ghetto like that) and we did something so High School and I loved it! We got ready, we did each others make-up, helped with hair and took photo's. As you do.
We were getting ready for Daddy Long Legs Birthday Party. We weren't quite sure how "sober" he would be considering he had been on a pub crawl from 10am; so we were figuring we'd have a party anyway.
We arrived in the pouring rain and managed to hobble (quickly) through the puddles in stiletto's to the venue. We were right, he was a mad/glazed-eyed man who was dancing with anything that moved or didn't move, as the cleaners broom stick got to discover.
We danced, downed shooters and laughed the whole night long. I was having a swell time until it was my turn to go to the bar and get a round of drinks. A guy in a red shirt came up behind me and started dancing with my back...No. Grinding his stiffy into my back. It was horrifying. I turned around but he had moved onto his next victim with his "I can't quite see you, but you must be woman" look.
Two hours later, it was my turn again. I went to the bar and stood next to someone I haven't seen in ages! So there I am, chatting away when I feel some wet splashes on my leg. I didn't think anything of it because I had heard a glass drop. The next second, I feel a LOT more liquid on my leg travel straight into my shoe. I whip around to see Red Shirt guy keeled over the bar vomitting his guts out. Well. I have never been so repulsed. The bouncers removed him and I spent 15 minutes in the bathroom, emptying my shoe out and cleaning my leg, wretching from the smell.
I promptly sprayed half a bottle of Michael Kors onto my leg and went back to party.

At about 02h30, we all piled back into Special K's car and went in search of pies. The first garage we stopped at only had 2 and none of us were feeling charitable enough to share; so we moved on.
At the next Sasol garage we found 3 pies waiting for us, I mean they literally had our names on them. Instead of eating and driving (it's sooo dangerous!); we found a small table with two chairs on them. Special K and Blondie plonked their asses down and left me to sit on the ice-cream drawer. I like to think I was freezing my assets.
So, we're pretty "happy" - a lovely warm alcohol glow stuffing our pie holes with, well, pies when our victim arrived.
At this stage, we are pretty fucking hilarious. Blondie 2 goes up to him (he's buying a Fanta) and decides to be one of those sales woman that irritate the shit out of you in the supermarket.
She walked up behind him, picks up a box of washing powder and proceeds to be a cheesy salesman.
Mr. I Have No Funny Bone says to her: "I don't think you're very funny! I mean no girls should be eating pies at 3am!"
Say what? Oh no he didn't! (Ghetto Blondie is da bomb!)
Well, all 3 of us mature girls starting hucking him. Eventually Blondie 2 put the washing powder and handed him a box of Brooklax. Priceless.
I nearly wet myself.

Ah, the good times!!!