No pain; no gain....apparently

Man oh man. I try, I really do. I just can't seem to get back into the blogging lifestyle, but if you wanna bear with me, then there will be a post every now and then. Might as well be honest about it.

News? Plenty.
I have moved into my little matchbox and I adore it. I had no problems of settling in and it felt like home immediately. It's my little haven that I can relax in and it is just super cosy.
I will have to take photo's and post them one day.

I haven't had a housewarming because every weekend is pretty much out. I have so much going on. I looked at my calendar the other day and the first weekend that I will have to myself is the first weekend of November. Hectic.

This weekend I am going to Sin City for Spring Break. I have never been...to Spring Break, I mean. Apparently it's one massive concert/party vibe in the evening and during the day you chill out at Valley of the Waves sun-tanning and playing with the water slides. Should be good.

European Boy and I are awesome. I'm madly in love, really happy and I'm excited...he's taking me away to Mauritius in November. Yes. It's always been a dream of mine to go to a Tropical island. I am getting a dream come true. I can't wait for the Turquoise waters, white sandy beaches and plenty of sunshine, snorkelling, pina coladas and utter relaxation.

Have you noticed how all the things that are coming up involve something that I shudder about.
B-I-K-I-N-I.
I actually have to go bikini shopping today because I don't know what has happened to mine. I swear there have to be "Moving Gremlins" ... so many of my things have disappeared from the move. Odd.

Why couldn't I have stuck to my winter gym routine so that I wouldn't be a whale...a lily white one to be exact? Oh wait. I got sick in winter and couldn't continue the gym routine. Bloody hell.

I am officially back though. I have moved to a new gym that is 5 minutes from my house. NO EXCUSES. I've started doing Spinning Classes at... wait for it ... 05:15. Yes. In the morning.
I know!!

I also bumped into my old personal Trainer. The gentle GIANT. He has muscles on top of muscles and looks like a mean muscle machine, but he is the gentlest, kindest, sweetest man. I went to him about 4 years ago for a month and he transformed my body (not completely, but for 1 month it was remarkable) however, he then moved to another gym and I couldn't continue with him.
I was so thrilled to see him. So now I am going to him every other day at 6am for an hour session.

I am determined to have a toned body. I'm sick of complaining about it. I've started eating right and exercising and I am certainly going to give myself a proper shot.
Why do I feel like I've heard this all before?
Oh yes. I try this each year. Here is hoping that it will actually work. Hell, if I can stop smoking cold turkey, then I surely have enough willpower to do this. Hell, if I have enough will power to be on the seat of the bicyle at 05:15 then I don't know.

Wish me luck.

Now for the part that I have really been putting off thinking about, let alone writing about.

The De-fuzzing Down There.
I wish I could shave - tried that - itched like hell when it grew back. Just saying. TMI? Sorry.
I'm allergic to hair removal creams. I found out the fun, hard way.
So what other option do I have?
To pour gooey hot stuff all over and rip the &*%$#@! out of me. Awesome.

Guess what I have scheduled at 2pm today? YAY for me!! Not only do I have to get into a ... *shudder* .... bikini... *shudder*.... this weekend but I also really don't want to look like the chick from Scary Movie ... you know the scene where he needs a weed-whacker. Nice.

I am not really a fan of pain. Never have been. So there's that and the fact that some stranger (I don't care that she has seen hundreds and does this all the time or the fact that she is female) is going to part my legs and wax me.
I mean, is there a code out there like there is for doctors and pyschiatrists? Thou shalt not discuss clients at weekend parties?
God I hope so.
I mean I don't know how that topic could ever come up, but hey...stranger things have happened. Right?
Beautician to mates: "Damn - you should have seen this one cookie I was waxing...."
Ok. That would be weird. I don't know if I would like to hear that from my beautician friends.

I really cannot believe that at 2pm today Im going to be gripping the side of the bed and biting pillows. Hopefully the bikini shopping won't be as painful.

Wish me luck.

Tours and Waxes

It is always fascinating travelling in a car with colleagues. Especially funny and entertaining colleagues. I was with 2 of them. We were driving back to the office, when A started jumping up and down in the backseat. I have never seen someone get so excited about driving through the area she lives in.
"Oooh oooh ooooh! My house is down there. Aww, we could always blow this and go and have tea and cake at my house instead. Who is keen? My pug would love it."
G and I looked back and packed up laughing. "Your pug would love it?"
"Well she's blind, but I know she would. Seriously."
We continued to get a quick tour.
"This is my hood, people. Seriously don't mock it. Oooooh, I had my first snog there and I vomitted into those pot plants...right...THERE! My ex ex ex lives down that road. My friend Michelle lives three roads down from that. Ooooh, I've egged that house. Hated her. She deserved the egg throwing and plant pinching episode. I used to live down that street..."
And so it went on. I think G was watching her from the rear view mirror and I was literally in hysterics. She was so excited about this and kept showing us arb places and things. Emmerentia and Greenside will never be the same for me ever again.

Blondie 2 and I spoke about waxing last night. We waxed lyrical I guess, about the painful ripping of hairs. Blondie 2 totally digs it. I would rather dive into a vat of boiling oil. OK. Maybe not, but that is how it feels. If I can avoid it, I will. We got talking about cookie waxing. I know. Girls!
Blondie 2 is obsessed with it. I had a painful experience and told her as much.
B2: "Obviously your first time is going to be sore. It's like sex. The more you do it, the less and less painful it becomes."
BB: "Nice. I still hate it. I mean seriously. How embarrassing. All my life to spread my legs for a female stranger who wants to chit-chat while spreading wax and momentarily ripping the Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh out of me."
B2: "Oh please. Seen one; seen them all. Besides, she's probably been doing this for years and she's going to be waxing 20 more cookies that day."
BB: "And that is what I'm afraid of. There is no beautician confidentiality code...I'm sure they all sit there chatting about them. Like: 'Oh my God. You should have seen this one...' you know?"
B2: "You have issues. No c'mon, it's great. Besides, I have to go. I haven't waxed in, like, 6 weeks and they are probably out to here!"
She indicated the length and I nearly fell off my chair.
BB: "Holy shit chick. WTF? Impossible...I mean, sure...if you're ghd-ing your pubes!"
That was it. We were hysterical over the mental images.

Wax in the City

You know it's going to be one of those days, when you drop a heavy glass ashtray on your toe. Fucking hell. The pain. I was convinced I was going to look down and find my foot left with 4 toes, or at least no toe nail and gushing royal blood (I'm still convinced my blood is blue.)
Nope. Just throbbing and swelling. Again, I'm never doing natural child birth.

Then I could not find my keys. I am one of those people who really does want to be early, but always manages to be late. Not terribly late, but late by 5 minutes or so. There are also days I surprise myself and rock up super early.
Today was one of those. I was super early to leave and therefore I'd arrive early at my appointment. All was going well until I couldn't find my car keys. I searched. I searched high, I searched low, I even searched the fridge. Don't ask.
I eventually searched my car at the weird chance I had left them in the ignition or locked them inside etc.
Not one sign of them. Shit, shit, shit!! I was now running on the late side. Where did I find the little shits? On the key ring holder by the front door. Of course I didn't look there first. Why would I possibly look there?
I could've slapped myself.

I arrived at my appointment. Yes. A shallow appointment. I had booked a pedicure and Bazilian wax. Sorry for the TMI, but this is valid.
My girl friends and I got onto the topic of "grooming down-there" and I was shocked to find out that most of them wax or shave...into little shapes!
WTF? Seriously? Who has the time? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for grooming and neatness and I do my fair share, but waxing? As in pouring hot sticky wax down there and ripping the bejesus out of, well, the you-know-what?
I got dared. So, Blondie went this morning to try the torture method out*.
OH. MY. GOD!! How did this ever become a trend and seriously, how did it ever continue?
You do realise that women CHOOSE to do this.
My crotch was literally on fire. Not a fire crotch as in Lindsay Lohan....crotch ON fire!!
Firstly is the wax supposed to be that hot? Or is it that hot that it numbs the skin?
It didn't burn me . I was surprised. Then she smiles. It was a smile that could have rivalled Mona Lisa. Was that a "oh-I-so-don't-envy-you-right-now" smile or a sympathetic smile of "I-know-what-you're-about-to-go-through" or maybe an "evil grin" smile.
Whatever smile that was, it scared the shit out of me because as she smeared the wax all over the...you-know-what, I had this thud of realisation. 'Oh well, no going back now! Only one way to come off!'
She looks at me and says: "Don't forget to breathe. Here we go!"
RIIIIIIIIP!!!
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!" followed by a few words that made even me, blush.
We had to do that several times.
It was pleasant. You know, just a regular good time!

Well, I was wrong. My day got better. A LOT BETTER. I want 150% confirmation on some news before I pop open the champagne. Watch this space :-)

* I also thought it might not be such a bad idea of a "welcome home present" to my man. 1 more sleep.