I feel like that father pacing up and down outside a maternity ward. I am anxious and my heart has a very weird sort of beat. I feel like that love sick teenager who has a crush on a boy and waits by the phone. My heart nearly stops every single time my phone rings. I hate private numbers. I generally don't answer them, but I am now. I'm hoping for the call.
"Blogshell...we see potential in you and we're going to give you another opportunity. You've got it!"
Instead, it's the bank telling me I need to pay my credit card or some awful woman calling me to sell me vacuum cleaners. Planet Fitness Gym also called me to tell me all about their wonderful specials trying to entice me to join.
Every private number that I have answered has been everything BUT the call.
I can't take the pressure.
I'm trying to be as positive as possible after a very, um, interesting experience. The thing is, after the taste I got and the amazing amount of knowledge I gained; I just want to do more and more and more.
These are some of the thoughts running through my brain:
Calm down. Breathe. Stop looking at your phone like a crazy woman with darty eyes. Staring that hard at your phone is not going to make it ring. Just relax. What's meant to be will be. If it is your destiny, it will be. They're busy and that's why they haven't called. Maybe it hasn't gone into edit yet. Chill out. What if it has and they are all killing themselves with laughter. Maybe I'll see this on YouTube under the heading: "Funniest clips EVER of wannabe presenters."
Oh dear God. STOP IT NOW! Busy yourself - it's not like you don't have anything else to do! Focus on something else. Why haven't they called. You are pathetic.
And so on...
I feel like the biggest nerd ever. I cannot get over how pathetic I have been over this. No really. I am even embarrassed of myself. I can't tell anyone that of course...well, I can't say it out in words. Thank God for my blog. Really.
It's just that I want this so badly and I don't want to repel it either. Argh.
PS> I am annoying myself. I can imagine how annoying it must be to read this too. I promise to blog later this afternoon about something lovely and fun. I am going to gym with Special K later and I'm sure there'll be plenty to blog about then.
Thanks for the vent.