Handle the pressure?

I feel like that father pacing up and down outside a maternity ward. I am anxious and my heart has a very weird sort of beat. I feel like that love sick teenager who has a crush on a boy and waits by the phone. My heart nearly stops every single time my phone rings. I hate private numbers. I generally don't answer them, but I am now. I'm hoping for the call.
"Blogshell...we see potential in you and we're going to give you another opportunity. You've got it!"
Instead, it's the bank telling me I need to pay my credit card or some awful woman calling me to sell me vacuum cleaners. Planet Fitness Gym also called me to tell me all about their wonderful specials trying to entice me to join.
Every private number that I have answered has been everything BUT the call.
I can't take the pressure.
I'm trying to be as positive as possible after a very, um, interesting experience. The thing is, after the taste I got and the amazing amount of knowledge I gained; I just want to do more and more and more.
These are some of the thoughts running through my brain:
Calm down. Breathe. Stop looking at your phone like a crazy woman with darty eyes. Staring that hard at your phone is not going to make it ring. Just relax. What's meant to be will be. If it is your destiny, it will be. They're busy and that's why they haven't called. Maybe it hasn't gone into edit yet. Chill out. What if it has and they are all killing themselves with laughter. Maybe I'll see this on YouTube under the heading: "Funniest clips EVER of wannabe presenters."
Oh dear God. STOP IT NOW! Busy yourself - it's not like you don't have anything else to do! Focus on something else. Why haven't they called. You are pathetic.

And so on...

I feel like the biggest nerd ever. I cannot get over how pathetic I have been over this. No really. I am even embarrassed of myself. I can't tell anyone that of course...well, I can't say it out in words. Thank God for my blog. Really.
It's just that I want this so badly and I don't want to repel it either. Argh.
STOP IT.

PS> I am annoying myself. I can imagine how annoying it must be to read this too. I promise to blog later this afternoon about something lovely and fun. I am going to gym with Special K later and I'm sure there'll be plenty to blog about then.

Thanks for the vent.

Mother City

So...Cape Town was fabulous!! No seriously...I couldn’t have asked for better weather! It has been gorgeous with hardly any wind and a total scorcher! I even managed to get a sligh tan...OK a dress tan, but still.

I stayed in a hotel that made me wish I had had a video camera to show you what I meant. The receptionist at the hotel literally gave me creepy shivers. Think Psycho. He was almost identical to that. You know that really creepy look? The stare where one doesn’t blink and a smirk that makes you think he’ll eat you? He was like THAT!
I got my room key and started to walk around the corner, when I noticed I had turned too quickly and the lifts were further along. The hotel receptionist said in a really creepy, monotone way: “Have you seen the movie Wrong Turn? It’s a horror.” He then chuckled and I literally wanted to get out of there!
I have seen the movie and it freaked me out. I am a baby with horrors anyway. I screamed in Scream and Final Destination, which I don’t think can be classed as horrors. Enough said.
All I wanted was to get into my hotel room and sleep until the next call time. I looked out of the window and instead of seeing ocean, I saw an old eerie stone church. It added to the chill factor.
I was exhausted due to the fact that I been up since 3am to catch my 06h30 flight, and then arrived on set to shoot (my audition was an actual shoot for 3 days –how cool??) at 10h00 and only wrapped at 21h00. The exhaustion definitely helped me pass out quickly without having to think too much about the creepiness, but seriously. It is a great hotel for a thriller/horror movie.

The view of the eerie church.

I have never been so nervous in my life and I put a shit load of pressure on myself. Not great. So stupid of me actually, because thats the worse thing you can do...but hindsight is lovely. It was also my first experience and first time to do something of this proportion; so it was a definite challenge. It made me realise more than ever; that this is what I want to be doing. I fell in love with it. I just hope that they see potential in me and give me an opportunity to put all that I learned into practise. I am anxious now because I don’t actually know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if I will get called back, if I will get the opportunity and if my dream will come true? Everyone is telling me not to get my hopes up and to look at it as a lovely experience. Absolutely to the experience, but as far as getting my hopes up Too late. This is a dream that I cannot explain how much I want it to come true. Imagine going for your dream and not getting it. Crushing, right? Argh. Positivity all the way baby!
I wish I hadn’t been so shaky because it wasn’t a true reflection of what I know I am capable of, but I’m hoping and wishing and praying that there is something in the tapes that will make the Executive Producer love me! LOL

Right, so I now pray and keep visualising and keep thinking positive thoughts. I do believe that what is meant to be will be. I hope this is what’s meant for me. :-)

There are no words...

I am so sorry I haven't posted - but things have been manic and this audition I went for has turned out to be quite fruitful! I am literally jumping up and down - I cannot contain myself. This will change my life, but I don't want to jinx anything and I certainly don't want to count my chicks before they hatch, so I don't want to get my hopes up too high.
Oh wait.
Too late!

I am going down to Cape Town for 3 days now and I am on an emotional rollercoaster of nerves, anticipation, excitement, self-doubt, self-confidence and then it starts all over again.

Wish me luck people, hopefully next week I'll be jumping and down popping champagne!

I.can.hardly.wait!

Stalker and le weekend

I am an idiot. I don't know WHY I get soo nervous. I think it's more the anticipation for the event and wanting it to go smoothly!
I also know that I need to be nervous. It sounds crazy, I know, but if I'm too relaxed before a show I would make mistakes.
I have a love/hate relationship with nerves. I love them because I need them and yet I hate the feeling!
Once I am on stage, the nerves/anticipation disappear and I'm ready to rock! ha ha!

It went well *if I say so myself* :-) I was on for 20 minutes and then it was ready to party the night away!
My girls were there and my man came later and it was awesome!

I got home at 02h30. I don't have a hangover (surprisingly) but I am pretty pissed off. This woman I know in the industry, or should I say, I've met a few times, gave my phone number to a bunch of businessmen in their late 30's; early 40's that happened to be there. She introduced me to them, they bought me a shooter and said they enjoyed the show. That was it. I would have had no problem if A, had she just asked me if it was ok and B, if they wanted my number because they were impressed with my MC-ing and wanted to book me.
I have received 8 phone calls so far today and 11 emails from this one guy saying:

Hey Blondie, how’s your Thursday treating you after last night’s wine and shooters? I saw you and your gorgeous friends dancing.

You’ll be glad to know that I think you are sexy and amazing. You speak beautifully and I would love to take you for dinner.

Let me tell you more about myself. I am a financial adviser for a large company and I have a lot of money so you will be comfortable and have anything your heart desires.

Now how is it possible that you and I are good mates of "Friend" and I’ve never met you before?

Regards

Me


Can you believe it?? Flattering? Sure. Annoying? Definitely. Like I would be completely interested in whether you're "loaded" or not! Really, it's simple: Fuck Off!

So good times seem to be ahead... a stalker! Everyone should have one. Go on try it.
Argh!

Have a wicked weekend. I'm working tomorrow and going to a rock concert in Benoni...something like that...my man has to be there and Sunday... I plan to do as little as possible!!

xx

What a weird day.

I went for one of those spray tans yesterday... it's not the Caribbean Tan, which stinks and leaves embarrassing stains...it's odourless and the tan builds gradually as the hours go by! I do not have a frikken clue what it's called though. Useless.
I look like I have been sipping pina colada's in the Seyshelles for the past 2 weeks, with gorgeous men fanning me with big palm leaves and feeding me juicy grapes.
OK...the last part is not at all how I "look" but mmm, it had to be said!

I have a function tonight and I'm nervous. I am. I MC functions all the time and yes, I'll feel slightly nervous with the anticipation of the evening, but it feels different today. I am nervous..the palms are sweating, the heart is racing a little too fast for my liking and I feel like I might throw up!
It's horrible.

I wish I had interesting and exciting news... I'm not very positive at the moment. I'm having shit with girls who are plain old mean bitches. I feel like I am taking a trip down memory lane; destination: High School.
I wish I wasn't so sensitive. I wish I could just shrug it off and not give a damn. Easier said than done.
I am close to being broke...so broke...as in R10 keeping my bank account open. Pay day is only the 25th and there are 9 days to go.
I am still getting my migraines and now to add things to the pot, I'm nervous.

It's a bloody fabulous day!