Handle the pressure?

I feel like that father pacing up and down outside a maternity ward. I am anxious and my heart has a very weird sort of beat. I feel like that love sick teenager who has a crush on a boy and waits by the phone. My heart nearly stops every single time my phone rings. I hate private numbers. I generally don't answer them, but I am now. I'm hoping for the call.
"Blogshell...we see potential in you and we're going to give you another opportunity. You've got it!"
Instead, it's the bank telling me I need to pay my credit card or some awful woman calling me to sell me vacuum cleaners. Planet Fitness Gym also called me to tell me all about their wonderful specials trying to entice me to join.
Every private number that I have answered has been everything BUT the call.
I can't take the pressure.
I'm trying to be as positive as possible after a very, um, interesting experience. The thing is, after the taste I got and the amazing amount of knowledge I gained; I just want to do more and more and more.
These are some of the thoughts running through my brain:
Calm down. Breathe. Stop looking at your phone like a crazy woman with darty eyes. Staring that hard at your phone is not going to make it ring. Just relax. What's meant to be will be. If it is your destiny, it will be. They're busy and that's why they haven't called. Maybe it hasn't gone into edit yet. Chill out. What if it has and they are all killing themselves with laughter. Maybe I'll see this on YouTube under the heading: "Funniest clips EVER of wannabe presenters."
Oh dear God. STOP IT NOW! Busy yourself - it's not like you don't have anything else to do! Focus on something else. Why haven't they called. You are pathetic.

And so on...

I feel like the biggest nerd ever. I cannot get over how pathetic I have been over this. No really. I am even embarrassed of myself. I can't tell anyone that of course...well, I can't say it out in words. Thank God for my blog. Really.
It's just that I want this so badly and I don't want to repel it either. Argh.
STOP IT.

PS> I am annoying myself. I can imagine how annoying it must be to read this too. I promise to blog later this afternoon about something lovely and fun. I am going to gym with Special K later and I'm sure there'll be plenty to blog about then.

Thanks for the vent.

Mother City

So...Cape Town was fabulous!! No seriously...I couldn’t have asked for better weather! It has been gorgeous with hardly any wind and a total scorcher! I even managed to get a sligh tan...OK a dress tan, but still.

I stayed in a hotel that made me wish I had had a video camera to show you what I meant. The receptionist at the hotel literally gave me creepy shivers. Think Psycho. He was almost identical to that. You know that really creepy look? The stare where one doesn’t blink and a smirk that makes you think he’ll eat you? He was like THAT!
I got my room key and started to walk around the corner, when I noticed I had turned too quickly and the lifts were further along. The hotel receptionist said in a really creepy, monotone way: “Have you seen the movie Wrong Turn? It’s a horror.” He then chuckled and I literally wanted to get out of there!
I have seen the movie and it freaked me out. I am a baby with horrors anyway. I screamed in Scream and Final Destination, which I don’t think can be classed as horrors. Enough said.
All I wanted was to get into my hotel room and sleep until the next call time. I looked out of the window and instead of seeing ocean, I saw an old eerie stone church. It added to the chill factor.
I was exhausted due to the fact that I been up since 3am to catch my 06h30 flight, and then arrived on set to shoot (my audition was an actual shoot for 3 days –how cool??) at 10h00 and only wrapped at 21h00. The exhaustion definitely helped me pass out quickly without having to think too much about the creepiness, but seriously. It is a great hotel for a thriller/horror movie.

The view of the eerie church.

I have never been so nervous in my life and I put a shit load of pressure on myself. Not great. So stupid of me actually, because thats the worse thing you can do...but hindsight is lovely. It was also my first experience and first time to do something of this proportion; so it was a definite challenge. It made me realise more than ever; that this is what I want to be doing. I fell in love with it. I just hope that they see potential in me and give me an opportunity to put all that I learned into practise. I am anxious now because I don’t actually know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if I will get called back, if I will get the opportunity and if my dream will come true? Everyone is telling me not to get my hopes up and to look at it as a lovely experience. Absolutely to the experience, but as far as getting my hopes up Too late. This is a dream that I cannot explain how much I want it to come true. Imagine going for your dream and not getting it. Crushing, right? Argh. Positivity all the way baby!
I wish I hadn’t been so shaky because it wasn’t a true reflection of what I know I am capable of, but I’m hoping and wishing and praying that there is something in the tapes that will make the Executive Producer love me! LOL

Right, so I now pray and keep visualising and keep thinking positive thoughts. I do believe that what is meant to be will be. I hope this is what’s meant for me. :-)

Drama follows me.

Well, I went for the audition today. I have never been so nervous in my entire life. I didn't know whether I wanted to vomit or pee and possibly at the same time. Which would have been messy and embarrassing. Just saying.
I am holding thumbs because dudes. This will change my life. In a good way. It has also been a dream of mine since a little girl and the fact that I had the opportunity to audition for it, is amazing!

Anyways...My man and I had a car accident last night. We were leaving a venue to go home and as we approached a traffic light, which was red, we obviously slowed down until it turned green. We pulled out into the intersection to turn right, when I suddenly saw this car approaching rather fast. It was a red robot for him so I kept thinking he's going to slow down. I suddenly shouted to my man that this guy was going to hit us, so he sped up to turn the car completely. A red Golf slammed straight into the back of us. Thank God for safety belts. I got flung forward and would have gone straight through the windshield. Luckily my man turned in time or I would have been T-boned.
We pulled over and got out the car. I was shaking. The guy in the red Golf was so pissed he couldn't get out of his car and kept slurring at us that we had hit him. Unbelievable. He refused to give us his details so I scribbled (very shakily) down his registration number. We were going to call the cops, but we had both had 3 drinks each and even though we were totally sober, legally we would have been over the limit and sure, it wasn't our fault, but with SA's Metro Police you just never know these days. There is a 24 hour window to report an accident so we got back in the car and started to drive off. All of a sudden the red Golf was driving right up our ass and swerving left to right behind us. He eventually pulled up next to us and ran us off the road. I was incredibly nervous. He was screaming profanities and calling us drunk c**ts.
Rich.
We were forced into the emergency lane. In the interim, another innocent car was driving past when the asshole suddenly swerved away from us and missed the other car by centimeters. The other car stopped and so did the Golf. A screaming match entailed and eventually the drunk asshole sped off, nearly smashing into a traffic light. We exchanged business cards with the other car (our witness to his reckless driving) and went on our merry way.
My neck is a little sore this morning but nothing too serious.

We have reported the accident and our policeman friend has traced the registration and advised us to lay a charge of Hit and Run (even though he stopped, he refused to give us his details and there is a clause that still makes that a Hit and Run charge) and Reckless Driving.
It's amazing how quickly things can happen and potentially change a life/ end a life. I know it's dramatic and we're fine, but it could have been worse, especially if my man hadn't turned the car in time.

Here's to a chilled, safe, accident-free weekend
xxx