Girls Only.

I am bloated, super sensitive, having a fat ugly day, a bad hair day, I feel like I've re-entered puberty as far as the pimple zone goes and all of this because I'm PMSing.
Seriously. It's days like this that I let down the female team by saying: I hate being a woman. Sometimes.

Why do us woman have to go through so much shit. Periods, period cramps, giving birth, getting fat from that (I think guys should go through all the sympathy pains...their stomachs should swell-no the beer belly doesn't count, they should go through the pain etc...) we're more prone to bladder infections, we go through menopause etc...etc...etc....
It's rubbish. Absolute rubbish.
I feel like having a feet stomping temper tantrum, screaming into a pillow, having a good cry and then stuffing myself with chocolate.

Can you tell I'm in a bad mood?

In other news, I did go on a major shopping spree (OK, I do love being a woman.) It was a necessity because I needed new winter clothes. I don't know what happened to my winter things...did they get lost when I moved out of the ex? Are they stuck (by mistake) in storage with my kettle and cutlery?
I literally had a few coats and that was it. I got long sleeve shirts and tops, black pants, a fluffy robe and pair of slippers that I live in now. I don't actually want to leave the house and I find myself forcing myself to accept social invitations just in case I become one of those woman who never gets out of her pajamas and becomes severly obese.

I got 2 pairs of gorgeous black stilettos. 1 pair that has a pointed toe and 1 pair that has a rounded toe. Essential I tell you. OK, I told myself that, when I handed over my debit card for the hundredth time. I was surprised I didn't have blisters on my fingers from the number of times I had to punch in my PIN code.
Pay day (25th of each month) is a beautiful thing on the actual day and for the next 5 or 6 days. By the time the 1st of each month roles round I am broke again. Not entirely, but you get the idea.
However, I am still going to stand by the point that that shopping excursion was absolutely necessary. I can't be catching a cold now so that I wouldn't be able to work for the next salary. I needed those winter clothes...shoes, robes and slippers included. In my industry it's no work; no pay, so you see? Thank you Miss Excuses. You're much nicer than Mr. Murphy.

PS> I am starting to get alarmingly obsessed with vanilla tea. I use the word "alarmingly" because I find myself getting upset when restaurants don't serve vanilla tea. That isn't normal. I'm putting it down to the PMS week and will have to monitor myself closely the week after that. I'll keep you posted....or just keep checking the headlines for Crazy Girl arrested for assaulting Restaurant manager for not stocking Vanilla Tea.

Beaten by a Girl!

I went back to gym today and I nearly died. I huffed and puffed like a sixty year old who smokes 60 a day. It was attractive. It felt good to be back though...back and focused.

May I please do a little victory jig. I just bought 2 pairs of Levi jeans...and they were two sizes smaller. I am so chuffed right now. I haven't been this size since I was...I don't know actually... that's how long it's been!
Speaking of shopping... I have a problem. OK wait. That sounds bad. I'm really not a shopaholic, in fact, I'm an embarrassment to the female race.
I'd like to think of myself as a really clever shopper. I manage to find good little steals and I know how to make something look really expensive when in fact it cost me nothing... just about.

I have had to do that to be honest, because I have such expensive taste. Expensive and international taste. I always manage to pick out the most expensive things in catalogues or I'll go into a store and love the pair of shoes/coat/dress/lounge suite that has the extra zero's on the end, while everything else is reasonable.
I'm also not shy to ask people in the street where they got certain things. I sometimes embarrass the people I'm around because I'll walk up to a woman and say: "Aw I love your necklace/hat/boots/jersey/etc...Where did you get it from?" I am yet to hear someone tell me they got it in this country. Hell, I'd even settle for someone telling me they got it in another province.
It's always:"Oh this? I got it in Dubai/Brazil/London/Spain/Thailand/Italy/Paris etc..."
See? Expensive AND foreign taste!
When I have had extra cash and spoilt myself on something boutique-y and expensive I hardly ever receive a compliment. HOWEVER... If I buy something from Mr. Price people flip out about it.I once bought a pair of shoes from Jet (they looked like Diors) and people flipped out. I just smiled knowing full well they cost me R99.99. :-)

Anyway.

I am so excited.

You know how much I adore/obssess over prawns. When I first started seeing European Boy I had to suss out if he liked the little garlic and lemon butter buggers. That would have been my deal breaker. Just kidding. Seriously. Turns out he loves them too and he instantly became a keeper. :-)
I was telling/warning him that I really am extremely embarrassing to be around when I eat prawns. I become an animal. Always a good thing to warn a new man. I need a warning label...or a "terms and conditions apply" label when I eat prawns or singledom could be a reality.
He's been telling me that he is worse. I don't believe him.
We've been egging each other on for a while now and finally we're putting it to rest. Tonight at Jimmy's Killer Prawns, is: ALL YOU CAN EAT SPECIAL!
I think I just orgasmed.

His brother got involved too, so now it is the European Boy's vs Blondie. Those boys are going down. I've been sending them messages all day asking them to prepare for the fact that they're going to be beaten...by a girl.
I'll let you know how it goes down tomorrow, unless of course I eat myself into a coma.

Oh shit...I may just put on those two dress sizes and have to take those Levi jeans back. We'll deal with that at tomorrow's gym session.
Let's hope for a victory people!

It's the weekend baby!!

Onwards and Upwards completely. Thank you for your loving, suportive words!

I am not going to be a little pity party and life does go on... So I'm being positive and kind of ignoring it. Perhaps it's weird for some people, but it's my coping mechanism right now. I'm not sweeping anything under the carpet, but I just don't want to curl into a mess of a ball.

Today I had my make-up done for a TV shoot. I find it super relaxing having make up done. I would go as far as saying that I sometimes prefer it to a massage. Sacriledge I'm sure. I'm kinda glad the face is done because tonight I plan to have a party. Shit, why not? I need to knock back a cosmo or two and just enjoy myself with my friends Sugar, Special K and EB. I'm really looking forward to it and even bought a dress for the occasion. A dress that's not black. Another first. It's this deep purple colour and it's sexy. Yes!!

I also went underwear shopping today. I decided that the boring cotton undies and t-shirt bras are just not going to cut it anymore. I'm over being boring and being single certainly has given me something to think about. Even if no one sees it, I want to know that sexy lace is going on underneath my jeans and t-shirt. I bought a wonderbra that is so WONDERful I can't believe I never had one before. Yes. I am apparently slow. If I say so myself with the wonderful work that is Wonderbra...these puppies are swell. Excuse the pun.
Anyway, so you know it's bad when the lady at the underwear store remembers me and says: "Eish! It's been looong neh?"
Um. Great. Thanks for the update and for remembering. That isn't uncomfortable at all. WTF?
She even threw in a pair of panties with a wink. I couldn't wait to get out of there.

Have a wicked weekend xx

Friday the 13th

I raced through to meet up with European Boy last night. I hate being late and I had traffic and timing against me. Everyone should see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Fantastic movie. And yes. I watched the movie.... Really.
I've found a great little spot for after-movie wine. Found it with Sugar and shared it with E.B.
We sat drinking wine and laughing. I seem to be laughing a lot lately and I'm loving it. I also did a fair amount of blushing. I really would love to remove whatever it is that makes me blush. Apparently there is a tablet you can take for it. I'm good...for now.
It was a great night and I can't wait to do it again. Too much fun right now!

Today has been a good day... I got rid of any post wine headache at yoga. My mom finally managed to drag me with her today. It's my first time trying yoga and I really enjoyed it even if I felt like a retard most of the time. How is it possible that women who are older than my grandmother in Switzerland can wrap their ankles around their necks while breathing calmly? I didn't see one person over weight though...that's excellent news.

I am so stuffed at the moment... My department went out for lunch today and we over indulged on Indian food. Good grief it was "more-ish" and we all picked off each others plates. Had a little bit of everything...and stayed clear of Vindaloo... the last three letters are quite telling apparently.
I have had two glasses of red wine so work this afternoon is going to be fun... It would certainly explain my spontaneous shopping spree staright afterwards. Why can't I just walk into a store and purchase what I set out to get? I arrived to get my turquoise necklace I ordered and walked out with earrings, make-up, two dresses and a pair of leather leggings...I'm unstoppable!



Normally my Friday the 13th's are average. Neither lucky nor unlucky. Today, I've just been in a really good mood. It's weird to think that today is 2 months since I walked out on the ex. How amazing life is now. I don't mean that with any disrespect but I have to be honest.

I'm looking forward to this weekend...should be interesting. That's all I'm saying. For now.

Have a great one!

Dread

I've been putting it off, but I'm running out of time. I need to take the plunge and plunge straight into the chaotic malls. Help me.
I need to still do my Christmas shopping. I know! I haven't even started. I know!!!
I am dreading it! Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not dreading the buying part (I love giving gifts) but I am dreading throwing myself into the lions pit of hurried shoppers, irritable shop assistants and crying kids.
Oh and I have to still do that bikini shopping. Aaaaaaahhh!!!!!!

If I only I didn't have a personal "NO GIFT VOUCHERS" policy. It might change this year. Just saying.

Naughty Naughty

I didn't go bikini shopping. I didn't have the strength physically and certainly not emotionally! LOL

I have the funniest two videos for you. EVER. I cried with laughter through these!! I just had to share them with you!
Do yourself a favour and watch them... hilarious!

Shit and Shopping.

There is NOTHING like waking up to a funky smell. If I was in a cartoon it would be like that green smoke wafting through to my nostrils and let me tell you, this smell would certainly singe nostrils hairs.
I should have woken up properly when The Garden Terrorist (aka my gorgeous dog) was restless and kept nudging my hand in the middle of the night. I just rolled over. Oh I'm so so sorry this morning. That smell woke me. I opened my sleepy eyes and out the corner of my eye I saw mounds of steamy diarroeah and vomit. The Garden Terrorist is not a small, lap dog (I've never been a fan of those that look like rats or are Paris H/handbag sized.) either. He is a monster of a dog who sleeps at the base of our bed. I wretched at the piles of shit all over the place. Oh and it's runny. Really runny.
Guess who has to clean it up? Me. My man had a plane to catch and acted like he had to rush, rush, rush.
I think I'll hang an air freshener around my nose, suck a breath mint and don gloves. Oh kill me.

Today I am going to do the thing that is dreaded by any woman who isn't a supermodel.
I could think of a few things I would rather do, like gargle with glass or perhaps I could stick toothpicks through my eyes balls.
Today I am going bikini shopping. Oh it pained me to type that. You have to try on swimwear. You just have to. But why do we have to try on swimwear in revolting, unflattering change rooms? Why oh why do stores do this to us? Revolting, bright light that shows every lump and bump and 101 mirrors so we can see ourselves in every angle. Awesome. Oh and my best? The bikini's sold as one. I can't handle that. I need a bigger top and a smaller bottom. Not both in one size. Oh no. Those beady eyed sales reps are there waiting for me.
"Sorry. You can't seperate them!" is normally whined at me.
To find one that fits and turns me into a Victoria Secret Goddess is well...I'm still looking.

I can hardly contain myself with the excitement. I now understand the purpose of the Hip Flask. I need to get sloshed so that I can drink myself pretty!

Below is the wish. Below that is most likely the reality. Kill me.


Wish me luck.

Sandton City

Wow. Who knew that 2 hours at Sandton City could be so entertaining? I don't really shop at Sandton City purely because it's waay too expensive and because I have shopping malls closer to home.

Right, so with that said. I had to return something to Sandton City that I had purchased. I had a few hours to spare and decided to walk around a bit. I needed Re-writable CD's and underwear. In no particular order.

I know this is a little weird for some, but it's not like I go underwear shopping all that often. I normally buy in bulk -so to speak and that lasts me for a while. A long while.

I know that we're in an economic slump, but dude. R250 for a bra? One bra?

I ended spending R910.35 today and got two bra's and 5 panties. Basically 1 pair for each day of the week. Weekends are going to be a la Britney. Kidding. Or am I?

I literally had one of those tug of wars with my credit card and the sales lady. It wasn't pretty.

Sales Lady: 1

Blondie: 0

Right, so there I am deciding between cute little briefs that say: "Access Denied" and "Fragile: This Way Up", this elderly gentleman walks in. He has his walking stick in one hand and a Woolworths packet in the other.

He says (matter of factly) to the I'm-so-bored-please-can-I-fold-another-pair-of-panties-woohoo sales lady: "Excuse me. Are there fashion shows?"

"Huh?"

"Well. If I wanted to buy something for the Mrs, how would I know what to get?"

"Um. Look in her cupboard and see what she likes or find out her size and surprise her."

"Bu-but don't you have models here to try on the lingerie for me to decide?"

"No sir."

"Awwww!"

We suddenly clicked that this sweet old man was not so sweet after all. He's a filthy pervert. I was enthralled.

I finally left with my pretty packet - at least the packaging was worth it (a shallow satisfaction.)

I had to wait in line to pay for my parking, which by the way is RIDICULOUSLY expensive. So, it's finally my turn. I insert the parking voucher and insert a R20 note. I'm supposed to get R7 back. I do and out pops the new R5 coin and a R2 coin.

As I pop the coins into my wallet, I suddenly notice something unusual. It's not a R5 coin. It looks similiar and is the same weight.

Nope. It's a Turkish 1 cent coin. Man, I was pissed. Although...I now would like to find out what a) the exchange rate is

b) aren't they part of the EU, so they should be using Euro's, in which case this is null and void or it's potentially worth something as an old coin? (I may sound stupid, but I don't actually know if they're part of the EU or not.)

c) I've been swindled out of R5.

Above is the Turkish coin.

Above is the old R5 coin on the left and the new R5 coin on the Right
.

Oh and to try and get some help or someone who actually gives a damn is almost impossible, so I now have Turkish money in my wallet. Have I thought about passing it off as R5 coin myself?
Hell yes.
Will I?
Dude no...I do believe in Karma. Financial Karma.

Exercise (Yuck), shopping (Yay) and the weekend (Whoop-whoop)

Things have been a little crazy at work at the moment. I'm sorry I've been a little slack

with my blog.

I can't help myself. I can't stop it. I went into a shopping frenzy again! I bought a pair of snglasses, a black Nine West handbag, cute tops and I bought my man a pair of really funky rock-star jeans! They were all on SALE!!!
It was necessary, you see?
Aaarrrggghhh!!!
I hang my head in shopping shame.


Tonight I am completely chilling. I don't want to do anything but watch TV, eat and sleep. In no particular order.

Tomorrow we're going to Special K's place for sundowners. I've had enough of functions. I'm tired of dressing up all the time, making small talk and stuffing myself with hors de ouvres. How am I ever going to lose this horrible weight if I carry on like this?

I hate exercise. I hate gyms. Gyms freak me out. I hate the smell, the sound of the circuit, the sounds of clanking metal from the weights and the general atmosphere.
I really want to go back to my boxing, but I'm putting it off. The only reason I'm putting it off is because I know that once I start, I know I'll have to carry on.
I am putting it off completely. I go into a panic when I think about it! Seriously. My chest starts to close, I can't breathe properly and my heart starts beating...hmmm...maybe I should just panic instead of doing cardio ;-) No. Seriously. I panic at the thought of exercise.


I feel silly blogging about this because I know most gals love it and enjoy it and do it for fun! I hate you girls. Haha.
Ok, I do a little. I want to have the same mindset. I want to be motivated and I should be because I am not loving my body at the moment. I have got the eating right side down, but I can't seem to incorporate exercise now.

You would think that if I'm unhappy with the extra weight, I would WANT TO get into an exercise class.
Noooo...not blondie. I almost rebel against it and order a fat slice of cheesecake instead.


How do you girls do it? "They" say you should do something you enjoy...I thoroughly enjoy boxing but I'm still dragging myself into the ring.
I am so unfit that it scares me and I just cannot bring myself to do it.


Something has to change and quickly.
How do you do it?

See?? This makes me feel even better....look at this woman...I'm 25 and I can't get my ass into gear? Argh!

I am doomed...

I am. I have bitched and moaned and femininely sweated the fact that I have been broke. I even made a list of things I need to cut down on so that I do not find myself in the same situation at the end of July.
Well, I suck. What was the first thing I did, besides putting petrol in? I bought a pair of shoes.
Shoes!!!
To my defense, they were the most beautiful peep toe wedges ever. I have also broken my favourite pair of black shoes, so technically they were a necessity.
I also bought a pair of footless black tights and footless leapord tights. I'm trying something new. Hopefully it won't be a page for the Worst Dressed List.

I am unstoppable. Do you think there is such a thing as banning yourself from shopping centres? Like, if the shopping centre managers saw me, they'd whisper into their walkie-talkies asking for security to escort the crazed blonde out.
My photo should be taken from all angles and placed in all stores so that if I try and buy something, they refuse me.
BUT, I'm allowed a pass for when I really do need things like groceries and when my clothes are super old and tattered.

I'm drinking red bull at the moment, because I can't find matchsticks to pry my eyes open.
Again, I suck. Instead of catching up on sleep, because I've been working weird hours, I shop.
Jeez!

BUT, I'm going to post a photo tomorrow of the shoes...maybe then, you'll understand! Ha ha!

PS> I also bought the GLAMOUR Magazine! Eeeek...I'M SORRY!!!! I can't help myself!!

The Popular Spice Rack

You would think that I could find one bloody spice rack. Is that too much to ask for? One lousy spice rack for me to neatly pack all my spices away so that it doesn't clutter up my kitchen cupboards.

I have tried: Mr. Price Home, Clicks, Hardware stores (yes, I know!), Pick n Pay, Hyperama House and Home, Boardmans, Home Etc and I have tried a few branches of each.

Every single store has told me: "Sorry! We're sold out!"

Sold out of Spice Racks? Seriously???

The spice racks I have found all have filled spice bottles in them, which would make a lovely present, but it doesn't help me at all.

Who knew spice racks were so popular?!!?

Argh!

Tomorrow I carry on with the hunt of the..... Popular Spice Rack!!! (said in a super hero voice)

Oh and I killed myself laughing at this:

Guilty spending

I have had an indulgent day. I don't understand why I feel so guilty. It's not like I do this every day!
Why, as women, do we feel guilty when we spend some hard earned money on ourselves? I am one of those who will smudge the truth about what the price tag really says. Yes. I am the one hiding the receipts in a shoe box.
I have no idea why! It's not like I have ever had someone raising an eyebrow or had someone tell me how irresponsible my spending is. Ok, my mom did, but I don't live with my mom anymore. Hmm...maybe it is her fault. Maybe she psychologically fertilized the root of my problem. Poor moms. They get blamed for everything.
I blur the truth of how much things cost to my man. Why? My money is just that...my money. There is no joint bank account (never will be) and I'm certainly not spending his money, so what is the big deal?
It is my own little guilty demon.

Today I have spent a fortune. In fact, I am 102% sure that I have spent the most I ever have in one sitting.
I feel awful.
Thing is, I needed these things. White lie number 5. I needed some of the things. The other 40% were buys that were based purely on: "Oh. My. God! How cute?" and "Oooh that will go so well with what I just bought!" and "It's pay day! You've worked hard...Go on Blondie...you can do it! You can doooo eeeet!!"

I have bought:
The Secret DVD (sick of not actually owning it) and 3 crystals, because I was in the store and the smell of incense made it seem necessary.
5 knitted tops...a pink one, turquoise one, black one, green one, white one, all are super cute.
I bought 3 chunky silver bangles, because I saw this stylish girl in a coffee shop wearing cute chunky bangles and it inspired me to get some of my own.
A winter hat. I love hats. I think I will wear it out tonight and let me blonde hair, desperately in need of a touch up, have a break from embarrassment.
A chunky pair of silver hoop earrings. (not to be worn with the bangles...no need for chunky over kill, right?)
A DVD player and surround sound system...still have no idea why? I think I'm thinking of cosy, blanket covering, hot chocolate drinking, DVD nights.
2 pairs of denim jeans because I need them.
5 sexy pairs of knickers and 4 not-so-sexy pairs of g-strings...also a necessity.

I then sat down for a cup fo tea at a small coffee shop when I saw my mom and sister gliding past me. I had enough packets around me, that I am worried I may have sped up the global warming process. Must recycle.
I immediately felt guilty. My sister instantly dug through the packets with the "Ooohs and Aaaahs" and the standard: Can I borrow this?
I get immediate satisfaction when she says this, because my sister is extremely stylish * in my opinion.*
My sister then asked: "What are you doing for the rest of your morning?"
Kill me now. So I said, "Well...um... I... am... um... goingtogetmynailsmanicured." as quickly as I could.
My mom just looked at me and smiled, saying: "Good! You need knew things and you're looking good Blondie! You're losing weight. I can see it in your face. Keep it up my darling!"
Say what?
No raised eyebrows? No 'tsk tsk's' for over spending?
Whatever is wrong?
My mom immediately looked guilty, "Well...um...I...um... goingtogetmyhairdone!"
Aha! Why do we do this? Why do we feel guilty when we want to spoil/pamper ourselves?
It made me feel better though, seeing my mom act the same guiltily way I did. Genetic, I guess.

I'm going to watch Arno Carstens tonight. It is his final gig before he sets off for the UK, to make it international.
My man is MC-ing and I can't wait to drink champagne with my short and square manicured ruby red nails and my new sexy hat and chunky bangles.

Have a fab long weekend!! x