Friday, April 25, 2008

Guilty spending

I have had an indulgent day. I don't understand why I feel so guilty. It's not like I do this every day!
Why, as women, do we feel guilty when we spend some hard earned money on ourselves? I am one of those who will smudge the truth about what the price tag really says. Yes. I am the one hiding the receipts in a shoe box.
I have no idea why! It's not like I have ever had someone raising an eyebrow or had someone tell me how irresponsible my spending is. Ok, my mom did, but I don't live with my mom anymore. Hmm...maybe it is her fault. Maybe she psychologically fertilized the root of my problem. Poor moms. They get blamed for everything.
I blur the truth of how much things cost to my man. Why? My money is just that...my money. There is no joint bank account (never will be) and I'm certainly not spending his money, so what is the big deal?
It is my own little guilty demon.

Today I have spent a fortune. In fact, I am 102% sure that I have spent the most I ever have in one sitting.
I feel awful.
Thing is, I needed these things. White lie number 5. I needed some of the things. The other 40% were buys that were based purely on: "Oh. My. God! How cute?" and "Oooh that will go so well with what I just bought!" and "It's pay day! You've worked hard...Go on Blondie...you can do it! You can doooo eeeet!!"

I have bought:
The Secret DVD (sick of not actually owning it) and 3 crystals, because I was in the store and the smell of incense made it seem necessary.
5 knitted tops...a pink one, turquoise one, black one, green one, white one, all are super cute.
I bought 3 chunky silver bangles, because I saw this stylish girl in a coffee shop wearing cute chunky bangles and it inspired me to get some of my own.
A winter hat. I love hats. I think I will wear it out tonight and let me blonde hair, desperately in need of a touch up, have a break from embarrassment.
A chunky pair of silver hoop earrings. (not to be worn with the bangles...no need for chunky over kill, right?)
A DVD player and surround sound system...still have no idea why? I think I'm thinking of cosy, blanket covering, hot chocolate drinking, DVD nights.
2 pairs of denim jeans because I need them.
5 sexy pairs of knickers and 4 not-so-sexy pairs of g-strings...also a necessity.

I then sat down for a cup fo tea at a small coffee shop when I saw my mom and sister gliding past me. I had enough packets around me, that I am worried I may have sped up the global warming process. Must recycle.
I immediately felt guilty. My sister instantly dug through the packets with the "Ooohs and Aaaahs" and the standard: Can I borrow this?
I get immediate satisfaction when she says this, because my sister is extremely stylish * in my opinion.*
My sister then asked: "What are you doing for the rest of your morning?"
Kill me now. So I said, "Well...um... I... am... um... goingtogetmynailsmanicured." as quickly as I could.
My mom just looked at me and smiled, saying: "Good! You need knew things and you're looking good Blondie! You're losing weight. I can see it in your face. Keep it up my darling!"
Say what?
No raised eyebrows? No 'tsk tsk's' for over spending?
Whatever is wrong?
My mom immediately looked guilty, "Well...um...I...um... goingtogetmyhairdone!"
Aha! Why do we do this? Why do we feel guilty when we want to spoil/pamper ourselves?
It made me feel better though, seeing my mom act the same guiltily way I did. Genetic, I guess.

I'm going to watch Arno Carstens tonight. It is his final gig before he sets off for the UK, to make it international.
My man is MC-ing and I can't wait to drink champagne with my short and square manicured ruby red nails and my new sexy hat and chunky bangles.

Have a fab long weekend!! x

7 comments:

The Divine Miss M said...

Hahahah, my mother NEVER feels guilty about spending money. She revels in it.

I wish I was like her. I feel sick about spending money. But that is only because I never have any!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

I think that's it, Miss M...I never have money and now that I actually do (amazingly) I wanted to spoil myself! Horrible this guilt thing!

MidniteGem said...

ohhh - i'm so in a shopping mood today as well...will have to see how it goes after work.

I def think it has something to do with struggling with money and then feeling guilty about every purchase you make for yourself alone. and then when you do have the money to spend on yourself you feel guilty about the price you pay for things...crazy !

Len said...

I'm actually looking forward to earning my own money - it will maybe not be a shitload, but at least my MOM will not be able to criticize what I use it for!

Natalie said...

I also feel guilty when I spend my hard earned money on myself! We really shouldn't!!!

Anonymous said...

hah hah i neverrrrr feel guilty about spending money, and why lie to your bf about it, i'd be honest if i were you who cares what he says/thinks, its your own money. I only feel crap about losing 2 grand at the casino over the long weekend, stupid casinos!

happy snapper said...

I hear you Blondie....I feel guilty when I spend money that I shouldnt...but if I have the money, then I dont feel bad. Then again, I pretty much never have money...so its mostly guilty. Or not spending at all. its sad :(