Fat Day

I am having such a fat day that I feel like blob with legs and arms. In fact I am like one muffin top with a mouth.
Argh. My jeans that fitted yesterday seem to have shrunk overnight. I was yanking and pulling and jumping and huffing and puffing and heaving myself into these jeans and finally managed to close the button. My neighbours must have thought I was having the most amazing sex ever.
If only they knew. LOL.

WTF is going on? Ok, so Special K my amazing mate who has a body to die for and is a fitness guru has very kindly taken me under her wing.
Yes, I lost 10kgs last year. However, I cannot seem to shake the last 10kgs and the thought of having to do this all again is just exhausting. See, I don't function like normal human beings. Normal human beings would be so chuffed and motivated that they had lost 10kgs that they would continue on the journey to lose the last 10kgs. Normal human beings would look at it like: I lost 10kgs, I can do it all over again.
I, on the other hand, am clearly not normal.
I am on a strict, clean eating plan and exercise plan.

I have the worst sinus so gym has fallen by the way side for the time being, which is frustrating me to no ends. I actually want to train. I've been told it's an 80-20 ratio. 80% eating and 20% exercise, so I figured that while I can't exercise I can at least get the 80% right. I have been eating all the right things, cut out fizzy drinks and crisps (my vices) and really thought that by 2 weeks I would feel and see a difference.
Nope.
Perhaps its because I'm as bloated as a ...I'm not actually sure what...
It's PMS, if you know what I'm saying.
It's lack of endorphines from the lack of gyming.

I've had it. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a gorgeous, skinny, fabulous day and if not. I'm going back to bed.

Exercising rays of sunshine

I wish I could say that I haven't blogged because I ate myself into a chocolate induced coma... well, I nearly did and have the spots ot prove it. Argh. Why does chocolate have to cause spots? It's just not fair.

Sugar and I are officially (no more excuses) back at gym. Yes we are. This is it. I was doing so well and lost a lot of weight...that should have been motivating enough but I fell off the wagon and enough is enough.
I actually forgot how much fun we have and how much I laugh at the two of us (afterwards...not during)
We always arrive in our gym attire looking at the gym doors like we're about to enter hell. We basically grunt at each other, give each a half-hearted morning hug, take a deep breath and walk in. Our gym cards are swiped and we look at the equipment like they're aliens who might and probably will hurt us.
Our spinning instructor is waaaay too cheerful in the morning.
"Gooood Moooorning Rays of Sunshine!!"
I made the mistake of once barking out: "What's good about it?"
He then decided it was his mission to "cheer me up" by winking at me, blasting the music, sending smiles of encouragement and basically annoying the crap out of me while he made us sweat on level 9 (standing on the pedals) for 12 frikken minutes - 5 times.
I also "cheerfully" curse Sugar. I tell her how much I hate her for doing this to me. I am really wonderful. In fact I could hire myself out as the "ultimate gym partner... just what you need to get you going...literally...away from me."
We do this one exercise where we lie on a bench and do stomach crunches while Sugar throws a medicine ball at, I mean, to me. I groan, grunt and cause havoc in the gym while everyone throws "shut-the-f*ck-up" looks at me. I need to get through the pain by letting everyone know just hard I am working, even if it means that the people on the opposite side of the gym hear me.

Afterwards, however, is a very different story. I feel those little endorphins buzzing through the bod. I feel exhilirated and I'm ready to face my day as a "ray of sunshine". In fact I'm so chuffed with the fact that I didn't get a hernia and I didn't pass out in a sweaty mess, that Sugar and I congratulate each other on the way out. We hi-5 each other and tell each other how fabulous we are and how we instantly look skinnier than we did when we arrived. We even celebrate across the road with a skinny cupaccino or 3.
Good times.
Good Skinnier Times.

I have a suggestion. Amen.

If you see a blonde trying to walk. It's me. I either look like I've pulled something or like I've had an amazing night of passion. Maybe... oh never mind.
I've actually just outdone myself in boxing class. No seriously. I cannot walk properly and I did class this morning. Imagine how I'm going to feel tomorrow morning. Good grief. We did 280 lunges today and as many squats. Ok? So you understand now. Stairs take a good 5 minutes and trying to sit on the loo is one hell of an experience. I have to literally hold onto the walls and slide down onto the toilet. Sorry for the TMI, but seriously, you don't understand my pain!
I have been stretching and it's still sore. I don't think I'm going to be able to walk tomorrow.
Whoever said: "No pain, no gain" should be shot. Really. I hate that they're right!

I had sushi lunch today with Special K and Boxing Girl. We were bitching about that very saying. I mean, life is generally hard. Can't their be something easy? No really. I spoke hypothetically (well, I guess thats pretty obvious) about being giving an option before we're born. Imagine if we were given a clipboard with various options we could tick off, before we were born. The Clipboard would say:

Life is hard, so I'm giving you a break. Tick one.

I'd tick this one:

#16.) Staying healthily skinny (within you height) will be effortless. You will be allowed to eat as many carbs, chocolates and other bad stuff as often as you like without so much as a kg nearing your thighs, stomach and hips.

I don't know...I think that would be fair. Each individual could tick off whatever it is that they never want to think about or have to put so much effort into.

Boxing Girl and Special K think I'm totally nutters and said things like: Breathing is easy.
That doesn't count. But thank you Lord because that would totally suck if we had to think about doing that all the time.

I thought my idea was genius. I'm letting G know about it...perhaps He can look into it for the future. Just a suggestion.

Ow part 2 and assholes

I really apologise for going on about this, but seriously...for most of you who do exercise you had to have gone through this once before!
This is all completely new for me. 1 word: AGONY.
Ok, let's be realisitic 2 words: FUCKING AGONY!!
Apparently, day 2 is the worst day for lactic acid and I am the walking...no...hobbling billboard for that!
If you see someone in pain, hobbling around (sans bandages) , it's probably me.
It's not a nice pain, it's not an itchy pain, it's fucking agony.
BUT...I clearly am sadistic...I'm back to boxing tomorrow!
No pain; no gain.

The excitement of the day? I got some excellent news career wise, but it means that I am going to have to go back to blonde. I was "sold" as a blonde and now the brunette thing won't work.
No. I am not standing on street corners. Although...with this economy of ours, it is tempting!
I have some time to get back to blonde which is great. I'm going to do it gradually so that I'm not bald by 30.

Last night Special K, Springchicken and I went for some dinner. We were literally kicked out and weren't quite ready to go, so we went to Cubana.
I saw these 2 oldish yucky men standing at the bar. They were perving. Seriously disgusting. I held my breath as the one guy started to approach our table and then walked straight past!
As he walked past again he poked Special K on the head, quite hard. She spun around and glared at him. "What are you doing?"
"Just trying to get your attention gorgeous." He had serious attitude and his eyes were creepy.
"Well that was very sore. Don't poke my head!"
"You know? There are some things I like about you and some things I don't."
"Great! Now could you please leave us alone!"
"You have a serious sense of humour failure!"
"I don't care what you think. Now leave."
"You know? With an attitude like that you are going to be a very lonely woman!"
"My husband doesn't seem to think so."
Guy even checks to see if she is wearing a wedding ring.
"Oh, well then all I can say is," he puts his hands together (like a prayer) and looks to the ceiling, "I'm so grateful to God that I'm not married to a bitch like you!"
When he said this, I stood up and immediately called the bouncers. He was duly escorted out!
What an absolute asshole. I couldn't believe it!

Tonight is the night I'm going to watch 1st Project. They're the most incredible band that only plays drums! They are excellent!
Can't wait!

Exercise (Yuck), shopping (Yay) and the weekend (Whoop-whoop)

Things have been a little crazy at work at the moment. I'm sorry I've been a little slack

with my blog.

I can't help myself. I can't stop it. I went into a shopping frenzy again! I bought a pair of snglasses, a black Nine West handbag, cute tops and I bought my man a pair of really funky rock-star jeans! They were all on SALE!!!
It was necessary, you see?
Aaarrrggghhh!!!
I hang my head in shopping shame.


Tonight I am completely chilling. I don't want to do anything but watch TV, eat and sleep. In no particular order.

Tomorrow we're going to Special K's place for sundowners. I've had enough of functions. I'm tired of dressing up all the time, making small talk and stuffing myself with hors de ouvres. How am I ever going to lose this horrible weight if I carry on like this?

I hate exercise. I hate gyms. Gyms freak me out. I hate the smell, the sound of the circuit, the sounds of clanking metal from the weights and the general atmosphere.
I really want to go back to my boxing, but I'm putting it off. The only reason I'm putting it off is because I know that once I start, I know I'll have to carry on.
I am putting it off completely. I go into a panic when I think about it! Seriously. My chest starts to close, I can't breathe properly and my heart starts beating...hmmm...maybe I should just panic instead of doing cardio ;-) No. Seriously. I panic at the thought of exercise.


I feel silly blogging about this because I know most gals love it and enjoy it and do it for fun! I hate you girls. Haha.
Ok, I do a little. I want to have the same mindset. I want to be motivated and I should be because I am not loving my body at the moment. I have got the eating right side down, but I can't seem to incorporate exercise now.

You would think that if I'm unhappy with the extra weight, I would WANT TO get into an exercise class.
Noooo...not blondie. I almost rebel against it and order a fat slice of cheesecake instead.


How do you girls do it? "They" say you should do something you enjoy...I thoroughly enjoy boxing but I'm still dragging myself into the ring.
I am so unfit that it scares me and I just cannot bring myself to do it.


Something has to change and quickly.
How do you do it?

See?? This makes me feel even better....look at this woman...I'm 25 and I can't get my ass into gear? Argh!

Exercise horror.

I am on a major health kick at the moment. Ok, well I'm trying to be. I need to lose a few (10) kilo's in 2 months. I'm doing alright on the eating side... had the headache for the first few days but I'm slowly but surely adjusting.

Logically and realistically, I need to add exercise to this to really see the benefits.

I know some gym bunnies out there are going to gasp in horror, but the idea of exercise makes my palms sweat, my chest actually closes and I feel like I can't breathe. I am so unfit I know I'm going to DIE for the first few days.

I have also been here before and after those initial days felt fantastic and lost weight. Never managed to continue exercising though.

Each time this happens, it makes things harder to start up again.

I can find a trillion things I need to/have to/want to/must do instead of getting into my 'attractive', way-to-small grey tracksuit to work up a sweat!

Nightmarish stuff.

Just typing this blog makes me feel a little nauseous. I know I need to start somewhere but I cannot seem to get my head around this. Aaaah!!

I guess I am just in no shape to exercise! ;-)