I'm BACK!!.... sort of....

Wow. I'm super embarrassed. I haven't blogged in over a month. That is disgusting.

I have been ridiculously busy and haven't had much time to blog. I blame Twitter, which has kind of taken over really, because it's like microblogging. I can "blog" automatically as to what is happening, rather than sitting down and trying to write everything thats been going on in one piece.
I'm making terrible excuses aren't I?
I'm sorry.

I am still apartment hunting. I am ready to gargle with glass, put toothpicks through my eyeballs...ANYTHING, to find the perfect place.
Perhaps I am a cheapskate, but I am struggling to find something in my price range. I just cannot afford anything more. That doesn't mean, however, that I will accept living in a flea, cockroach-infested, dangerous and ridiculously small place.

The search is driving me crazy though. Seriously.

Let me give you an idea. I have tried Private Properties, Gumtree, every other search site available....I'll be here forever if I have to name them all...but feel free to send me more... I have tried Fourways Review and Sandton Chronicle.
Get the idea?

I have also been really busy career wise. It's strange though, because I feel like I am in a career rut. I feel like I should be doing more in my line of work and challenging myself more and yet I'm not quite sure what to do. LOL. I'm sure that it's just a phase. Let's hope so.

I am also madly in love. I haven't felt "this" before either. It's scary. A good scary. I am ridiculously happy; I can't wipe the silly grin off my face and I get butterflies everytime I think about him or see him. Today is actually our 3 months together (officially.)
I've never been treated like this before and I could kick myself actually. Every woman deserves to be treated like a queen. No settling, no excuses and no compromises. Why do we allow men to treat us badly? I look at my friends and my sister...I expect the men they are with to treat them like gold and I will say as much....I don't know why I never applied that to myself.
I can only say this because of the awful experience I went through. So everything for a reason, no regrets and huge lessons learnt. I can only appreciate the good, because I experienced the bad.

What else has been happening? Ooooh a BIGGIE! I have quit smoking. Today is actually Day 15 of no smoking, not one drag. Nothing. I have also done this cold turkey and to be completely honest, I have gobsmacked MYSELF. It's not that I didn't think I could do it; but at the same time, I didn't! LOL. Does that make any sense whatsoever?

I'm totally proud of myself. It also wasn't planned. This is what happened. After my Cancer scare, I knew that I needed to quit. I'd also been wanting to quit for a while, but in all honesty, I really enjoyed smoking for the social aspects and having something to do when I was bored etc etc...all the excuses under the sun. I had been saying for ages that I was going to quit...next month...next week....next Monday and so it went. I also got one hell of a fright when I actually worked out how long I have been smoking for. I don't know why (in my mind) I thought I had only been smoking for "two years"...I've been saying that forever. I've actually been smoking since 2001. A box of 2o a day for 8 years. On weekends (with alcohol) 2 boxes in a night. DISGUSTING.

On Sunday 14th June I had half a cig. Half a cig, because I just really didn't enjoy the taste of it. Perhaps it's because I had smoked nearly 2 boxes the Saturday night before with all the alcohol I consumed (haha) but I just didn't enjoy it. I stubbed it out and didn't smoke for the rest of the evening. That Monday morning I woke up and didn't even think about a cigarette. I went for breakfast and a movie with EB and when it was time for me to go to work it hit me that I hadn't had a single cigarette. I wish I could say that I was struck by an angel singing "Aaaaah" epiphany, but something inside me and inside my mind just snapped. It's like my mind shifted and I just decided to stop or at least to see if I could. Hours turned into days and weeks. I can't even use a glass of wine as an excuse because while the craving is strongest when I'm drinking a cocktail, it's so manageable.

I almost feel guilty because I know that stopping smoking is supposed to be horrific and a major struggle for people, but I have found it relatively easy. I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't struggled, because I have and I've eaten SHITLOADS of sour worms, but it hasn't been as hectic as I was expecting. I was expecting to crawl the walls, to have night sweats, to see everything as cigarettes and to be a royal bitch to anything that moved, but it just wasn't the case. It hasn't been that awful and perhaps it really and truly is ALL IN THE MIND.

Man I hate cliches, but you can't fault them.

I have become one of those ex smokers. I am annoying. I'll admit it. I can't handle the smell of smoke now. It freaks me out, it makes me sneeze and I actually hate waking up in the morning (if I've been in a smokey place) smelling of smoke. My hair and my clothes STINK of it and I just wonder WHY I never noticed it before. I am noticing that I can smell my perfume, that my clothes still smell like Sta-soft hours after I've had them on and my taste has changed. Everything is tasting delicious. I had a curry at Bukhara in Cape Town on Friday night and the spices were even better than I ever remember.

The downside? I got sick the day after I stopped smoking. It was a combination of this God-awful strain of Flu and my sinuses acting up from...get this...the lack of smoking. My doctor explained that when you stop smoking, the hairs in your nose and lungs start to move and shake off the tar, nicotine or whatever gunk it is. It starts to come up (this is attractive) and so people cough, blow their noses and so forth... The perception is: "I was healthier when I smoked!" but it's not actually the case...if you can bare with it for a few weeks, you'll realise your body is just rejuvinating and that you're getting healthy...damn cliches....you have to get worse to get better. Most people can't stand it and so they just start smoking again.

Screw that idea....I'm not going to go through this sneezing, coughing, sinus-y mission to pick up a cigarette and then have to go through it AGAIN when I wanna stop smoking AGAIN! I'm going to go through this ONCE. Sure, it hasn't been as difficult as I expected it to be, but with that said, it's still been a struggle (a personal one) and I would be so F*%`^ed off with myself if I crumbled and had a drag. Just saying.

So, yes. Day 15. Here's hoping that it long continues.

I'm going to do my best to blog more often. I mean look at this essay...woah...sorry for the eyeball strain! It's just that I don't really have as much time as I used to have. I wont promise, but I will try! :-)

Friday the 13th

I raced through to meet up with European Boy last night. I hate being late and I had traffic and timing against me. Everyone should see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Fantastic movie. And yes. I watched the movie.... Really.
I've found a great little spot for after-movie wine. Found it with Sugar and shared it with E.B.
We sat drinking wine and laughing. I seem to be laughing a lot lately and I'm loving it. I also did a fair amount of blushing. I really would love to remove whatever it is that makes me blush. Apparently there is a tablet you can take for it. I'm good...for now.
It was a great night and I can't wait to do it again. Too much fun right now!

Today has been a good day... I got rid of any post wine headache at yoga. My mom finally managed to drag me with her today. It's my first time trying yoga and I really enjoyed it even if I felt like a retard most of the time. How is it possible that women who are older than my grandmother in Switzerland can wrap their ankles around their necks while breathing calmly? I didn't see one person over weight though...that's excellent news.

I am so stuffed at the moment... My department went out for lunch today and we over indulged on Indian food. Good grief it was "more-ish" and we all picked off each others plates. Had a little bit of everything...and stayed clear of Vindaloo... the last three letters are quite telling apparently.
I have had two glasses of red wine so work this afternoon is going to be fun... It would certainly explain my spontaneous shopping spree staright afterwards. Why can't I just walk into a store and purchase what I set out to get? I arrived to get my turquoise necklace I ordered and walked out with earrings, make-up, two dresses and a pair of leather leggings...I'm unstoppable!



Normally my Friday the 13th's are average. Neither lucky nor unlucky. Today, I've just been in a really good mood. It's weird to think that today is 2 months since I walked out on the ex. How amazing life is now. I don't mean that with any disrespect but I have to be honest.

I'm looking forward to this weekend...should be interesting. That's all I'm saying. For now.

Have a great one!

What happened yesterday...

My sister is a culinary genius. I have never eaten such delicious Indian food in ages. It would actually put Indian restaurants to shame. I'm talking about my sister making her very own samoosas (who does that??) Indian rice, curry and Indian sweets from scratch.
There are 2 problems. The first problem is that I have to kill her now because I'm going to have to do an extra hour of cardio now. The second problem is that I will never be able to invite her around for dinner now, unless she has no problem with toasted cheese!

Oh and that reminds me. I have been manic today rushing around town to various meetings, listening to people who drone on and repeat themselves trying to explain what they would like me to do at their function and then smile like I'm the idiot. I even had the question of: "So, um...you're sure you can do this, huh?"
I should have said something like: "Oh my God. Are you sure? I mean I've never ever done this before...ever." Just to completely scare the shit out of them.
I'm always amazed. Um...you hired me for your function... why would you suddenly be questioning whether I can do something or not....um??
I had so much to do today and I felt like screaming: "Alright already!! I get it! Can we move the F&%# on? Time is money people; let's GO!"
Instead of either option, I smiled, nodded and assured them that everything would be just fine and their function would be just great.

I finally managed to race off to Woolies to look for the dress I saw in the catalogue. I need it for this function, you see? Anyways, there I am looking for dresses (in a major rush) and found a whole rack of gorgeous dresses. I started looking for my size in these dresses, holding them up, pressing them against my body (quick mental try on) and then folded a few options (not one of them was in the catalogue...in case you're wondering) over my arm to buy them. I turned around and bumped straight into a friend from school I haven't seen in over a year. We got chatting and I was wondering why she kept looking at me so strangely...strangely as in a small smile and a look in her eyes that I didn't quite get. I finally got what that look and smile was all about. I was standing in the Maternity section. How did I NOT see the sign? It was huge and had a lovely glowing woman standing with her manicured hands on her huge belly on it.
There go the rumours.

I went through to support Mushy Peas on Toast for her book launch last night. I think it is an amazing thing to have accomplished and I heard that she always wanted to have a book published before 30! Well done babe!! I am so impressed and uber proud!! I had a jol too with you and the gang ; although I wasn't loving you guys this morning after those G & T's. I got to meet a few bloggers last night and it is always fascinating and fun. Chester Pillow was actually the person I cursed this morning...my head was feeling just lovely after the G&T's. It was fun Ches...thanks dude!
I got home last night and read your book until my eyes literally closed (admittedly I only read for 15 minutes) and the book hit the ground, ultimately waking me up. I am on Chapter 2 and I'm loving it! Sheer entertainment!
Well done Peas...I am definitely a GROUPEA and I have put an order out because all my gal pals are getting your book for Christmas :-)

Positively negative.

It's World AIDS Day today and our company arranged for confidential testing to be done for those who would like to know their status.
It takes 5 minutes and you get your results within a few minutes. It's amazing actually. So Blondie 2 and I went down stairs to get the test done. As we're waiting to go in with the nurse, we both looked at each other with the look of: Good grief...why are we doing this? I mean sure: "Know your status" sounds cool...but how cool could it be if it turned out to be positive?
Which WOULDN'T be a very positive thing at all.
I suddenly felt my mouth go very dry, my heart was pulpitating and my hands were sweating. My mind felt like it was on steroids too. Could I be? Oh dear God. It's not really possible, but then again... How do you get HIV again? I mean, I know this piece of knowledge, but at the time it dissappeared. I know I was on Anti- Retroviral Drugs for 2 weeks about 5 years ago because I helped a man in a car accident and got his blood all over my hands, which I discovered had open cuts on them from the glass in the car. That was a freak out. I had to wait like 2 days for the results and didn't sleep much. They also told me that I should be tested 6 months later to double check, but I never did. Forgot about it. SHIIIIT!!!
Well, that little piece of information popped into my head today and I sat there going: Oh shit. WTF!! What if.. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. The sex thing isn't possible considering my man and I are practically married. BUT...what if he's been.....Nah!!!
Oh dear God, hurry up nurse let's just do this. So I go in, get my finger pricked, drop the droplet of blood onto what looks like a pregnancy test. She then gets me to fill out a bunch of forms for confidentiality etc... I kept looking at it, so she took it away and put it on the seat next to her. Um...surely 5 minutes have been and gone. Nope. Only 2 minutes had passed. She gave me pamphlets on how to lead a safe life etc... and all I could think was: "Shit. She's seen the result and now she's trying to council me. Crap. Why did I do this again? Yes. It's good to know your status. It is right? Oh c'mon already. Just give it to me."
She finally took the test off the seat and told me to take a deep breath. She was enjoying this. Melodramatic Sadist.

My drink got spiked on Friday night. At dinner. Awesome. My sister, Blondie 2 and I were given a shot of Rasberry Vodka by the owner and 15 minutes later we were feeling completely plastered. We had drank one glass of sangria each. That was it. It was awful. We felt ill, plastered, heavy limbs and by the time we got home Blondie 2 and I passed out on the couch. We aren't 100% sure if our drinks were spiked, but it was a horrible feeling. So that was my rivetting evening...it was over by 11pm - I think.

Going over to the family tonight...my sister is a total genius in the kitchen -she always amazes us with incredible dishes. Tonight we're going to feast on Indian food...bring on the pappadoms!