Hooker at #19

I'm a friendly girl, I have no qualms about meeting people, even randomly greeting strangers walking through a shopping mall and so on. When I moved into my new complex, I was rather excited about meeting my new neighbors. I kind of imagined my neighbors would all be twenty-something, fun people. I imagined parties at our super cool clubhouse, knocking on each others doors because we were out of sugar...kidding, more like: Jack Daniels or Lime...or both.

When I was moving my furniture in I thought for sure people would come out their doors and introduce themselves as my new neighbor. I may have even hoped for a basket of muffins. Bree from Desperate Housewives would have. I'm just saying.

My lovely neighbor in the unit next to me introduced herself. She's lovely. The only friendly one but we happen to have very different schedules. She's gone when I'm home and I can only imagine it must be vice versa. Great. Thank you Murphy.

Then there are 2 units above me. I was rather excited to meet them....So far, I was right about my complex - all young and hopefully fun.

A few weeks went by and finally I managed to see some life forms. I met the guy who lives above me. Nice guy, friendly, in his twenties. Finally. These parties could possibly happen. He shares the same name as my boyfriend. Handy, especially because I really am useless when it comes to peoples names.

Two days later I see him with his live-in girlfriend.

"Hello same-name! Hello!" I say to him and to her.

Weird. Do I have the right person?

Yes, definitely. He's not friendly, instead he can hardly look at me, gives me a shy smile and almost looks like she's going to crunch his balls when they're in private for even acknowledging me. She grunts at me, gives me the dirtiest look ever and off they disappear up the stairs.

WTF?

Oooo-kay!

BUT the next time I saw him (sans the eye-balling grunter) he was all waves and smiles.

I think I've figured it out though. I think the word has spread. My neighbors think I am a high class hooker. Now, before you all gasp, let me explain.

I was asked (honoured) to be a part of this prestigious charity ball. I was asked to be one of the people who would showcase a designers dress. We were allocated designers and they had to take our measurements, do dress fittings etc.

I had very limited time to do this, so I asked to meet my designer for the first time at my home because I just couldn't make it to his studio.

He arrived at about noon. He has quite an unconventional way of measuring. Sure, he measures standardly with a measuring tape, but then he asks you to stand in hot pants and a strappy tank top. He cling wraps you and makes a "cast" of your body shape. Pretty amazing.

Amazingly BOILING...Murphy was having fun again - it just happened to be the hottest day of the year. I tried to look at the bright side ... this was a weight loss opportunity. So while he wrapped away, I sweated away. By the time he cut the wrap off me, I was dripping. I didn't want to put on my clothes straight away (ewww) so instead, I put on my silk robe that I have had forever and a day. I wear it all the time. I adore it. Hindsight, is a beautiful thing isn't it? I could have grabbed a loose fitting dress, but I went for my comfort.

I walked my designer to his car in my robe. I didn't think anything of it. Who was home during the week at noon? I then gave him a hug good bye and said: "That was really awesome and it was nice to meet you. So, same time next week?"

See how that would sound? It would have sounded totally normal if it was just between my fully-dressed designer and my silk robe wearing self. Instead, it was with all my new neighbours, yes, all those who I hadn't met yet. Those who I was starting to wonder if they existed. They had all come home for their lunch break. I obviously didn't get the memo.

So yes, there they are gawking at me in the middle of the day in a silk robe walking a man who was fully dressed to his car, giving him a hug, telling him it was great to meet him and asking if this is all happening again same time next week. Awesome.

No wonder the men are friendly when their girlfriends aren't around and the girls look at me like I'm the female version of Tiger Woods.

Love the reputation.

Perhaps I will get my party ... my farewell party when I move one day.

Drowning in my bath...

I'm renting this gorgeous little apartment. It is truly the cosiest and most comfortable place. It has a personality as far as walls and windows go... and I almost wish it was actually mine. I rent from the most divine landlords - they live in London, trust me implicitly- which helps, and are so easy going.

There are only a few problems with it...

The place is absolutely tiny. In reality, I don't need any more space for right now...although I could always do with more closet space...but then again, which girl ever has enough?

I am yet to have a housewarming because it would mean that I would be having a housewarming ever single weekend for the rest of my lease. I can fit maybe 3 people in at a time. Awkward.

It only has one sink, which can be a pain in the ass when it comes to washing and rinsing dishes. One day when I'm big, I would like to not slosh soapy water all over the floor...in fact, one day when I'm big, I will have space for a dishwasher.

My main problem is it only has a bath. Showering and bathing are personal preferences for people. Some people love to only bath...*teach me* ... I do not fall into that category. I am a shower person. Don't get me wrong...I love baths...on occasions, like when I've had a really tough work out and I need to soak my achy muscles or I get a rare one in a million chance to take some "me-time" and pamper myself in a vanilla bubble bath with candles, Michael Buble and a bottle of wine. Bathing everyday is not ideal for me.

It especially makes for interesting conversation when I say things like: "Oh my God. I can't remember the last time I took a shower!!"

People tend to turn their noses up to comments like that. I seriously miss showering. I can't handle the idea of soaking in "dirt" and then when I get out of the bath water it just clings to my skin again...ewwww. I need to rinse myself off and step out clean and fresh.

I also think of the environment, believe it or not, and it is better to shower. I feel bad every time I run a bath.

I emailed my landlords and asked them if I could restructure their bathroom by putting up a shower rail and curtain (not the sexiest thing, I know) and attachment etc etc to turn the bath into a mini shower. They happily agreed and even (bless them) told me they would pay for it. I'm so desperate at this stage I was prepared to pay for everything, even plumbing if need be. Still, it would've been a little rude to do my merry little adjustments when the place isn't mine.

European Boy has recently moved into a 5 x the size of my little matchbox (said with love) apartment and he is fixing certain things up...one being his bathroom with mustard coloured walls. Whoever the previous owners were should be shot for shocking taste.

I've learnt quite a bit about housey-things ... like tiles, and underfloor heating and damp proofing and so forth. Including a better more aesthetically pleasing solution of changing a bath into a shower. It's a mini glass door that gets attached to the bath. Much better. Much better than having a shower curtain stick to you and the feeling that Pyscho could be standing there with a Butchers knife.

I got this company to come give me a quote. Firstly they ended up getting lost because my complex (4-5 years old) is still not in the map books or GPS systems. Story of my life when I get cold Nandos and Mr. Delivery.

They took the measurements and were gone. I waited 3 hours for them to be there for no more than 5 minutes. The kettle was still boiling for tea by the time they were finished up.

I have the quote, not too bad actually... and I'm sending it off to London. I think it's a little more than a shower curtain and rail, but I'm thinking of them for future reference when it comes to resale value.... Aren't I just such a good little tenant?

Noddy Badge.

Although...I am just assuming that they're going to see my logic and go this route. I'm hoping so. If I have to dunk my shampoo lathered head under water one more time, I may try to drown myself.

I'm gonna brush that move right out of the colour charts

It's called a toothbrush. Use it. Preferably with toothpaste. I'm not even going to push it when it comes to flossing and mouth wash.
I have never come across more halitosis in one day in my life. Every. single. person I met had halitosis. It was so bad that I nearly gagged, had to take a few steps back, hold my breath and turn my head as if I was fascinated with something that was to my left, while still trying to seem as if I was listening to what they were saying.
I had a business meeting with a man who probably had small animals die in his mouth. That one was a little trickier to try and avoid. Especially when I had to lean in to see the document he had.
I then had to go to a few stores and of course I needed help in each store. Ok, let me be exact. There 5 stores. 5 salesmen. All 5 had terrible breath.

I know that some people have conditions, but I also know that it is impossible for me to encounter 6 men on one day.
No. Brush, floss, gargle. Do it.
How do these people get laid?

Just a thought.

In other news and I know I'm getting annoying now, but seriously, I am tingling I am so excited. I cannot WAIT to move. This weekend, I am sanding and staining some furniture I have had in storage. On Monday we paint my apartment - oh good grief - that reminds me, I still haven't chosen a colour. Seriously. How many bloody natural colours can there be? There is cloud white, vanilla white, off white, cream white, angelic white, cognac cream, Grecian White, Pearl...the list goes on and on. I am undecided between a neutral colour called Jasmine something or other; Light Clay or Velvet Cream.
No. You can't choose from the names alone, other wise I would have an apartment that is painted in colours called: Petite and Perfect (there really is a colour called that AND it's all about positive affirmation, so if my apartment was petite and perfect perhaps I could be too ) or it would be Fairy Dust or Sugar Shack or the Passion Pit. Yes. These are all legit colours.
I am useless. I need someone to close their eyes and wiggle their finger over the page with the colours I've chosen and pick one.
Anyway - so on Monday, the colour will be picked and on my wall and then on Tuesday SPRING DAY, I will move all my furniture in. I have so many different furniture companies coming through and I hope they all arrive before 3pm.
I cannot wait. I seriously cannot wait.

PS> 2 and a half months of no smoking and going strong. Feel fab!

A week and a bit then and you want me to pay HOW MUCH??

OMG. I had a beautiful little wake up call. So did my bank balance. Ha! Balance means you are actually savvy with money and have savings and stuff.

As excited as I am to be moving and thankfully I have a lot of stuff in storage, I still need to get a whole lot of new things. I ordered my cuppaccino suede L-shape couch and my dark wood furniture. I bought the matching kettle and toaster in it's silver finish. I bought the silver, mirrored microwave and other kitchen items. I expected these to be somewhat costly.
I did not expect these things to be expensive:
Bath sheets, hand towels, curtains and blinds, linen, duvet covers, pillow cases etc.
I did not choose Egyptian cotton with thread count blah blah blah ... I got ordinary white duvet covers and pillow cases..... from Sheet Street.
I did not budget for these things being so expensive. Imagine my surprise when you're taking items for R89 and R199 etc and handing them over to get a final bill of R1895.99. Say what???
It just goes to show that the small things really can add up.

It's getting closer now and I can't wait. So much to do. I also am a hoarder. I have tried over the years to change that and I have given up...given in? to the fact that it's never going to change. However, it has to change because my new apartment is so tiny that if anything is out of place or stacked up the place will look like a tornado ripped through it.
I have collected and built up so many things that there is no way I have space for everything.
I heard what you said. So be brutal and chuck things out. Surely you don't need everything.
How can you swear at me like that?
I do need everything and I can't bare to throw things away in case I may need it down the line. Oh good grief. This is why I need my girlfriends. We need to create my own version of The Style Networks: Clean House

All I know is that it's a week and a bit and then I have my independance back. I also know that I have a bottle of Moet champagne that is eagerly awaiting the move too.

Changes ...

Can you smell it? Can you feel it?

Ok maybe not entirely, but you know that Spring is just around the corner. Alright, to be perfectly honest all I can really feel is how dry and frizzy my hair is, how those static shocks hurt and how dry my skin is that I look half woman-half reptile.

I have noticed how some trees are starting to blossom and how the weather is shyly warming up. I had 2 braai's this weekend and I didn't have to pull on a jersey once.

There are two things that I always freak out about though.

a) I am so lily white that I may blind anyone who isn't wearing sunglasses.

b) those layers of clothes come off to expose the layer of "blubber" I fondly called my layer of warmth.

There would actually normally be 3 things ... the third would have been that I would need an industrial strength razor to deforest my legs because *again* I fondly called them my "layer of warmth home grown stockings."

My legs have been silky smooth all.winter.long. Thanks to my relationship with European Boy. 'Nuff said.

OK no wait. They haven't been silky smooth all.winter.long. They have been silky smooth all for a few hours after I've shaved them (I'm not a fan of waxing. My legs, that is. Go figure) until I got cold, got goosebumps and then instantly had chicken flesh legs. God it pisses me off.

I have a LOT of changes coming up. All happening ON Spring Day.

I am moving into my fabulous, tiny bachelorette pad that has a little garden. I love gardens and while this may be tiny, I can't wait to sit on the patio in the sunshine and watch the birds.

Good grief. I sound like I'm 80. LOL

I can't wait to decorate and just have MY OWN space. I adore my family and I'm so grateful that I was able to move back 8 months ago after the breakup, but I really do need my independance and after running my own household for 4 years (my way) it has been difficult going back to living under "mom and dad's house rules."

An element of my job is also changing on the 01 September which is bitter sweet. It is exciting and sad at the same time. It's going to be quite an adjustment.

These are a few things that I'm looking forward to about summer:

Ice tea's and cocktail sundowners with my girlfriends.

Picnics.

Watermelon.

Salads and fruit salads.

Ice cream.

Pool Parties.

Summer dresses and slops.

Bronzed skin.

Cabriolets.

Sunsets.

Leaving my hair to dry naturally because this time the haridryer will be too hot, instead of welcoming! LOL.

A green city again. I'm over the drab brown.

The smell of suntan lotion.

I can't wait.

321...split personalities.

This is my 321 post. I guess it's not really a special significant number, I just liked that it was 3-2-1.
Random. I know.

I have been one complete yo-yo of late. It's like the schizo personalities have finally taken over. Or at least just one, other than me, Blondie.
Shutup.
You shutup.
See?

One part of me has been completely sane and the other part of me has gone insane.
This week I decided that since the no smoking was going really well (oh and I'm relieved the other personality doesn't like smoking either...something we're in sync with) that I would up it a notch and try and get back into eating well and my regular exercise routine with my mate, Sugar.
Sure, I was sick and had early meetings etc, but there really is no excuse now. Especially with Spring looming. And speaking of, oh my goodness, I'm excited for Winter to hibernate. I can't take the static shocks any more, and my jokes of: "It's the electricity between us" and "Did you feel that? We have a spark!" when I touch people and shock the shit out them is losing it's humour. The static frizz that's called my hair and the scaly legs that no amount of exfoliating or body butter helps is driving me nuts. I also can't handle having to put sunglasses on everytime I undress and see my naked lily white body.
And that would be lumpy body. Where did that cellulite come from? Is it an age thing or was it that extra helping of pasta Alfredo in the cold weather?
Hell no.
Gym it is. At 7am when it's been 5 degrees.
Yes. I know.
Desperate measures my friends. Sugar has also turned into quite the drill sergeant too.
I will sweat my ass off on the spinning bike or while I'm doing weights, whatever and then straight after gym, evil; unhealthy personality kicks in and craves cheeseburgers and chips (with vinegar) or chocolates. Mainly chocolates.
Bar Ones, Lunch Bars, Kit-Kats, Top Deck slabs, Tex bars, oh my, you name it, it's been devoured.
It's disgusting.
WTF? I mean seriously. You'd think that after all the torture I put myself through, I'd feel all "rah-rah-let's go!" and opt for a health sandwich or salad. Nope. "Hand me that chocolate bar. Now!" and "Yes please. I'd love that extra slice on cheesecake dribbled with strawberries!" come out of my mouth.
This horrible unhealthy personality is strong. She almost always wins.

Must find a way to banish her and quick before Spring comes around and lumpy, lily-white Blondie here has to take off the layers of clothes we've been hiding under.

OMG. See that above? I just referred to myself as "we."
This is not good.

In other news: I found an apartment. I am so bloody excited that I turned instantly into the jumping up and down, squealing girl from those American Teen Movies. I get to do house shopping now and I love house shopping. I love looking for furniture and photo frames and quirky salt and pepper shakers etc. Sigh. This is exciting.

I'm BACK!!.... sort of....

Wow. I'm super embarrassed. I haven't blogged in over a month. That is disgusting.

I have been ridiculously busy and haven't had much time to blog. I blame Twitter, which has kind of taken over really, because it's like microblogging. I can "blog" automatically as to what is happening, rather than sitting down and trying to write everything thats been going on in one piece.
I'm making terrible excuses aren't I?
I'm sorry.

I am still apartment hunting. I am ready to gargle with glass, put toothpicks through my eyeballs...ANYTHING, to find the perfect place.
Perhaps I am a cheapskate, but I am struggling to find something in my price range. I just cannot afford anything more. That doesn't mean, however, that I will accept living in a flea, cockroach-infested, dangerous and ridiculously small place.

The search is driving me crazy though. Seriously.

Let me give you an idea. I have tried Private Properties, Gumtree, every other search site available....I'll be here forever if I have to name them all...but feel free to send me more... I have tried Fourways Review and Sandton Chronicle.
Get the idea?

I have also been really busy career wise. It's strange though, because I feel like I am in a career rut. I feel like I should be doing more in my line of work and challenging myself more and yet I'm not quite sure what to do. LOL. I'm sure that it's just a phase. Let's hope so.

I am also madly in love. I haven't felt "this" before either. It's scary. A good scary. I am ridiculously happy; I can't wipe the silly grin off my face and I get butterflies everytime I think about him or see him. Today is actually our 3 months together (officially.)
I've never been treated like this before and I could kick myself actually. Every woman deserves to be treated like a queen. No settling, no excuses and no compromises. Why do we allow men to treat us badly? I look at my friends and my sister...I expect the men they are with to treat them like gold and I will say as much....I don't know why I never applied that to myself.
I can only say this because of the awful experience I went through. So everything for a reason, no regrets and huge lessons learnt. I can only appreciate the good, because I experienced the bad.

What else has been happening? Ooooh a BIGGIE! I have quit smoking. Today is actually Day 15 of no smoking, not one drag. Nothing. I have also done this cold turkey and to be completely honest, I have gobsmacked MYSELF. It's not that I didn't think I could do it; but at the same time, I didn't! LOL. Does that make any sense whatsoever?

I'm totally proud of myself. It also wasn't planned. This is what happened. After my Cancer scare, I knew that I needed to quit. I'd also been wanting to quit for a while, but in all honesty, I really enjoyed smoking for the social aspects and having something to do when I was bored etc etc...all the excuses under the sun. I had been saying for ages that I was going to quit...next month...next week....next Monday and so it went. I also got one hell of a fright when I actually worked out how long I have been smoking for. I don't know why (in my mind) I thought I had only been smoking for "two years"...I've been saying that forever. I've actually been smoking since 2001. A box of 2o a day for 8 years. On weekends (with alcohol) 2 boxes in a night. DISGUSTING.

On Sunday 14th June I had half a cig. Half a cig, because I just really didn't enjoy the taste of it. Perhaps it's because I had smoked nearly 2 boxes the Saturday night before with all the alcohol I consumed (haha) but I just didn't enjoy it. I stubbed it out and didn't smoke for the rest of the evening. That Monday morning I woke up and didn't even think about a cigarette. I went for breakfast and a movie with EB and when it was time for me to go to work it hit me that I hadn't had a single cigarette. I wish I could say that I was struck by an angel singing "Aaaaah" epiphany, but something inside me and inside my mind just snapped. It's like my mind shifted and I just decided to stop or at least to see if I could. Hours turned into days and weeks. I can't even use a glass of wine as an excuse because while the craving is strongest when I'm drinking a cocktail, it's so manageable.

I almost feel guilty because I know that stopping smoking is supposed to be horrific and a major struggle for people, but I have found it relatively easy. I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't struggled, because I have and I've eaten SHITLOADS of sour worms, but it hasn't been as hectic as I was expecting. I was expecting to crawl the walls, to have night sweats, to see everything as cigarettes and to be a royal bitch to anything that moved, but it just wasn't the case. It hasn't been that awful and perhaps it really and truly is ALL IN THE MIND.

Man I hate cliches, but you can't fault them.

I have become one of those ex smokers. I am annoying. I'll admit it. I can't handle the smell of smoke now. It freaks me out, it makes me sneeze and I actually hate waking up in the morning (if I've been in a smokey place) smelling of smoke. My hair and my clothes STINK of it and I just wonder WHY I never noticed it before. I am noticing that I can smell my perfume, that my clothes still smell like Sta-soft hours after I've had them on and my taste has changed. Everything is tasting delicious. I had a curry at Bukhara in Cape Town on Friday night and the spices were even better than I ever remember.

The downside? I got sick the day after I stopped smoking. It was a combination of this God-awful strain of Flu and my sinuses acting up from...get this...the lack of smoking. My doctor explained that when you stop smoking, the hairs in your nose and lungs start to move and shake off the tar, nicotine or whatever gunk it is. It starts to come up (this is attractive) and so people cough, blow their noses and so forth... The perception is: "I was healthier when I smoked!" but it's not actually the case...if you can bare with it for a few weeks, you'll realise your body is just rejuvinating and that you're getting healthy...damn cliches....you have to get worse to get better. Most people can't stand it and so they just start smoking again.

Screw that idea....I'm not going to go through this sneezing, coughing, sinus-y mission to pick up a cigarette and then have to go through it AGAIN when I wanna stop smoking AGAIN! I'm going to go through this ONCE. Sure, it hasn't been as difficult as I expected it to be, but with that said, it's still been a struggle (a personal one) and I would be so F*%`^ed off with myself if I crumbled and had a drag. Just saying.

So, yes. Day 15. Here's hoping that it long continues.

I'm going to do my best to blog more often. I mean look at this essay...woah...sorry for the eyeball strain! It's just that I don't really have as much time as I used to have. I wont promise, but I will try! :-)