Sunday, December 7, 2008

I'm PHAT!

I had one of the best weekends. I'd like to say that I partied it up VIP style until I pissed champagne, but instead I didn't move. Ok wait, I did but only for three reasons.
1. To go to the loo.

2. To go to the fridge.

3. To collect deliveries of health food.

I was exhausted on Friday - well, you read below so I got home and chilled. I watched TV and finally dragged myself to bed. On Saturday morning, I showered and instead of getting dressed, I got back into my pajamas. I can't remember the last time I did that!
I didn't get out of my pajama's until Sunday evening, when I showered and then put a new pair on. Lovely. I literally sat on the couch, alternating between writing on my laptop and watching the idiot box I lovingly call the TV.
Honestly, it was just the best. No make-up, no hair products and pure laziness. God it felt good.

I received an email from a pseudonym [of course] and it hit a nerve. It really, really did. I probably shouldn't be sharing this (considering that some of you know who I am) but I have had it and my blog is my place to vent. I just need to get this out!

The email basically says (in a nutshell - because it's a few paragraphs) that they can't understand how I'm in the industry I'm in when I am not "fat" but chubby. I'm not a good role model to women who want to get into this industry and blah blah blah blah.
{It did go on to say that they love my work and that they think I'm a natural talent etc...
Um...Thank you for the backhanded compliment then .}

I am fucking hurt. I should just shrug it off, have a good laugh (maybe a little cry) and then go about my merry way.

Let me set the record straight.

I have been diagnosed with sugar intolerance. I am border line diabetic and am doing my best to not become diabetic. Basically my body doesn't know what to do with sugar and instead of turning it into energy, it turns it into fat. I am left feeling lethargic and I'm left gaining weight.
I am not obese. I am just not your skinny size 0 and quite frankly I would never want to be.

Yes. I am in an industry that is image conscience. Um...I've been in it for a few years now so that would make me well aware. I am in this industry because I love entertaining. I cannot begin to explain how much I love what I do and I can't imagine doing anything outside of the industry. I get so excited to go in, do a good job and see how I can improve myself every.single.day!
The fact that it puts me in the public is rather overwhelming for me and I don't really understand it. My man once summed it up beautifully: "This is not Hollywood. We don't have celebrities, but we do have public profiles whether you/we like it or not."

A role model? No pressure. Don't you think a role model would be someone healthy, who has goals and is hard working and ambitious? I don't quite understand...are you saying that I'm not a role model because I'm not stick thin? Well in that case. Thank God!
If you're going to use loaded words like "Role Model", well then, I'd rather be a role model for young women who want to make something of themselves regardless of how they look. I'd like young women to look at me and think: I, too can do it! I too, can dream and have those dreams come true and I don't have to look a certain way!

It is devastating to me because I have put on several kgs and I can't quite seem to fit into clothes I used to. I'm a woman and I am personally very sensitive to this. Ask one woman if weight has ever been a hang up. 99% of women have hang ups about their weight, even Heidi Klum.
Has it hurt my self esteem? Yes. Not drastically but I. am. human. Trust me, I'd love to be the size I was and I'm working at it. Weight gain is quick...weight loss takes effort and it takes time if you want it to be healthy and stay off.
It's not great hanging around skinny girls at these functions feeling like a frump, but I'll never let my weight define who I am as a person.

I am irritated that I have never had to watch what I eat...perhaps to my detriment later on in life considering I have been diagnosed with this condition; and now I am having to. I am not used to having to make a concerted effort watching what I put in my mouth and it has been a bit of a shock. I struggle with it and it is a constant battle considering that I could be the President of the Sweet Tooth Society. No more sweets, chocolate, sugar, bread and so on...

Am I making an effort though? Hell yes! I want to be healthy and I want to do my best to prevent diabetes.
I am working my ass off in gym (boxing) and I am starting pilates/yoga.

I don't need to explain myself (after all of this) but I have had it. I'm tired of being called a Blob by tabloids. Fuck off. I am a person who has feelings.
Quite frankly this email has been the most judgemental, uneducated email I have probably ever received. It hurt me to the core.
I didn't respond. In these cases: "The best response is no response" - more advice from my man

This is a stupid post but it has made me feel better. I'll probably delete it tomorrow afternoon.

Oh and I've lost 4kgs so far, so bite me!

13 comments:

po said...

Blondie please please don't let those comments from stupid shallow people get you down.

I have to admit I know what you look like (hope you don't mind I kind of figured it out, your identity is safe with me) and you are stunning. I don't think your weight should even feature in a discussion.

And that role model comment is bizzare. Surely we want to try and teach people that size zero is actually anorexia in disguise?

And I think your blog allows your intelligence and great personality to come through.

It takes huge courage to put yourself out into the public eye, and people will criticise everyone, but I think it takes even more strength to ignore the idiots!

The Divine Miss M said...

So they think that good role models are woman who inspire young girls to starve themselves, give them complexes from a young age about food, clothing and generally everything about themselves and make them think that the only way to be pretty is to be a size zero?

What. The. Fuck.

That person obviously hasn't got the faintest clue what they are talking about.

You are gorgeous. Period. With or without those 4kg's ;)

You have an amazing career, a wonderful family and a drop dead gorgeous man so I think that you are definitely at the top of your game!

This world puts far too much clout on weight and how you look. What happened to just being healthy and yourself? Size zero is just plain scary and quite frankly ugly!

NEVER CHANGE BLONDIE!!!

Randy said...

I am a male, and quite frankly am sickened by tese anorexic skanks. Men (real men) do NOT like those little girl bodies. We, as a society should encourage healthy weight, not what some consider the ideal weight...real healthy weight. Then, we teach the more important lesson, tolerance, because not everyone will achieve those "standards" and that's OK. In fact, maybe if a few people taught that lesson first....just maybe, we could reduce teenage suicide, or at least help with a few self esteem issues. Take my love to bed tonight, wake up better. No disrespect intended, just one human to another, love.

Anonymous said...

geez funny to come to your blog and read this post of yours, since it relates to what I was going to write to you about this morning.

I saw you on TV on Saturday, and your face is made for TV, you look soooo pretty, and your legs are sooooo sexy and stunning, and you have a lovely curvaceous figure, your boobs are so delectable looking, not many pretty women have natural juicy boobs like you, they have to get stupid implants. I think you're lovely, and you spoke so well. The person who emailed you is a jealous insecure woman. (But I really wanted to ask who did the wardrobe, because you need to dress for your figure, you have a good body, with awesome curves, the right clothes make a huge difference, the top you were wearing is wrong for your body type as it skims over your ample bosom, you need to wear fitted tops and no one would ever call you chubby again) You're beautiful. Just remember that. People like that emailer, that's the world we live in, ppl want to bring other ppl down.

-TATIA

Being Brazen said...

Dont let it get to you - its just a load of crap. Im pretty sure you look amazing and are amazing - hence why you are in the industry you are in.

Those negative people must just be quiet. Beautiful is not just a size Zero....

There will always be people trying to bring great, talented people down. Just ignore them..usually people who are mean are just jealous

DT said...

Do not delete this post – It is a brilliant post and highlights the insane bullshit we need to put up with on a daily basis! First of all this is South Africa and if you are in the public eye then the only role models we should be seeing are those with curves! I don’t want to look at one more stick thin, sexless, fake, moronic female in the media because those women are the ones who haunt young girls who aspire to be like them. Don’t let such an email get you down – let it fuel you to achieve even greater things while staying real and true to yourself!

Kitty Cat said...

Well, I see a lot has been said already, but I agree, do not delete this post. It's a hot topic. As you so rightly say, every woman, whether she is thin or curvy, has issues with her body.

I want to say this: What kind of role model does that email sender want? An unnatural ideal of super skinniness that most women can't reach? Having said that, why do we care so much about a woman's size? If you are passionate and doing a good job, that's enough for me! No one looks at how big or small a man is! No one would email a man (unless he were morbidly obese) and tell him to lose a few kgs! So why do we do that to us women? Why can't we accept that some women are thin and some are not? Some are curvy and that's WONDERFUL.

Really, Blondie, we are all rooting for you. AS YOU ARE. NO MATTER IF YOU GAIN OR LOSE WEIGHT.

And I'm actually suffering the sugar thing like you. I don't have diabetes, but my sweet tooth is harming my body too. I have to (and have managed to) cut down drastically on sugar.

Kitty Cat said...

PS: Hey there Anon TATIA! Sorry I made such a stink...you know what I mean.

Anonymous said...

hey kit-kat :) no worries.

BB - did you find the envelope with the R800?

Peas on Toast said...

You are so away from being fat, it's frightening. I just look at your little stick arms and want the same!

And I agree with Miss M - how can a good role model be someone who starves themselves and aspires to the heroin chic look? How is that healthy and good?

You are a beautiful beautiful girl. And although emails like these may make you feel less than super, remember all the hundreds that think you're the sexiest thing alive! xx

Tamara said...

I think you are gorgeous. Not just pretty, not just pleasant to look at... GORGEOUS!

And I love that you're not a lollipop celeb with a big head and stick insect frame. You are perfectly proportioned and men go mad for you, so the chick who wrote that letter should just stick it.

Like everyone else has said... What kind of role model does she want?

boldly benny said...

How bizarre is that mail?! I can understand it hurt you. What kind of a lunatic sends mail like that out. I actually started laughing when I read that s/he said you are not a role model because I think they might've misplaced their brain - what a mindless thing to say!

I have a similar condition as you, I'm on sugar pills and the whole bang. It's a mare and stupid comments don't help.

Bottom line: you're hot and successful - this person's comments don't matter!

Lopz said...

I can hardly believe that in this day and age there are still people who are that misguided and still breathing. Of course you're hurt, who wouldn't be??? I agree that ignoring the e-mail is the best response, but I would be overwhelmed with the urge to slowly gouge their eyeballs out until they got your point. Fuck that wanker hun, they don't deserve a second thought from you.