A Decade of me

I wrote a meme about my Decade. It was probably the longest post I have ever written and I've deleted it. I know one person read it and that's cool, but it suddenly occurred to me that there is way too much information in here. I'm a very open person and that can be detrimental. I'm glad I wrote it and I've kept it on file for myself. I think this was more of a personal thing for me to reflect. Whoever started the meme is genius. I have also realised I don't actually know HOW to be impersonal or discreet. I wrote my full story out (in detail), which took me a few hours to do and it probably would have taken you a good 15 minutes to read.
LOL

I have deleted the post and started again with less info...you will see how I struggle with that considering there is still a lot of info here...but hey! This is ME!!


1998: I was 15 years old and took subjects that would help me be a doctor one day. I sucked dreadfully a maths and science. All I wanted to do was entertain and I knew my calling was to do that. I was a cultural child who took part in singing, drama, public speaking, debating etc... I also made the mistake of saying: "I'd never been drunk before" and my lovely friends ordered me 8 double shots of tequila. I was so ill that I was close to having my stomach pumped and I have never touched and will never touch tequila again.

1999: I was a true Sweet Sixteen: Never been kissed before. I turned sixteen and a month later I met drama boy. My first kiss was lovely and teenage giddiness set in. I started dating him. We dated for over a year and things changed when he wanted to sleep with me. I didn't want to...I wanted to wait and he got so mad.

2000: I was in Matric. All my friends and all his friends knew weeks before I did that he was going to dump me. He did and I was devastated. My first boyfriend and my first breakup. I wanted to tell my best male friend that I had feelings for him. My best girl friend encouraged me and then proceeded to make out with him the night I was going to tell him. I met a lovely, gorgeous boy who was in Post Matric and we started dating. He swept me off my feet and we hade such fun. I matriculated and couldn't wait to start the journey to my career I had dreamed about for ages.

2001: This is my most eventful year. I started studying BA Journalism. I found out that my grandfather in Europe had passed away. The last time I saw him was 1992. I was 9. I mourned more for the loss of not having known him. I was entered into a Beauty Pageant and made it to the Top 10. My self esteem was picked up and I met 2 of my closest friends I have today. Special K and JB. Post Matric Boy broke my heart and I never knew why he broke up with me out of the blue. I never saw him or spoke to him again and always wondered what had happened. I found out this year after physically bumping into him. I heard everything that I had hoped to hear 7 years ago. 7 years too late. 2 months after the break up, I was involved in a horrific car accident with JB and Pageant Boy. Our car rolled, I had to be cut out of the car and the paramedic thought my neck might be broken. All 3 of us walked out of there with sever whiplash and other injuries. We had survived something that no one should have.
My grandmother (I was closest to her) was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and she died 3 months later. Her husband died suddenly too a month before she did. It was crazy. I failed 3 1st year subjects. I did however start with a company in order to start paving my career path way. I was 18 years old when I started. I also started Designer Boy around this time. I had met him at the CD store I worked at on weekends.

2002: Second year varsity. I was entered into my universities RAG Queen Beauty Pageant. I made the Top 20, then the Top 5 and I won Miss Enthusiastic (don't laugh) and was chosen as the People Choice Miss RAG Queen. There were 2 titles. One for the actual pageant and one where the students voted for their RAG Queen - People Choice. I studied my ass off and got an opportunity to work for a company that was fantastic to pay my dues, hone my skills and learn about the industry. Designer boy and I had fun but we weren't sure if we were right for each other. We denied this for a while until...

2003: I completed my 3rd year, plus I finished the 3 1st year subjects I had failed and graduated with flying colours. I was still working at this company and it was a tough year. Classes in the morning, rush to the show, rush back and do afternoon classes and complete assignments in the evening. I met my man at the company and it was love at first sight. People always said that to me and I used to tell them to read another Mills & Boon. Haha!! I got it, though, for the first time ever. I broke up with Designer boy and started dating my man!

2004: I turned 21 years old and had the most incredible birthday party!!
I was feeling frustrated at the company. I had reached the ceiling professionally and needed to grow even more. My man encouraged me and helped me. I sent off "CV's" to various companies and eventually got the call from the company I am at today. I started training and then started BAM! 4 days later.

2005: 2 days after my 22nd birthday I moved out of home. I moved into a quaint, tiny garden cottage. It was perfect. I felt like an independant woman and suddenly realised how tough it was out of the nest. It was an amazing lesson. I got an incredible "promotion" if you will and it was a huge break in my career. My profile was rising and it was overwhelming. I got sucked into the celebrity world and my head grew waay too big. I am truly glad and blessed that I have such amazing friends, family and my man that keep me grounded. Let me tell you, we are all human and it's easy to get wrapped up in a glossy glam world that falsely tells you it "adores and loves you". It's destroying when you start believing it's true and real.

2006: I moved into my man's new home in October. I had all these idea about how I was going to transform his bachelor pad into a pad for 2, until I realised how naive I was in a) trying to change things and b) expense.

2007: Special K and I decided to create our own opportunity in this industry. The entertainment industry has so many dimensions to it and I want to explore. We started our own company in order to start working on a special project, after being told that we'd never make it in a cut throat / mans world. They were wrong. We surprised not only them but ourselves.

2008: We've had a few set backs with the economic climate, but we're feeling positive that this project will be a huge success. We've put enough blood, sweat and buckets of tears into this! With that said, I actually laugh every single day. My man and I are strong - I love him to death and don't know what I would do without him. I have the most amazing friends and family and I feel blessed every day.

I have grown as a person, I have had been given plenty of lessons to learn. I laugh every day, I cry sometimes too but if I had to have a choice to go back I don’t think I would. Sure, I often say: if I had the knowledge I have now and had the chance to go back in time, I’d do it! Honestly though, I don’t think I would. Things happen for a reason to make you grow as a person and to mould the woman that I am becoming; if I had to go back and change things I might not be the same person I am today.

Hold the bus....or should that be plane ticket??

Life is funny isn't it? I'm not laughing at the moment, because I feel like a bomb was just dropped, but you get the idea.

I am still trying to process this. It could be life changing. I don't do well with change. Some thrive on it, I get nauseous.
I am also the type of person who allows her imagination to run away with her. I'm already at the very end before anything has actually happened.
It could amount to nothing, but this change is happening because it should amount to something. Something I'm not sure whether I want or not. Is my fear of change clouding whether I want this or not?

My man spoke to me about this at the beginning of the year and I kind of put it off and put it to the farthest place in my mind. Surely it wouldn't happen! Don't think about it and it will go away.
3 weeks ago he brought it up again as something definite had come up and yet again, I didn't really take it seriously because the honest fact is I didn't want to take it seriously.

My man might be leaving the country. He's going for an incredible job opportunity and the interview is overseas.
The conversation went like this:
"Baby, I might be leaving this Tuesday for that European Country."
Choke on coffee. "What? Which Tuesday?"
"This Tuesday."
"You're kidding!! You must be kidding. This Tuesday?" My eyes start welling up. "How long are you gone for?"
"10 days. The application date ends on Friday so I need to go. If I get the job, if I get the job, I'll come home and then have to make arrangements to go for a year or however long the contract is."
"Oh."

I understand. The money is un-fucking-believable and we've discussed everything in detail. It all makes sense, but it doesn't make it easier. I do not want to be one of those girls who holds her man back and then later on he resents me. I selfishly want him to stay but I want him to progress in life. He's brilliant and he needs to do this. If I could go with it would be a bonus, because he would probably be gone for a year. If I don't go he'll be earning shit loads of euros that he could send home as savings so that we could get married and move home when he gets back. Besides...if I look at how quickly this year is flying by, it might be OK PLUS..I'd just have to visit 4 times a year! How dreadful :-)
We discussed everything, everything and he doesn't expect me to give everything up here immediately. I have a career that is really taking off, my friends and family and so much more. He's going to see how things are and then we'll discuss whether I should move too. We spoke about moving together at the beginning of the year, but I put it out of my mind; not because I don't want to, but because it freaks me out. I get weepy at the thought.

The place he's moving to (we could be moving to) is absolutely breathtaking and the ironic thing is I have dreamt of living there, imagined it and longed for it. The idea of change is overwhelming.

I'm trying to adjust.