Thursday, July 10, 2008

Hold the bus....or should that be plane ticket??

Life is funny isn't it? I'm not laughing at the moment, because I feel like a bomb was just dropped, but you get the idea.

I am still trying to process this. It could be life changing. I don't do well with change. Some thrive on it, I get nauseous.
I am also the type of person who allows her imagination to run away with her. I'm already at the very end before anything has actually happened.
It could amount to nothing, but this change is happening because it should amount to something. Something I'm not sure whether I want or not. Is my fear of change clouding whether I want this or not?

My man spoke to me about this at the beginning of the year and I kind of put it off and put it to the farthest place in my mind. Surely it wouldn't happen! Don't think about it and it will go away.
3 weeks ago he brought it up again as something definite had come up and yet again, I didn't really take it seriously because the honest fact is I didn't want to take it seriously.

My man might be leaving the country. He's going for an incredible job opportunity and the interview is overseas.
The conversation went like this:
"Baby, I might be leaving this Tuesday for that European Country."
Choke on coffee. "What? Which Tuesday?"
"This Tuesday."
"You're kidding!! You must be kidding. This Tuesday?" My eyes start welling up. "How long are you gone for?"
"10 days. The application date ends on Friday so I need to go. If I get the job, if I get the job, I'll come home and then have to make arrangements to go for a year or however long the contract is."

I understand. The money is un-fucking-believable and we've discussed everything in detail. It all makes sense, but it doesn't make it easier. I do not want to be one of those girls who holds her man back and then later on he resents me. I selfishly want him to stay but I want him to progress in life. He's brilliant and he needs to do this. If I could go with it would be a bonus, because he would probably be gone for a year. If I don't go he'll be earning shit loads of euros that he could send home as savings so that we could get married and move home when he gets back. Besides...if I look at how quickly this year is flying by, it might be OK PLUS..I'd just have to visit 4 times a year! How dreadful :-)
We discussed everything, everything and he doesn't expect me to give everything up here immediately. I have a career that is really taking off, my friends and family and so much more. He's going to see how things are and then we'll discuss whether I should move too. We spoke about moving together at the beginning of the year, but I put it out of my mind; not because I don't want to, but because it freaks me out. I get weepy at the thought.

The place he's moving to (we could be moving to) is absolutely breathtaking and the ironic thing is I have dreamt of living there, imagined it and longed for it. The idea of change is overwhelming.

I'm trying to adjust.


Peas on Toast said...

Oh my God. Blogshell, this is hectic - I'm so sorry about the shitty circumstances. Fuck. I really get it: Some thrive on it, I get nauseous.

Babe, I don't only get nauseous, I hang my head over the toilet.

Here's to the both of you coming to a resolution and thinking of you lots during this adapting period! xx

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Thanks Peas! How my life has changed within 24 hours....fucking nuts!!

OK, well, you can hold my hair and I'll hold yours! Deal?

All will be fine I'm sure...but damn!!!!

Prixie said...

i left SA a few months ago for London. My Significant Other (S.O) is still there. We making it work. It is hard, but possible.

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Prixie...that nakes me feel A HELLUVA LOT BETTER!!!! THANK YOU!!

Seriously though...what work? How do you cope?

Len said...

I'm sorry to hear that... I can understand that. It was the same when my boyfriend went overseas, and it was only 3 months!

Feel hugged!

phillygirl said...

Sheesh. now that's a hetic way to start a day. Jees. I'm sure you too will muddle thru it and whether you manage to tag along for a year in a foreign country or get some fabulous European holiday's out of it, it'll all work out eventually :)

My friend is in a similar situation for a year while she is doing her Medical Community Service (I have to clarify cause someone on my blog thought this was like Police Community Service - paha!) in Umtata and her man is still in Cape Town. And sure, it's not a whole continent away, but when you're barely earning a cent, it sure feels like it. They're also stuck with the few holidays together a year and very regular phone calls!

I'm not sure how they're managing, but they seem to have stayed strong, so people can definitely manage it if they have the "want" to do it! I think it's really important to know that there's an end-date and that it's not some indefinite thing ... that'd be really scary!

Being Brazen said...

Hectic..I feel for you, thats rather tough. If you love one another the distance will only make you love and appreciate one another more.

Look on the bright side though - you may end up getting to live in a stunning new country for a while... :)

Anonymous said...

what's he do? what's the job?

Lopz said...

That's heavy shit hun - but also kind of exciting! I know I know, who wants their boyfriend on the other side of the world... but the fact that there are prospects for you to either live there for a bit or visit - well, sometimes it's nice for life to get shaken and stirred a bit. But I totally get your reservations.... I am convinced you will be fine though. You're a tough cookie!

The Divine Miss M said...

Aww honey that sucks, sorry to hear that.

It might be a bit of an adventure though? You never know what might come of it!

Change is horrid though. I hate it. Even down to furniture being rearranged. I'm terrified of it.

Though if your career is taking off perhaps leaving it for a year now isn't the best thing? I don't know!

boldly benny said...

So sorry to hear it BB, but it sounds like you two have really worked through how to make this work! And it sounds like you have a fabulous network! My brother and his boyfriend did long-distance (my bro was in SA and his boyfriend was in London) for a year and are now still very happily together.

sweets said...

go with the flow! just like you said a year goes past in a flash!