Monday, January 19, 2009

Does this make sense?

I feel like a fish out of water. I haven't been just Blondie for so many years. It's always been Blondie and her man.
I am having to relearn who I am, what makes me tick and loving to be on my own. It's only 6 days, but each day is different.
Everything reminds me of him and I have driven that way "home" every single evening, only to do a U-Turn and go back home. I also keep wanting to call him when I receive a piece of news etc... and I suddenly realise what I am doing in the middle of typing his number into my Blackberry. Everything is just very very odd but I know that it will take time.

I am stronger than I thought I would be, but with that said, this has been harder than I thought it would be. Does that make sense?

I don't know how to be single. I feel really pathetic in saying that and yet I don't feel pathetic in saying that either.
Does that make sense?

I guess I did things ass about face. While my mates partied away, snogged different men, slept with different men (safely) and basically enjoyed a single life in their early twenties, I was in a loyal, serious relationship. Now my mates are settling down and I am going to enjoy being single in my late twenties.
Weird.

I am sad and excited. Does that make sense?

This is a new chapter in my life and it is going to certainly be very interesting to see how the book finishes.

PS> I am going away on Thursday, Friday and Saturday for a shoot. It's a romantic shoot too. The timing is beautiful.
Still. It will be good to stay busy and have a change of scenery.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad to see a new post!!

No one can expect this time to be easy for you, you'd have to be abnormal or just cold. You WILL get through it. Don't expect it to happen over night though...

Perhaps you can distract yourself with the boxing bag luv! :) lots of love!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Thanks Anon...

Stopped the boxing and doing pilates, gym and spinning now :-)

Peas on Toast said...

It absolutely all does make sense. We've missed you here my girl.

I think the boxing idea that Anon put up there is a fabulous way - distractions are key right now. Distractions and social interactivity. So although you've started spinning, you never know, punching a bag once in a while might be good :)

Hope you're holding up my dear. Sending lots of love xx

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Thanks Peas.. I'm going to have to see if my gym has a boxing bag because right now I just can't go to the gym we both used to go to. Oh God. This really IS HARD!!

Being Brazen said...

I totally know what you mean about being sad but excited.

i havent been single in a long time and I can imagine it would be daunting - i doubt you will be single for a very long time.

I wish you lots of great, wonderful, surprising adventure in your new single life ;)

po said...

I can and can't imagine what you are going through right now, it must be so hard to bear.

I hope you can endure the pain!

Sunrise said...

Freak, how do you deal with losing your best freind, confidant, lover all at once. Its a heavy situation, of course you going to feel wierd and out of it.

I agree with Peas and Anon, distractions, weekends away, gym, drinks do it all, embrace the new! Good luck!

Kitty Cat said...

It sounds like you're feeling "normal" to me. Just like any suddenly single girl would. Being single, once you get into it, is the best thing in the world! You eat only what YOU like, do what YOU like, discover who you are etc. It's going to be fantastic. I love being married, but I really loved being single too.

Tay said...

YAY! So glad to see you back! 2009 is going to be an awesome year for you, I just know it! Thinking of you xxx

Prixie said...

it is tough and challenging after all that time, but it is do-able. give time, time.

take care

Blondie 2 said...

Just to tell you that you are beautiful and the world smiles beacsue you are here :)

Blondie 2 said...

I.AM.BLONDE but can spell....:)

Miss T said...

hun...totally get where you are coming from!Did the same arse about thing myself. You'll be grand :)