Tuesday, May 27, 2008

As red as....

I am blushing. I am bright red. Crimson red, Ferrari red, Fire Engine red. As red as a lobster, a tomatoe and a pom who's spent 5 minutes in the sun.
You get the point.

Murphy's Law struck again. I, of course, have to learn things the hard way! Dear Lord! Let me start at the beginning.

I went onto the TV set this morning and was instantly ushered to the make-up and hair room. I do not know why make up artists insist on putting dark, brown shades of lipstick on me. I understand our make-up has to look darker for it to stand out, but brown lipstick? No!
The worst thing is if you mention this, ever so honestly and nicely, you end up sounding like a diva bitch, anyway. It's really not the case but please. Stop putting me in brown. I don't like it.
Anyways, I then had to make my way to the set where the sound guy attached the microphone to my top. That is always awkward. The small mic basically needs to sit just above your breasts, preferably in cleavage.
I put the cable underneath my top and the monitor on the back of my pants, but that was when the dude had to adjust it near the twins. It's um...bonding!
We did the first part of the shoot and it was awesome. I had so much fun. We took a break so that the camera's could change batteries and tape etc.

I obviously, go to the loo. I brush my hair, hum (out of tune) a little, cough, blow my nose - I sound like an elephant having sex with a foghorn, get my make-up I've just rubbed off re-applied and walk back onto set. 5 guys are killing themselves laughing.
I think nothing of it, and move off to do some skinnering with Special K.
Our conversation is as follows:
B:"How do you think it's going?"
K:"I think we're doing well, but I'm a little irritated with how my make-ups been done.
B: "Me tooo!! I don't get it...why do they put brown lipstick on me? Argh!"
K: "No babe, you look great...look at my cheeks..."
At this stage, I felt the blood drain out of my face and then race back into the reddest of red blushes.
I looked in horror at Special K, pointed at her chest and mouthed: "Our mics are on!"


There is just no getting out of that. We are bitching and we are busted.
We then make things worse (trying to make things better) by then saying (not obviously...nooo!!)
K: But, I mean... I guess, we're just, um, being mean! I could never do my make-up this nicely!"
I'm now dying at how this is just getting worse, but panicking because I need to say something so I say: "You look amazing! We should get lessons from this woman."

Oh. My. God! How false could that be? And the "False Award goes to....*drum roll* The Blonde Blogshell!"


We walk in, sheepishly, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. I suddenly realise that the camera's aren't filming and that not one of the sound guys, directors or anyone else has a pair of headphones on.
Does this mean we're in the clear? Did no one hear us?
Say it IS so!

I couldn't take it anymore, so I asked and held my breath waiting for the dreaded answer.
"We heard your bathroom antics, your bad humming and your coughing and spluttering!" He was clearly amused by this.
"So...you didn't hear anything else?"
"No, why? Were you gossiping?"
"No..." Paranoia sets in, "Why? Why would we be gossiping? Why would you ask that?"
"We've caught a lot of people out like that, but we were all doing things, so no one had the headphones on."
I let out a thankful sigh of relief that no one had heard our bitching, but they heard me pee and they heard my nose blowing that could scare small children.

I am still blushing and I've learnt the biggest lesson ever. Switch your mic off!!

PS> It's the Sex And The City movie premier tonight! I'm taking my little sister with me...Good Times!


Len said...

You know this video, right? ;)

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Oh my word Len!!!
Hectic! hahaha!!

The Divine Miss M said...

Oh god you amuse me!

Do you know how many people we've heard going to the toilet on our rushes who've forgotten to turn off their radio mikes? Least you didn't take a dump, heard that too! :P

Also busted many a people bitching about crew members etc, it's hysterical.


KaB said...

Miss M - no...I was wondering about stuff like that!

BB - well at least you had a laugh & they had a laugh...imagine if you'd have farted or something...I always hear people doing that in the office loos...I have to choke back the laughs!

Not that you would do that!

MidniteGem said...

LOL - I've got worse ...
Was on a reality dating show (guy had to choose from 3 girls) SO us girls and all make-uped and miked up and after a few rehersals of the walk in to hear the verdict we are standing around joking away about what we thought about all the guys on the crew and who we would want to go home with if we didnt get picked (huge joke!) and the one girl was going on and on about the sound guy and how hot she thought he was while using his name all the time. Of course being the sound guy he had heard all of it - and so had everyone else!! I was somewhat clever and only pointed out the guys i was talking about so they never figure out who i was talking about.
The chick did get the sound guys number tho!

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

Oh my god! I've heard of that happening before! At least you didn't fart or something else! Poor girl!

Have fun at the premier! Our premier doesn't start until this Friday... :( Damn it..

phillygirl said...

Sheesh, that's hysterical and mortifying at the same time! And I'd so be in the same boat as you in that situation :) And at least you remembered the mic fairly soon in your conversation.

sweets said...

noooooooooo mwhahahahahahaha that must be their daily entertainment, but honestly how funny can it be listening in to a girl going to the loo....

enjoy tonight!!!

happy snapper said...

Oh my gosh Blondie, that was the funniest thing ever! Shame, I can totally feel your embarresment, and Im sure your cheeks felt like they were on fire!

But yeah, like Miss M said, at least you werent taking a dump :P

Tamara said...

FLIP! I hate it that I don't know your secret identity.

At least you didn't say anything really nasty about the make-up people.

And what is is with putting people in the wrong colours? Brown suits me, but on the few occasions I've had my make-up done professionally, they insist on using bright orange and giving me dark black, goth-looking eye make-up.

Supanova said...

Tamara - I'm in total agreement! *jumping up and down in frustration* I've been trying to figure it our but I'm totally clueless! C'mon Blondie...I'll show you mine if you show me yours! Well, I'm not as interesting as you so that won't work!
So funny how you tried to rescue yourselves! 'We should get lessons from this woman' ROTFLMAO

Supanova said...

Ooohhhh... How was the premier BTW? I heard they had REAL choc-chip cookies and some yummy treats! Soooooo jealous I am!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Miss M, you must have heard it all! Oh my word!! I'm just so grateful we weren't talking about the crew or worse! Jesus!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Oh no Kab! That's awful...there is nothing worse than hearing that!
Can you imagine!??! Aaaaah!!!
Ahem...I mean...fart? What's that? I am a lady of course! Haha

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Midnite gem...you clever clever thing!! Good on you for pointing! That seriously takes the cake..I would have died!!
Thank God I noticed when I did! Damn! I get goosebumps just thinking about it!!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Chronicles you are going to LOOOVE the premier!! Ooooh girl...you are gonna LUUUURVE IT!!!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Philly Girl..I am so grateful I realised as soon as I did...I wish I had known straight away, but our conversation could have gotten worse! YIKES!

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

It was that good??? I want to see it now!! :(