Monday, February 25, 2008

Don't read if you're eating!

Don't read if you're feeling nauseous or you're eating. It's a little graphic:

Well, I didn't get to go diving. Shit, I was annoyed.

I happened to get a beautiful little thing called A Bug. Apparently there is a stomach bug going around. Luckily I wasn't visited by the bottom end of the bug, but the top end of the bug. Let's just say I was bullimic for the weekend. Good grief. It's horrible!
It started early on Saturday morning with a migraine. Oooh *shudder* they are fucking horrible. Let me describe it: Dizzy, nauseous, have to be in a dark, quiet area and basically I feel like my head is going to explode.
I begged my boyfriend: "Baby, pleeease cut off my head."
BF: "What?"
Me: "Cut off my head. Seriously. I think it will be less painful."
BF: "What am I supposed to cut your head off with."
Me: "A chain saw. That will be quick."
BF perplexed: "We don't have a chain saw. Besides, as much as I love Quinten Tarantino that's gross."
Me: "Seriously? Why don't you have a chainsaw? C'mon! Ok. Just kill me then."

I had to go out to drop something off for a friend. It wasn't far and I thought it would be alright. It was until I had to drive home again. Well those waves of naseous are fun, aren't they? It's amazing. My breathing started to deepen, my mind was screaming: "Don't do it, don't do it!!"
I managed to get home, pulled into my driveway but as I climbed out, whoops! The wave dumped me... I vomitted and vomitted and...well you get the revolting picture.
I wish that was it. Oh no, Murphy's Law and I are good 'friends' remember? Our neighbours were having a party/braai and their guests all just happened to be arriving.
I cannot tell you how mortified I was. There are no words.

The whole day carried on like that. If I put a morsel or drop in my mouth it came straight back up.
Sunday was another tamer version of Saturday. Today my stomach feels a little sensitive from all the hurling. Hmm, charming.

My boyfriend is absolutely delighted. I know you're thinking I should dump the insensitive bastard then, but he's delighted because he thinks I have morning sickness.
"I'm not ok?"
BF: "But you could be! I hope it's a boy!"
My turn to look perplexed: "Have you hit your head? Don't be ridiculous."
BF rubs my tummy, crouches down and talks to tummy: "Hellooooo little one!"
Me: "Oh my God! Stop it! You're being silly. You should be worried I'm bullimic, not pregnant!!"
BF whispers to tummy: "Oooh, she's already moody!"
Me: "Oh fuck it! I'm too tired for this crap. Get away from my stomach before I throw up all over you."

It was an, um, interesting weekend!


ChewTheCud said...

That is too awesome! My weekend was totally boring by comparison. Your boyfriend sounds cool (I mean that in the un-gayest way possible) ;)

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Hahaha!! That's hysterical!

Thanks Chewthecud. Why aren't you on my blogroll? Hmmm....

Natalie said...

That sounds awful hun, how are you now? All better I hope :-)

The Divine Miss M said...

I love your boyfriend, he sounds hysterical ;)

I'm glad you're feeling better, there is nothing worse than throwing up! I hate it.

Hey, you MIGHT be preggers :P

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Much better today Thanks Nats...a little fragile but good oh and I'm starving! haha!

Where have you been?? ;-)

The Blonde Blogshell said...

OMG! NOT NOW! Please Miss M...I'm too young to have a heart attack!

He is. He is a funny manly man ;-)

The Divine Miss M said...

Dammit you have a manly man.

Anna said...

Get well soon blondie! x x

MidniteGem said...

LOL - your bf sounds just like mine!!! he does that to me all the time !!

phillygirl said...

Paha, why are our boyf's so baby-keen ... I have the same problem, at least once a month when he get's momentarily excited and starts picking out names and then falls to earth with a dull thud as he realises that no, not this time honey :)

KaB said...

He sounds very least you know he'll be keen!

On the contrary...

BF: "What am I supposed to cut your head off with."

...he entertained the thought?!?


The Blonde Blogshell said...

Good point Kab...didn't think of head was throbbing too hard.

Well maybe he'll be a baby-loving head hacker! Nothing sexier. Right?
Ha ha!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Don't worry Miss M...I have a feeling you will too soon! Can feel it in dem bones :-) haha!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Thanks Anna doll :-) x

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Midnite gem, I'm glad to know there are others out there :-) x

The Blonde Blogshell said...

I have NO IDEA Phillygirl!

I always know how to end the conversation though. He'll look at a baby and coo: "Aww I really want one!"
I in turn, will look at a wedding finger with a ring on it and coo: "Aww I really want one!"

End of discussion :-) Classic x

Ruby said...

lol...that was hysterical and kinda reminded me of my food poisening stint earlier this year....hurling is the most revolting thing ever....EVER!! nothing beats hurling!

anyway, on a more comical note.....the BF certainly does sound like a hoot:) sounds like one of my friends insisting my pregnant everytime i dont feel so kosher around the tummy... lol

phillygirl said...

Paha, I'm just too afraid to give your approach a try ... I might get one! I'll be ready one day tho :)