Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Hurling Heritage Day

Oh God! I sure made up for my bitching last night. If you didn't read the previous post, I was pretty miffed out with the fact that everyone was partying up a storm and I was in bed early for a half day of work the next day. Half day, whatever. Work is work. I like to think of it as: doing my bit for the economy.

Special K, Blondie 2 and I went for a girly lunch, instead of the braai today. Let me explain.
We were supposed to have a braai with the gang, but someone had to go and get pissed last night and is hanging like a donkey on steroids.
Dude. The man is so ill and instead of being mad, I find him adorable…he reverts to a cute 8 year old boy you just want to nurse. I will never tell him this. You know why.

So, I was all super psyched for potato salad, chicken kebabs and a boerewors roll; and that craving went straight out the window. It went out the window, when I heard the man hurl his stomach contents straight down the toilet. I know this sounds bizarre and gross, but he vomits weirdly. I know there is no “right” way to vomit and I am going to sound incredibly mean, because I should be concerned, but I find it hilarious. Seriously. He makes the funniest sounds. He sounds like a combination of a hyena laughing, coughing up a fur ball and well, the general “normal” up chuck sound.
Man, it is funny. Trust me. I would say you have to be there, but that’s really sadistic isn’t it?
Can you imagine? “Hi guys, come around… you know I was telling you about the man’s weird vomiting sounds, well, I thought you should experience it first hand, so let’s feed him revolting things to make it happen. Trust me; it’s going to be the best time ever. Ever!

Anyway, I called up the gang to find out what the vibe was with having a braai. If everyone was still keen, well, sorry for vomit boy... but they all dropped like flies... all of them were hanging. Bunch of babies.
All of them, except my best girls*. Blondie 2 and Special K were still keen to do something. I left the man lying in bed curled into the foetal position, muttering the usual: “I’m never drinking again. No really. I mean it this time. Fuck I wanna die…shit, pass me the bucket…”
I asked if he wanted me to stay, but he kind of waved me off, muttering: “Kill me.” and “Have a good time!”

We met up for sushi and Cosmopolitans. Lunch with girls is never an hour or two.
6 hours later, sun setting, several Cosmo’s in and stomachs literally sore from laughing, we called it a day.
The bill showed that we had enjoyed 13 Cosmopolitans between the 3 of us. We paid the bill and it was only when we were in the car park that we suddenly realised that made no sense. How can 3 girls share 13 cosmos? They either didn’t charge us for an extra one (yeah right) or they over charged us by one (probably.)
My head is spinning and I’m feeling a little bad. What heritage did I celebrate today? I drank Cosmopolitans – for Johannesburg (work with me here) and I ate sushi for…um… well... I’m stumped.
I bought biltong on my way home. Does that count?
The man is still on the couch, watching Absolute Formula 1 and stuffing his face with biltong and Lay’s Salt and Vinegar crisps. It helps with the nausea. Apparently. He is still hanging. Insane.
It’s another early night for me. This time, I really don’t mind. Those Cosmo’s are dangerous. Deliciously dangerous.

* I sound like a pimp. Niiiice.


po said...

sushi for Sandton hey? Um, would love to hear your man's puking sounds, but I would probably end up joining him so maybe not a good idea!

Len said...

The Ex sounds like a stag in a rut when he vomits. I never particularly enjoyed the sound though. lol :-D

Moe Wanchuk said...

Last time I was after my wife fed (tried to kill) me black bean soup and I didn't quite make it to the bathroom.....It hit the wall at full force. Not Good.

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Well that's the thing Po, I cannot handle the sound of hurling. It makes me wretch... with him, I find it hysterical.

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Oh my God Len...that's terrible! LOL!!
Oh trust me, hate the sound of vomitting, but he is just funny! Maybe love really is blind...or deaf!! ;-)

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Moe, I want hurl just at the SOUND of black bean soup. YUCK!

No...killing you would be: "Honey. Taste this. Does this taste like arsenic to you?"
;-) *evil grin*

Kitty Cat said...

Your description of your man's vomiting sound was hilarious! I can only imagine, but man that made me laugh! Another great post!
PS: I would've loved to be a fly on the wall listening in to your conversation with your two best girls!

Tamara said...

I had no idea hurling could be funny. Seriously.

sweets said...

puking is just not fun... the poor guy... LOL

Being Brazen said...

Great post - had me chuckling at my desk

The Divine Miss M said...

Yummy to the sushi

Icky to the vomiting!

I vomit too much when I drink. My housemate laughs at me, apparently I make funny noise as well!

Blondie you so should not be driving home after that many Cosmos :(


sweets said...

btw every time i visit your blog i try to add myself as a follower but then it just gives me a "page cannot be displayed" message... damn!

Kitty Cat said...

Come and collect your award at my blog!!! :) It's waiting for you.

Prixie said... fave too!