Monday, September 22, 2008

Schizophrenic Blondie... The comedian.

The weather is weird. It's been sunny with freezing wind. Did Mother Nature not get the memo? It's SPRING!
I must admit though, I haven't seen a crisper morning. It's beautiful. I'm sitting on my balcony looking out into the distance. The buildings and trees actually have outlines. There's no blurry haze or smog. It's lovely.

I had a seriously chilled weekend. It was awesome. Lots of braai meat and lots of wine. Sunday was couch potato day. I didn't get out of my pajama's until this morning. In fact, this weekend was so chilled, I was actually boring.
Boring was welcomed into my life with open arms. I embraced it lovingly, but I don't want it hanging around me too much.

Right so, I am interviewing a few comedians this week. Honestly, I'm dreading it. I'm dreading it because I don't know what comes over me. I'll be introduced to the comedian and I automatically become hilarious. I think so anyway. I have no idea why I do this. I am NOT a comedian and yet I suddenly start practising "material" on them. Oh my God, it's is mortifying.
I actually have screaming matches in my head.
Blondie: Shut the fuck up. You. are. not. funny. What is wrong with you?
Blogshell: Hahahahahhaha - oooh wait, let me say this. That will make them drop to the floor in hysteria.
Blondie: Oh my God! You are embarrassing yourself. Seriously. Shut up. Stop moving your tongue. Get on with it.
Blogshell to comedian: So, I have a joke for you..
Blondie interrupts: Seriously? You're not doing this! I can't take another minute of this. Pleeeease!! Stop!
Blogshell, ignoring inner voice: So, 2 snowman are walking in a field. The one snowman says to the other: Dude, you're right! I can also smell carrots! Wahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhaha!!!!
Blondie: I officially divorce myself from you.

The worst part? I kill myself laughing at my own jokes. They're horrible jokes and ironically I only ever remember the horribly BAD ones. I can't remember "cool, awesome, wow -you have-the-best-sense-of-humour-and-you're-such-a-funny-joke-teller" jokes. Noooo. I remember the horrible, cringe worthy ones.
When I say I kill myself laughing...I literally wipe away the tears.
I don't know why I do this when I can visibly see the comedians looking at me and their agents/posse nervously with the look: Did she just escape from a mental asylum?
I cringe at myself, but I am unstoppable!


Kitty Cat said...

Oh my, no, I think you're wrong, you are a comedian! You sure got me laughing!!!

Tamara said...

I also smell carrots! MwahaHAHA! Snort. I like the comic you.

Miss T said...

But that is a briliant joke!!...must remember that one :)

po said...

haha well your blog posts are funny so there must be a funny bone there!

Moe Wanchuk said...

Send me a 1st class...round trip ticket on South African Airways, and then you can interview me. I'm officially known as the funniest guy on my street.
I won't let you down.

Lopz said...

Oh dear. I have a worse joke though, add this to your arsenal: What's brown and sticky? A stick.

Pahahahahaha - you KNOW you have to try that one out!