Friday, June 13, 2008

I am so hungover

If I was a box today, I would read: Fragile. Handle with care.

I am soooo hungover I.want.to.die.
I think it would actually be less painful to chop my head.

Special K and I went out with one of Special K's friends...she's a model who lives in Greece. Oh yes. It was fabulous going out with 2 gorgeous girls. *Sigh*
We went to FTV, Sandton. It's really pretentious but I really had an excellent time with the company I was around. I can't remember the last time I danced. OK, that time in the shower and in my bedroom doesn't count.
I laughed and laughed and drank and drank and drank and drank.

I haven't been to a club for quite a while and I just loved dancing and people watching.

These are some of the things I noticed.

Men really do think they're God's gift to women. Especially when the alcohol starts to flow.
I had this one guy come up to me, he was from Israel.
"You arrr gorjusss! Verrry prrretty. Let me smell your neck."
Before I even knew what was going on, he had his nostrils against my neck.
"Ah, you are even morrre prrretty than I imagined."
"You are not from this country, yes?"
*Evil grin*
"No, I from Rrrrussia!" in my best Russian accent.
"Ah, Russia! Gorjuss!"
"My name, Vickoria. Hokay, I go now."
"How old arrr you?" the greasy dude asks.
"How old Viktoria look?"
"21."
Woohoo.
"Hokay. I go get vodka."
And I left.
Bad idea. He kept sending vodka shots over. I have no idea how he kept finding me because I kept moving around.

Towards the end of the evening/early morning, last rounds were called and there was this desperation that suddenly entered mens eyes. It was classic and it was blatant.
"Oh shit. Times running out and I haven't scored yet."
All of a sudden, men just looked like hungry wolves except their eyes weren't sharp, they were glazed and they staggered, instead of pouncing.
One word. Disgusting.

I have also noticed that the girls are getting younger and the skirts are getting shorter.*

I have also noticed that I put a bitch face on. I didn't know I had bitch face. I become defensive in pretentious places because I can see the catty rich bitches doing the "up-and-down" look and so I put my chin in the air and put a bitch face on.
It got me thinking. I look just like one of those pretentious girls. Perhaps we all feel we're being judged and so we all have bitchy faces. Maybe if we relaxed a little and didn't actually give a shit, maybe there wouldn't be any airs and graces.**
I say the judging thing because we're girls and at some stage we have judged. No sense in denying it.
I also noticed this beautiful girl and how confident and gorgeous she looked. I loved her boots too.
She saw me looking and automatically scowled at me.
I was shocked but it all made sense. She doesn't know I'm not looking her up and down, judging. And as girls, we automatically assume the worst.***

I have also noticed that I cannot drink as much as I used to. God knows I drank like a binge-drinking 18 year old and God knows I am suffering for it today.

My man is away at Sun City for the Positive Rocks concert...he's filming there. He is also hanging out with the bands and Kelly Rowland. Seriously.
Hate him. :-)

So.... I am getting in as much girl time as possible. Tonight, Blondie 2 is coming over for a Slumber Party. When was the last time you did this?
We've had a good time teasing the men at work with this: "So, B2 have you got your underwear and stilettos ready for tonight?"
"Yup! I've also got feather pillows ready."
"Awesome. It's going to be a regular girls night out in...you know, hanging out in our underwear and stiletto's, eating chocolate and having pillow fights!"

Oh and the other thing I've noticed? Men are so predictable.

Have a great weekend.

*Am I getting older and more prudish?
** And...maybe not.
*** Why is that? Is Dr. Phil around?

18 comments:

Len said...

I nearly peed my pants when I read the part where you pretended to be Russian. LOL!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Hahahahahahahaha!! Thanks Len...it was rather amusing!!

The Divine Miss M said...

Yes it turns out that we're not young girls anymore my love ;)

The Blonde Blogshell said...

It's so shitty isn't it Miss M? And yet...thank goodness :-) x

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

Russian! Oh I wish I could put on a Russian accent!

Hmmm... Don't you wish women would be less competitive when it comes to looks?

Phantom Hater said...

I get annoyed seeing dudes like that because it makes me think about how stupid I used to look, especially when you see how awful dudes really look when they're glassy-eyed and trashed. Some a-hole kept trying to hit on a drunk female friend of mine a couple weeks ago, and as the night wore on he just got more aggressive until I had to step in. He just moved his act towards the next drunken chick. Seriously, some dudes just need to chill out. There is more to life than getting laid, and I just feel bad for the girls who fall for it now, although I guess without them my younger years would have been less interesting, so I'm kinda torn about it.

"Hmmm... Don't you wish women would be less competitive when it comes to looks?"
I don't, 'cuz I love a good catfight. :)

boldly benny said...

No ways, I also use the Russian accent - ha ha! Or if I really want the guy to move on I pretend I can't speak English!

Sounds like a fun night! I think insecurities and bitchiness is amplified in FTV, there's quite a strange atmosphere in that place.

I always find the late night crawl for a score amusing and alarming. I remember a while ago, it was about 3am in a club and I was looking rather fresh faced because I wasn't drinking. This guy staggered up to me and slurred, "You're beautiful... where's your boyfriend?" I immediately informed him that my boyfriend was at the bar and before I could blink he had disappeared! Clearly I was wasting his time - ha!

KaB said...

I love my bitchy face...although it puts guys off too...they really are predicatable! The day/ night a man picks up his balls & actually tries to be decent with me & have a great conversation is the day/ night I'll wipe that bitchy look off of my face!

As for the hangover...oi vey sweetie! I reckon you should leave the hard tact for ze real Russians, no?!?

Tamara said...

Hehehe... next time tell him you're a Jehovah's Witness on a conversion mission, which is the only reason you find yourself in such a hive of sin ;-)

Good luck with that hang over. Keep hydrating.

Lopz said...

I have more chicks nights in that out, and when I'm out I'm usually with my man, so I tend not to get the end-of-night losers spading for dear life.

However, it happened to me last time I went out with the girls, but the guys were really creative! They started up an impromptu version of charades at the bar, and we all got so into it we didn't actually realise it was a pick-up... until one of them blew his cover by asking my mate: So, how did that work for you? *sigh* They never learn.

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Yes I do chronicles!! So annoying! x

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Phantom Hater...you had me there with your first comment. It was excellent...I finally thought: Oh -what a man!!

And then you killed it by being a TYPICAL man and said you like girl cat fights!

I have been laughing non stop!! Hahahahaha!!!!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Boldly Benny that's hysterical!

Men are really really predictable!

I often put my costume jewellry bling ring on my engagement finger. The ridiculous thing is that it works...the big diamante butterfly ring works!! Ha ha!!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Nicely done Kab! Nicely done :-) x

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Tamara that is hilarious!!! Hahahahahahahahahaah!!! I'm definitely going to try that one! Hilarious!!!

happy snapper said...

Ah Blondie Ive missed your blog! sucks being awol.

Ha ha, you're so right! About men turning into score-hungry wolves! Wow, why do they even think its gonna work? You havent scored up until now, what makes you think your slurred pickup line and inability to keep both eyes open is gonna get you lucky now? ha ha!

Girly time is fun time. I want to do that again soon.

Ruby said...

tee hee hee;) i think us girls are a tad predictable too. I've pretended to be all kinds of nationalities before to get out of answering awkward questions posed by said drunken wolves......la! it's fabulous to be a girl:)

Tamara said...

I've tagged you. MwahaHAHAHA.