I am not a judgemental person. If you're a regular, you'll know I always put myself in other peoples shoes...I'm stumped though. I actually can't do it this time.
We have these family friends we've known for years! There eldest daughter is a year older than I am and their youngest daughter (let's call her X because I am that original) is the same age as my sister (21 turning 22). In fact, we all go way back to primary school.
Well, at my sisters graduation on Tuesday, we all bumped into each other, which was so lovely considering we haven't seen them in a while. I noticed her parents and one of her dad's friends.
Something seemed amiss though. They all seemed to be awkward around each other. X seemed to be distant from her parents.
I didn't think too hard about it. We had the lovely ceremony and then there were refreshments afterwards.
Again, it struck me as odd that X didn't come up to her parents afterwards and be congratulated or be in the photographs etc etc...
The next minute X disappears. Mrs. X comes up to my mom and I and she looked all weepy. She whispered to us: "Do you see that guy standing over there?"
She pointed at Mr. X's friend standing talking to X.
"Well," she continued. "They're dating. They have been for 4 months and our lives have been turned upside down."
Well my mom and I do not get the award for TACT, but our reactions were certainly HONEST!
I mean holy shit! Here is a 53 year old guy dating a 21 year old.
To make things even worse, this guy is a friend of the fathers...he has been a family friend since X was born and practically watched her grow up.
Oh and if that still isn't bad? His 21 year old daughter is best friends with X! Although I can't imagine they would be anymore.
I'm sorry to be judgemental but COME ON!! What the hell is this 53 year olds intentions with a 21 year old...a 21 year old you have family history with.
Something is wrong.
Her parents are besides themselves and the problem is they've sat down with the guy plenty of times trying to talk to him and the more they talk to X, the more she gravitates towards this creepy old dude.
My mom and I felt like total shit because of the way we reacted while this poor woman (normally very strong) broke down.
I haven't stopped thinking about it.
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16 comments:
That's totally fucked up. Aside from the massive age difference (and I'm sorry, a 53 yo has ZILCH in common with a 21 yo), the fact that he was a family friend and is seriously creepy. I really feel bad for his daughter. How could you deal with your dad fucking your best friend? Ugh. I couldn't even date a 21 yo, because they're just so damn immature. My limit is 25+, and I'm 31.
I have no shame admitting that I'm occasionally a judgemental person, and I think most people are, even the ones who claim to be uber-tolerant. I have my own personal ethical code, and when shit happens outside of that, I damn sure let people know. I wasn't put on the earth to make nice with people who have shit for morals.
It sucks for the parents, because obviously this girl is very impressionable (and probably suffers from low self esteem), so if they try to tell her not to do something, she'll rebel against it. I think she probably has some daddy issues too.
After a while, she'll probably get tired of the guy because of the huge age difference, or he'll move on to the next youngster.
It is hectic.
A friend of mine from primary school is dating a man in his 50's and she is very happy with him. He was a friend of the family too. I think it took her parents a while to get over it but once they realised that she was happy and he wasn't hurting her they had to accept it.
Sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with.
If he is seriously creepy then lets hope she tires of him but if you only think he is creepy because of the age then perhaps we should let our judgements fade and guage it on her happiness.
Cause that is what counts in the end isn't it?
Not what we think.
I have a friend from high school and it's the EXACT same story. Guy twice her age, family friend, etc.
Her parents were PISSED OFF and refused to talk to her for a long time. But they're still together and by now I think her parents have accepted it.
But like PH I think it's creepy and fucked up - and a sign for low self-esteem.
the divine miss m -
"Sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with."
Oh, whatever. And that's why people get into shitty relationships.
"...perhaps we should let our judgements fade and guage it on her happiness. Cause that is what counts in the end isn't it?...blah, blah, hippie "feel-good, love everyone" crap.
Sure that "friend" isn't you? hahaha.
1) The guy is dating his daughter's best friend and his own friend's daughter. That's totally selfish on his part. His motives are all about him. I think he took improper advantage of the relationship. I'm not judging him based purely on age, but it definitely raises his douchebag quotient.
I know Phantom Hater!
Talk about taking total advantage! Here is a man with three kids and an ex wife with some age on his side...you'd think he'd have some common sense and decency to step aside and not take advantage...ESPECIALLY when X's dad has asked him to leave his daughter alone!
It's revolting!!!!!!!!!!
Poor Miss M... be nice! :-)
Miss M...totally agree...I don't mean to be judgemental but I just think that a 53 year old should KNOW that to do and NOT take advantage...I agree that everyone deserves happiness but this is just destined for disaster and if self-esteem issues are involved it's even more disastrous!
Poor girl! Thanks for popping by hun
x
Len, you're totally right! It's so sad!
I can just see how distraught her mom is and what a toll this has taken...self esteem issues are evident here!
I think this poor girl is wrapped up in something she doesn't understand...apparently he's loaded so I think she's caught up in this rich lifestyle and not really being realistic!
I think I probably would've reacted in much the same way you & your mom did :)
It totally freaks me out ... I am just about okay with my baby sister dating a guy 8 years older than her :)
I made a rule a long time ago that I would never date someone closer in age to my mom than me ... that's when they start being part of a completely different generation, as far as I'm concerned. Plus, wrinkles don't do it for me ;)
Oh gross!
How rich is he?!? Honestly, I can't see any other reason why she would be with him?!?
The age difference is revolting...my sister dated a family friend but the age gap was like 10 years or something...completely different scenario & everyone supported them because it wasn't really weird. There is something odd in the fact that this dude has been there since day 1 of her life & she is/ was best mates with his daughter...gross...he probably perved on her when she was growing up! What a sick son of a bitch!
Typical male...ego booster!
Ewwwwwwwww! but anyways, stop saying what's wrong with the guy, what old guy wouldn't wanna mess around with a 21yr old who still has a tight body, it's the girl I'm shocked at, who wants to be with an old guy, with an old body etc, and how can you be physically attracted and kiss a man who chronologically resembles your father. no this girl is a moron, at 21 you can make those decisions for yourself, the guy is just one lucky bastard to get her, also an asshole coz its his daughter's friend,anyways...but miss M has a point, you can't help who you fall in love with, so maybe it is true love and there is a connection, it's gross for other people but maybe it'll work out for them, it does happen, time will tell what this relationship is.
@phantom hater - No it isn't me, I'm not into old men. But it isn't hippy crap.
My Jewish family disowned my father because he married a Catholic woman. They didn't give a shit that he was happy, all that matter was what THEY thought. It destroyed relationships. Is that actually worth it? No it bloody well isn't.
If your child is happy and not being led into a destructive relationship then who gives a shit who they date.
My friend who is with the man in his 50's has been with him for 5 years now and is happy beyond all measure. She just found love there and who the fuck are we to judge that?
Why is something wrong? Why do we have to automatically assume that the man is creepy and doing something horrid. They could just genuinly care about each other.
If the parents leave it alone for a while it probably will fizzle out on its own accord anyways and they won't lose their daughter.
@broken - exactly what I was trying to say. It's gross. But who are we to judge what makes someone else happy.
I agree with Miss M and Broken...you can't control who you fall in love with and I guess happiness is all that counts! You two have valids points!
Totally agree Philly girl!! My man and I have a 9 year age gap and that's absolutely ideal... that's why I don't want to judge but it's 9 years NOT 30 odd years!!
Thats exactly what I thought Kab!! Eww! It's hard not to judge, but I really don't want to!
Everyone has valid points here, but the fact remains, I think this guys has abused the family's trust. She's only 21 - probably barely 21 if she's graduating now. Do you think her dad would have ever let this guy near his daughter if he knew that's what he was thinking?
21 is very young, and you are very impressionable. You're going to make some dodgy decisions sometimes, it's part of growing up. I really believe that if this 53 year old is serious about her, and not just using her cos she's young and hot, he should prove it to her and her parents by letting her grow up a bit more before trying to have a relationship with her.
Then if it really is true love, her parents will see he's serious enough to at least give her time to make sure this is what she wants, cos who really knows at that age?
Plus, I'm sorry, but true love or not, it's creepy. There's no two ways about it.
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